Have A Heart, Use Your Brain

The Sad Estate Of This Family
PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 22, 2017
(I work at a long-term care pharmacy. We service patients in nursing homes, assisted living, etc. and bill prescription costs monthly. Of course, this means we have trouble with people not paying their bill. Part of my job is to make collections calls. I hear all kinds of excuses, but this was a first.)

Man: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] calling from [Pharmacy]. Is [Person #1 ] available?”

Man: “Nope, he’s in jail over in [County].”

Me: *not sure how to respond* “I’m sorry to hear that… I also have [Person #2 ] listed as an authorized contact. May I speak with her?”

Man: “Nope, can’t talk to her either. She’s dead.”

Me: *now REALLY not sure how to respond* “I’m sorry to hear that, too. I’m calling in reference to [Patient]’s account. Who could I speak with that handles [Patient]’s finances?”

Man: “Not him. He’s dead now, too. His wife’s still living but she’s got ‘all-timers’ disease so she won’t be much help.”

Me: *basically at a loss for words at this point* “There must be someone handling [Patient]’s estate. Who would that be?”

Man: “Couldn’t tell you. The only one I know of that’s not dead, locked up, or crazy is [Person #3 ]. She’s probably the best you’re going to get.”

(Turned out [Person #3 ] was extremely nice and helpful, and promptly sent a check for the full balance. She must have been the shining star in a family of “dead, locked up, and crazy!”)

Spoon-Feeding You Some Advice
HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, STUPID, USA | RIGHT | MAY 9, 2018
(Sadly, I’m the stupid customer in this one. I have bronchitis and have just made it home from the pharmacy with my cough syrup. When I open the bag, I notice the cup that you use to take the medicine isn’t in there, so I call the pharmacy.)

Pharmacist: “Thank you for calling [Pharmacy]. This is [Pharmacist]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi. This is [My Name]. I just picked up my prescription for [cough syrup], and when I got home I saw that it didn’t have the cup thing you use to take it with.”

Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, [My Name]. Do you want to come back and pick one up?”

Me: “Well, I have to take the bus, and I don’t want to get everyone else sick, too.”

Pharmacist: “Okay, well, do you bake?”

Me: *slightly confused* “Yes?”

Pharmacist: “Then you can use the teaspoon measuring spoon from your baking set.”

Me: “But… but… I need medicine teaspoons, not baking teaspoons.”

(She then proceeded to calmly explain to me that teaspoons were teaspoons, no matter what they were used for.)

Prescribing Some Honesty
CRIMINAL & ILLEGAL, OHIO, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | MAY 4, 2018
(I work in the pharmacy of a large drug store chain. A few weeks prior to this incident, a man came in and was acting twitchy. He eventually shoved some greeting cards down his pants and put a beer in his pocket before leaving. Shoplifting is hard to prove, but we got it on camera. On a day I am working, he comes back in with some prescriptions. I start putting them in; I have no idea about the previous incident.)

Lead Tech: “Stop! Don’t fill his stuff. [Manager] said since we got him stealing on camera, we can ask him to leave.”

(He goes to alert the pharmacist of the situation.)

Pharmacist: “[Shoplifter]! I am sorry, but I can’t fill this prescription for you.”

Shoplifter: “Why not? I need my medicine.”

Pharmacist: “Sir, last time you were in, we caught you stealing on camera, and we are choosing not to serve you. Please take your prescriptions elsewhere.” *hands him back his papers*

Shoplifter: *takes them* “It was only a beer!”

(He did end up taking his prescriptions and leaving, and the pharmacist filled me in on the previous incident. We were all so shocked that he admitted to stealing, and then also tried to act like it was okay!)

Name Change Approved
AUSTRALIA, HOBART, PATIENTS, PHARMACY, TASMANIA, WORDPLAY | HEALTHY | MAY 4, 2018
(A customer is picking up a regular prescription medication but he also wants something else.)

Customer: “Can I also have some ‘Stuffy Nose Squirts’?”

(He wanted a decongestant nasal spray.)

