During my freshman year in high school, my science teacher assigned us to interview people in the community about how they use science in their careers. Although I don’t remember most of the people I spoke with, I can tell you that I spent meaningful time with a local community pharmacist who changed my life.
What I saw was a man who loved his career and truly cared for his patients. In an instant, I knew that I wanted to become a pharmacist, and I never wavered from that goal throughout high school.
Knowing what you want to be when you grow up at age 14 is unusual, but it is very liberating. I simply had to work backwards to figure out how to achieve my goal of becoming a pharmacist.
After high school, I chose to attend Ohio Northern University (ONU) because it had a unique pharmacy program. Rather than attending college for 2 years and then applying to the pharmacy program, ONU students were admitted to the College of Pharmacy from day one.
Although it was expensive, being in pharmacy school from day one and avoiding the risk of rejection made it worthwhile for me.
In college, I spent a lot of time in the library. Although the classwork was difficult, I did well with one exception: organic chemistry.
I did fail organic chemistry—a notorious “weed out” course—but I successfully retook the class over the summer and graduated on time with the rest of my classmates. Failing a course is a difficult stumbling block, but I stood strong and persevered.
Today, I’m thankful for the wonderful pharmacy profession for so many reasons.
First, I’m thankful that community pharmacists are the health care professionals most accessible to the public. If my local pharmacist wasn’t accessible to me, then I likely would have taken a different career path.
Second, I’m proud of the work we pharmacists do, the diversity of our career options, and the relationships we share with our patients and fellow health care providers.
Pharmacy is a profession that makes a real difference in people’s lives. It certainly has made all the difference in mine.
Emergency Room, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Lazy/Unhelpful, Nurses, Pennsylvania, USA | Healthy | May 7, 2018
(I have the stomach flu, and have spent the night throwing up, with diarrhea. Dehydrated and in pain, I go to the emergency room. I’m trying to do something to distract myself from the pain, so I turn on the TV in the room. The channel buttons don’t work, so it’s stuck on a staged reality show that features a lot of yelling and fighting. The nurse comes in while it’s on commercial.)
Nurse: “Okay, you are so dehydrated the doctor wants you on IV fluids for a while before we run more tests. Oh, what are you watching? Oh, this show is so trashy; I can’t believe it. Who would watch a trashy show like this. Do you like this?”
Me: “It’s what was on.”
Nurse: “Oh, wow. I can’t believe how trashy this is.”
(She stops and turns to watch the TV, ignoring me. It isn’t until the next commercial break that she finally turns and puts the IV in my arm, then leaves without attaching the saline. I start dry-heaving again, and she comes back in to give me a bucket to throw up in.)
Nurse: “Didn’t I attach the saline? I must have been distracted by that trashy TV show you like. What are they doing now?”
(She watches until the end of the episode, while I deal with waves of nausea, then finally comes back with the saline drip.)
Nurse: “Oh, my God, it’s another episode! Are they running a marathon? Who watches this trash?”
(She fiddles with the saline drip for a while, while watching the TV, and then stands and watches until the next commercial break. As soon as she leaves, I turn off the TV. She comes back in a moment later with another nurse.)
Nurse #2 : “Why didn’t you start the anti-nausea medicine?”
Nurse: “I only just got the IV on her.”
(I was finally medicated, and as it kicked in, I drifted off into sleep. I was woken up by the TV being turned back on, and the nurse standing there watching it. She caught me watching and shook her head, muttering about the trashy show.)
Emergency Room, Extra Stupid, Hospital, Jerk, Kentucky, Patients, USA | Healthy | May 6, 2018
I work in a very large trauma ER, and we are very busy. I see a lot of weird things, but this one stands out.
A mother brings her 17-year-old daughter in for a “fever.” The registration clerk asks how high the fever is. Mom says, “100.” This is not really an emergency fever unless you have maybe an immune deficiency or are in cancer treatment.
The clerk asks how long she’s had the fever. Mom says, “Like, a day.” The pediatric ER is very busy that day, so they end up waiting about an hour. Halfway through, I look over into the waiting room. The daughter is on her phone, looking as healthy and happy as can be. Mom is nowhere to be seen, but since the daughter is an older teen, I don’t think much of it. Maybe she went to move the car or something.
Ten minutes later, the mom comes back… with fried chicken. They both proceed to eat chicken in the waiting room full of sick people until the daughter is called back. She is almost immediately discharged.
Bad Behavior, Dentist, Lazy/Unhelpful, Minnesota, Plymouth, USA | Healthy | May 5, 2018
(I am the patient in this story. After many, many years of not receiving dental treatment, I finally get good dental insurance and make an appointment with a dentist. After the x-rays come back, I have in total 14 cavities and severe sensitivity in a majority of my teeth, and I need one root canal. After many visits, I am finally down to the root canal. So far, for a majority of my appointments, the dentist has been rough, short-tempered, and pissy. I am on a time limit to get all this work done, so I just live with it. Sadly, my final appointment does not go well.)
