Food for the body and soul

Fat People Deserve Better
Bigotry, California, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Lazy/Unhelpful, Los Angeles, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | February 18, 2021
I’m having chest pains after eating, and it finally becomes bad enough that I go to the doctor. I’m a rather tall 240 pounds. I’m sitting in the exam area waiting for someone to come in when the doctor walks in, looking at a chart.

Doctor: “Mr. [My Name], your problem is that you’re grossly… Wait. You’re 6’9″. I was going to say that you’re obese but you’re not, are you? I guess I’d better examine you.”

After actually examining me and talking to me, I get meds for GERD. But he sure was quick to dismiss me in the beginning.

There’s Strengthening Your Immune System And Then There’s This
Current Events, England, Ignoring & Inattentive, London, Medical Office, Nurses, UK, Volunteer | Healthy | February 17, 2021
I’m a volunteer marshall. I do anything required at a vaccination site to make things go smoothly, except preparing and giving the actual injections, though I have applied to be trained to do that, too!

The tested vaccine protocol for both vaccines currently on offer in the UK is two doses, three weeks apart. The government has decided to focus on getting as many people their first vaccination as soon as possible, so patients are being told to wait twelve weeks for their second vaccination. I was vaccinated three weeks ago, which means I am ready for a second shot, but I probably won’t be called before Easter; it’s the end of January now. However, I am working on the front line, so I will take it if they offer it to me. Before administering the vaccine, they ask a series of screening questions — allergies, are you well today, etc. — and one of them is, “Have you had a vaccination of any kind in the last seven days?”

I’ve arrived late for my shift at a site I haven’t visited before. I go to the check-in desk where patients go when they arrive to pick a fresh mask up before finding something to do.

I take a mask from a box on the table and indicate my hi-viz.

Me: “Thanks. I’m a volunteer; I have just arrived.”

Admin: “Great, just take a seat there.”

I sit in front of a nurse, thinking she is going to deploy me.

Nurse: “What’s your date of birth and NHS number?”

Me: “What’s happening here?!”

Nurse: “Don’t worry; I’m not going to give you an injection.”

Phew! She asks a few more questions and I see where this is going.

Me: “You are not going to give me an injection, but after this, someone else will?”

Nurse: “That’s right.”

Me: “I had the [Company #1 ] vaccine on the eighth.”

Nurse: “That’s fine; it’s more than seven days ago.”

Me: “What vaccine are you using today?”

Nurse: “[Company #2].”

Me: “But I had the [Company #1 ]!”

It took a few more moments to work it out. It had been a long day, and she had asked these questions a lot. There was much laughter as the people nearby had wondered why I kept saying [Company #1 ]! If I had been at the end of my shift and as much on autopilot as she was, I might have been an n=1 study of the effects of mixing two vaccines.

I guess it’s a reminder to own your own healthcare.

A Bad Idea For So Many Reasons
Coworkers, Laboratory, Rude & Risque, South Africa, Wordplay | Healthy | February 16, 2021
I’m training a colleague to work in a lab for rapidly spreading diseases. The standard operating procedures are slightly different than for some of the other germs we usually work with, including wearing extra Personal Protective Equipment on top of the usual kit. As we are about to exit…

Colleague: “I want to watch you disrobe.”

Me: “I think the word for PPE is ‘doff.’ ‘Disrobe’ sounds like we’re about to have sex.”

This Heart Attack Is A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Bad Behavior, Illinois, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | February 15, 2021
I get strep twice per year, every year. It never fails. It comes at different times, but twice a year it comes. I have unusual symptoms that aren’t typically linked to strep as it gets worse every time I get it.

I wake up one morning and sure enough, my head is throbbing and hot, I have the chills, my throat hurts slightly, and my stomach is cramping. My heart is also thumping pretty hard. My fiancé decides I need to go to the doctor, and I agree since it is that time again! Strep.

Not once have I had an issue with going to the doctor, telling them I have strep, and having them test and give me my prescription in under an hour. This time is different.

My fiancé has to drive me, and we can’t get a sitter so he and the kids are waiting for me in the car. I walk in and wait for about ten minutes before getting into a room. After about another ten minutes, a nurse comes in and, without saying a word, checks my blood pressure and heart rate.

Nurse: “Your heart is beating really fast.”

Me: “Yes, I know. I have a naturally fast heart rate, and I’m sick, which makes it beat faster. It’s normal for me.”

Nurse: “You’re going to have a heart attack. We need to run an EKG.”