Looks Like They Already Had Their Drugs
NEW YORK, PHARMACY, RUDE & RISQUE, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 19, 2018
(I have just started my first job at a local pharmacy and convenience store, and it is my third day of training. I am standing behind the counter with an older coworker of mine. We hear the door open, and look over.)

Customer: *quickly walks through the doors and to the other end of the floor, where the pharmacy is*

Me: *looking at my coworker* “Was she…”

Coworker: *taking a sip of an energy drink* “…not wearing any pants? Welcome to the job, kid.”

Me: “…”

At Least You Know The Medicine Is Kosher
NEW YORK, PHARMACY, STUPID, USA | RIGHT | APRIL 16, 2018
(I am the dumb customer in this instance. The store that I work at has a pharmacy in it, where I get all of my medications. The store has a policy in the pharmacy where the first three letters of the customers names are printed on the bags you pick up your prescriptions in. The first time I go to pick up a prescription there, I have never seen this before. Upon picking up my prescription, I see the first three letters of my last name.)

Prescription: “JEW.”

Me: *in genuine confusion* “No, I’m not?”

When You Work For Them You’re Branded
BOSSES & OWNERS, INDIANA, NEW HIRES, PHARMACY, USA | WORKING | APRIL 9, 2018
(I get hired for [Popular Pharmacy Chain] and go through their training. It’s all through their computer system, with videos and quizzes. There’s a thirty-minute session on “branded greetings,” which explains how I have to say the same things during every transaction so customers always have a uniform experience at every store in the chain. I feel like a robot doing this, but I’m good at the spiel after about a week. Then, my manager pulls me aside.)

Manager: “Why are you using branded greetings?”

Me: *thinking this is a test* “Um… so that every customer gets the same treatment at every store and we deliver a uniform experience.”

Manager: “We haven’t used those in years. People said we sounded like robots, and corporate made us stop.”

Me: “Well, it’s still in the training.”

Manager: “Oh, well, you don’t have to do that anymore. I apparently have to update the training software.” *runs off*

Me: *facepalm*

Not Passing With Flying Colors
DUBLIN, EMPLOYEES, IRELAND, JERK, PHARMACY | WORKING | APRIL 3, 2018
(I am in a well-known UK-based pharmacy and drugstore, looking for a hand cream. I am wearing ripped jeans, combat boots, and a leather jacket, and have very short hair. I smile at the staff as I walk in and set off in search of the right aisle, minding my own business. As I open a tube to smell the cream, the worker beside the door rushes up and snatches the bottle out of my hand.)

Worker: “Can you not open the products? What are you looking for?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I was just smelling it. I’m fine, thanks.”

(I think that’s the end of it, as she stalks off. I pick up my items and turn the corner, checking out the makeup. As I swatch a lipstick tester, the same worker storms up and glares at me.)

Worker: “I said don’t open the products! You’ll have to pay for it now!”

Me: “Excuse me? This is a tester, and I haven’t even touched it yet!”

Worker: “Fine. Sit down. I’ll match a colour to you. You clearly need it; whoever matched your current foundation must be colour-blind.”

Me: *taken aback by the sheer rudeness of this woman* “Er. No, thanks.”

(I walked away, irritated, but still with some time to kill before my bus home, so I browsed some other items. I could see the worker following me closely and glaring if I so much as reached out towards a product. Eventually, I had enough. I went to the till, with her following. The girl at the checkout scanned my items and my loyalty card and told me my total. As I handed her my money, the rude worker stormed over and grabbed the iodine pen, scribbling all over my note, a smug grin on her face. I waited as nothing happened to my money, and silently fumed as I was handed my receipt. I felt her glare boring into my back as I left the shop, seriously having to bite down on my tongue to stop myself from yelling at her. I get that workers are supposed to upsell and offer assistance, but judging me outright by my appearance, being incredibly rude about my makeup, and being convinced I’m a thief with no reason is taking it a bit far.)

