Have A Heart, Use Your Brain

Finally, Someone With A Dose Of Sense
CALIFORNIA, PHARMACY, RECEPTION, USA, VET | HEALTHY | APRIL 3, 2020
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

There are certain medications that can be used in both humans and animals, but usually, the dosages are very different. One of these medications is Phenobarbital, a seizure medication. Our office doesn’t keep this medication in stock so we have to call it in to a human pharmacy.

One of our canine patients is on Phenobarbital. He has been stable on his dose for years, but they do not make a pill in the size he needs, so we prescribe him two different sizes to add up to the right amount. Apparently, this is not regularly done with humans, because every time we call in his medication we get a call from the pharmacy to confirm some things. So, we put a note on his file with what to say when they call back.

I am training a new receptionist and have just had her call in his refill authorization. Soon after. we get the expected call from the pharmacist. She has the pharmacy on hold and asks what to do, so I tell her to open his chart and read the script.

New Receptionist: “Hello. Apparently, I have to read this note to you. Yes, he needs both sizes. Yes, at the same time. Yes, we know this is a very large dose for a human, but he is a dog. He is a very large dog. He has been taking the pills like this for years now. Thank you.”

I am sitting there listening to her side of this, fighting the urge to facepalm, and thinking it was pretty obvious that those were meant to be the responses to questions she would be asked and not to be read straight through like that.

The pharmacist says something and she replies:

New Receptionist: “I’m not sure. Um, looks like the note was dated four years ago.” *Pause* “Um, I think so; let me check.” *Turns to me* “Hey, [My Name], have we been saying this every time we call his medication in?”

I nod and she turns back to the phone.

New Receptionist: “Yeah, we have.” *Pause* “Really? That’d probably save everyone some time. Thanks.” *Hangs up* “They are going to put a copy of our note on their computers so they don’t have to keep calling in every time.”

Me: “Wait, they could do that? I thought it was a requirement for them to confirm odd-sounding doses, and that the phone calls were just formalities so they could check a box saying they did it. How did none of them ever notice that we were having the same conversation every four months?”

We no longer get confirmation calls for that patient.

This Medicine Doesn’t Really Hit The Spot
HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, REVOLTING, RUDE & RISQUE, TEXAS, USA | RIGHT | APRIL 10, 2011
Me: “Thank you for calling [pharmacy]. What can I help you with?

Caller: “I just bought some [acne medication]. I was wondering if you could, uh… use it on herpes?”

Me: “On herpes? [Acne medication] is a treatment for acne only.”

Caller: “So can I put it on my junk or not?”

This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Him
FUNNY, HEALTH & BODY, LIARS/SCAMMERS, NEW YORK, PHARMACY, STUPID, USA | RIGHT | APRIL 3, 2011
Customer: “I’d like to buy some syringes.”

Me: “Can I see some ID?”

Customer: “They’re not for me, they’re for my dad. He’s a diabetic and needs them for his insulin.”

Me: “Okay. I still need to see some ID. Do you know his date of birth?”

Customer: “I’ll never forget his date of birth. I had it tattooed on my arm the day he died.”

(The customer proceeds to show everyone in the pharmacy the tattoo of his deceased father’s DOB–the same father that he is trying to buy syringes for.)

So Mummy Can Have Birds Without The Bees
CHILDREN, PHARMACY, UK | RIGHT | JANUARY 30, 2011
(I am a customer in line at a pharmacy. A mother and her two young boys are ahead of me. One of the young boys is sitting on the floor pointing at random medicines.)

Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

Mother: “That’s for an itchy head.”

Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

Mother: “That’s for when you can’t sleep.”

(The boy then points at the pregnancy tests.)

Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

Mother: “That’s to see if you have a baby growing inside of you!”

(The boy then stands up and gets back in line with his mother.)

Mother: *to me and the pharmacist* “Thank god he didn’t point at the condoms!”

Two Pillows On The Couch, Once Daily
BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, EDITORS' CHOICE, FUNNY, PHARMACY, SPOUSES & PARTNERS | RIGHT | JANUARY 26, 2011
(I need to make a new profile for the customer’s wife on our computer system, so the customer calls his wife.)

Customer: *to wife* “Hello? What’s your card number? It’s for the prescription.”

(The customer relays the card number to me. I ask for her birthday.)

Customer: *to wife* “When’s your birthday? No, of course I remember. It’s December 7th!”

(I hear his wife cry out loudly over the phone.)

Customer: *to wife* “What? It’s September 22nd?!”

(The customer ends the conversation and hangs up the phone.)

Me: “Are you going to be all right when you go back?”

Customer: “You should warn me next time you have to ask for her birthday.”

Identity Theft Is Childs Play
AT THE CHECKOUT, CHILDREN, IOWA, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | JANUARY 14, 2011
(I am a customer in line. There is a woman with a four-year-old finishing up their purchase.)

Me: “Here’s your change.”

Four-Year-Old: “Mommy, can I do the scribbles?”

Customer: “No, honey. I paid with cash, not my credit card.”

