Have A Heart, Use Your Brain

Rip Van Winkle To The Extreme
IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, PHARMACY | RIGHT | APRIL 2, 2009
Customer: “Hi, I have a rather simple question to ask you.”

Me: “Sure thing. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Hypothetically speaking, if I wanted to make someone sleep for a really long time, what would I use?”

Me: “Um, just how long are you talking?”

Customer: “Well, I was thinking somewhere around forever.”

Me: “…”

There’s No Pills Like Home
EDITORS' CHOICE, PHARMACY, STUPID | RIGHT | JULY 17, 2009
(A patient called in to inquire about the medication she has just picked up.)

Me: *on the phone* “Pharmacy.”

Patient: “Hi, I just picked up this medication, and I think I may have a problem.”

Me: “Is there something incorrect with how it was filled?”

Patient: “No, it’s just that the cream here says to apply locally, and I’m going out of town tonight. I was wondering if I could still use it.”

Me: “Um… yes. Yes, you can.”

Patient: “Oh, okay, good… Oh… Oh, God. I just realized… Oh, my God, just forget I asked! How stupid of me!”

On The Bright Side, There Are Worse Orifices
HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, STUPID | HEALTHY RIGHT | JULY 15, 2009
Me: “[Pharmacy], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, your medicine is defective.”

Me: “Sir, why don’t I get your information so I can take a look at your profile.”

Customer: *gives his name and date of birth*

Me: “I see that the last prescriptions you filled were antibiotic and drops for your ear infection. Are your symptoms still bothering you?”

Customer: “Yes, and how the h*** do you expect me to fit this giant pill in my ear?”

Me: “Sir, that’s an antibiotic tablet. It’s meant to be taken orally

TMI Mom Tries To Help
PHARMACY | RIGHT | JULY 6, 2009
(A forty-something year old woman comes to the counter with her purchases. Amongst them is a box of condoms, which have security stickers on them. Before I scan the item, I swipe it a few times over the scanner to deactivate it.)

Customer: “Is it not scanning?”

Me: “No, I’m just deactivating the security sticker. I don’t want you to set off the alarm on the way out. Especially over condoms!”

Customer: “Oh I’m not embarrassed! They’re not for me, they’re for my son. I can’t even get an erection!”

Script Stupidity
HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, STUPID | RIGHT | MAY 28, 2009
Customer: *holds up two bottles* “What’s the difference between these two medicines?”

Me: “The one on the left is a capsule; the one on the right is a tablet.”

Customer: “I mean, which one would be better?”

Me: “They’re exactly the same medicine, just in different forms. Most people buy whichever one is easier for them to swallow.”

Customer: “That’s just stupid! How can you swallow a bottle?”

Where There’s A Pill, There’s A Way
PHARMACY | RIGHT | MAY 21, 2009
(A customer comes in with a prescription for a narcotic pain reliever. He says that he was at the hospital with his wife and the hospital stole his pills, which is why he needs to get this prescription filled, even though his last prescription was just filled a few days ago.)

Me: “OK, sir, I talked to your doctor and he says I can fill your prescription.”

Customer: “Great, can I wait? I have no pills left and I really need it.”

Me: “It’ll be about 10 minutes.”

(10 minutes later.)

Me: “OK sir, your prescription is ready.”

Customer: “Hey, are those pills the same as this?” *holds up pill*

Me: “I thought you didn’t have any pills left, sir.”

Customer: “Well…I bought this off the street, to be honest with you.”

Me: “Oh…good.”

How To Seize The Moment
HEALTH & BODY, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, OHIO, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | MARCH 8, 2010
(An elderly woman is having a seizure and obviously 911 has been called to the scene.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but when can I get my prescription?”

Me: “Ma’am, this woman is having a seizure and needs medical attention right away.”

Customer: “But I was here before her!”

This One’s A No-Brainer
AUSTRALIA, NEW SOUTH WALES, PHARMACY, SYDNEY | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 13, 2010
Customer: “My mother is taking some medication and it is making her sick. Can you stop giving it to her?”

Me: “I’ll have to ask the pharmacist for you. What medication is it?”

Customer: “It’s a little white pill.”

Me: “You don’t know the name of it, sir? We do have many white pills in the pharmacy.”

Customer: “I think it’s for her heart… or her brain.”

