(Regrettably, our local university is the main reason that county STD rates are the second-highest in the state (the highest-ranking county is home to a naval base). Outbreaks are common and rather a grim joke with local healthcare providers. The county has purchased a new emergency radio system and one of their officers has arrived to train our staff on how to use the equipment.)
Instructor: “The great thing about this system is that it is linked to over two hundred towers, state-wide. This means that if you need to, you can communicate not only throughout the county, but with other jurisdictions as well. For example; let’s say you have to set up some kind of emergency clinic at the University for… I don’t know, what’s an epidemic that the students might experience there?”
Me: *without thinking* “Probably chlamydia.”
(My boss shushed me, but our director of nursing almost fell off her chair from laughing so hard.)
Health & Body, Office, Text/Chat/Email, UK | Healthy | October 30, 2017
(I work for the safety department overseeing several sites that my company is working on. I mainly focus on radiation exposure. We receive daily reports of exposure for all men working in radioactive areas with personal dosimeters that record in real time. Each site has one person who collates the information before passing it on. One site has recently had to employ a new person. He has sent the information through and I notice a problem. I reply to his email.)
Me: “[Person], is this information correct?”
Person: “Yes. It is correct.”
Me: “Okay. I thought I would check as many of your workers have far exceeded the legal limit in just one day. Has there been an incident?”
Person: “No. No incident. The information is correct. I have checked with dosimetry on site, and they confirm.”
(I don’t believe him, so I email the safety manager on site just to double check, but he doesn’t respond. I decide to pry further.)
Me: “[Person], can I assume that the workers have been sent home with pay? I will need to report this.”
Person: “No. They’re still working. I won’t be able to reach them until they finish.”
Me: “Well, you’re going to have to. They have far exceeded the legal limit for a year’s worth of exposure. As per policy, this will have to be reported and they will need to be monitored. Can you please check with [Safety Manager]?”
Person: “It’s just one Sievert! And no, [Safety Manager] is in a meeting.”
Me: “[Person], a Sievert is a large dose. We work in micro and millisieverts. Are you absolutely certain this information is correct?”
Person: “The information IS correct. That is the end of it!”
(I was even less convinced and spoke to my manager. He contacted the site manager and it was decided that the workers be sent home and everyone pulled off until the matter was resolved. It turned out no one there thought it necessary to train the new person, despite him having no experience with ionising radiation. The workers were only exposed to a few microseiverts and they were allowed to return to work. This incident reflected so badly on us it risked our contract with the site, and the manager, safety manager, and the new person were relocated. I got landed with the new person, and he’s made it his life goal to make my life miserable, as payment for his and his managers’ mistake.)
Australia, Car, Health & Body, New South Wales, Parents/Guardians | Healthy | October 30, 2017
(I have a day off so I wasn’t planning on doing much other than sleeping in. At about 9:30 am I get a call from my dad.)
Dad: “Hey, sweetie, are you doing anything at the moment?”
Me: *lying in bed* “No, not anything important. Whats up?”
Dad: “The coolant hose has come loose on the car again. Could I get you to come pick me up to get some more coolant?”
Me: “Yeah, sure, no problem.”
(I go and get him, chatting about inconsequential things, asking about each others’ weekends. We get the coolant and we are heading back to his car. This happens about half an hour after I pick him up.)
Dad: “Yeah, I wasn’t feeling that great this morning… About an hour ago I started getting chest pain and was thinking I should go to the hospital, but I’m feeling okay now so maybe I should just go home.”
Me: *being sceptical in my head* “Nah, if you were worried, Dad, I’d go up there. I will go with you if you’d like. I’ll stay with you. It can get kinda boring up there by yourself.”
Dad: “Oh, well, only if you’re not doing anything. It might be a good idea.”
Me: “Sure thing; it’s better to be safe than sorry.”
Dad: “Only if you’re sure you’re not doing anything
Me: “I’m sure; I will meet you up there.”
(I follow him up only to find a parking space at the bottom of the hill, so we walk up to the top and get admitted into ED. Long story short, Dad had had a minor heart attack, three in fact, the last one as we were walking up the hill, and he just wanted to go home. I spent five hours with him, him asking me not to tell any family members because he didn’t want to stress them out. Mum nearly had a heart attack herself when she found out, mainly because he waited five hours to tell her! Please, please, people — get it checked out sooner rather than later!)