Me: *Starting to panic* “Um, no, this is a normal heart rate for me. I just have strep throat; I’d like to be tested for that, please.”

Nurse: “No. You’re going to have a heart attack and die. You need an EKG now.”

She leaves the room. Now I am alone and completely freaking out. This has never happened to me before and I am in full panic mode. She comes back into the room with another nurse and a big machine trailing behind her.

Nurse: “Take off your shirt and bra.”

Me: “What? No, absolutely not!”

Nurse: “Take them off. You are having a heart attack and we need to do this test.”

She is hovering over me and glaring at me, and I’m crying at this point, scared out of my mind. The other nurse that came in rolls her eyes at me, and I am confused and still have no idea what’s going on. So, I follow her instructions, unclear on what else to do. She pushes me down and starts hooking up the wires attached to the machine, not explaining what they do or what the machine is. What happens to a person’s heart rate when they are panicking? It increases! After I spend a couple of minutes hooked up to the machine, the nurse clucks her tongue at me.

Nurse: “Yes, you are going to have a heart attack within the next twenty-four hours. All I can do for you is tell you to go home and wait for it. Chew some aspirin if you feel something coming on.”

I’m completely in tears and barely able to speak.

Me: “I— I still need the strep test. I just came in for strep. Please just give me the test. Strep is really bad for me. I need the antibiotics, please—”

Nurse: “Ugh, fine. Wait here.”

She leaves me in the room by myself having a panic attack for THIRTY minutes and comes back with the strep swab. It’s never hurt before, but she shoves it down my throat hard, which makes me cry harder.

Nurse: “Okay, your test is done, but it will probably be negative. Go home and put 911 into your phone; you’ll need it later!”

I left shaking and sobbing. When I got to the car, my fiancé was FURIOUS and offered to go in and cause a scene, but I was horribly upset and just wanted to go home. I did leave a nasty review for them and they contacted me two years later asking about what happened. TEN days later, I got a call with the results from the test. Guess what? Positive! And for some reason, they had sent my prescription to the wrong pharmacy an HOUR away. I never did go back, and I never had that heart attack!

Probably Something Like “Funny Meme Go Brrr”
Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Illinois, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | February 8, 2021
I’m at my yearly wellness visit. I’ve been having an eczema flare that is showing up on my eyelids. It has never shown up there before, so I figure I’ll ask my doctor what I can use on it. However, he’s decided that something on his laptop is more important than my appointment.

Doctor: *Staring at his laptop* “So, no concerns today?”

Me: “Uh, no. I do have one.”

Doctor: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “I think my main concern today is my eczema.”

Doctor: *Typing something* “Uh-huh.”

Me: “It’s showing up on my eyelids. It’s never done that before. Is that normal?”

Doctor: *Still typing* “Put some steroid cream on it.”

Me: “On my eyelids?!”

No response.

Me: “Are you listening to me?”

Doctor: *Looks up* “Did you say something?”

I sigh loudly.

Me: “I have eczema on my eyelids. It’s very itchy. What facial moisturizer do you recommend?”

Doctor: “You can use steroid cream on your eyelids.”

Me: “But the tube says not to.”

Doctor: *Starts typing again* “Steroid cream. It’ll clear it right up. Now, if we’re done here…”

I do not put steroid cream on my eyelids. I make an appointment with my eye doctor and tell him the issue.

Me: “…and I did bring it up to my primary care doctor, but all he said was to put steroid cream on it. It’s on my eyelids!”

My eye doctor literally drops his pen and notepad and stares at me.

Eye Doctor: “You didn’t actually put steroid cream on your eyelids, did you?!”

Me: “Of course not. The tube says not to.”

Eye Doctor: “Good. The eyelid skin is much too thin for that. I recommend an unscented facial moisturizer or hydrating eye cream. [Brand] is good for sensitive skin. Geez, what was your doctor thinking?!”

Me: “I have no idea.”

I have a new primary care doctor now.

By The Pricking Of My Thumbs, Something Hilarious This Way Comes
England, Funny, Hospital, London, Rude & Risque, UK, Wordplay | Healthy | February 4, 2021
Back in the 1960s, when I am a young man of seventeen going on eighteen, I work in the medical laboratory of the local teaching hospital. One of my regular jobs is to go round the wards collecting blood samples for pre-op testing.

I am in the day-room of the gynaecological ward collecting blood from twenty to thirty ladies. One of the younger ones is very obviously extremely nervous. One of the older ladies speaks up.

Older Lady: “Don’t worry about him, love; it’s only a little prick.”

