Food for the body and soul

We Need Rubber Glove Balloons! STAT!
Hospital, Impossible Demands, Nurses, USA | Healthy | January 8, 2022
After graduating college, I thought I was lucky enough to get a management position with a company on the Forbes 500 list. In all honesty, I am just a glorified dispatcher handling one of the departments in one of the hospitals in the inner city of a very old, old historic city.

In most hospitals, there is something called a priority list: who goes first in any situation. Number one priority are intensive care patients, codes, STATs, and traumas. Next is operating room patients, special procedures, people going to XRAY, Cat Scan, etc. On the very bottom is equipment — things like the pumps used to give people an IV.

Our primary customer is the hospital. We live and breathe to serve the hospital.

Here is a REAL conversation I had with one of the hospital personnel. I have MANY conversations like this daily.

Nurse: “Hello, I am calling from [Unit]. We called for some equipment an hour ago.”

Me: “Yes, I am sorry for the wait, but we currently do not have anyone available to bring that equipment up. As soon as we do, I will make sure it gets to you.”

Nurse: “Well, why is no one available?”

Me: “They are handling other patients in the hospital.”

Nurse: “My equipment is more important.”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but the hospital has strict priority standards that we have to stick to.”

Nurse: “Yes, but this equipment is for a patient.”

Me: “Yes, I understand that, but unfortunately, we have had several ICU patients that have had to go down to testing units. In fact, we just received a call for a STAT (very important) ICU to go down for an emergency test for complications.”

Nurse: “Well, equipment should come before anything, as it is for a patient. This is a problem; it needs to change. I want to complain!”

Me: “If I am understanding you correctly, ma’am, you would like things such as a wheelchair, a stretcher, or a pump to come before a patient that is profusely bleeding?”

Nurse: “Yes! The equipment is for the patient. It’s just as important!”

Me: *In disbelief* “Well, I would like to apologize again for the wait, but we will get the equipment up to you as soon as we are able to. Goodbye.” *Click*

Isn’t it nice to know that the next person taking care of you could be this nurse who values an inanimate object over getting you down to a testing procedure that could save your life?

Sometimes I wonder what was worse: retail or hospital customer service.

At Least They’ll Probably Wear Their Mask
Current Events, Dentist, Health & Body, Patients, Stupid, USA | Healthy | January 5, 2022
It’s the middle of the health crisis, and everyone is still on edge about infection control protocols. We assure everyone that we have hospital-level infection control and take it very seriously. I’m the owner dentist, and occasionally, I listen in on calls to ensure patients are being helped. This is a call I listened to.

Office Manager: “Thank you for calling [Dental Office]. How can we help you?”

Patient: “This is [Patient]. I want to know what you guys are doing for infection control. I don’t want to get the [disease].”

Office Manager: “We have eliminated our waiting room, and you wait in your car until your appointment. We also have a strict mask policy until in the dental, as well as a hydrogen peroxide rinse before we work on you.”

Patient: “What about barriers?”

Office Manager: “I’m sorry?”

Patient: “Do you have those plastic plexiglass barriers set up in between the patients?”

Office Manager: “Between each patient chair? No, we don’t—”

Patient: “What is wrong with you?! Haven’t you seen how even the grocery stores have those barriers to protect the customers? If I am getting my teeth cleaned, my mouth is completely open! You need to install plastic barriers between the chairs! What if another patient is next to me and has the [disease]? You need to have us separated!”

Office Manager: “[Patient], we have walls. Actual, real walls. All of the chairs are in separate rooms. With walls. And doors. Doors that close.”

Patient: “…”

Office Manager: “[Patient], you have been coming to us for ten years. The layout has never changed…”

Patient: “I still think you should put up the plastic barriers!” *Click*

I have no idea if the patient was just hotly embarrassed or genuinely thought we should replace our solid walls — and enclosed rooms — with plexiglass ones that are open on the tops and sides.

This Feels Super Illegal
Australia, Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Liars/Scammers, Medical Office | Healthy | December 31, 2021
This is my great aunt’s story, from before the age of computers. Her regular doctor retired and a new one took his place. On her first visit to him, he diagnosed her with an illness and referred her to a specialist that he knew. He had to hand-write the referral and left the room to do so, returning a short while later with it in a sealed envelope.