Would You Like A Cosmo With Your Allergy Bran?
HOLIDAYS, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, LOUISIANA, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | APRIL 1, 2018
(It’s Easter Sunday. My parents, my grandmother, and I are coming back from an early dinner out at an uptown restaurant and we stop to pick up some prescriptions for my grandmother at an old pharmacy where the restroom is in the back room. This exchange occurs just as I exit the back room after using the restroom.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I’m looking for [Specific Allergy Brand], but I can’t find it, and this is the allergy aisle. Would it be anywhere else?”

Me: “I have no idea, sorry. Um, good luck.”

(The customer muttered something under her breath that I couldn’t hear as I was walking away. During this exchange I was wearing a cocktail dress and heels, and she looked right at me as she was asking her question.)

It’s A Man’s World Of Pain
AUSTRALIA, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, MELBOURNE, NON-DIALOGUE, PHARMACY, VICTORIA | HEALTHY | MARCH 12, 2018
I have an eight-and-a-bit-month-old child, and I’ve been having some pain during sex, so I book in to see my OB-GYN.

The appointment is really straightforward and I’m told to go get a cream. I also have a birth control rod inserted whilst I’m there. I wander over to the pharmacy and hand over my script. I’m not asked for my Medicare card, but I’m asked if I have concession.

I reply no, with no more thought into the answer. I wait and collect my script and note that I’ve been charged a concession price. Not thinking too much into it, and thinking that I must have one linked to my Medicare card, I pay the $12.80 instead of $50 to $80 for my items and head back across the road.

I get the rod implanted and continue about my day, a bit perplexed how I got charged concession. It’s not until later that night when I’m reading the script again that I realise they’ve put it under the wrong name. I’m a Mrs. [My Name], and they put it under a Mr. [Same Name].

I burst out laughing that they have given a man vaginal cream and contraception, at an OB-GYN.

A Picture Of Bad Parenting
BAD BEHAVIOR, BIZARRE, KENTUCKY, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | MARCH 8, 2018
(I go into the store to pick up some photo prints I ordered online. Unfortunately, before I can get to the counter another customer beats me to the unmanned counter. As she approaches she immediately begins yelling.)

Customer: “CAN SOMEONE COME OVER HERE AND HELP ME?!”

(An employee approaches the counter.)

Customer: “I ordered these prints online; I need them.”

Employee: “Okay, what name are they under?”

Customer: “I don’t know; I don’t know if they made it.”

Employee: “You don’t know?”

Customer: “I used this app and it won’t send. You need to just do it.”

Employee: “I’m sorry. We aren’t allowed to—”

Customer: *sighs dramatically* “Well, what am I supposed to do?”

Employee: “You need to click on—”

Customer: “I already did that.”

Employee: “Well, try it again.”

Customer: “There, see? Now what?!”

Employee: “So, now, you need to—”

Customer: “This is stupid! I’m just going to go back to the main menu. So, what do I do from here?”

(The employee attempts several times to guide the customer through the process, and she continues to cut her off and ignore her suggestions. The customer appears to be in a huge hurry, and is obviously aggravated. Finally, after a few minutes.)

Customer: *about the app* “This is a joke. This is a total joke. Fine. Whatever. We’ll do this on Facebook.” *she takes a few minutes to find the picture she wants, all the while muttering* “I left those kids at the park. I left those d*** kids at the park… There, this picture. Can I just crop everyone out except this one person?”

Employee: “Well, what that will do is it will still be the same size and—”

Customer: “Is there any other way we can do this?!”

Employee: “You can hook your phone up to the photo kiosk, but it will download all of your photos.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t get this Internet to work. My man is going to kill me; I left those d*** kids at the park.”

Employee: “We don’t get a good connection in the store.”

Customer: “I HAVE WI-FI.”

Employee: “We don’t have Wi-Fi here.”

Customer: “YOU MEAN I’M GOING TO HAVE TO GO OUT TO MY CAR TO GET ON THE INTERNET?!”

Employee: “You probably would have better luck in the back of the parking lot, yes.”

Customer: *stomps out while muttering* “I left those kids at the park.”

(I still can’t understand what could possibly be so important about this picture that she had to leave her children at the park to go get it!)

