Everyone Has Two Voice Settings: “Normal” And “Customer Service”
Medical Office, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Reception, Siblings, USA | Healthy | January 25, 2021
When I need to find a new primary care physician, my sister, who’s a medical assistant, strongly recommends one of the doctors she works for. I accept — and she turns out to be the greatest PCP I’ve ever had, but I digress.
I don’t know if this is the law or their office’s policy, but my sister explains to me from the beginning that she’s not allowed to have anything to do with my treatment; she can’t look at my chart, she can’t room me when I come in, she can’t talk to me on the phone, etc.
Okay, rules are rules. I almost never have to call the office anyway — you call the network’s central line to make appointments, not the office directly — but I figure if she ever answers, I’ll simply say, “It’s [My Name],” and wait for her to put someone else on the line.
There comes a day where I call the office with some questions for my doctor about a course of treatment I recently began. A female voice I don’t recognize at all answers.
Assistant: “Thank you for calling [Office]. We’re on a recorded line. How may I help you?”
Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. I saw [Doctor] earlier this week and just had some questions for her about [treatment].”
Assistant: “[My Name], it’s [Sister].”
Me: *Stunned* “Oh! I’m sorry, I—”
Assistant: “Here, let me get [Coworker].”
Another employee took care of me. For the record, the health issue was neither embarrassing nor something I hadn’t already told my sister about in typical family conversation.
When we hung up, I texted my sister, “I’m so sorry! I know you can’t help me, and had I known, I would’ve waited for you to get someone else, but I swear, I had no idea that was you! Your voice sounded so much deeper and more mature.”
When she was free, she simply texted back, “Customer service voice.”
Inject A Little Patience For Your Patients
Florida, Instant Karma, Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | January 24, 2021
I have an injectable maintenance medication which is administered every three months. Once I began nursing school and was signed off on injection administration, my doctor said it was stupid to have me come into the office to get this medication administered since I routinely did it for others as part of my clinicals. I was ordered to call in with the date, location given, and lot/expiration date. For three years, I did not have any issues doing this. That is, until the doctor hired a new nurse.
I call in.
Me: “Hi, this is [My Name], born [Date Of Birth]. I’m calling in with the information on my injection.”
Nurse: “What do you mean, ‘calling in with the information’?”
Me: “Oh, the doc allows me to self-administer at home and call the information in.”
The nurse goes BALLISTIC.
Nurse: “What the h*** do you mean self-administer?! You aren’t allowed to do that! You must come in to have a nurse give that! I’m going to report you to the doctor and he’s going to fire you as a patient.”
Me: “I’m a nurse. I literally work in the building next door to your office. [Doctor] thinks it’s stupid for me to come in for this. It wastes my time and your office’s time.”
Nurse: “Don’t you lie to me, girlie!”
She continued screaming at me.
At this, I’d had enough and told her I was hanging up. I went to work early the next day to go speak to the nurse manager for that office. I was informed that it wasn’t an issue any longer as the doctor had heard her screaming at me. He waited and then informed her that I was indeed a fellow nurse and he didn’t allow his nurses to treat patients or fellow colleagues like that.
A nurse I work with told me about watching security unceremoniously removing a nurse from the building next door the previous day.
It’s not often that instant Karma occurs, but when it does, it’s glorious.
Good Thing Bad Parenting Isn’t Contagious
Health & Body, Lazy/Unhelpful, Parents/Guardians, School, USA | Healthy | January 23, 2021
I work for a school for students with special needs. Most of the parents are great, but some are idiots.
I am working in a first-grade classroom. One of the teachers takes one of the kids to the bathroom while I am helping the other teacher hand out breakfast. We suddenly hear a small scream, and the teacher comes out, holding the kid under the armpits.
Teacher: “He’s got ringworm! Get him to the nurse, quick!”
I grab the kid and take him to the nurse’s office, which is a closed-off area of the main admin office. The nurse is just about to go on her medication rounds but quickly checks the student, confirming it is ringworm, and goes to call his mother. It’s a small office so I hear the whole conversation while I keep the kid entertained.
Nurse: “Hello, [Mother], we just discovered that your son has ringworm. Could you please come get him?”