Doctor: “Give this only to [Specialist].”

[Great Aunt]’s old doctor always wrote referring letters in front of her, he never sealed the envelopes, and the letters were usually handed to the receptionist.

[Great Aunt] was suspicious, so she steamed the envelope open to read it as soon as she got home. The note basically said that she didn’t have the illness he had diagnosed and also stated why he referred her.

Note: “This old lady is loaded; milk her for all she’s worth.”

Are You Planning On Putting That Insulin In Your Ear?
Hospital, Impossible Demands, Massachusetts, Patients, USA | Healthy | December 27, 2021
I’m in the ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat) department in the local hospital, waiting for an appointment with many other people. A woman’s name is called; she’s an older woman in a wheelchair, accompanied by her two daughters, who checked in just before me.

A woman with a cane follows them out of the waiting room, which seems odd because I haven’t seen her with them at all.

The nurse asks the woman with the cane if she’s with the patient whose name was called.

Woman: “No, I need insulin. Can you give me insulin?”

Nurse: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t have insulin here. You’d have to go to the ER.”

Woman: “I don’t want to; I’m here. I just need insulin.”

Nurse: “This is the ENT clinic. We don’t have insulin here. You need to go to the ER if you need insulin right now.”

Woman: “It’s too far!”

It’s in another wing of the hospital. If you use a cane, maybe it’s too far.

Woman: “I have an appointment here. I just need insulin.”

Nurse: “We really don’t have any insulin.”

Woman: “If I have to go to the ER to get it, it’ll be your fault I’m late for my appointment!”

Nurse: “Appointment?”

Woman: “Yes, I have an appointment with [Ear Doctor] in twenty minutes!”

She did end up leaving, I assume to go elsewhere for insulin. She wasn’t back by the time my name was called! I’m not sure if she thought the ear doctor is a one-stop-shop for all your medical needs?

Strange Visions Of This Working Out
Impossible Demands, Optometrist/Optician, Patients, Stupid, Sweden | Healthy | December 24, 2021
I work as an optometrist. One of my coworkers snags me when I’m briefly leaving my room.

Coworker: “Hey, can you sign this prescription for me real quick?”

A signature is required in order for the prescription to be valid.

Me: “Yeah, sure thi— Wait. This says [date roughly ten years back].”

Coworker: “Wait, what?”

It’s an easy mistake if you only glance quickly before you print it. He takes back the paper, checks the date again, and heads back to the counter where a man is waiting.

Coworker: “It seems your last exam here was about ten years ago. This prescription is no longer valid. I’m sorry, but—”

Man: *Interrupting* “What do you mean? You can’t know what [the Swedish military] accepts! Just give me the prescription!”

He goes on a rant about how we can’t know, we should just sign it and let him try, etc. I smell a major nuisance, so I head over and get involved in order to spare my poor unprepared coworker.

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s way out of date. Prescriptions are only valid for a year; there is absolutely no way they will accept this.”

Man: “Well, you don’t know that! They might accept it!”

Me: “Sorry, but no. Someone’s vision can change a lot even in just, say, two years, in terms of what correction they need and how they see with and without glasses. Ten years is way too much for me to sign—”

Man: “It hasn’t changed! You could at least let me try! You don’t know; they might accept it!”

Me: “I can guarantee they won’t. We could still book a new exam for you—”

Man: “But I just did an exam in another shop this summer. My vision hadn’t even changed!”

Okay, genius, then what in the entire world are you doing in OUR shop? Where you haven’t been for roughly ten years, mind you?

Me: “Which shop was that?”

Man: “Well, I don’t remember that! My vision hadn’t changed!”

Me: “Well, there’s no way for us to know that without a new exam. Maybe your best option is to figure out where your last exam was and ask them—”

Man: “Oh, come on. Seriously? Just give it to me! You don’t know if they accept it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is no longer legally valid. I can’t sign it. They won’t accept it.”

And this is where the man finally swore under his breath, did a full 180, and stomped out of the shop muttering about how awful we were. I just exchanged incredulous looks of get-a-load-of-this-guy with my equally confused coworkers.

Dude. I may not know the exact rules of the military, but I can guarantee you that the first thing their guidelines say about prescriptions and vision certificates is, “Must be less than a year old.” We are merely saving you from a waste of time.