Vie For A Vial
CALIFORNIA, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, JERK, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | MARCH 6, 2018
(I just started working at a small, independent pharmacy. It’s located in the downtown area of a small town that is predominantly upper-middle-class families. And with that population, we get patients in that ask for a bit more specific requests than what I’m used to. I have just started and am being trained when I overhear this conversation with my technician. Note: since we are small pharmacy, profit margins are tight, so for expensive medications, we don’t open the bottles and fill them until the patient has come to pick up and paid. We pride ourselves on customer service, doing almost anything for the customer.)

Customer: “I’m here to pick up for [Customer].”

Tech: “All right, just give me a few moments to pour these bottles into the vial.”

(She is getting over 400 tablets of the medication.)

Customer: “Let me see what you’re putting it in.”

Tech: *shows the vial* “Will this one be good for you?”

Customer: “No! That one is too tall; I’m going to spill it.

Tech: *shows different vial* “What about this one?”

Customer: “No! It’s too short; I’m going to lose it.”

Tech: *shows another vial* “This one? I can fit it in two of them.”

Customer: “I don’t want to; that’s too much!”

(This repeats for a couple minutes, going over various vials, usually the same one, multiple times, the customer making up some random excuse.)

Tech: *showing her the first vial* “What about this one?”

Customer: “Yes! That one is perfect!”

(The tech finishes up putting her medications together and the patient leaves.)

Me: “How did you handle that without freaking out?”

Tech: “I was about to punch her in her face if she said no to another one of these stupid bottles.”

Needs To Prescribe Some Anger-Management
GERMANY, JERK, PHARMACY | HEALTHY | MARCH 3, 2018
(I work at a call centre for a German online pharmacy. Unlike other pharmacies, we allow customers to pre-order medicines which requires prescriptions. It should go without saying, but we’re not allowed to ship orders that contain a prescription, until the original is sent to us by a postal service. There are also no shipping costs for our customer, if there is a prescription.)

Me: “Your [Pharmacy]. You are speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “I placed an order last week at your store and it still hasn’t arrived. Where is it?”

Me: “Oh, that doesn’t sound so good. Could you please tell me your order number?”

(The customer doesn’t have it, so I search for her by name. It takes me a while to find her, as she has a very common name and doesn’t want to give me her postal code.)

Me: “Ah, there we have you. I’m afraid your prescription for [Medicine] hasn’t arrived yet.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I do not need a prescription for that order! Send them to me at once!”

(I try to stay cool.)

Me: “Ma’am, [Medicine] requires a prescription, by law. We cannot deliver this order until we have the original prescription.”

Customer: “Then you should at least have told me so!”

Me: “Our online store has classified this item as one that requires a prescription. You have also received an order confirmation that asks you for your prescription.”

Customer: “No, I never received a confirmation, so don’t dare lie to me!”

Me: “Uh… Ma’am, I do not understand; you received the confirmation on [date and time].”

Customer: “No, I never did; I’ll show you!”

(I can hear her typing and the sound of a mail program opening. She waits for a moment, and then she starts mumbling to herself.)

Customer: “’Dear Mrs. [Name], thank you for your order. Please send us your your original prescription by mail, so we can continue with that order.’”

(The customer wheezes angrily.)

Customer: “This is way too complicated with your store! Other pharmacies will send them to me immediately!”

Me: “Ma’am, even other pharmacies have to wait for your prescription, as [Medicine] requires one.”

Customer: “I will never order at your store ever again! I’ve never been insulted this badly in my entire life!”

(The customer called the next day. She made a new order without the prescription and asked if that was all right.)

Sarah Connor’s Pharmacy Job
BOSSES & OWNERS, CANADA, EMPLOYEES, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, JERK, ONTARIO, PHARMACY | WORKING | FEBRUARY 21, 2018
(I get a job at a small pharmacy as a cashier. The job involves a lot more than just simple cashiering, but I catch on quite quickly, and within a month the possibility of increasing my hours is discussed. The store then goes under new owners, but all the cashiers are kept on staff, and assured that their jobs are secure. Fast forward to my next shift. This takes place in July.)