Unfiltered Story #212851
ARIZONA, PHARMACY, USA | UNFILTERED | OCTOBER 21, 2020
*At the retail pharmacy where I work, one of my patients hands out miniature wooden carvings mounted on lapel pins. I have a lovely red butterfly of his attached to my name tag. He’s also a bit of a joker.*

Patient: *coming up to the register as ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’ is playing overhead* Who’s the most famous reindeer of all?

Me: *hating the song after hearing it played about a billion times since the Christmas music started.* Oh, please don’t make me say it.

Patient: *brightly, as he hands me a reindeer pin* It’s Jimmy!

Me: *cracks up*

Line Up For Your Dose Of Instant Karma
INSTANT KARMA, JERK, PHARMACY, TEXAS, USA | RIGHT | OCTOBER 21, 2020
I work at a pharmacy. A few feet back from the pickup counter, there is a yellow line on the floor, marked with large letters instructing customers to wait behind this line until called. There are also large signs on each side of the line with the same instructions. This line exists so that customers picking up medications or receiving consultations at the counter will have some privacy from the customers waiting in line.

Often, people will ignore the yellow line and come up to the counter, and depending on what is happening at the counter, we may have to ask them to step back. I don’t like doing that, because while some customers don’t have a problem with it, some do, and you never know what will set someone off.

I am consulting a customer at the counter. Another customer approaches, stops behind the yellow line, and waits to be called. While he is waiting, a third customer barges up, passes the waiting customer, and stands right next to the customer I am consulting. I mentally brace myself and quickly try to think up the politest way I can tell the impatient customer to step back, when the waiting customer speaks up.

Waiting Customer: “Oh, that’s fine, sir. You can go ahead of me.”

The impatient customer turns around to see the waiting customer giving him both a smile and a glare at the same time.

Impatient Customer: “What? You weren’t in line. If you were in line you should have moved up!”

Waiting Customer: “You’re right, sir, what was I thinking? I’ll move up as far as I’m supposed to.”

The waiting customer very deliberately looks down at the yellow line, and then back up to the impatient customer, maintaining eye contact. He raises his foot dramatically and takes a tiny step forward so his toes are on the line. The impatient customer reads the line and the signs, blushes, and moves back behind the waiting customer.

Impatient Customer: “Oh, fine, you go first.”

Waiting Customer: “Oh, thank you, sir. That’s very kind of you.”

Being Patient Doesn’t Have To Be A Tough Pill To Swallow
AWESOME, INSPIRATIONAL, NON-DIALOGUE, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | OCTOBER 19, 2020
Today, our prescription software is upgraded. We were promised that it would be faster, easier to use and more stable.

We get none of these things. What we get is such a slowdown, that ringing out patients and customers comes to a crawl akin to about a 3,000-year-old frozen carcass and the same stability as a radioactive isotope. It constantly freezes and errors out.

We have a family that has about 15-20 medicines between three people. There’s a good reason why we have an entire space set aside for said family, and their medical bills would be absolutely astronomical if they were on any other insurance coverage.

The father comes in. We try ringing everything up together, TWICE. Both times, our POS terminals crashed, and we have to restart the entire terminal. The father takes it on the chin and sits back down, pulling his phone back out.

Finally, after a seeming six years for a register to come back (and while in the middle of a rush, no less), we try again. After checking everyone in the family out individually, we’re FINALLY able to send him on his way.

I’m absolutely flabbergasted by how understanding and patient he was. Even after thanking him about a billion times for his patience, he still embodied the virtue of patience, despite being who would have been understandable in leaving and coming back another time, or letting his frustration get ahold of him.

He didn’t ask for anything in return, even though he was probably waiting for a good hour while our registers decided to come back online, even offering me a fist bump before departing.

Unfiltered Story #210617
CANADA, ONTARIO, PHARMACY | UNFILTERED | OCTOBER 12, 2020
(I work at a local pharmacy that for the couple years that I’ve worked there, and probably longer, has supported local woman’s health programs by donating some of the money we make selling our plastic bags. Just recently, I was at work and, taking a break from cash, decided to field a couple customer service calls.)

Me: Hello, customer service. This is (me), how can I help you?

Customer: My son was just at your store and he came home really upset!

Me: Oh, uh…

(I mentally start preparing a list of every worst case scenario.)