Also, I am quite proud of my incredible restraint in not pointing out that the last time he did an exam with us, I, now a fully licensed optometrist, was literally still in elementary school. I wonder if that would’ve given him some perspective.

There Is Nothing Like A Nurse
Funny, Hospital, Nurses, Oklahoma, Patients, Silly, Tulsa, USA | Healthy | December 20, 2021
I’m a generally agreeable person but I can tell you that hospital visits generally put people a bit on their bad side. I’m actually amazed at the patience of the nurses and other personnel. I’m writing this during my second trip to the hospital via ER in three weeks.

The first time, I called 911 at 1:00 AM and then called my daughter to lock up my house and take care of my dog. The last thing I remember was blacking out in the ambulance. I was given Propofol, a sedative, and only remember some brief discussion and cutting off my shirt.

I woke about thirty-six hours later, a little disoriented, of course. I had pneumonia. A nurse gave some instructions. Then, a short bit later, another nurse came in to do something… nursey… and then she looked over why I’m there.

Nurse #1 : “Oh, you’re the guy!”

Me: “I’m what guy?”

Nurse #1 : “Well, I heard there was someone on this side of the ICU that ripped out of his restraints and removed his own breathing tube. Nobody’s ever done that before.”

Me: “I did?”

Nurse #1 : “Yes. Apparently, you were ranting about being kidnapped. A doctor talked you down and you passed out again.”

A few days later, I did notice bruises on my hands that had to be caused by my Hulk routine. Over the next few days, though, I found nurses coming to my room and lingering. This seemed strange to me. Then, some nurse trainee (who was probably older than eighteen but looked sixteen or seventeen) was introduced to me. The other nurse left but she stuck around. We made a little small talk, and then I paused so she had the chance to go do her duties.

Trainee: “Can I stay here?”

Me: “Well, I guess. Don’t you have things to do?”

Trainee: “No. They don’t really give me much to do. I’m bored. Can I stay and talk?”

I figured, “Why not?” We chatted a while until she realized she couldn’t stay much longer. She bounced out of the room and down the hallway with a happy goodbye and more energy than I think I could ever muster in my entire life. Next day, one of the senior nurses was in my room and clearly not leaving and talking to me about… whatever.

Me: “Is it slow today?”

Nurse #2 : “Yeah, it’s a bit slower than normal for some reason.”

Me: *After a pause* “Are you hiding?”

Nurse #2 : *Blushing slightly* “Yes.”

Hospital visit number two, my daughter took me herself through the ER. My breathing capacity was probably a sixth of normal and I was suffering. But I simply cannot let go of my sense of humor.

Nurse #3 : *Cheerfully* “How are you tonight?”

Me: “Is that the best question to ask someone in the E.R?”

Nurse #3 : “Well, since you put it that way, I guess not.”

Me: “You realize I’m teasing you? It’s a good question. But to answer it properly, I can barely breathe. Otherwise, most of the rest of me is intact.”

I got my comeuppance. The next morning, a nurse come to do something else nursey. Everyone was in masks, so I didn’t recognize her at first.

Nurse #3 : “Hi. I’d ask how you’re doing, but someone last night told me I shouldn’t do that.”

When I realized who it was I blushed and laughed. I should mention that the staff at the hospital are all remarkably friendly and wonderful.

Finally, today, I was talking with my nurse. It’s clear I only need one more night here to work with a CPAP machine.

Me: “I think I’m being released tomorrow.”

Nurse #4 : “I hope not. I hope you’re here through Monday.”

I was thinking to myself, “Does he really think I need that much treatment? Do they want more money?” So, I just asked:

Me: “Why is that?”

Nurse #4 : “You’re an easy patient.”

At that point, through the walls, we heard the terrible wailing of another patient.

Me: “Great. So to get out of here earlier, I just have to be cranky?”

They are all great people… BUT I WANNA GO HOME!

We Hope That Emergency Wasn’t TOO Urgent
Australia, Australian Capital Territory, Bizarre, Canberra, Current Events, Emergency Services, Ignoring & Inattentive | Healthy | December 16, 2021
My neighbour was sitting watching his TV late in the evening when there was a very loud banging on his front door. Wondering who would be calling at this hour, he opened the door.