Mother: “Yes, I know. I saw it this morning.”
Nurse: “Excuse me?!”
Mother: “I put a bandaid on it. Didn’t you see?”
Nurse: “Ma’am, you cannot cure ringworm with a bandaid. You need to pick up your son and bring him home. He cannot return to school until a doctor confirms that the ringworm is gone.”
Mother: “I’m at work.”
Nurse: “You still need to come pick him up and take him home. How soon can you be here?”
Mother: “I’m at work; I can’t get him. He has to stay there for today.”
Nurse: “No, you need to pick him up. He has a contagious fungal infection and cannot stay here!”
Mother: “I’m at work.” *Hangs up*
The nurse turns back to me in shock.
Nurse: “Can you believe this?!”
Me: “Yes, but good news: she doesn’t work. She brings [Student] a hot lunch every day, so she’ll be here in a few hours.”
The nurse just looks at me, incredulous, but then goes out to the secretary and talks to her before coming back in and filling me in on the plan. She then leaves for her rounds, leaving me to watch the student and keep him isolated.
After two hours, when it’s almost time for our class’s lunchtime, the student’s mother drives up. The nurse has just returned, and she and the secretary leap into action.
The secretary lets the mother in but then stands by the door to the outside. The nurse comes out of her office, leading the student. I stand by the door leading into the school, blocking anyone from getting in.
The nurse marches up to the mother, who is dressed in a T-shirt, yoga pants, and flip-flops — definitely NOT a working uniform — and holds the student out to her.
Nurse: “Your son has a fungal infection that is contagious via skin contact and he cannot return here until you have a doctor’s note stating that the infection is one-hundred percent cleared up. It will be at least a week. Make sure your doctor includes a phone number because I will be calling to check and be sure [Student] was cleared. You may go now.”
The mother silently took her son and exited via the door the secretary was holding open for her. The student did return fully healed, but she never tried to pull that trick again!
Order Matters Word!
Funny, Medical Office, USA, Wordplay | Healthy | January 22, 2021
Our electronic medical records program has a screen where we fill in details regarding prescriptions and it puts together the sig from that information. Sometimes the providers don’t pay attention to the output. Here’s an actual prescription I caught that had been sent several times before I did:
Prescription: “Take one tablet to make it easier to urinate orally, once a day.”
I’m sure the pharmacists got a laugh every few months when that came through!
Taking “Sharing Is Caring” To Another Level
Awesome, Children, Hospital, Inspirational, Maryland, USA | Healthy | January 21, 2021
About a decade ago, I decided to donate my kidney as a non-directed donor, meaning I didn’t know the person who would get the kidney; the hospital picked him. Knowing that I volunteered with children and had a real soft spot for them, the hospital recommended a twenty-two-month-old child as the person to receive the kidney.
The surgery went fine and I got to meet the child for the first time a month after the surgery. I thought this would be the only time I would meet the child.
A number of years later, I get a surprise call from the pediatric department of the hospital where I donated. They are doing a reunion party where they get together kidney donors and kidney recipients, and they want to know if I would like to attend. Excited at the chance to meet the child again, I agree to attend.
When they finally arrive at the party, while their mother is busy signing in, the boy and his twin brother wander into the party and apparently recognize me. The one that I actually donated the kidney to is a bit shy at first about meeting me, not so much his brother.
Twin Brother: “Are you the one that gave my brother the kidney?”
Me: “Yes, I was.”
Without saying anything else, he runs up to me and gives me a gigantic hug.
Twin Brother: “Thank you!”
His brother seems a bit unsure how he is supposed to interact with his kidney donor at first, but I have enough experience with kids that I am able to get him to open up soon enough. Eventually, the brothers are excitedly dragging me around to face painting and all the other activities they have for the party.
Boy: “Where did you get the extra kidney from?”
Me: “Everyone is born with two kidneys, but we only really need one, so they took my left kidney out of me and put it in you, and I keep using my right kidney.”
Boy: “How did they get it out?”
Me: “They cut a hole in my belly button and then stuck a machine in through it which they used to cut my kidney out and pull it out through my belly button. Then they did the same thing to you to put the kidney into you.”