Looking Down The Barrel Of A Smoking Gum
HEALTH & BODY, MADISON, OVERHEARD, PHARMACY, USA, WISCONSIN | RIGHT | JANUARY 3, 2011
(I hear this conversation in my checkout line.)

Customer #1 : “Oh, my God, I love that nicotine gum! It makes my mouth feel all numb.”

Customer #2 : “You know that stuff’s going to get you addicted to cigarettes, right?”

Customer #1 : “Nah! That stuff gets you un-addicted to them and I don’t smoke. I’m fine!”

Children Get Sick Periodically
FAMILY & KIDS, FUNNY, HEALTH & BODY, NEW YORK, PARENTS/GUARDIANS, PHARMACY, REVOLTING, USA | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 19, 2010
(A woman walks into the store with her young daughter. Her daughter looks feverish and is sniffling.)

Customer: “Oh, look, honey. They have candy bars. Go get yourself one while mommy shops for her things.”

(The little girl walks up to the counter and takes a candy bar.)

Me: “Are you feeling okay, little girl?”

Daughter: “My mommy says as long as she gets her tampons, I’ll feel better.”

(The girl suddenly vomits all over the candy bars and on the counter.)

Daughter: “QUICK, MOMMY! GET YOUR TAMPONS!”

Ear-Waxing Lyrical About Bad Service
BAD BEHAVIOR, ENGLAND, FUNNY, HEALTH & BODY, LONDON, PHARMACY, UK | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 1, 2010
Customer: “I’ve come to pick up my prescription.”

Me: “Oh, I’m really sorry. Due to extenuating circumstances we don’t have a pharmacist at the moment so legally I can’t give out any prescriptions. But if you wait five minutes, a replacement pharmacist will be here and then you can take it.”

Customer: “But I need it. Give it to me!”

Me: “I understand your problem but I would be breaking the law if I gave it to you.”

Customer: “I work in the pharmaceutical industry and I know for a fact you are lying! Give it to me now!”

(The pharmacist arrives and I explain the problem.)

Pharmacist: “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience but my colleague was right, There was nothing she could do. But now that I’m here, you can take your prescription.”

Customer: “Your colleague is a cruel, moral-less b**** with the intelligence of a moron. She has endangered my life! I shall take this to court and win!” *storms out*

Me: *to pharmacist* “What was in her prescription?”

Pharmacist: “Drops for excessive ear wax.”

Retired & Extremely Dangerous
BAD BEHAVIOR, GEORGIA, PHARMACY, RUDE & RISQUE, USA | RIGHT | OCTOBER 18, 2010
Me: “Thank you for calling [Pharmacy]. May I help you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “I would like to get these two of my medications refilled and I want to pick them up tomorrow afternoon.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that will be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “Honey, you can come to my house and do me anytime.”

Me: “I, uh, oh, uh…”

Elderly Female Customer: “I hope I didn’t offend you, but I’m old so I can say things like that!”

Discount Discounted
AT THE CHECKOUT, CALIFORNIA, JERK, MONEY, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 29, 2010
Me: “And do you have a free rewards card with us, ma’am?”

Customer: “A what? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Me: “If you think you have one, I can look it up by your phone number?

Customer: “My what?”

Me: *louder* “Your phone number, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t have one of those! I don’t think I have one! I don’t have a phone number! I don’t have one!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s fine. Your total today is $26.74, and just to let you know, you could have saved $5.90 if you had the rewards card.”

Customer: “A discount? My phone number is [number]!”

Will Power On Aisle 2
CANADA, HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 28, 2010
Teenage Girl: “Do you guys sell that contraceptive ‘abstinence’?”

Me: “Abstinence?”

Teenage Girl: “Yeah! Abstinence! I read that it’s the only 100% way to not get pregnant!”

Me: “That’s right. But, abstinence is to not have sex, like, abstain from.”

Teenage Girl: “Well, that just sucks!”

Misunderstood “Total Coverage”
INSURANCE, MICHIGAN, PHARMACY, STUPID, USA | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 17, 2010
Me: “Our records show you’ve never had a prescription filled here before, so I’ll need an ID and your insurance.”

Customer: “Here’s my ID. I don’t have my insurance on me, but it’s through [Car Insurance Company].”

Me: “Sir, I think that’s your car insurance. Do you have health insurance?”

Customer: “You mean there’s more than one kind?”

Feeling Pooped
HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, REVOLTING, SPOUSES & PARTNERS, USA, WISCONSIN | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 12, 2010
(A couple approaches the counter.)

Me: “Can I help?”

Customer: “Yes, can you give me advice about his stool?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give medical advice. Perhaps you’d like to speak to our pharmacist, or consult your doctor?”

Customer: “No, I’m sure they’re very busy. I just want someone to tell me if it’s normal.”

Me: “The law says I can’t give advice. Let me get the pharmacist.”

Customer: “No, really, I have some here.” *whips out a clear bag of poo on the counter* “See, it’s all gritty. That’s not normal, is it? Do you have pills for that?”

Me: “Ma’am, you might want to take that to your doctor. We can’t accept biological waste.”