I blushed the colour of a beetroot and suddenly everyone, except me, was much more relaxed.

A Stroke Of Brilliance
Date, England, Hospital, London, Stupid, UK | Healthy | February 2, 2021
After a transient event, I end up being investigated for stroke. I receive a letter from the neurology department about my next appointment.

Letter: “Unfortunately, we have had to change your outpatient clinic appointment. It was previously scheduled for 16 May at 15:00. We are very sorry we had to do this. Your new appointment is: Date: 16 May, Time: 15:00.”

And they are investigating ME for a stroke?

Seriously, it’s a good thing I hadn’t had one. I don’t know how someone struggling with a cognitive deficit might deal with this.

You’d Butter Forget Those Old Wives’ Tales
Advice, Doctor/Physician, Friends, Home, Illinois, Stupid, USA | Healthy | January 31, 2021
One Christmas Eve, when I was eleven, I decided to make myself some tea. I put a pan of water on the stove and tried to turn on the burner on our gas stove. The burner wasn’t igniting and so I moved the pan and bent over to check if the pilot went out. Just as I bent over, the burner flared to life and caught my hair and my ear on fire.

I panicked and ran screaming into our front room where my mom was visiting with a friend. My mom stood up and literally smacked the fire out with her hand.

Mom’s Friend: “Put butter on it!”

My mom ignored her and got a wet, cool washcloth for me to put on it.

Mom’s Friend: “[Mom], you should put butter on it.”

After about a minute, my mom took a look at my ear and made the decision to take me to the hospital.

Mom’s Friend: “She doesn’t need a hospital, just butter.”

No butter was used and we went to the hospital. I was seen fairly quickly and it turned out that I had second- and third-degree burns on my ear. Normally, they would want to admit someone with the burns I had, just to be safe, but since it was a holiday and I was a kid, they let me go home with some special burn cream and painkillers.

Before we left, my mom mentioned to the doctor how her friend kept telling her to put butter on the burn. He was aghast. He wrote a note on the paper they used for sick notes for my mom’s friend detailing why not to put butter on a burn. I was kind of out of it when I got home, so I don’t know if my mom ever gave her friend that note, but I don’t remember her ever saying to put butter on a burn again.

Third Nurse Is The Charm!
Ignoring & Inattentive, Illinois, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | January 30, 2021
This story is pre-health crisis. One morning, I wake up with a sore throat. I assume I have the beginning of a cold and go on with my day. However, the sore throat does not go away. It gets worse over a twenty-four-hour period to the point where I can hardly swallow, and I develop a fever. I call my doctor’s office because in the past, this has indicated strep, and I make sure to tell the receptionist this. They tell me to come in right away.

I do so, and they take me into an exam room. I’m met by a nurse I’ve never seen before. This is normal, as there’s a nursing college nearby, and my doctor gets a lot of their recent grads.

Nurse #1 : “Okay, we’re gonna do some bloodwork to check you for mono.”

Me: “Mono?”

Nurse #1 : “You have all the symptoms.”

Me: “I have a history of strep. Isn’t [Doctor] gonna check my throat?”

Nurse #1 : “We’re checking for mono.”

The nurse preps me for bloodwork. I am used to needles, as I have a chronic illness that requires frequent labs. However, this is a disaster. She attempts to stick me and misses the vein. Then, she starts digging around UNDER THE SKIN with the needle to attempt to hit the vein. I whimper.

Nurse #1 : “Not used to bloodwork?”

Me: “Oh, I get plenty of bloodwork. Check my chart. I’m not used to someone digging under my skin with a needle. Ow! Can you stop?! I don’t think you’re gonna find the vein that way!”

She finally pulls it out and bandages it up.

Nurse #1 : “I guess that vein wasn’t big enough! Let me get [Nurse #2 ].”

[Nurse #2 ], whom I’ve also never seen before, walks in, and with no warning, attempts to stick me in the same arm. She also misses the vein. She pulls the needle out of my arm and jabs me again in the same spot, harder. I shriek.

Me: “Ouch! Seriously?!”

Nurse #2 : “Have you ever had blood drawn before, sweetie?”

I shoot her a look.

Me: “I have [chronic illness], so I have labs twice a year. Did any of you look at my chart?”

Nurse #2 : “Oh. Your veins are very stubborn. Have they had trouble getting blood from you before?”

Me: “No. Never. Is there someone else that can help me?”

They get a third nurse, who has done my labs several times.

Nurse #3 : “Oh, hey, [My Name]. How’s it going?”

Me: “Bad.”