Brother: “Did it hurt?”
Me: “They put me asleep when they cut the kidney out, so I didn’t feel anything then. It did hurt a few days after, but it got much better after the third day. It was worth it to help.”
Kid: “Oh.”
The kid stands there, clearly thinking about that for a few more seconds.
Kid: “Thank you.”
By the end of the party, both twins were asking if I could come visit them again. Since I love kids anyway, I told them I’d be willing to, but I didn’t want to impose, so I told them I could only if their mother wanted to invite me. I heard the kids tell their mother that they wanted me to visit, but I never did get an invite to visit them from her. It’s been many years since then, but I hope, wherever they are, both kids are still as happy and healthy as they were the last time we met.
Wrap This Person In Bubble Wrap!
Australia, Bizarre, Fast Food, Health & Body | Healthy | January 21, 2021
CONTENT WARNING: Major Injury
I am accident-prone. I mean, REALLY accident-prone. I have broken most of the bones in my body at least once — some, in the case of my nose and fingers, multiple times. I have screws and plates all through my body. There’s nothing wrong with my bones, either, if you need further proof of what a disaster magnet I am.
In the highlights of my list of “big injuries”:
I was hit by a drunk driver and dragged two blocks when I was eight years old. It took me months to learn how to walk again. I fell down a set of stairs in high school and broke both my legs. I was ADJACENT to a car crash as a pedestrian and had all my ribs broken by a flying tyre. I was attacked by a pack of dogs when I was a toddler that somehow got past two locked six-foot gates. I was the only one injured when my first workplace burned down, despite being one of the first out the door. I was standing in the evacuation area with thirteen other people when the gas canister exploded, and guess who was the only person hit with glass and shrapnel? Me.
I am not exaggerating the disaster magnet thing. My husband is well versed in emergency rooms and surgery waiting areas.
I start working at a fast food place. My husband waits for the inevitable call that I have been horrifically burned by the fryer or somehow run over in the drive-thru.
One night, I’m working overnight. My husband is peacefully sleeping when he gets a call from my manager. He groggily answers the phone.
Husband: “Hello?”
Manager: “Hey, man. Um, [My Name] has just left here in an ambulance. She asked me to ask you to meet her at the hospital and bring her emergency bag?”
My husband gets out of bed and starts to grab my always packed emergency bag.
Husband: “Yep, on it, mate. Hey, what happened?”
Manager: “She, uh… She broke her hip.”
Husband: *Pause* “I gotta say, out of everything I expected, that wasn’t it.”
Yep. I had slipped on a puddle of grease and slid the exact wrong way with my leg twisted. It had dislocated, and then I landed on it full force and rolled. After surgery and rehab, I was okay, but my husband LOVES to tell people I broke my hip flipping burgers.
The Special Circumstances Are That This Nurse Is A Jerk
Bad Behavior, Illinois, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | January 20, 2021
My youngest has a form of club footing. We have been seeing a wonderful doctor, but he has moved states. We want to keep seeing him but need special permission from our insurance sent by her pediatrician. I call the office and talk to the head nurse.
Me: “My daughter’s orthopedist has moved states, but we want to keep seeing him. I talked to my insurance, and they claim that if my pediatrician sends in a ‘special circumstances’ form that they will waive the out-of-network fee. Can you please do that?”
Head Nurse: “Sure. We’ll send in for the special preauthorization today.” *Hangs up*
Ten days later, the preauthorization paperwork comes in the mail, and I instantly see a problem. I call the insurance company to see if it was an oversight on their end.
Representative: “Thank you for calling [Insurance Company]; I’m [Representative]. How may I assist you today?”
Me: “I just got my preauthorization to continue seeing my orthopedist of choice, but there’s an issue. It says his previous place of employment, and he moved states. I was just checking to see if it was an oversight.”
Representative: “Oh, I see. Can you please verify your identification so I can proceed?”
Me: “Certainly.”
I complete the three-step verification.
Representative: “I see what happened. Your pediatrician’s office didn’t fill out the proper paperwork. I’ll send it over to them so it can be corrected. Is there anything else I can assist with?”