Standing there was a man wearing all the anti-[health crisis] gear; mask, scrubs, and a biohazard suit.

Man: “I’m [Man] from Social Services. We got your emergency call, and more help is on the way.”

My neighbour, not knowing what this was all about, looked at him blankly.

Man: “Come on! Let me in so I can start the treatment.”

My neighbour was still looking at him blankly.

Neighbour: “What are you talking about? I haven’t made an emergency call to anyone. No one here is sick. I don’t know who you are, so I’m not letting you in.”

The man was starting to get impatient.

Man: “We got an emergency call from here, [number] at [block of units].”

Neighbour: “You have the right number but the wrong complex. That block is down the road a bit further.”

Man: *Obviously shocked* “Oh, d***. I must have misread the number.”

He grabbed his phone and started talking quickly and loudly as he dashed off.

I hope he found the right person, but you would think that people doing that sort of job would have a better idea of where their clients live.

Throwing Out Terminology
Canada, Coworkers, Hospital, Patients, Wordplay | Healthy | December 12, 2021
I am working at the entrance of a hospital. My coworkers are sitting near our cart with supplies, and since there isn’t enough room, I’m sitting at a table just across the entryway from them. A patient comes down from a unit in rough shape, walking slowly, kind of hunched over and carrying a catheter bag.

After being there for a few minutes:

Patient: “Do you guys have a [mumble] bag?”

Coworkers: “A what bag?”

Patient: “An emesis bag.”

My coworkers are silent.

Me: *Blurting out* “Like to throw up!”

They moved pretty quickly after that.

They quickly grabbed her a bag from the cart, and then she staggered outside.

People who work in my position have a variety of backgrounds and don’t have to have training in medical terminology, especially since we do not provide any kind of patient care. I do have training in terminology, and I’m thankful I remembered what it meant! I’m also surprised the patient used the correct terminology! Hopefully, the patient recovers soon!

YOU Are Causing Me Stress!
Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | December 8, 2021
Me: “I have been feeling very anxious for a year or so, and now it is seriously starting to interfere with my daily life.”

Doctor #1 : “It’s probably just stress. Let’s start you on this dose of [medication] and we’ll follow up in a couple of months.”

I continued to see him for a year or so, during which he only changed my dosage once and continued to brush off my symptoms as “stress”. Even if it was stress, I knew I was reacting in a way that wasn’t normal. Finally, I had an incident that caused me to black out. I went to the doctor again.

Me: “I’m really scared now, especially that this will happen again. I’ve been looking up my symptoms. Could it be possible that I have [condition]?”

Doctor #1 : “Probably not, and even if you decide to pursue a diagnosis, it will take years and a lot of invasive tests. You may not even get a positive diagnosis because it’s that hard to test for. However, if you want, you can find a specialist.”

I never made it to a specialist. I ended up having another incident that resulted in serious injuries and I was in the hospital for weeks. The one good thing is that I had access to other doctors, and after describing my symptoms, they were able to run some tests.

Doctor #2 : “We’ve concluded that your symptoms and accidents are caused by [condition I initially suspected].”

Me: “Really? My regular doctor said it would be virtually impossible to get that diagnosis!”

Doctor #2 : “He did? You have all the major hallmarks; in fact, the primary one you complained about is particular to this condition. I can even show you on one of the imaging tests where the problem in your body is. I can’t believe your original doctor went that long without upping your dosage or trying you on a different medication!”

Fortunately, my condition is now under control after a lot of trial and error with numerous medications. Part of me still wants to go back to my original doctor and rub it in his face.

Fever, Or Fission?
Doctor/Physician, Parents/Guardians, USA | Healthy | December 2, 2021
I am a doctor, and a frantic mother has run into my waiting area.

Patient’s Mother: “My son has really high fever!”

Me: “Did you check it?”

Patient’s Mother: “No, but it must have been 200 degrees at least!”

I really wanted to say “Ma’am, that’s not your son that’s a roast chicken.” The son turned out to be fine.

Good Thing You Had Another Basket To Put Your Eggs In
Baltimore, Doctor/Physician, Lazy/Unhelpful, Maryland, Non-Dialogue, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | November 27, 2021
We keep backyard chickens. One day, we find that our hen Emma has been savagely attacked — we believe by a raccoon — as she was brooding on her nest. Emma is a big chicken; she probably got the injury because she stood her ground and fought the raccoon rather than letting it have her eggs. And since two small Silkie hens have disappeared, presumed dead, we credit Emma with saving the lives of the other two hens that are still safe.