Dentist: *jerks my head* “Oh, s***.”
Me: “Everything okay?”
Dentist: “We are going to have to stop here and send you to someone else.”
Me: “Why?”
Dentist: “I broke a drill bit in one of your roots.”
Me: “I am fine with being sent to someone else, but my insurance ends tomorrow; this root canal needs to be done.”
Dentist: “Don’t worry; it will be done. We are sending you to our specialist. He is really good at root canals.”
Me: *skeptical* “Okay, as long as it gets done.”
(Next day
Specialist Dentist: “I don’t know how they managed to break a bit in your root, but the good news is that it broke on the torque, so it sealed the root. We can leave it in and just finish the root canal.”
Me: “Fine, let’s just get this done.”
(Another hour later, as they finish drilling the rest of the roots…)
Specialist Dentist: “We are finished. Schedule your next appointment for the filling and the crown.”
Me: “Um, no, you need to fill this and put the crown on. My insurance ends today; I do not have $1,600 to pay out-of-pocket for this.”
Specialist Dentist: “We can’t finish this today; you’re not scheduled for that.”
(After that, they made me leave. It has been four months, and two of the fillings they did have fallen off, the tooth with the unfinished root canal has cracked, and the broken fillings have exposed nerves. I managed to scrape together enough money to fix one of the fillings, but the other broken filling is out of the budget, and so is the unfinished root canal. It’s pretty bad when a filling falls off while eating pancakes.)
Blood Donation, Ignoring & Inattentive, New Zealand | Healthy | May 2, 2018
(Due to having a serious illness as a kid, I’ve had countless numbers of blood tests. When I am old enough to donate blood, I do so willingly, but knowing that my veins are now difficult to find, I always request an experienced technician. This is on all my paperwork, for their benefit as well as mine. This is my fourth or fifth donation, so I know the drill fairly well. It usually takes 15 to 20 minutes.)
Head Technician: “So, I understand that you’ve got difficult veins! That’s not a problem, but I was wondering if you would mind if we get one of our senior technicians to have a practice with you? He’s requested some further experience on veins like yours. I’ll be watching him and with him the whole time.”
Me: “That sounds fine.”
(The head technician brings over a young man, and they prep everything accordingly. Then, at the point where he has to place the needle in, the head technician walks away!)
Young Tech: “Oops! Let me try again.”
(To my mildly-suppressed horror, he tries to find a vein five times!)
Me: “Um, is everything going okay?”
Young Tech: “Sorry, this won’t take too long. I’m just a bit nervous! Are you still okay?”
Me: “Um, yup, just do what you have to!”
(Trying to be helpful, I endure another ten minutes of him attempting to find the vein in my right arm, and missing every time.)
Young Tech: “It looks like this arm is useless, so I’m going to try your left arm!”
Me: “Um, okay?”
(The head technician wanders past and nods approvingly. The young tech gets my left arm set up. At this stage I’m not really into it, but feel like I’m committed, and I’m beginning to feel a little faint.)
Young Tech: “Here we go!”
(Here we do not go. After another twenty minutes of being used as a pin cushion, the young tech calls the head technician over.)
Head Technician: “Oh, well, it looks like we’ve exhausted both arms today! How much blood did we get?”
Young Tech & Me: “None.”
Head Technician: “Oh. Well, we can try again tomorrow!”
(As I am leaving, one of the nurses passes by and asked how things went. I explain, and she is aghast.)
Nurse: “It’s his first day!”
(I marched back to the head technician, who brushed off my concerns, even though all my paperwork said I had tricky veins and needed an experienced technician. The next day, I had deep blue bruises on both my arms from my mid-forearm to almost my armpit, which lead me to being spoken to by my managers about drug use. I didn’t go to give blood the next day!)
Awesome, Doctors, Illinois, Medical Office, Silly, USA | Healthy | April 30, 2018
(For the better part of the last decade, I have been to one specific OBGYN for all of my reproductive system’s many faults. He is a very short and stout man with a Slavic accent, the bedside manner of an angel, and the most wisea** sense of humor this side of the Mississippi. Here’s some of my favorite quotes from him over the years
OBGYN: *during my first pelvic examination* “Are you flexible? You surely are! I must have a Cirque Du Soleil star on my table!”
Me: “You know, most men buy me dinner first before asking me that!”
OBGYN: “Oh, honey, I couldn’t afford you.”
(The results of my first exam
OBGYN: *bursts into the room, waving a packet of papers around* “Good news! It’s all in your head!”