Me: “Only for you to have a fantastic day. You have assisted me wonderfully, thank you.” *Hangs up*
Five days later, the head nurse calls me and immediately has an attitude that I would classify as an annoyed parent talking to a toddler.
Head Nurse: “[My Name]? This is [Head Nurse]. We received some paperwork to fill out from your insurance stating that you want special circumstance paperwork filled out to keep seeing your orthopedist. Care to explain that to me?”
Me: “Yes. As I said two weeks ago, our preferred orthopedist moved from his previous office to another one in a different state. He did a great job with her first surgery, and we want to keep him for her subsequent surgeries. The only way that can happen is if you guys fill out the paperwork that was sent to you.”
Head Nurse: “You most certainly did not tell me anything like that two weeks ago. There are perfectly okay doctors that can handle her ‘issues’.”
When she says, “issues,” she changes her tone to sound more sarcastic.
Me: “I understand that they’re okay, but if I move to another orthopedist, then we have to again have a preliminary visit and brace trial and error before her next surgery, which could take months again. If you fill that paperwork out, I can get her the much-needed surgery within the month. Her orthopedist is just sitting on go for the paperwork to be sent in. Please, can you have the doctor fill out the paperwork so she isn’t forced to wait unnecessarily for the surgery that will let her finally walk after years of her crawling only?!”
Head Nurse: “I will not send this paperwork for the doctor to fill out. The preauthorization you already have will work just fine for a doctor at the office you’ve been accepted to. You don’t need to see him just because you feel like it.”
Me: “I am not going to accept a ‘just okay’ doctor when my current orthopedist knows her issues well and is ready to do the surgery. If you don’t understand why it frustrates me that you won’t have the doctor sign the paperwork, and you’re forcing her months longer of just crawling, then I’ll make an appointment to see the pediatrician to have her fill the form out.”
Head Nurse: “I’m sorry that you don’t understand me. I will have the form shredded before the appointment and a call in to the insurance company that you changed your mind. With my call, you will be ineligible for another ‘special circumstances’ form for twelve months. Goodbye.”
Yes, she did put in to the insurance that I didn’t want the original orthopedist, so it’d be 100% out of pocket, upwards of $500,000, and I couldn’t get another form for twelve months. I reported her for her unprofessionalism, but nothing seems to have come from it; she was there when I brought my other child to her check-up. Joke’s on her, though; I got accepted at the leading non-profit hospital and don’t have to go through that office for pre-authorization again. I also don’t have to go through the rigorous multiple appointments and brace attempts before surgery.
Won’t Be Stuck Here For Long
Health & Body, Kind Strangers, Medical Office, New Jersey, Stupid, USA | Healthy | January 19, 2021
I am newly divorced. I am also quite stubborn and make a decent attempt at home repairs on my own. This is not one of my shining moments.
I attempt to fix a leaking pipe under a sink using my hot glue gun. Don’t ask. I make a serious error in judgment and end up with hot melted glue completely covering my index finger and partially covering the middle and ring fingers of my right hand. The pain is immediate and intense. I quickly get ice and water in a glass and dunk my fingers into it. It is the only thing that stops the pain. I cannot pull the thick layer of glue off my fingers without perhaps removing a layer of skin. I quickly call my private physician’s office and explain what happened and that I was on my way. They encourage me to visit the emergency room at the hospital, but I tell them that I much prefer to see my physician individually.
I drive myself — manual transmission with my fingers still dipped in the ice water — to my doctor, who is luckily only five minutes away. When I walk into the waiting room, it is packed. As I do not have an appointment, I know I am in for quite a wait. I check in and sit down. Within about ten minutes, the ice in my glass melts and the water quickly becomes room temperature. The horrible pain returns. I go to the receptionist.
Me: “Excuse me. I have some rather bad burns on my fingers. Can you get me some ice for my water?”
Receptionist: “Sure will.”
She returns with three small ice cubes. I know it is not going to last long, but I accept what I can get. Unfortunately, it only takes a few minutes before that ice also melted. Not wanting to be a bother, I resign myself to the pain. Within five minutes, it is overwhelming. As a purely physical reaction, I lean over in my chair between my legs and start rocking back and forth over the floor.