Chicago, Illinois, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | October 29, 2017
(My mom is a nurse practitioner at a health clinic primarily for homeless people. Naturally she has some interesting exchanges with her patients. Her favorite one to tell is about a patient who had come in for the first time, and she was asking all the preliminary questions.)
Mom: “Do you have any allergies?”
Patient: “I’m allergic to penicillin.”
Mom: “What sort of reaction do you have when you take it?”
Patient: “It makes me talk like Donald Duck.”
(After trying to hold in laughter, my mom had to explain to him that while his “reaction” was more of a mild mutation, it was not considered a harmful allergy. It’s her favorite story to tell next to the woman who referred to the lice on her head as “movable dandruff.”)
Australia, Hospital, Reception | Healthy | October 28, 2017
(At the end of a visit patients return to the front desk to settle accounts. Our EFT Machine likes to be difficult sometimes so I do as much as I can on it so the patient doesn’t get confused.)
Me: “Okay, was that cheque, savings, or credit?”
Patient: “Credit.”
(I select credit and put the EFT Machine in front of them.)
Me: “Pin, please.”
(I look away. After hearing only four beeps, each button pressed beeps — four for the pin and one for enter — I go ahead and visually see only three buttons of the pin were entered. I press the yellow button once to erase it.)
Me: “Pin again, please. The buttons tend to stick.”
(Again I hear only four beeps and visually check. I repeat pressing the yellow button once.)
Me: “Once more, please. Really press down.”
(I hear four beeps again, but before I can press the yellow button the patient notices and presses it three times quickly. The machine makes an error beep and a big cross comes on the screen that cancels the payment.)
Me: “Okay. We only need to press that once. Let’s start again.”
(Little things like this that tend to be unnecessary mistakes and use more time than it should. Another example
Me: “Was that cheque, savings, or credit?”
(I notice on the screen it says debit, but debit and credit can be selected as the same thing. Debit cards are used in place of credit cards when ordering online and such. The patient looks at me wide-eyed.)
Patient: “I don’t have credit!”
(They panic faster than I can explain. It was a slip of the tongue, habitual, and not really a fuss.)
Patient: “Don’t put it on credit! It’s not credit!”
Insurance, Medical Office, Pennsylvania, USA | Healthy | October 27, 2017
(My eye insurance changes when I got a new job, so I need to find a new doctor for my contacts exam. I choose one in the same building as my previous job at a pharmacy, as I’ve met [Doctor], who is a really nice guy, and call to make an appointment.)
Me: “Hi, before I make an appointment, I want to confirm that you take my insurance?”
Receptionist: “Oh, the plan offered by the local hospital? Of course we do.”
(I’m scheduled for the next open appointment, three months away. Fast forward to the day of the appointment. She copies my insurance cards, and I wait for my exam.)
Nurse: “[My Name]. Good afternoon, the doctor will be in to see you shortly.”
(In walks a short, bald, bearded man, not the tall, thin, bespectacled fellow I knew from the pharmacy, but I figure perhaps [Doctor] has expanded his practice or has a fill-in today. He proceeds to do my exam and tells me my script will be up front, no niceties, no introduction.)
Me: “Thank you! And I’m sorry, but I didn’t catch your name.” *primarily so I know not to schedule an appointment with him again*
Doctor: “[Doctor], of course!”
Me: “Oh, I apologize. I mistook the taller gentleman with glasses for you.”
Doctor: “He’s just the optician.”
(Cue the end of the awkwardness, and I go up front to pay my copay and get my script.)
Receptionist: “That will be [amount nearly $300].”
Me: “What? Shouldn’t it be $50 with my insurance and deductible?”
Receptionist: “Oh, we only take your insurance for eye emergencies.”
Me: *pays with mouth agape*
(She knew they only took my insurance for emergencies and scheduled me for an obviously non-emergent appointment. Then she copied my cards, again not pointing out that it wouldn’t cover my visit. And the doctor was an unfriendly, cold fellow to boot. Needless to say I never went back, even though my insurance has now changed to something they universally accept.)
Colorado, Fast Food, Health & Body, USA, Westminster | Healthy | October 27, 2017
(I am working the cash register at a fast food restaurant. A pregnant woman comes up to me.)
Woman: “Hi, I’m in labor right now. Can I get a big glass of ice water?”
Me: *not sure I heard her correctly* “I… what?”
Woman: “Yeah, I just had a big contraction. Can I get some water?”
Me: “Uh… yeah, totally. Of course.”
(I grab her a cup and begin filling it with ice and water.)
Me: *jokingly* “So you’re not going to have the kid here, are you? I don’t know how to do that.”