Nurse #2 : “Her veins are stubborn. What should we do?”

[Nurse #3 ] examines my arm and rolls her eyes.

Nurse #3 : “You stuck her three times in one arm?! The answer is obvious. Use her other arm, and don’t stab her, either! I heard her scream down the hall!”

She leaves, grumbling under her breath. Thankfully, they take her advice. [Nurse #1 ] and [Nurse #2 ] then decide to test me for the flu which, as many of us know, is a very long swab up the nose. And they JAM it up my nose. So, now my nose, arm, and throat are throbbing.

Me: “Hey, um, is [Doctor] gonna look at my throat at all?”

Nurse #1 : “He wants to start with this. Test results should be in tomorrow. You can go home now.”

I go home. The next day, I feel worse. The doctor’s office calls and says that both tests were negative.

Me: “Okay, but I’m still sick. Can I come back for a strep test?”

Nurse #2 : “[Doctor] says that if you’re still sick after ten days, call us. Then he’ll talk about an antibiotic.”

Me: “But I can barely swallow.”

Nurse #2 : “He said ten days.”

I live off soft foods, warm liquids, cough drops, and Aleve until day six when I can’t take it anymore. I can swallow a bit more, but I still have a high fever and my throat still hurts. I’ve also developed joint pain. I call the doctor back in tears. I finally get [Nurse #3 ], who apologizes and says she will speak with the doctor. She calls back a couple of hours later.

Nurse #3 : “Okay, [My Name], [Doctor] has recommended an antibiotic. I called it in and put a rush on it. I know you’re feeling pretty miserable and you’ve been waiting a long time. I’m so sorry about that. I’m not sure why they made you wait.”

Me: “Thank you!”

I felt A LOT better within a couple of days of starting the antibiotic.

His Frustration Level Is Rising…
Editors' Choice, Impossible Demands, Pharmacy, USA, Utah | Healthy | January 29, 2021
It’s a couple of days before New Year’s, and our pharmacy has a ton of requests to doctors from everyone trying to get their prescriptions refilled before the new year starts. My coworker is telling us about a phone call she’s just had with a patient.

Coworker #1 : “Oh, man, he was mad. He wanted a refill and the prescription is expired. We’ve already sent three or four requests to the doctor, but they haven’t responded yet. I don’t know what else he wanted me to do! I can’t make your doctor refill your [medication for erectile dysfunction]!”

Coworker #2 : “I guess his year isn’t going out with a bang!”

Nope, Still Terrifying
Bizarre, Dentist, Maryland, Patients, USA | Healthy | January 28, 2021
My wife has had some persistent issues with gum infections ever since having an extremely severe jaw injury. It was probably about as bad as a jaw could be injured. Despite this, she had relatively minor scarring, and many people do not immediately realize that she has major injuries just when looking at her.

The two of us go to the dentist together, each with our own appointments. I just have a basic cleaning, but my wife will be having a root canal done. The dentist, who we have been going to for years now, has a new assistant. She finishes with me fairly quickly, just in time to witness the dentist go straight from talking to drilling into my wife’s tooth, without the use of any anesthetic whatsoever.

She is immediately horrified. I think the dentist decides to mess with her a bit, as he just tells her:

Dentist: “[Wife] is pretty tough. She can handle it.”

My wife responded with a thumbs-up.

The dentist initially just went back to work, but relented after a few seconds and let the assistant know that my wife actually had no use for local anesthetic for this because she’s actually already completely numb. The root canal was in her lower jaw. The jaw has a nerve running through the bone on each side, and her injury had completely destroyed these nerves, leaving a complete lack of any sensation from her lower jaw including gums, lower lip, and part of her cheeks and chin.

The Uterus Knows All
Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Medical Office, USA, Utah | Healthy | January 27, 2021
When I was pregnant with my first child, I 100% knew that it was a girl, and she was, but had no idea with my second baby, who happened to be a boy. When I got pregnant with my third child, I was once again sure that it was a girl. We are living in a different city so this is my first experience with this particular doctor.

We go in to check for the baby’s sex.

Doctor: “Are we hoping for a girl or for a boy?”

Me: “I know this baby is a girl.”

Doctor: “Congratulations! It’s a boy!”

Me: “Nope.”

Doctor: “Um, what?”

Me: “I know that this is a girl.”

Doctor: “Noooo… it’s a boy. You can see why right here.”

Me: “No. It’s for sure a girl.”

The doctor has clearly never been in this situation before.

Doctor: “Um, well, I guess that could be the umbilical cord but I’m 97% sure that it isn’t.”