After a few minutes of watching me do this, a man in the waiting room apparently has enough. He approaches the receptionist.
Man: “Ma’am, you need to get this young lady back to see the doctor immediately. She is in obvious pain, and she needs to jump the line.”
Woman: *From her chair* “Yes, please get her back to the doctor right away.”
The rest of the waiting room chimed in agreement. A nurse came within moments and brought me to an exam room. The doctor gave me some pain medication. As I sat, the water softened my skin and I was slowly able to peel the glue off without causing further damage. I ended up with serious second-degree burns to my three fingers. It took weeks to heal completely but eventually did. Fortunately, the worst of the pain subsided within a few hours.
I am still thankful to those kind strangers who allowed me to jump in front of their appointments. They may never know how much they helped me that day.
We Think We May Actually Be Speechless
Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Minnesota, Optometrist/Optician, USA | Healthy | January 18, 2021
I’m having my first eye test in a few years and the doctor gives me the colorblind test to flip through. I surprisingly stumble on a few of them, and my wife comments that she’s noticed I tend to confuse certain colors.
Doctor: “You’re not fully colorblind, but you do have something there. Probably a muted form inherited from your father. Does he have trouble with colors?”
Me: “Not that I know of, but he doesn’t really—”
Doctor: *Interrupting me* “Oh, then he’s not your father because you’re definitely a little colorblind. Women have to inherit the gene from both parents. I wonder who your real father is.”
Me: “Did you really just say that to me?”
It turned out that I have tritanomaly, which can come from a blow to the head — and I was bucked off a few horses in my life — OR can be inherited if both your parents at least carry the gene as it’s a mutation. So, it turns out that it IS possible for a non-colorblind man to father a colorblind(ish) daughter!
The Whole Head Will Have To Go
Dentist, Georgia, USA, Wordplay | Healthy | January 16, 2021
I’m at the dentist having some work done. The dentist has just placed a permanent crown in and is attempting to floss around it. Unfortunately, the floss keeps getting stuck because of the cement. He asks his assistant to hand him a tool to help and it isn’t exactly one I was expecting.
Dentist: “Pass me the saw.”
I’m surprised and try to figure out if I heard right.
Dentist: “It has what looks like little saw teeth on it.”
Nope, I definitely heard right. Once she handed it to him, I could see that it was a very thin, flexible piece of metal with tiny teeth. It reminded me of a band saw blade. He used it to go between the crown and the tooth next to it to break up the excess cement. It worked perfectly, but it was not something I considered a dentist having.
Russian To Ridiculous Conclusions
Criminal & Illegal, Editors' Choice, Jerk, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | January 13, 2021
I work at a healthcare clinic as a receptionist. Due to HIPAA policies, whenever I call a client, I have to confirm I am actually speaking to the client. If I am speaking to someone else, I am not allowed to disclose the reason I am calling. I typically say something generic like, “This is the doctor’s office.” This doesn’t always soothe people’s curiosities, though.
Me: “Hello, is [Client] there?”
Caller: “No, she is busy.”
Me: “Okay. This is the doctor’s office. Can you ask her to call us back?”
Caller: “The doctor’s? Which doctor?”
Me: “I am not allowed to say. Can I leave a callback number?”
Caller: “You’re not allowed to say? What is this? Russia?”
I guess following the federal American law of not giving away personal information is considered by some to be an act of Communism?
Leave The Diagnostics To The Pros
Coworkers, Health & Body, Prison, UK | Healthy | January 10, 2021
About two and a half years ago, I started working as a health care assistant in the local women’s prison.
All in all, it was an okay job. I got on with most of the women, especially those who would stop me to ask about my day or just tell me about the new photo their friends or family sent. The officers were nice, if a little dismissive of genuine health problems at times.
I left the job after almost two years, but I still work there sporadically to keep my hand in, so to speak. I am working today.
The day starts as normal: handover and then medication rounds.