Owner: “[My Name], can you come into the office for a minute? I just want to have a quick word.”

Me: “Sure!” *thinking the uniforms he ordered for us had come in*

Owner: “I’ve been thinking it over, and this really isn’t a job that can be done part-time. In order to stay up to date on all the policies and information, everyone really has to be here full-time. With all the students leaving soon to go back to school, I’ve decided that it would be easiest to let all the students go now.”

Me: “Okay…” *thinking I’m about to be offered the full-time position, as I’m not a student*

Owner: “I’m sorry; I just find it easiest to terminate people before their shift starts.”

Me: “Wait. What?”

Owner: “As of right now, you’re terminated.”

Me: “But I’m not a student.”

Owner: *shocked* “What?! You’re not?”

Me: “No. I’ve been out of high school for a few years, and am holding off on going to college.”

Owner: “Oh, nobody told me that.”

Me: “So, is there any way I could be kept on, full-time?”

Owner: “I would have to think about it.”

Me: *blank look*

Owner: “You see, I already filled the full-time positions, and filed the termination paperwork. If you want to reapply, I’ll consider rehiring you if something falls through with one of the new employees, but all but one have already accepted the job, and I already offered it to the other one.”

Me: “Okay, then. When does the termination take effect?”

Owner: “Right now. I did it now because it’s easiest to do it, and get it done within the first three months.”

(I was too shocked in the moment to say anything, but once I processed what had happened, I was — and still am — livid. How incompetent must one be to skip something so basic as reading employee files BEFORE terminating them, to ensure they’re actually being fired for a legitimate reason?)

Seriously Off Her Meds
BAD BEHAVIOR, BIZARRE, MASSACHUSETTS, PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | FEBRUARY 14, 2018
(I’m a pharmacist at a small, but very busy, chain store. I am working the register along with one of the technicians, due to us being understaffed.)

Me: “Hi! How are you doing today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Israel!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Israel!”

(At the pharmacy register, in order to pick up a prescription, we must be provided with the first and last name, along with the date of birth.)

Me: “Is that your name, ma’am?”

Customer: “Israel!”

Me: *getting frustrated since there is a line behind her going up two aisles* “May I please have your name?”

Customer: “Israel! My name is Israel!”

Me: “Okay, thank you. May I please have your last name?”

Customer: “Israel!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I misunderstood. I thought your first name was Israel. Could I please have your first name, then?”

Customer: “Israel! My name is Israel! What do you not understand? This is ridiculous! I demand to speak to the pharmacist!”

Me: *trying not to scream* “I’m very sorry, ma’am. I am the pharmacist. I just need your first and last name in order to view your profile. Could you please give me your first name followed by your last?”

Customer: *she is now screaming at this point* “This is unbelievable!”

(She looks at the people in line behind her for support. They all give me a sympathetic look, instead.)

Customer: “From now on, I’m taking my business to [Other Retail Chain Pharmacy]!”

Me: “I’m very sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am. Could I please have your first and last name, in order to speed up the transaction? We are quite busy today.”

Customer: “Israel! My name is Israel! Israel [Last Name].”

(Now that I finally have her first and last name in the system, I am prompted with the screen that asks for the date of birth.)

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. And could I have your date of birth, please?”

Customer: “What kind of pharmacy is this?! What will you want next? My social security number?!”

Me: “That won’t be necessary, ma’am.”

(By this time, the technician at the register next to me has gone through about three patients, while I am still with this lady.)

Customer: “My birthday is [date]!”

Me: “All right, thank you. It looks like we have three prescriptions ready for you. Let me go get those for you.” *I fetch the prescriptions and finish the transaction fairly normally* “All right, ma’am. Before you leave, do you have any questions about the medications?”

Customer: “Yes. I would like to speak to the pharmacist!”

Me: “I am the pharmacist, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, you’re not!”

Me: “I can assure you that I am, in fact, the pharmacist, ma’am.”