Me: “I’m sorry to challenge you, but I seriously know that this baby is a girl.”

Doctor: *Grumbling* “I guess we can wait a few weeks and do another ultrasound. But it will be a waste of time, for you and me.”

Me: “Let’s do that.”

Two weeks later, we went back and did another ultrasound. It was a girl. We didn’t use him for delivery. I couldn’t use a doctor who wouldn’t at least entertain the possibility that I was right.

Everyone Has Two Voice Settings: “Normal” And “Customer Service”
Medical Office, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Reception, Siblings, USA | Healthy | January 25, 2021
When I need to find a new primary care physician, my sister, who’s a medical assistant, strongly recommends one of the doctors she works for. I accept — and she turns out to be the greatest PCP I’ve ever had, but I digress.

I don’t know if this is the law or their office’s policy, but my sister explains to me from the beginning that she’s not allowed to have anything to do with my treatment; she can’t look at my chart, she can’t room me when I come in, she can’t talk to me on the phone, etc.

Okay, rules are rules. I almost never have to call the office anyway — you call the network’s central line to make appointments, not the office directly — but I figure if she ever answers, I’ll simply say, “It’s [My Name],” and wait for her to put someone else on the line.

There comes a day where I call the office with some questions for my doctor about a course of treatment I recently began. A female voice I don’t recognize at all answers.

Assistant: “Thank you for calling [Office]. We’re on a recorded line. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. I saw [Doctor] earlier this week and just had some questions for her about [treatment].”

Assistant: “[My Name], it’s [Sister].”

Me: *Stunned* “Oh! I’m sorry, I—”

Assistant: “Here, let me get [Coworker].”

Another employee took care of me. For the record, the health issue was neither embarrassing nor something I hadn’t already told my sister about in typical family conversation.

When we hung up, I texted my sister, “I’m so sorry! I know you can’t help me, and had I known, I would’ve waited for you to get someone else, but I swear, I had no idea that was you! Your voice sounded so much deeper and more mature.”

When she was free, she simply texted back, “Customer service voice.”

And now I know what voice to listen for!

Inject A Little Patience For Your Patients
Florida, Instant Karma, Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | January 24, 2021
I have an injectable maintenance medication which is administered every three months. Once I began nursing school and was signed off on injection administration, my doctor said it was stupid to have me come into the office to get this medication administered since I routinely did it for others as part of my clinicals. I was ordered to call in with the date, location given, and lot/expiration date. For three years, I did not have any issues doing this. That is, until the doctor hired a new nurse.

I call in.

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name], born [Date Of Birth]. I’m calling in with the information on my injection.”

Nurse: “What do you mean, ‘calling in with the information’?”

Me: “Oh, the doc allows me to self-administer at home and call the information in.”

The nurse goes BALLISTIC.

Nurse: “What the h*** do you mean self-administer?! You aren’t allowed to do that! You must come in to have a nurse give that! I’m going to report you to the doctor and he’s going to fire you as a patient.”

Me: “I’m a nurse. I literally work in the building next door to your office. [Doctor] thinks it’s stupid for me to come in for this. It wastes my time and your office’s time.”

Nurse: “Don’t you lie to me, girlie!”

She continued screaming at me.

At this, I’d had enough and told her I was hanging up. I went to work early the next day to go speak to the nurse manager for that office. I was informed that it wasn’t an issue any longer as the doctor had heard her screaming at me. He waited and then informed her that I was indeed a fellow nurse and he didn’t allow his nurses to treat patients or fellow colleagues like that.

A nurse I work with told me about watching security unceremoniously removing a nurse from the building next door the previous day.

It’s not often that instant Karma occurs, but when it does, it’s glorious.

Good Thing Bad Parenting Isn’t Contagious
Health & Body, Lazy/Unhelpful, Parents/Guardians, School, USA | Healthy | January 23, 2021
I work for a school for students with special needs. Most of the parents are great, but some are idiots.

I am working in a first-grade classroom. One of the teachers takes one of the kids to the bathroom while I am helping the other teacher hand out breakfast. We suddenly hear a small scream, and the teacher comes out, holding the kid under the armpits.

Teacher: “He’s got ringworm! Get him to the nurse, quick!”

I grab the kid and take him to the nurse’s office, which is a closed-off area of the main admin office. The nurse is just about to go on her medication rounds but quickly checks the student, confirming it is ringworm, and goes to call his mother. It’s a small office so I hear the whole conversation while I keep the kid entertained.

Nurse: “Hello, [Mother], we just discovered that your son has ringworm. Could you please come get him?”