Woman: *smirking* “No, I’m not going to have it here. Though you would not believe how backed up the highway is.”
(I give her the water and she rushes out. Her voice was strained throughout the conversation which makes total sense. I later told a coworker what I’d just gone through.)
Coworker: “Yeah, it happens. I had a woman in labor go through the drive-thru once.” *confused* “So you’ve been working food service for ten years and you’ve never had that happen once?”
California, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | October 26, 2017
(I work in a pharmacy as an intern, and on the weekends, we only have one pharmacist on duty. It is company policy that employees have to take their unpaid lunch by the fifth hour on the clock. This happens when our pharmacist is out to lunch.)
Tech: “Hello there. Are you picking up or dropping off?”
Patient: “Picking up.”
Tech: “I’m sorry, but our pharmacist is on lunch. We can’t sell any prescriptions without a pharmacist here.”
Patient: “Why the h*** not?!”
Tech: “I’m sorry, but it is against the law for us to do that.”
Patient: “Just give it to me! I drove all the way here!”
Tech: “I can’t; it’s against the law, and we have to have a pharmacist here.”
Patient: “There should always be a pharmacist here; it’s a pharmacy! Why the h*** aren’t they here?!”
Tech: “She’s on her lunch right now. She’ll be back at 1:30, but I can’t do anything until then.”
Patient: “I want to talk to a manager!”
Tech: *calls manager*
Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t do anything until the pharmacist comes back from lunch. She has to take her lunch, too.”
Patient: “I’m complaining to corporate. What is their number? This is ridiculous!”
Manager: “It’s [number].”
(The patient storms off as the manager just shrugs.)
Manager: “Call all you want. What are they gonna do? Fire me for following the law?”
Pennsylvania, Pharmacy, Pittsburgh, USA | Healthy | October 25, 2017
(I am a pharmacy technician, not qualified to recommend drugs or dispense advice. Any questions about actual medicine, I am required to pass off to a pharmacist, even if I think I know the answer.)
Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”
Customer: *mumbling* “Um, I think I—” *mumbles* “—contact with bleach…”
Me: “I’m sorry, what? Could you repeat that?”
Customer: “I think I might have swallowed some bleach and was wondering if the pharmacist could recommend anything.”
Me: *trying not to look alarmed* “Well, if I were you, I would call the Poison Control Center, but I’ll check with the pharmacist.”
(I go back to the counter where the pharmacist is working.)
Me: “This guy says he might have ingested bleach and wants to know if you can recommend anything. I told him he should call the Poison Control Center.”
Pharmacist: “Yeah, that’s about it.”
(I go up to the front counter and repeat this advice to the customer.)
Customer: “Well, I drank some fluids and I’m feeling better now. I had some [soda], and some water, and some lemonade. My chest was hurting before but now it’s better. Do you know if bleach can make your chest hurt?”
Me: “Um… probably. If you swallowed bleach, it could hurt on the way down. You should probably call the Poison Control Center.”
Customer: “Eh, maybe I’ll call them tomorrow. If I’m not feeling better then, I can go to the emergency room, too.”
Me: “I would call them tonight if I were you, just to be safe. Do you want their number?”
(I write it down on the nearest piece of paper and hand it to him.)
Customer: “Yeah, thanks. I might call them tomorrow.”
(He wanders away, but comes back later. My coworker is an intern, studying to become a pharmacist, and gets to the counter first. I overhear their conversation.)
Customer: “I was wondering about water pills. What do they do?”
Coworker: “Um, they make you urinate.”
Customer: “Can I get some of those?”
Coworker: *realizing why he’s asking* “They don’t flush out your system; they’re used to lower blood pressure. And you would need a prescription.”
Customer: “Can I get one of those?”
Coworker: *bewildered* “We don’t give prescriptions here; we just fill them. You would need to go to a doctor.”
(The customer wanders away, apparently still confused about a lot of things.)
Me: “I hope he’s going to be okay.”
Pharmacist: “If he had really swallowed bleach, his throat would be burned. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but there’s nothing else we can do.”
Nurse #2 : “I guess so.” *to me* “You can go home, I guess. But get a doctor’s note.”
(I then drove home, barely coherent. After going to the doctor I found out that I had SWINE FLU, or H1N1. And they wanted me to come to work, endangering both myself and the elderly residents! I quit a few months later.)