Customer: *all disgruntled* “Well… Well… I want to speak to the pharmacist who was here yesterday! Where is he?!”

Me: “That was our other pharmacist.”

Customer: “Well, I demand to speak to him! Go fetch him!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. He isn’t here today.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I have nothing but trouble at this store!”

Me: “I’m sorry that you feel that way, ma’am. I can answer any questions that you have about the medication, though.”

Customer: “No! I’ll just die! No one can tell me how to take this medication! You don’t even have a pharmacist here! I’m going to die because of your incompetence!”

Me: “Ma’am, as I’ve said, I am the pharmacist, and I would be more than happy to walk you through the proper way to take your medications. If you would like, you can come back tomorrow, too, and the other pharmacist will be here.”

Customer: “Fine! Show me, since you think I’m too stupid to take my own medications!”

Me: “I never said you were too stupid, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, you did! But whatever. Show me!”

(I instructed the lady on how to take her medications, and she finally walked away. Shortly after, the store manager came down to the pharmacy asking what happened. I asked what he was referring to and he stated that a lady was complaining that I “verbally and mentally abused her.”)

Stop And Think For A Period
HOBART, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, PHARMACY, TASMANIA | HEALTHY | FEBRUARY 5, 2018
(In Australia, purchasing certain medications requires the cashier, by law, to ascertain for whom the medication is intended and whether or not they’ve used the medication before. It’s about half an hour before closing time and it’s been a busy day, so I’m running on autopilot, when a man comes up to the counter.)

Male Customer: “Can I have some [period pain medication], please?”

Me: “Sure. That’s just for yourself, and you’ve used it before?”

Not Banking On That Pharmacy
JERK, MONEY, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | JANUARY 31, 2018
(I work in a regional pharmacy and convenience store chain. One of the services we offer is check cashing, but with a hefty fee, since we are not a bank. The minimum fee is $3, and it shifts to 2% of the check for any amount over $150. The fee is automatically deducted from the check total, and we give the customer the difference. A woman comes in on a Sunday afternoon, demanding we cash her check. Instead of going to customer service, she heads to the pharmacy counter and tries to give them her check. The head pharmacist calls down to me that I will have a customer soon.)

Me: “Hello! You want a check cashed?”

(The customer, an elderly woman, pushes the check at me with a humph.)

Customer: “Yes, that one. My daughter is in town from DC, and I have to take her out to dinner.”

Me: *punching in the check total to get the fee amount* “All right, the fee for check cashing is 2% of the check, so for $259.50, it’s going to be a $5.19 fee.”

Customer: “You’re kidding! Well! This is the last time I do this; I’m pulling out all my prescriptions!”

Me: *thinking that’s a weird knee-jerk reaction* “Okay. Did you still want to cash this check?”

Customer: “Well, yes! I have to take my daughter out to dinner! She came up here from DC! This is ridiculous; I want to talk to a manager! You don’t do this to loyal customers. I’m going to pull out all my prescriptions, and I have a lot!”

(I page the manager while she fumes, repeatedly going back to her prescriptions and how she is going to take them all out first thing tomorrow morning. The manager walks in, and she starts berating him, too.)

Customer: “I have been a customer here for years. You don’t charge loyal customers $5 for cashing checks! I’m going to pull out my prescriptions!”

Manager: “That’s not our fee; the check cashing company sets that. It’s the fee they charge for using their services.”

(The customer humphs for a bit while the manager goes through the procedure, which is tedious and done on a separate machine. She goes silent for a moment before perking back up, turning to me while pointing at the manager.)

Customer: “No! Who’s above him? Who’s the highest manager?!”

Manager: “The store manager.”

Customer: “And who is that?”

Me: “[Store Manager].”

Customer: “Is he here?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Is he here tomorrow?!”

Manager: “Yes, [Store Manager] will be in tomorrow.”

Customer: “Good! I’m going to get my money back and pull out all my prescriptions!”