Mother: “Yes, I know. I saw it this morning.”

Nurse: “Excuse me?!”

Mother: “I put a bandaid on it. Didn’t you see?”

Nurse: “Ma’am, you cannot cure ringworm with a bandaid. You need to pick up your son and bring him home. He cannot return to school until a doctor confirms that the ringworm is gone.”

Mother: “I’m at work.”

Nurse: “You still need to come pick him up and take him home. How soon can you be here?”

Mother: “I’m at work; I can’t get him. He has to stay there for today.”

Nurse: “No, you need to pick him up. He has a contagious fungal infection and cannot stay here!”

Mother: “I’m at work.” *Hangs up*

The nurse turns back to me in shock.

Nurse: “Can you believe this?!”

Me: “Yes, but good news: she doesn’t work. She brings [Student] a hot lunch every day, so she’ll be here in a few hours.”

The nurse just looks at me, incredulous, but then goes out to the secretary and talks to her before coming back in and filling me in on the plan. She then leaves for her rounds, leaving me to watch the student and keep him isolated.

After two hours, when it’s almost time for our class’s lunchtime, the student’s mother drives up. The nurse has just returned, and she and the secretary leap into action.

The secretary lets the mother in but then stands by the door to the outside. The nurse comes out of her office, leading the student. I stand by the door leading into the school, blocking anyone from getting in.

The nurse marches up to the mother, who is dressed in a T-shirt, yoga pants, and flip-flops — definitely NOT a working uniform — and holds the student out to her.

Nurse: “Your son has a fungal infection that is contagious via skin contact and he cannot return here until you have a doctor’s note stating that the infection is one-hundred percent cleared up. It will be at least a week. Make sure your doctor includes a phone number because I will be calling to check and be sure [Student] was cleared. You may go now.”

The mother silently took her son and exited via the door the secretary was holding open for her. The student did return fully healed, but she never tried to pull that trick again!

Good Thing Bad Parenting Isn’t Contagious
Health & Body, Lazy/Unhelpful, Parents/Guardians, School, USA | Healthy | January 23, 2021
I work for a school for students with special needs. Most of the parents are great, but some are idiots.

I am working in a first-grade classroom. One of the teachers takes one of the kids to the bathroom while I am helping the other teacher hand out breakfast. We suddenly hear a small scream, and the teacher comes out, holding the kid under the armpits.

Teacher: “He’s got ringworm! Get him to the nurse, quick!”

I grab the kid and take him to the nurse’s office, which is a closed-off area of the main admin office. The nurse is just about to go on her medication rounds but quickly checks the student, confirming it is ringworm, and goes to call his mother. It’s a small office so I hear the whole conversation while I keep the kid entertained.

Nurse: “Hello, [Mother], we just discovered that your son has ringworm. Could you please come get him?”

Mother: “Yes, I know. I saw it this morning.”

Nurse: “Excuse me?!”

Mother: “I put a bandaid on it. Didn’t you see?”

Nurse: “Ma’am, you cannot cure ringworm with a bandaid. You need to pick up your son and bring him home. He cannot return to school until a doctor confirms that the ringworm is gone.”

Mother: “I’m at work.”

Nurse: “You still need to come pick him up and take him home. How soon can you be here?”

Mother: “I’m at work; I can’t get him. He has to stay there for today.”

Nurse: “No, you need to pick him up. He has a contagious fungal infection and cannot stay here!”

Mother: “I’m at work.” *Hangs up*

The nurse turns back to me in shock.

Nurse: “Can you believe this?!”

Me: “Yes, but good news: she doesn’t work. She brings [Student] a hot lunch every day, so she’ll be here in a few hours.”

The nurse just looks at me, incredulous, but then goes out to the secretary and talks to her before coming back in and filling me in on the plan. She then leaves for her rounds, leaving me to watch the student and keep him isolated.

After two hours, when it’s almost time for our class’s lunchtime, the student’s mother drives up. The nurse has just returned, and she and the secretary leap into action.

The secretary lets the mother in but then stands by the door to the outside. The nurse comes out of her office, leading the student. I stand by the door leading into the school, blocking anyone from getting in.

The nurse marches up to the mother, who is dressed in a T-shirt, yoga pants, and flip-flops — definitely NOT a working uniform — and holds the student out to her.

Nurse: “Your son has a fungal infection that is contagious via skin contact and he cannot return here until you have a doctor’s note stating that the infection is one-hundred percent cleared up. It will be at least a week. Make sure your doctor includes a phone number because I will be calling to check and be sure [Student] was cleared. You may go now.”