We take our war hero to a vet that we use a lot, not because we like them, but because they are close by, open twenty-four hours, and treat birds. Emma is indignant and unhappy and obviously in a lot of pain, but she is feisty and pretty energetic for a hen with a giant piece of flesh torn out of her backside.

Immediately, I start to see red flags. They warn me that Emma might have to be put down because, if she was bitten by a raccoon, she might have rabies. Chickens get rabies so rarely, I don’t believe it’s ever happened in the US; the CDC claims chickens can’t get it. Because they don’t have saliva, they can’t transmit it if they do get it. Then, they tell me that there is nothing they can do. They can’t stitch her up. They strongly recommend that we put her down because chickens don’t survive injuries like this. They tell me she is “dumpy” — meaning withdrawn and low energy, seen in dying birds but also in ones that are just in a lot of pain — and that she cannot recover from this.

I have seen many chickens die. Emma does not strike me as a dying chicken. My husband and I agree that we cannot leave Emma with this vet. They’re quoting me $1,400 for an overnight stay, which is bad enough, but they’re recommending euthanasia so strongly that they make me sign paperwork saying that I am refusing the recommended treatment against medical advice. We both feel that if the vet there feels so strongly in favor of euthanasia, Emma will not survive the night.

There’s another vet that takes birds forty-five minutes away from my house and they’re not open twenty-four-seven. I demand my bird back. She has had no treatment aside from her wound being washed. They give me antibiotics and painkillers to give her but they have not given her anything for pain or wound treatment themselves. And by the time they finally hand her over, it’s fifty minutes until the other vet closes.

I drive like a bat out of h*** to the other vet and show up minutes before closing. They check her in and take her back immediately for wound care and painkillers. After about half an hour, the vet comes to see me. He wants to do surgery on her in the morning. He says that chickens are one of the toughest birds out there and he’s seen chickens live through worse. And the cost of surgery and an overnight stay is going to be like $350.

Emma has a long and tedious recovery, penned in our house because other chickens will attack a bloody wound. We have to give her antibiotics and painkillers by hand for twenty days, and she has to go back three times for dressing changes and once for an additional surgery, but for a sum total of around $600, I end up with a healthy if cranky chicken whose feathers have grown back so you can’t even see her wound, who is still laying eggs despite the injury to her butt, and who is once again Top Bird in the pecking order around here.

I’m never taking a bird to the first vet again if I can help it.

One Form Fits All
Funny, Health & Body, Hospital, USA | Healthy | November 23, 2021
I just gave birth, twelve hours ago, to a perfect baby girl. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, between walking and position changes, I managed to twist my knee. I didn’t care at the time; I just wanted to hold my daughter and sleep.

When I wake up in the morning, it’s swollen and painful, so they make arrangements for an X-ray and MRI.

The technician meets me with a wheelchair in my room, where my daughter is sleeping in her bassinet next to my bed. They confirm my name and date of birth and scan my bracelet.

Technician: “Is there any chance you could be pregnant?”

I point at my daughter and laugh.

Me: “Absolutely NONE!”

We Suppose This Might Be Problematic
Employees, Jerk, Lazy/Unhelpful, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | November 19, 2021
A particular medication that I’ve needed for a while comes in several forms: injections, suppositories, and oral pills. I’ve been on all three varieties over the past few years. This scene happens as my doctor has just switched me from injections to pills and I go to fill the new prescription at the pharmacy for the first time.

The pharmacist hands me a bottle of what looks like large pills, but I review the instructions on the label before I leave and notice that something seems off, so I go back up to the counter to ask the pharmacist a question.

Me: “Excuse me, but the instructions on this medication say to ‘insert vaginally,’ and I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be on the oral form of this medication right now. The bottle you gave me looks like pills, not suppositories, so I’m guessing it’s just mislabeled, but I want to double-check that I got the right thing before I leave.”

The pharmacist answers in a condescending voice.

Pharmacist: “No, this medication is always a suppository. Don’t swallow it; insert it vaginally.”