My registered practitioner is late in, due to a prior agreement we were not made aware of, so we go to the prison wing and find out that the lone officer won’t have a second for an hour. We need two officers for meds: one to supervise the girls taking the meds and one to unlock and lock up.
No problem. We get some admin done.
Meds start, and all is going well until two girls end up in a verbal altercation and are restrained back to their cells.
We then change sides to do the other section of the wing on the other side of the building. It’s slow, but everyone gets medicated. Then, it’s just clean up and breakfast. It’s about 11:30.
Now, to clarify, as a member of healthcare, I am required to carry a radio. We take a call sign and respond to location updates and alarms. Most notable alarms are our emergency codes. Code Red is heavy bleeding. Think a bloodbath, sprayed on the walls type. Code Blue is unresponsive or not breathing.
For either of these, it’s not uncommon to see five staff members sprinting the length of the prison with a 15-kg bag in tow.
We get set up to go back to our office in the centre of the prison, when an alarm is sent across the radios, signalled by a near-deafening klaxon.
Control: “Code Blue, [MY WING]. Acknowledge [OFFICER AND GOVERNOR IN CHARGE]. Acknowledge [NURSE IN CHARGE].”
Safe to say I’m hauling this 15-kg bag down two flights of stairs whilst trying to locate the cell.
As I arrive, the officer in charge of that wing tells me the patient is fine.
Officer: “There’s nothing wrong with her.”
Either way, I entered and tried to rouse the woman, a known epileptic.
In the next thirty minutes, this woman suffered twenty-four witnessed seizures, each lasting between twenty and sixty seconds. She did not regain consciousness between, and she left for the hospital with the paramedics.
She returned later, self-discharged due to a fear of hospitals, but understandably tired and sore.
Testing The Students And Your Patience
Current Events, Health & Body, Parents/Guardians, School, Stupid, UK | Healthy | January 7, 2021
I am a receptionist at a secondary school. This happens during December 2020, when we have several students and staff contracting a well-known illness. Every day, more students are having to go home and isolate and MOST of them are doing their best to stick to the rules.
The phone rings.
Me: “Hello, [School]. How can I help?”
Caller: “Hi, I’m the mother of [Student]. I’ve just had her test result back and it’s positive.”
Me: “Okay, I’m sorry to hear that. Thanks for letting us know. Could I speak to [Student] to get a list of her close friends as they will need to self-isolate?”
Caller: “What do you mean? She’s not here; she’s in school.”
Me: “Excuse me? You sent her into school whilst waiting for her test result?!”
After spending a few seconds headdesking, I told the parent to come and pick up her child immediately and rushed up to collect them. I realise the rules are confusing, but the guidance — and common sense — is clear that if you are tested, you need to stay at home until you get your result!
Urine For A Really Confusing Time
Bizarre, Colorado, Medical Office, Patients, Strangers, USA | Healthy | January 6, 2021
I am an older man at the doctor’s office. I have just been shown into the examination room. I am sitting in a chair, glancing at a magazine, waiting for the doctor. Suddenly, this woman rushes in wearing an examination gown and promptly sits on the exam table. She looks at me.
Woman: “Well, get on with it! I’m in a hurry, you know!”
Me: “…”
Woman: “Put down that magazine and do your… whatever it is you do. Where’s your white coat? Aren’t you a doctor? What are you, a nurse? Maybe the janitor? Where’s my doctor? What are you doing in here? Where’re my clothes?”
Me: “Look, this is my—”
Woman: “Who are you? Get out of here! What are you, some kind of pervert?” *Loudly screaming* “HELP! I’m being attacked! Get out of here! HELP ME!”
A nurse rushes in.
Woman: “Help, this pervert is attacking me! Get him out of here!”
I am shocked and confused.
Me: “I was just sitting—”
Woman: “Where’re my clothes?! He stole my clothes! Get him out of here!”
Nurse: “Ma’am, you’re in the wrong—”
The woman starts screaming at the top of her voice.
Woman: “Get him out of here! HELP, POLICE!”
Nurse: *To me* “Please leave for a few minutes until I get this straightened out.”
I grabbed my coat and hat and ran out of the room and just stood in the hall, totally confused by what was going on, wondering if I was really in the wrong room.