Customer: He got a bag while he was at your store and now he’s upset! Your bags say that his health is not as important as a woman’s! That he’s less of a man!

(It is at this point that I finally realize where this is going. We had just recently changed our plastic bags to reflect the contributions we’ve been making to our womans health program, but again, this is not something new for our store.)

Me: I’m sorry to hear that but there’s nothing I can do at store level to…

Customer: Are you saying that my son’s health isn’t worth anything?! Is that what you believe? This is sexism! I can’t believe (store name) would do something like this! How dare you support such a discriminatory practice!

Me: Mam, I’m sorry, but I can’t answer that, if…

Customer: Oh! So you think this is alright? You think my son isn’t as important as you?

Me: As I’ve said before my hands are tied. This isn’t something that’s decided at store level, there’s nothing….

Customer: You can stop selling them! All your doing is spreading sexism!

(At this point I’ve about had enough, I have the phone a good half a foot away from my ear and my coworker is already staring at me in confusion, as well as the customer they’re serving.)

Me: If you’d like to make a formal complaint, I can give you the number for head office to…

Customer: Of course I’ll be making a formal complaint! About how your store refuses to stop handing out sexist propaganda and discriminating against my son!

(I give her the main store number, as I don’t actually have the one for head office, and hang up.)

Coworker: What was that all about?

Me: Her son feels…. emasculated? By our plastic bags…?

Coworker: Our bags? Why?

Me: They advertise (program name).

Coworker: They do? I thought they just changed the colour? (Looks at bag) Hey, they do. Well, would you look at that…

Me: You just noticed? We’ve had had these for at least a month?

Coworker: Yeah, but it’s just a plastic bag.

Me: That woman calls back, I’m handing the phone to you and you can tell her that yourself.

Coworker: Bring it. Time for some battle of the sexes!

Unfiltered Story #210519
PHARMACY, UK | UNFILTERED | OCTOBER 7, 2020
I work for a company that, among other things, sets up new stores in preparation for opening day. On this occasion, I’m at a location inside a shopping centre, working on a pharmacy/health and beauty store. It’s the day before opening, so the boards over the shopfront have been removed, but one entrance is locked and the other is on manual open only, and both have bright orange barriers in front of them. A painter is doing some touchup work on the bits the boards were previously covering. There are still cages full of excess equipment and stock scattered around the floor. There’s a sign-in log just inside the front door, with several toolboxes in plain sight just past it. It’s pretty obvious that the store isn’t open yet.

Despite all of this, several prospective customers had to be directed back out of the store by the security guard. They’d wandered in through the open doors while we were removing equipment cages, or they’d prised the doors open themselves in order to come in. Every single one of them expressed amazement that the shop wasn’t yet open. More than one said that there should be a sign up.

There were, people just weren’t reading them.

A Post-Credit Apology
PHARMACY, STUPID, UK, WORDPLAY | RIGHT | OCTOBER 7, 2020
Customer: “I can’t find my aftershave lotion anywhere! I can’t believe you wouldn’t sell any [Brand] aftershave!”

Me: “I’m pretty sure we do sell it. Let’s go and look.”

We walk over to the shelf.

Me: “Here you go. Is this the one you were after?”

Customer: “NO! I wanted aftershave lotion! This one says on it right here, ‘post-shave lotion,’ and that’s not what I want!”

Me: “Post actually means ‘after’, so…”

Customer: “Really? Oh, my God. It does, doesn’t it! I’m so sorry! Jeez, whatever they pay you here, it is not enough! Thank you!”

Unfiltered Story #210465
CANADA, PHARMACY | UNFILTERED | OCTOBER 4, 2020
I was just off work from my department store job at the time and decided I should go out and treat myself a little bit so I went to the pharmacy nearby to get sweets, still in my uniform (which is just black clothes). Let’s note that at that pharmacy chain, the customers need to grab a key from the counter to access the bathroom. A group of teens approach me.
Teen: Do you work here?
Me: No, I’m just off work from somewhere else.
Teen: Okay. Can we have the bathroom keys?
Me: I don’t work here, but they are usually on the counter.
He stares at me blankly, wanting for me to go get the keys for them.
Teen: Where are the keys.
Me: I’m not sure, I don’t work here. They usually are on a counter, probably that one over there. *points at prescription counter which is clearly visible*
Teen: Can’t you help us?
At this point I was getting fed up.
Me: Go look if the keys are there or go ask to the cashier just over there. *points at cashier who is not seeing/hearing the situation and also just waiting for costumers to come to her cash* I don’t work here and I’m off the clock. Good luck.
They finally left on the quest for the key, looking miffed. Some people just think you HAVE to serve them, because they want to. Didn’t even ask politely,