The mother silently took her son and exited via the door the secretary was holding open for her. The student did return fully healed, but she never tried to pull that trick again!

Order Matters Word!
Funny, Medical Office, USA, Wordplay | Healthy | January 22, 2021
Our electronic medical records program has a screen where we fill in details regarding prescriptions and it puts together the sig from that information. Sometimes the providers don’t pay attention to the output. Here’s an actual prescription I caught that had been sent several times before I did:

Prescription: “Take one tablet to make it easier to urinate orally, once a day.”

I’m sure the pharmacists got a laugh every few months when that came through!

Taking “Sharing Is Caring” To Another Level
Awesome, Children, Hospital, Inspirational, Maryland, USA | Healthy | January 21, 2021
About a decade ago, I decided to donate my kidney as a non-directed donor, meaning I didn’t know the person who would get the kidney; the hospital picked him. Knowing that I volunteered with children and had a real soft spot for them, the hospital recommended a twenty-two-month-old child as the person to receive the kidney.

The surgery went fine and I got to meet the child for the first time a month after the surgery. I thought this would be the only time I would meet the child.

A number of years later, I get a surprise call from the pediatric department of the hospital where I donated. They are doing a reunion party where they get together kidney donors and kidney recipients, and they want to know if I would like to attend. Excited at the chance to meet the child again, I agree to attend.

When they finally arrive at the party, while their mother is busy signing in, the boy and his twin brother wander into the party and apparently recognize me. The one that I actually donated the kidney to is a bit shy at first about meeting me, not so much his brother.

Twin Brother: “Are you the one that gave my brother the kidney?”

Me: “Yes, I was.”

Without saying anything else, he runs up to me and gives me a gigantic hug.

Twin Brother: “Thank you!”

His brother seems a bit unsure how he is supposed to interact with his kidney donor at first, but I have enough experience with kids that I am able to get him to open up soon enough. Eventually, the brothers are excitedly dragging me around to face painting and all the other activities they have for the party.

Boy: “Where did you get the extra kidney from?”

Me: “Everyone is born with two kidneys, but we only really need one, so they took my left kidney out of me and put it in you, and I keep using my right kidney.”

Boy: “How did they get it out?”

Me: “They cut a hole in my belly button and then stuck a machine in through it which they used to cut my kidney out and pull it out through my belly button. Then they did the same thing to you to put the kidney into you.”

Brother: “Did it hurt?”

Me: “They put me asleep when they cut the kidney out, so I didn’t feel anything then. It did hurt a few days after, but it got much better after the third day. It was worth it to help.”

Kid: “Oh.”

The kid stands there, clearly thinking about that for a few more seconds.

Kid: “Thank you.”

By the end of the party, both twins were asking if I could come visit them again. Since I love kids anyway, I told them I’d be willing to, but I didn’t want to impose, so I told them I could only if their mother wanted to invite me. I heard the kids tell their mother that they wanted me to visit, but I never did get an invite to visit them from her. It’s been many years since then, but I hope, wherever they are, both kids are still as happy and healthy as they were the last time we met.

Wrap This Person In Bubble Wrap!
Australia, Bizarre, Fast Food, Health & Body | Healthy | January 21, 2021
CONTENT WARNING: Major Injury



I am accident-prone. I mean, REALLY accident-prone. I have broken most of the bones in my body at least once — some, in the case of my nose and fingers, multiple times. I have screws and plates all through my body. There’s nothing wrong with my bones, either, if you need further proof of what a disaster magnet I am.

In the highlights of my list of “big injuries”:

I was hit by a drunk driver and dragged two blocks when I was eight years old. It took me months to learn how to walk again. I fell down a set of stairs in high school and broke both my legs. I was ADJACENT to a car crash as a pedestrian and had all my ribs broken by a flying tyre. I was attacked by a pack of dogs when I was a toddler that somehow got past two locked six-foot gates. I was the only one injured when my first workplace burned down, despite being one of the first out the door. I was standing in the evacuation area with thirteen other people when the gas canister exploded, and guess who was the only person hit with glass and shrapnel? Me.

I am not exaggerating the disaster magnet thing. My husband is well versed in emergency rooms and surgery waiting areas.

I start working at a fast food place. My husband waits for the inevitable call that I have been horrifically burned by the fryer or somehow run over in the drive-thru.

One night, I’m working overnight. My husband is peacefully sleeping when he gets a call from my manager. He groggily answers the phone.

Husband: “Hello?”