Customer: *to her husband* “See, Joe, I told you it was wrong. That’s why I save them.”

Rectify The Situation
HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, UK, WORDPLAY | RIGHT | AUGUST 12, 2010
Customer: “Hi there, do you sell rectums?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Rectums. I need a rectum. Do you sell them?”

Me: “Why do you need it?”

Customer: “I have some tablets here and it says ‘insert via rectum’ and as I don’t have one, I thought I better buy one.”

Me: “I think I better call the pharmacist in.”

(I called the pharmacist in who explained to the man exactly what a rectum is. He left, red-faced.)

Don’t Hold Your Breath For This One
COLORADO, DRUGS, HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | JULY 16, 2010
(I am counseling a patient on using an inhaler.)

Me: “Do you know how to use an inhaler, sir?”

Patient: “Nope, never used one.”

Me: “Okay, you’ll want to begin inhaling, and then depress the inhaler as you are breathing in. Then, hold your breath for as long as possible to allow the medication to be absorbed into your lungs.”

Patient: “Oh, sort of like smoking pot…”

Hollywood, M.D.
BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, HEALTH & BODY, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, PHARMACY | RIGHT | JULY 1, 2010
(A customer comes to the counter with a bleeding hand.)

Customer: “Have you got a first aid kit back there? I caught my hand and it’s bleeding.”

Me: “Of course. I’ll go get it.”

(I come back with the kit and take out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages.)

Customer: “Oh, I shouldn’t need the bandages.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s bleeding quite a lot.”

Customer: “Well, that ointment will just fix it, won’t it?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “That stuff you’ve got in your hand; that’ll just heal it up, right?”

Me: “This helps it heal faster and prevents it from getting infected, but it doesn’t heal it immediately.”

Customer: “Don’t you have the stuff that just fixes it right away?”

Me: “I don’t believe they have anything that does that, ma’am.”

Customer: “They do, I saw it before!”

Me: “Where did you see it?”

Customer: “I saw it on some movie. I don’t want that stuff there. I want the stuff I saw in the movie. Just get that stuff and fix this already, will you?”

Medication Frustration
BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, STUPID | RIGHT | JUNE 28, 2010
Customer: “I’m picking up a prescription for [Name].”

Me: “Okay. Just a second.”

(I check the drawer for the prescription and can’t find it.)

Me: “When did you order it?”

Customer: “Well, I saw the doctor on Monday.”

Me: “So you came in on Monday?”

Customer: “No, I went to the doctor’s on Monday.”

Me: “Okay, so when did you drop your prescription off?”

Customer: “What do you mean? I went to the doctor.”

Me: “And did he give you a piece of paper that said what drugs you needed?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “That’s a prescription. You need to bring it here so that we know what you need.”

Customer: “But I saw the doctor on Monday! Why didn’t he do it?”

Me: “That’s not his job. That’s what pharmacists are for.”

Customer: “So, what, he’s a doctor but he’s not a pharmacist? Look, I saw him on Monday so he probably just did it then. You’re just not looking hard enough. Look for the things done on Monday!”

The Truth Is A Bitter Pill To Swallow
BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY | RIGHT | JUNE 25, 2010
Customer: “Why isn’t my prescription ready yet?”

Me: “We’re trying to get in contact with your doctor because of a problem with the prescription. Your profile says you’re allergic to penicillin. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, that stuff is really bad for me!”

Me: “The medication your doctor prescribed has penicillin in it, so we’re trying to get a hold of him to find out what he wants you to take.”

Customer: “Oh, well, he wants me to take the penicillin. That’s what he wrote down, right?”

Me: “Yes, but you said you were allergic to it.”

Customer: “But he’s a doctor, so he knows what’s best. If that’s what he wrote, then just give me that.”

Me: “Well, we’ll check with him first to make sure that it’s safe for you.”

Customer: “Of course it’s safe for me or the doctor wouldn’t have prescribed it! He probably just cured my allergies. Check my old prescriptions; I bet he prescribed me something to cure my allergy!”

High School Dropouts Work On The Pharm
BAD BEHAVIOR, BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | JUNE 12, 2010
(I work as a pharmacy tech at a chain pharmacy. I am also currently in pharmacy school and will be a pharmacist one day.)

Customer: “You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Can I help you with something?”

Customer: “No! I refuse to be helped by a high school dropout! You should be ashamed of yourself for working where children can see you! You are going to make them think that it is okay to not have an education!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not a high school dropout. I have a high school diploma and I am currently in pharmacy school working towards a Doctor of Pharmacy. I am going to be a pharmacist one day.”

Customer: “Stop lying! I have never heard of a pharmacist before. You are a high school dropout!”

Manager: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes! Your employee is lying to me! She says she is going to be a pharmacist! That job doesn’t exist!”

(The manager looks at our pharmacist who is near tears from laughing so hard.)

Manager: “Ma’am, see the man over there? He’s the one who filled your prescription. He is a pharmacist.”

Customer: “No, he isn’t! He just counts pills! You don’t need school for that!”