A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 4
AUSTRALIA, CURRENT EVENTS, EMPLOYEES, HOBART, NON-DIALOGUE, PHARMACY, STUPID, TASMANIA | WORKING | OCTOBER 1, 2020
With the ongoing health crisis, doctors in my state are doing consultations by phone and having their receptionists fax or email the prescriptions to the patient’s preferred pharmacy.

One particular doctor’s surgery seemed to be having trouble with their fax machine. I received about ten copies of the cover page but none of the prescriptions that were meant to be faxed with it.

I called the practise and suggested they tried email, instead. Soon after, I received an email with an attached photograph of a pile of prescriptions.

Yes, instead of scanning or photographing them individually, the receptionist put the prescriptions in a nice, neat stack so that only the top one was readable.

At least they tried, I suppose? A day later we’re still trying to get those same prescriptions. Maybe tomorrow we’ll get lucky?

A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 3
CURRENT EVENTS, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, MEDICAL OFFICE, RECEPTION, USA | HEALTHY | JUNE 22, 2020
I have a compromised immune system, so I’ve been working from home and haven’t been going out much. My doctor has set up telehealth visits where we can video chat instead of going to the office.

A few days before my visit, I get a call from the office.

Me: “Hello?”

Receptionist #1 : “Hi, this is [Receptionist #1 ] from [Doctor]’s office. Am I speaking with [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, this is her.”

Receptionist #1 : “Okay! I need to go over some basic information before your appointment. It’s just the check-in stuff we would normally do in person. Do you have about fifteen minutes for that?”

I glance at my schedule and see that I don’t have anything pressing coming up.

Me: “Sure.”

We go over my basic info — name, date of birth, weight, medications, etc. — and she verifies that I know how to log in to see the doctor. We hang up and I go back to work.

The next day, I get another call from their office. Unfortunately, I’m already in a call with a client, so I can’t answer. After I’m done, I listen to the voicemail.

Receptionist #2 : “Hi, this is [Receptionist #2 ] from [Doctor]’s office calling for [My Name]. I just need to go over some basic information with you before your appointment. Please call us back at [phone number] prior to your visit. Thank you.”

Thinking this is about something new, I call back.

Receptionist #2 : “[Doctor]’s office.”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. I just received a call about some information before my visit?”

Receptionist #2 : “Okay. Let me pull up your file here… Okay, we just need to do your basic check-in before your visit. Do you have about fifteen minutes?”

Me: *Confused* “I did that yesterday. Is there something new?”

Receptionist #2 : “Hmm, I don’t see anything here. Are you sure it was with us?”

Me: “Yeah, same number, same appointment.”

Receptionist #2 : “Well, I’m not sure what happened but nothing is charted here. Can we go over it to make sure?”

Me: “I have a few minutes, yeah.”

We go through everything again, and after the receptionist assures me it’s all been documented, we hang up. The following day I get ANOTHER call from the same office. I’m still working, so I let it go to voicemail again. It’s a third receptionist, wanting to verify all of my information yet again. I call back, annoyed.

Receptionist #3 : “[Doctor]’s office.”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. I received another call about my upcoming appointment.”

Receptionist #3 : “I see. Well, it looks like we’ve been trying to reach you, I see. I can go over your info now if—”

Me: “Look, I’m sorry. I’m sure this isn’t your fault, but I’ve done this twice already. Is it not being logged or something?”

Receptionist #3 : “I don’t see anything about us talking with you. Do you know who it was?”

Me: “Well, I have [Receptionists #2 & #3 ] in voicemails but I can’t remember the first one’s name.”

Receptionist #3 : “Mmhmm, I called today. I see that [Receptionists #1 & #2 ] also reached out. Are you sure you spoke with us, not another office?”

Me: “Yes. I’m sure. How is this not being recorded? Can you ask the other receptionists?”