Manager: “Hey, man. Um, [My Name] has just left here in an ambulance. She asked me to ask you to meet her at the hospital and bring her emergency bag?”

My husband gets out of bed and starts to grab my always packed emergency bag.

Husband: “Yep, on it, mate. Hey, what happened?”

Manager: “She, uh… She broke her hip.”

Husband: *Pause* “I gotta say, out of everything I expected, that wasn’t it.”

Yep. I had slipped on a puddle of grease and slid the exact wrong way with my leg twisted. It had dislocated, and then I landed on it full force and rolled. After surgery and rehab, I was okay, but my husband LOVES to tell people I broke my hip flipping burgers.

The Special Circumstances Are That This Nurse Is A Jerk
Bad Behavior, Illinois, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | January 20, 2021
My youngest has a form of club footing. We have been seeing a wonderful doctor, but he has moved states. We want to keep seeing him but need special permission from our insurance sent by her pediatrician. I call the office and talk to the head nurse.

Me: “My daughter’s orthopedist has moved states, but we want to keep seeing him. I talked to my insurance, and they claim that if my pediatrician sends in a ‘special circumstances’ form that they will waive the out-of-network fee. Can you please do that?”

Head Nurse: “Sure. We’ll send in for the special preauthorization today.” *Hangs up*

Ten days later, the preauthorization paperwork comes in the mail, and I instantly see a problem. I call the insurance company to see if it was an oversight on their end.

Representative: “Thank you for calling [Insurance Company]; I’m [Representative]. How may I assist you today?”

Me: “I just got my preauthorization to continue seeing my orthopedist of choice, but there’s an issue. It says his previous place of employment, and he moved states. I was just checking to see if it was an oversight.”

Representative: “Oh, I see. Can you please verify your identification so I can proceed?”

Me: “Certainly.”

I complete the three-step verification.

Representative: “I see what happened. Your pediatrician’s office didn’t fill out the proper paperwork. I’ll send it over to them so it can be corrected. Is there anything else I can assist with?”

Me: “Only for you to have a fantastic day. You have assisted me wonderfully, thank you.” *Hangs up*

Five days later, the head nurse calls me and immediately has an attitude that I would classify as an annoyed parent talking to a toddler.

Head Nurse: “[My Name]? This is [Head Nurse]. We received some paperwork to fill out from your insurance stating that you want special circumstance paperwork filled out to keep seeing your orthopedist. Care to explain that to me?”

Me: “Yes. As I said two weeks ago, our preferred orthopedist moved from his previous office to another one in a different state. He did a great job with her first surgery, and we want to keep him for her subsequent surgeries. The only way that can happen is if you guys fill out the paperwork that was sent to you.”

Head Nurse: “You most certainly did not tell me anything like that two weeks ago. There are perfectly okay doctors that can handle her ‘issues’.”

When she says, “issues,” she changes her tone to sound more sarcastic.

Me: “I understand that they’re okay, but if I move to another orthopedist, then we have to again have a preliminary visit and brace trial and error before her next surgery, which could take months again. If you fill that paperwork out, I can get her the much-needed surgery within the month. Her orthopedist is just sitting on go for the paperwork to be sent in. Please, can you have the doctor fill out the paperwork so she isn’t forced to wait unnecessarily for the surgery that will let her finally walk after years of her crawling only?!”

Head Nurse: “I will not send this paperwork for the doctor to fill out. The preauthorization you already have will work just fine for a doctor at the office you’ve been accepted to. You don’t need to see him just because you feel like it.”

Me: “I am not going to accept a ‘just okay’ doctor when my current orthopedist knows her issues well and is ready to do the surgery. If you don’t understand why it frustrates me that you won’t have the doctor sign the paperwork, and you’re forcing her months longer of just crawling, then I’ll make an appointment to see the pediatrician to have her fill the form out.”

Head Nurse: “I’m sorry that you don’t understand me. I will have the form shredded before the appointment and a call in to the insurance company that you changed your mind. With my call, you will be ineligible for another ‘special circumstances’ form for twelve months. Goodbye.”

Yes, she did put in to the insurance that I didn’t want the original orthopedist, so it’d be 100% out of pocket, upwards of $500,000, and I couldn’t get another form for twelve months. I reported her for her unprofessionalism, but nothing seems to have come from it; she was there when I brought my other child to her check-up. Joke’s on her, though; I got accepted at the leading non-profit hospital and don’t have to go through that office for pre-authorization again. I also don’t have to go through the rigorous multiple appointments and brace attempts before surgery.