Me: “But I was just at my doctor’s office yesterday and he told me I’d be getting an oral version of the med now. Right now I’m taking a version of this medication that’s an intramuscular injection, so I know it comes in multiple forms. Also, I’ve been on the suppositories in the past and they didn’t look anything like this. But this is my first time taking the oral version, so I’m not positive what it’s supposed to look like. Are you sure these aren’t pills that I’m supposed to swallow orally?”

Pharmacist: “No, just follow the instructions on the label and call your doctor if you have any questions.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this just doesn’t make sense to me, and these really look like pills, not suppositories. Can you please just double-check the prescription before I leave?”

The pharmacist rolls his eyes and snatches the meds out of my hand. He comes back a few minutes later.

Pharmacist: “Your doctor wrote the wrong thing down, but I called and checked and you’re supposed to be on pills, not the suppositories. Here’s the correct medication for you.”

Then, he handed me back the exact same bottle of pills with a different label with instructions to “swallow by mouth”. He never apologized or acknowledged his error in any way.

I simply thanked him and left, but I’m sure glad I pay attention and aren’t afraid to advocate for myself. Even if my doctor did write the wrong instructions on some form, isn’t it supposed to be the pharmacist’s job to catch errors like that? And how could he not tell the difference between pills and suppositories? They look nothing alike!

I still see that pharmacist every time I go to that store. I just hope he hasn’t hurt anyone else by messing up their meds too badly!

Literally Life-Threatening Levels Of Stupidity
Emergency Services, Hospital, Stupid, USA | Healthy | November 15, 2021
I work at a hospital switchboard. An emergency services dispatcher has put a caller through who is looking for a patient and insists that they are with us. We have just established that they are not at our hospital.

Me: “I’m sorry, he’s not at this hospital. You need to call back the dispatcher to find out.”

Client: “What’s their number?”

Me: “9-1—”

Client: “Wait! Wait! Let me get a pen. Okay, go.”

Me: “9-1-1.”

Client: “9… 1… 1… Okay. So, do I put my area code in front of that?”

The Anticipation Is Usually Worse Than The Shot
Health & Body, High School, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, Students, UK | Healthy | November 10, 2021
In Year Eight, all the girls in my school had to have what we called the “cancer jab”, which was administered during school hours. Logically, I knew I needed this jab to vaccinate against something and that not having it would be bad, but emotionally, I was a wreck.

I’d never had a jab without my dad present before, and on the day of the jab, I found out they weren’t using the painkiller cream I was used to. Combined with a rather severe phobia of being “stabbed” by needles — thanks, egg donor — and the rumours going around about the pain and numb arms other students were experiencing, I was not exactly looking forward to my class being called for ours.

Eventually, the time came, and we were led to a room of the school we had never been in before. There was a row of chairs and nurses, and they were calling out names in alphabetical order, which meant yet more waiting because my name was in the middle. I was trying not to watch the others get their jabs and trying to convince myself that I was not going to freak out. I had it all sorted out in my head. I was going to sit in that chair, the jab would magically just happen without me freaking out, and then I could leave.

This plan fell apart the moment I sat down. The nurse had to ask me questions rather than psychically knowing I had this phobia and wanted to just be stabbed quickly so I could leave. I answered all the questions, albeit kind of curtly, despite not seeing the point in most of them. Like, I was twelve; of course I wasn’t pregnant. Why would you even ask that? In hindsight, I know that all the nurses were kind and professional and non-judgemental the whole time, but Kid Me didn’t understand that yet.

After what felt like an eternity, the nurse asked if I was ready for the jab. Nope, I am not ever going to be ready to be stabbed, thank you very much. This question pretty much started me spiralling into a meltdown. Most of what happened next was a big fuzz of panic in my memory until my best friend came over and held my hand. Her class was called sometime after mine and she walked over after getting her own jab, so I’d been here a while.

Another nurse came over and tried to talk to me, and the first stood quietly far too close, and my friend was trying to be reassuring, and I “knew” I was being watched by all of the other students and maybe the other nurses, even though I couldn’t focus on them to check if they were actually looking. It was all far too much, but at least I could vaguely see and hear by then, even if the time between hearing words and understanding what they meant was far too long. The nurses also occasionally spoke to my friend, but I couldn’t focus on what they were saying.