Receptionist #3 : “I’m not sure what’s going on, but I can go over your information with you now.”

Me: *Sigh* “Fine.”

For a third time, I went through everything. I guess it finally stuck because that was the last call before the doctor’s visit. When I asked her if other people had the same problem, she said she didn’t know anything about it. Suddenly, I miss those in-person visits.

A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 2
EMPLOYEES, ENGLAND, JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, RECEPTION, UK | WORKING | JULY 7, 2020
I’ve recently legally changed my name but haven’t quite updated it everywhere as some places require me to physically visit them, and it’s hard to keep track of everywhere.

I’m a university student home for the summer and am made a temporary patient at the local doctors. After my appointment, I notice my name is wrong and go to ask at reception about changing it. There are two receptionists.

Me: “Hey, so, uh, my name legally changed, and I’m wondering if I need to give you guys anything to update it? I have my deed poll here.”

Receptionist #1 : “Let me see. How did you change it?”

Me: “By deed poll; I have it here.” *Holds out the paper*

Receptionist #1 : *Takes the deed poll* “Is this our copy?”

Me: “No, that’s my legal copy. Do you need it?”

[Receptionist #1 ] goes to a cupboard; I assume that’s where a photocopier is or something.

Receptionist #2 : “Wait, you’re a temporary patient. right? You need to update it with your GP up in [University City], not us.”

Me: “Oh, okay, thanks.”

I don’t move as the first receptionist is still holding my deed poll.

Receptionist #1 : “You really need to update your name. Legally, you have to.”

I hold out my hand for the deed poll.

Me: “I know. I just can’t afford to go up to [City] for one day.”

Receptionist #1 : *With a sort of “gotcha” tone* “Then how are you getting back for university? You need to change it; it can cause problems if you don’t.”

Me: “I know.”

Receptionist #2 : *Cutting in* “Their parents are probably helping them move back in; they just can’t go up a random day in summer. Hon, I’ve got it all set on the system. You’re fine. Have a good day.”

[Receptionist #1 ] said nothing and handed me my deed poll.

I thanked the second receptionist and left. I know updating my name is important, but it’s also expensive enough without having to travel just to hand over a piece of paper.

A Most Unreceptive Receptionist
JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, RECEPTION, USA | HEALTHY | FEBRUARY 17, 2020
(I have a potential diagnosis of a rare and extremely painful neurological disorder. I have to schedule with a neurologist, who lives a four-hour drive from where I live. By this point, I’ve been in severe pain for several months, and my patience for rudeness is admittedly running a bit thin.)

Me: “Hi, I’m calling to see if I need an MRI before I come down.”

Receptionist: “The doctor will inform you if you need that at the appointment.”

Me: “Yes, I understand that, but it’s a four-hour drive to see this doctor and I have to stay overnight and I’d rather not have to do it more than once.”

Receptionist: *much more snippy than is necessary* “Well, that’s not my problem, is it?”

Me: “Pardon me, but I’ve been in fairly serious pain for a while and that’s why I’m calling your office — to make sure that the appointment to get rid of my pain runs smoothly.”

Receptionist: “There’s no reason to take that tone.”

Me: “Are you f****** kidding me?!”

Receptionist: “Young lady, if you insist on using that language with me, I will disconnect the call and inform [Doctor] of your attitude, and we’ll see if you see another neurologist in this hospital.”

(I disconnected the call, had a panic attack, and then cried with my mom for an hour. No one is making a first appointment with a specialist for happy fun times. If you don’t understand that someone is probably calling because they’re in pain or sick, maybe you shouldn’t work in healthcare

Sit Down, Take A Break
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, MICHIGAN, USA | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 20, 2020
I’m about ten years old and have just fractured my arm in two places. The breaks are minor enough that they don’t hurt, so I am much calmer than my parents, who have brought me to the emergency room. My mother brings me in to see an ER doctor while my father parks the car. The doctor is about as calm as I am.

Doctor: “You just have two little fractures on either side of your wrist.”

Me: “Okay.”

Doctor: “And how did you break this again?”

Me: “I tripped over a tent string in the dark.”

Doctor: *To my mother* “She seems like a bookish kid.”

Mom: “Yeah. She is.”

Doctor: “I think she’ll be okay with just a splint.”

And I was. No bulky cast for me!