The doctor and a couple of other nurses soon arrived and rushed into the room; the woman was still screaming, out of control. I wanted to just leave but was afraid that the woman’s false accusations of me attacking her could bring the police. My old PTSD was starting to kick in and I was frozen in place.
After what seemed like forever, the doctor came out, escorted me to another room, and shut the door. I didn’t know WHAT was going on. I was scared!
After a while, the doctor and two nurses came into my room and asked me what happened. I told them what I had seen and how it had affected me. They left for a while. Later, they came back and reported that the woman had been instructed to go to the restroom to give a urine sample and had returned to the wrong room, that they had gotten her calmed down, and that I was NOT in trouble. It was a simple misunderstanding. It sure wasn’t “simple” to me!
Trembling, I told them that I was just sitting there reading a magazine, that I never left my chair, and that I SURE had not assaulted her in any way. They said that they believed me and that the woman had agreed that I never got out of the chair until I left.
The doctor gave me a quick examination. My blood pressure was through the roof! He had me wait there and calm down and then asked if I would like to reschedule my appointment. I agreed, with the understanding that I would never again be scheduled at the same time as that woman.
I don’t know what happened to the woman, but I never want to see her again. I had to sit in my car for a while before I thought it safe to drive.
Some Bosses Have No Principals
Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, High School, Jerk, Missouri, Principal, USA | Healthy | January 4, 2021
I teach high school, and I am going through an unknown medical ailment for which I am undergoing a battery of tests. This happens over text, as I’m updating my principal as to what is going on.
Me: “I’ve just finished with my spinal tap. They said I can work, but I may end up with a debilitating headache, so would someone be able to cover my class if I need to go lay down for an hour? Or should I just take the day off?”
Boss: “It’s too hard to find a sub. If you need it, we will find someone to cover your class.”
A few hours later, I get a call from my doctor. I’m told to check myself into the ER based on the results of my spinal tap. I text the principal again.
Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t come in tomorrow after all. I’m currently at the hospital; my doctor told me to go to the ER immediately when he got the results of my spinal tap.”
Boss: “Seriously? You know how hard it is to find subs. You’ve put me in a very difficult spot here. When will you be back?”
Me: “I can’t tell you. I haven’t been told anything besides, ‘Check yourself into the ER,’ at this point. I’m guessing it’s going to be at least a couple of days.”
Boss: “I hope you know what a terrible inconvenience this is for us. You know we have a hard time getting subs, and especially at this late notice and without any information, it’s going to be difficult to cover your time off. You’ve already taken off a good portion of this year and now you’re taking off more time?”
I recently gave birth to my first child and took maternity leave. At this point, I’m sobbing, terrified of not knowing what’s medically wrong with me, and feeling terrible for having to take off because of my boss’s comments. It takes my husband an hour to calm me down.
For the record, I wound up in the hospital for nearly a week and went back to work with an IV still in my arm for continued treatment at home. I was not sad at all when I left after that year ended. And no, my boss never so much as asked me how I was doing at any point through the entire ordeal.
Making The Best Of Uncomfortable Situations
Awesome, Current Events, Employees, Massachusetts, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | January 1, 2021
My town has put together a free test site for the health crisis for residents. I heard that the morning was swamped. People were in line for hours. I have pre-registered and I go as soon as I get out of work. Fortunately, the lines have died down significantly, and I am the second car in my line.
Unfortunately, when I check in, they have just run out of tubes. I don’t have any plans for the rest of the evening, so I don’t mind waiting. We chat a bit about how the lines have been, it being a successful event, and whatnot. Not three minutes later, another worker drives our way with another box of tubes. The two check-in workers start cheering.
Worker #3 : “Here’s what I like to tell people. We don’t go in any further than you would when you pick your nose… and we both know you pick your nose.”
I burst out laughing. Thanks, test site workers! You sure know how to ease tension!
Scarlet Fever Once In An Azure Moon
Bizarre, Doctor/Physician, Florida, Hospital, USA | Healthy | December 30, 2020
I’m a nurse on a medical surgical floor. I have a new patient with an odd rash all over.