I kept getting asked if I wanted the jab and I kept choking out that this was very much the opposite of what I wanted but I knew I needed to have the jab, though nowhere near as eloquently. Eventually, the other nurse told me that they could not force me to have the jab, but if I didn’t have it, then they’d have to tell my dad that I’d refused it.

I did not want them to tell my dad. I was supposed to have this vaccine, so refusing it was a bad thing to do. I didn’t want my dad to know I was being bad because that would lead to lectures and not being allowed on the game consoles. So, I managed to pull myself together enough to stop rocking while one nurse held my arm still and my friend kept her grip on my hand. And then, while my eyes were squeezed shut and looking in the opposite direction, the other nurse administered the jab.

It didn’t hurt as much as it should have. I still felt it, so I know I had the jab. But it confused me because there was supposed to be so much more pain. I knew what needles felt like; I had memories as recently as five years earlier where the entire memory consisted of pain and hurt and dread and screams. This couldn’t be over yet. I kept asking the nurses if it was really done, and they were all reassuring smiles and sent me on my way.

Someone asked my friend to escort me to room F11. There were quite a few autistic kids in our school, so we had a couple of rooms just for us, and this was one of them. My friend was allowed in with me even though she usually wasn’t, and we just sat there together until I’d calmed down and then talked until the school day ended.

Thankfully, my general phobia of needles has lessened to the point where I haven’t freaked out this bad in years, though my phobia of the specific kind of needle the egg donor used is still bad enough that I cannot physically say what kind it was.

How To Insure Your Customers Never Come Back
Arizona, Health & Body, Impossible Demands, Insurance, USA | Healthy | November 2, 2021
I have a long history of female issues and being precancerous. It has led to the need for a hysterectomy. I get all scheduled for surgery, and a few weeks prior, the doctor’s office calls me and informs me that my insurance will not cover my procedure until I “try” a medication that I have never heard of OR birth control… which I am supposed to take for three months.

This instantly amuses and irritates me. I am a forty-year-old female with three biological children. The youngest is almost fifteen. When I had her, I had a tubal ligation. For those that don’t speak medical… I got fixed. Therefore, I have been unable to have children for all of fifteen years now and I definitely don’t plan on having any more.

I reluctantly agree to the birth control, only because I have taken it once upon a time. My fiancé goes to pick up my birth control and, lo and behold, he is told that insurance will not authorize payment for it.

Let me get this straight: my insurance refuses to allow me to have a surgery that is medically necessary and is documented as such by more than one doctor. The insurance is making me take this medication in order to approve my surgery. But they are refusing to cover it. Did I get that right?

My insurance has gone downhill for the last few years but this takes the cake. When we get married in December, I will be leaving my insurance for my fiancé’s. This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever witnessed. I know one day I’ll look back and laugh, but right now I’m still too angry to do so.

Has Your Brain Been Deprived Of Oxygen?
Current Events, Dentist, Impossible Demands, Medical Office, Stupid, USA | Healthy | October 30, 2021
Receptionist: “Thank you for calling Dr. [My Name]’s office. How can I help you?”

Patient: “Hi. I really need Dr. [My Name] to write a medical exemption for my children.”

Receptionist: “I’m not sure if we can do that for you.”

Patient: “This is ridiculous! I demand to speak to Dr. [My Name] right now!”

The receptionist pages me and I take the call.

Me: “This is Dr. [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Patient: “They are requiring masks in public schools for my children, and it’s affecting them horribly. This is a vital time for their development! They need oxygen and they are being deprived!”

Me: “I’m sorry, Ms. [Patient]. I am not capable of writing either of your children a medical exemption for masks.”

Patient: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because I’m a dentist. There are no dental reasons why you can’t wear a mask. Perhaps this is a conversation for your pediatrician?”

Patient: *Screaming* “I tried that! They told me my children didn’t have any medical problems!” *Click*

The patient called back a week later to schedule appointments for cleanings. Both children showed up… in masks.

Caught In A Really Annoying Drug Ring
Ignoring & Inattentive, Medication, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | October 27, 2021
My pharmacy sends out text messages as a reminder to order refills. You can answer “YES” to have the refill placed or “NO” to opt out. I don’t like the side effects of a certain medication, so my doctor switches me to a new medication.