(We hand her the keypad to put in her social security number, and she acts like it’s the most complex device she’s ever used. It’s a nine-digit keypad with a green button and a red button. All you have to do is type the number, hit the green button, type the number again for confirmation, and hit the green button again. It takes a lot of prodding, interspersed with, “What do I do now?!” We also have to key in her driver’s license, the confirmation code from the receipt, the state, the day of the transaction, and so forth.)

Customer: “Why is this taking so long?!“

Me: “It’s a process. We have to go through extra steps and security, since we aren’t a bank.”

Customer: “Well, who do I talk to about pulling out my prescriptions?”

Me: “The pharmacy.”

(She goes strangely quiet after that, letting us complete the transaction with minor grumbling. I count out the amount of the check, minus the fee, making sure I am on camera as I do. I proceed to lay it flat on the counter to show her while I count it again, but she snatches it from me.)

Customer: “No! I’ll count it! I can’t wait to come in tomorrow and talk to your manager! I’m going to pull out all my prescriptions!”

(She finally takes her money and storms off. The head pharmacist pokes his head in.)

Pharmacist: “So, how’d that go?”

(I relay the whole story and he just laughs, shaking his head. He goes on to tell me how she’s been a chronic pain in the pharmacy’s neck for years.)

Pharmacist: “She always says that. If I had a dollar for every time she threatened to pull out her prescriptions, I’d be a lot closer to retirement.”

At Least It’s Still Just A Penny For Your Thoughts
MONEY, OVERHEARD, PENNSYLVANIA, PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | JANUARY 24, 2018
(I am in line waiting to pick up a prescription. The customer at the register is taking longer than usual. The worker tells him to step to the side while they try to sort out the problem. I overhear this between the man who is picking up the prescription and his friend.)

Friend: “It’s only three dollars.”

Man: “I ain’t got that kind of money. Do you know anybody with that kind of money? These is crazy times we live in.”

Going For The Condom Minimum
BIZARRE, GROCERY STORE, MISSOURI, PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | JANUARY 22, 2018
(A woman comes up to our night cashier.)

Customer: “I need assistance at the pharmacy case.”

(The cashier pages me to the pharmacy case, as I’m the only one with the key after the pharmacist leaves. I arrive at the case.)

Me: “What items do you need?”

Customer: *hesitates for a moment* “I need condoms.”

Me: *opens the case* “You’re welcome to pick out any of the boxes that you’d like.”

(She picks up a few different boxes, shakes each one, then sets it back down. Then, she turns to me and asks

Customer: “Do you know which one of these feels the best for guys?”

Me: *more confused than surprised by the question* “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I can’t help you there.”

Customer: “Do you know which one fits best, then?”

Me: “I can’t help you with that. I’ve never used any of those.”

Customer: *exasperated sigh* “Oh, well. Better safe than sorry.”

(She put the condoms down, grabbed a pregnancy test, and walked away without another word.)

Hey, Google, What Kind Of Cancer Do I Have?
CONNECTICUT, PHARMACY, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | JANUARY 18, 2018
(I stop in a pharmacy to pick up some medication. I hear the following from a lady next to me.)

Woman: “I want to buy this!”

(She points at medicine on the shelf behind the pharmacist.)

Pharmacist: “That’s prescription medication. You can’t buy that. I’m sorry.”

Woman: “I NEED IT!”

Pharmacist: “Okay, well, we still can’t give you the medication. You need a prescription.”

Woman: “No! WEBMD SAID I HAVE CANCER AND I NEED THIS!”

Pharmacist: “Ma’am, I recommend you see your doctor before you get a self-diagnosis off of the Internet.”

Woman: “You’re a doctor! And I KNOW I HAVE CANCER!”

Pharmacist: “Actually, I’m not a—”

Woman: “YOU ALL WANT ME TO DIE OF CANCER! I AM REPORTING YOU TO THE POLICE!”

(She then proceeds to run out of the store, knocking down several displays and screaming “I NEED PENICILLIN! I HAVE CANCER!”)

Me: *mumbling* “How does she think penicillin will cure cancer, anyway?”

Pharmacist: “That’s not even penicillin.”