Doctor: “I’m stumped. I’ve put in a consult with infectious disease and dermatology. Have you ever seen anything like this?”
Me: “Well, yeah, but the patient isn’t a toddler.”
Doctor: “What does being a toddler have to do with anything?”
Me: “Well, if this patient was a toddler, I’d swear he had scarlet fever.”
Doctor: “Crap! I didn’t even think of that for a forty-something-year-old.”
Swabs came back positive for strep and yes, a forty-something-year-old can apparently get scarlet fever.
Hard To Remember Life In The Before Times
Arizona, Current Events, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | December 27, 2020
It’s Wednesday and I have been sick for a couple of days. I try to be seen at urgent care, but due to the health crisis, they have nothing available until Friday afternoon. I take the Friday slot. Since some of my symptoms could also be symptoms of the current spreading illness, I also schedule a free screening at a county test site on Thursday. I get the results on Friday morning before my urgent care visit.
An hour and a half after my slot, the provider is able to see me. I describe my symptoms.
Me: “I have a cough, sore throat, fatigue, and a little shortness of breath. I did get a [illness] test and it was negative.”
Provider: “It was negative?”
Me: “Yes, thankfully.”
Provider: “Then why are you here?”
Me: *Taken a little aback* “Because I’m sick?”
The provider finished the exam and diagnosed me with an upper respiratory infection.
A Very Thorough Bath
Assisted Living, Current Events, Editors' Choice, Funny, Health & Body, Patients, USA, Wordplay | Healthy | December 24, 2020
I have a friend who works in an assisted living facility; her job includes cleaning patients. One day, my friend was giving a sponge bath to a male patient when she heard him say something from under his mask.
Patient: “I think my testicles are black.”
She peeked under the towel.
Friend: “No, they look fine.”
She then proceeded to clean him and he continued to ask her about his testicles, and each time, she would respond by lifting the towel and reassuring him that they were fine.
Let’s Hope This Isn’t A Repeat Problem
Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pharmacy, Stupid, UK | Healthy | December 21, 2020
Our general practitioner sends any prescriptions straight to our local pharmacy for us to pick up. For repeat prescriptions, we pop the request into the GP and then the medications are ready for pickup three days later.
Today, I have a telephone appointment and my GP prescribes some medication to start taking straight away and sends the prescription over to the pharmacy. I dropped a repeat prescription request into the GP two days ago, but I know those meds should not be ready yet.
Me: “I’m here to pick up a prescription for [My Name].”
The pharmacist assistant checks the computer.
Pharmacist Assistant: “I’ve got a few different items on here for you. Did you put in a repeat?”
Me: “Yes, but I don’t mind if they’re not ready. I just need [medication].”
Pharmacist Assistant: “Did you see your GP today?”
Me: “Yes, I had an appointment about two hours ago; he said he’d send the prescription over.”
Pharmacist Assistant: “Okay, hold on.”
She goes to speak to the pharmacist.
Pharmacist: “[My Name]? Your repeat prescription has only just been sent to us. It takes three days.”
Me: “Yes, I know. I saw my GP today and he gave me [medication]; that’s what I need to pick up.”
Pharmacist: “We can’t issue your prescriptions today, I’m afraid. We haven’t processed them yet.”
Me: “I don’t want my repeat prescriptions today. I’ll come back for them. I just want [medication].”
Pharmacist: “Your repeat will be ready tomorrow. If you’d like to come back we can issue everything together.”
Me: “Look, I spoke to my GP today, he sent the prescription for [medication] today, and he wants me to start taking it today. Can I please just pick up [medication]?”
Pharmacist: “You don’t want to wait for the repeat to be ready?”
Me: “No. I want [medication]. I do not want to wait for the repeat. I will come back tomorrow for the repeat. I want [medication] today. Can I pick up [medication], just [medication], only [medication], right now? And I will pick up my repeat tomorrow!”
Pharmacist: “Uh… let me get that for you.”
A few minutes later, the assistant calls me over.
Pharmacist Assistant: “[My Name]? I’ve got a prescription for you here. Would you like to pick it up now or add it to your repeat for pickup tomorrow?”
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