Text Message: “REMINDER: Your medication [first three letters] is due for a refill. Reply YES to order a refill or NO to skip.”

Me: “No.”

Text Message: “You have opted out of refilling your medication [first three letters]. If this is an error, please contact [Pharmacy] at [phone number].”

Shortly after, my phone rings with the pharmacy number.

Me: “Hello?”

Pharmacy Tech #1 : “Hi there, this is [Pharmacy Tech #1 ] at [Pharmacy]. I’m calling in regards to your prescription for [medication #1 ].”

Me: “Yeah, I just cancelled it. The doctor—”

Pharmacy Tech #1 : “Oh, you really shouldn’t. We can go ahead and schedule a refill for you over the phone.”

Me: “No, the doctor said—”

Pharmacy Tech #1 : “You need to take your medication as prescribed by your doctor.”

Me: *With a point-blank tone* “And he prescribed switching to [medication #2 ].”

Pharmacy Tech #1 : “Oh.”

I hear the mouse clicking.

Pharmacy Tech #1 : “Thank you for your time.”

Ten minutes later, I receive another text.

Text Message: “REMINDER: Your medication [first three letters] is due for a refill. Reply YES to order a refill or NO to skip.”

This is the first medication again.

Me: “NO.”

Text Message: “You have opted out of refilling your medication [first three letters]. If this is an error, please contact [Pharmacy] at [phone number].”

My phone rings again. It’s the pharmacy … again.

Me: “Hello?”

Pharmacy Tech #2 : “Hi there, this is [Pharmacy Tech #2 ] at [Pharmacy]. I’m calling in regards to your prescription for [medication #1 ].”

Me: “My doctor switched me to [medication #2 ]. I just spoke with [Pharmacy Tech #1 ] and told him all about it.”

Pharmacy Tech #2 : “Um… Our system shows you’re due for a refill.”

Me: “I know, but I’m not.”

Pharmacy Tech #2 : “I don’t… um… you’re due. We need to schedule your refill.”

Me: “What do I have to do to get out of this loop? My doctor switched my medication. I am not filling [medication #1 ].”

Pharmacy Tech #2 : “But… you’re due.”

Me: “No, thank you. Please remove this medication from my file.”

Pharmacy Tech #2 : “Okay.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Ten minutes later, I received a third text for the same medication. I didn’t answer that time and they didn’t call back. When I went to pick up [medication #2 ], both technicians were there but they didn’t say anything.

In For A Penny, In For Just Enough Pounds
Doctor/Physician, France, Medical Office, Parents/Guardians | Healthy | October 24, 2021
My grandmother can be pretty stubborn sometimes, and she can get worried about a lot of things. When her daughter, my mom, was just a kid — around seven years old, I think — she was worried because my mom was “too thin” and did not eat a lot of meat.

She went to the village doctor, who checked her weight.

Doctor: “Your daughter is fine; she’s in good health.”

Grandmother: “But she’s too thin!”

Doctor: “Okay, well, there’s a specialist from [Big City far away] coming into [Big City close to their village]. You can try going to see him.”

And that’s what she did. She managed to get an appointment and went to see this specialist. I can’t remember if he was a pediatrician or a nutritionist. He did some exams and came to the same conclusion as the doctor.

Specialist: “Your daughter is fine; she’s in good health.”

Grandmother: “But she’s too thin!”

Specialist: “Why does that bother you so much? Are you planning on selling her by weight?”

With that, my grandmother finally understood that she’d gone a little bit too far and stopped going to doctors for that. She sometimes tells this story, laughing about her stubbornness and the witty response of the doctor.

That’s Just Hysterical!
Doctor/Physician, Funny, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Italy | Healthy | October 21, 2021
I’m relating my medical history to a doctor I’ve never seen before. He’s wrapped up the visit and is typing the report, and he’s already had two phone calls in the meanwhile.

Doctor: *Typing* “…and when did you have the hysterectomy?”

Me: “I don’t remember which year. It could have been… 2016, 2017. I’m not sure.”

Doctor: *Still typing* “Okay, I’ll put in 2016. But it was after the pregnancy, anyway, correct?”

Me: “I’m quite sure it was after the pregnancy, doc.”

Doctor: *Pauses* “Oh.”

It’s a hard time to be a doctor.