(I have a chronic illness and find myself going to the office where my GP, the walk-in clinic, and phlebotomy lab are all located. There are two attendants at the front doors that help patients in and out of vehicles and bring wheelchairs. Here in the South, it’s pretty typical for strangers to greet you as you walk past or even ask how you are. “Pretty good,” is the expected answer, no matter what.)
Insurance, New Zealand, Pets & Animals, Text/Chat/Email, Zombies | Healthy | October 24, 2017
(A few months ago we signed up for pet insurance for all four of our animals. This month, we got caught by surprise by the payment and as a result, one of the payments did not process correctly. This is the email we got regarding the payment that did not process
Email: “Please call us on [number] or email us quoting [policy number] in regards to your insurance payment for your pet Zombie.”
Canada, Health & Body, home, Marriage & Partners | Healthy | October 24, 2017
(I have a minor surgery on my foot. By chance, the only gauze the doctor has to wrap it is bright red. I head home after, and my husband is already home. He has some emergency first aid experience.)
Me: “Ugh, it hurts. I guess I should take my sock off, see if that eases some pressure.”
(I take my sock off slowly.)
Me: *fake surprise* “Whoah, that’s red!”
Husband: *stares blankly*
Me: “Aww, you’re no fun. I thought the red gauze would freak you out.”
Husband: “So it’s gauze?”
Me: “Yep. It’s all the doctor had. It startled me so I thought I’d try and get you, too. You’re not as surprised as I thought you’d be.”
California, Medical Office, Sacramento, Time, USA | Healthy | October 24, 2017
(My multi-specialty medical office has an audiologist who does hearing tests for patients. I assist the ENT [Ear/Nose/Throat] doctors so I handle calls from his patients, since he doesn’t have his own assistant. One of our phone operators calls me at the nurses’ station with an audiology patient on the other line.)
Operator: “Dr. [Audiologist]’s 4:00 says she’s going to be ten minutes late. Is that okay?”
(We allow a 15-minute window to show up for appointments, and a check of the schedule reveals she’s the last patient of the day.)
Me: “Yes, that’s fine, as long as it’s no more than 15 minutes.”
(The operator relays the message and I go about my day. Later, I realize it’s 4:45 and the patient isn’t showing up as checked in on the schedule. I’m about to call up to the front desk to see if they’ve forgotten to check her in when the receptionist calls me.)
Receptionist: “Hi… did you tell Dr. [Audiologist]’s 4:00 that we’d ‘just work her in’ when she got here? Because she just got here.” *I can practically hear the air quotes*
Me: “I most certainly did not. I said no more than 15 minutes late. She needs to reschedule.”
Receptionist: “Yeah… that’s what I thought. Okay. I’m gonna go talk to [Audiologist]. Bet he’ll say the same thing.”
(He did. When the receptionist politely relayed to the patient that he was unable to stay 45 minutes late to accommodate her, she threw a hissy fit and ranted at our poor receptionist for several minutes before storming out in a snit. Her best line, as the receptionist later conveyed, was that she’d told our phone operator she was “on 50” and he should have known how far away she was. Highway 50 runs from West Sacramento to Maryland…)
(This was a few years ago. I have made an appointment with a new GP to give me a contraceptive implant since I keep forgetting to take my pills and I want to be safe. This is my first time at this particular office.)
Doctor: “So I’m just going to numb the area first and then we’ll get the implant in there.”
Me: “Okay.”
(I roll up my sleeve and turn my head away.)
Doctor: “Are you all right?”
Me: “Oh, yeah, I just don’t like watching the needle go in. So I’m gonna look at that wall there.”
Doctor: “All right, then.”
(She then stuck the needle in and lifted the skin of my arm up with the needle as she removed it. When she apologized she attempted to do it again. Both times were quite painful but thankfully the needle didn’t break and the rest of the appointment went fine.)
Doctor: “Again, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened there. Maybe if you didn’t have such tiny arms!”
(Three years later I went to get my implant replaced. This time I got a nurse to do it. She did it completely pain-free on the first try. I guess my tiny arms weren’t a problem for the nurse.)
Health & Body, home, Nurse, Religion | Right | November 14, 2016
(I am an RN that goes around to people’s homes. I get an order to obtain a blood draw from a particularly religious patient who refuses to let me try anywhere except the tiny blood vessels in her hand. As I’m on my second attempt, apparently she thinks I need a little help…)
Patient: *loudly, with eyes closed* “Lord Jesus, help her find that blood! Send the blood to her Jesus; she needs your help! Draw her to that vein, oh Lord, and show your power!”
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