(I am diagnosed with Vaginismus, a condition that has both psychological triggers and a physical response, which has been carefully controlled since the diagnosis through therapy and physical therapy. I am just happy it doesn’t require surgery.)
OBGYN: *after a two-year lapse where I haven’t seen him since I’d moved* “You’re still alive?! Gosh darn, I must be doing my job too well!”
OBGYN: *after explaining my problems with birth control* “Oh, that just means your body hates estrogen. It’s not terribly uncommon for this reaction, but considering your other allergies, I think there’s one last thing we can try, and I’m very hopeful for it!”
OBGYN: *after that fails, rendering me unable to use all conceivable forms of birth control* “Well, we’re f***ed. Well, mostly you, although probably not as much as you used to anymore. I’m not helping, am I?”
OBGYN: *after I come in with a history of cyst ruptures* “Don’t worry! All we have to do is get you on some hormonal birth control, and it should clear those right… Oh, yeah. Oh. Well, have you ever considered traveling back in time and being born as a man?”
OBGYN: “Please quit coming in; you are making me actually work!”
OBGYN: “Have you ever considered becoming a nun? It might go better for you.”
OBGYN: “Look, I know a guy who knows a guy, and I could get you a new uterus set up, but apparently that’s illegal, so instead, let’s just try managing the crazy.”
OBGYN: *five years after my first exam with him* “You’re still flexible! I still can’t afford the dinner bill, though.”
(Considering all the horror stories I’ve heard about terrible OBGYN’s, I am so blessed to have this crazy Slavic man in charge of my health with his humor and knowledge!)
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I’m Your OBGYN; I’m Here All Week
Awesome, Doctors, Illinois, Medical Office, Silly, USA | Healthy | April 30, 2018
(For the better part of the last decade, I have been to one specific OBGYN for all of my reproductive system’s many faults. He is a very short and stout man with a Slavic accent, the bedside manner of an angel, and the most wisea** sense of humor this side of the Mississippi. Here’s some of my favorite quotes from him over the years
OBGYN: *during my first pelvic examination* “Are you flexible? You surely are! I must have a Cirque Du Soleil star on my table!”
Me: “You know, most men buy me dinner first before asking me that!”
OBGYN: “Oh, honey, I couldn’t afford you.”
(The results of my first exam
OBGYN: *bursts into the room, waving a packet of papers around* “Good news! It’s all in your head!”
(I am diagnosed with Vaginismus, a condition that has both psychological triggers and a physical response, which has been carefully controlled since the diagnosis through therapy and physical therapy. I am just happy it doesn’t require surgery.)
OBGYN: *after a two-year lapse where I haven’t seen him since I’d moved* “You’re still alive?! Gosh darn, I must be doing my job too well!”
OBGYN: *after explaining my problems with birth control* “Oh, that just means your body hates estrogen. It’s not terribly uncommon for this reaction, but considering your other allergies, I think there’s one last thing we can try, and I’m very hopeful for it!”
OBGYN: *after that fails, rendering me unable to use all conceivable forms of birth control* “Well, we’re f***ed. Well, mostly you, although probably not as much as you used to anymore. I’m not helping, am I?”
OBGYN: *after I come in with a history of cyst ruptures* “Don’t worry! All we have to do is get you on some hormonal birth control, and it should clear those right… Oh, yeah. Oh. Well, have you ever considered traveling back in time and being born as a man?”
OBGYN: “Please quit coming in; you are making me actually work!”
OBGYN: “Have you ever considered becoming a nun? It might go better for you.”
OBGYN: “Look, I know a guy who knows a guy, and I could get you a new uterus set up, but apparently that’s illegal, so instead, let’s just try managing the crazy.”
OBGYN: *five years after my first exam with him* “You’re still flexible! I still can’t afford the dinner bill, though.”
(Considering all the horror stories I’ve heard about terrible OBGYN’s, I am so blessed to have this crazy Slavic man in charge of my health with his humor and knowledge!)
Extra Stupid, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | | Healthy | May 12, 2018
Customer: “These things don’t work! They are hard to swallow and I nearly choked to death.”
Me: “Ma’am, they are suppositories. You don’t swallow them; you insert them rectally.”
Customer: “What does that mean?”
Me: “You unwrap them and insert them in your rectum.”
Customer: “What’s my rectum?”
Me: “Ma’am, please forgive me, but your rectum is your butthole.”
Customer: “Well, up yours, too!” *stalks off*
(This is not the first time someone misunderstood when we explained how to use a suppository. It’s the only time we can tell a patient, “Up yours,” and get away with it!)
Australia, Hospital, Jerk | Healthy | May 11, 2018
(I work in a busy maternity ward, and I’m constantly amazed at how many people will show up to visit someone who’s just given birth. Your ex-boyfriend’s best friend’s ex-girlfriend’s third cousin from grade school will show without batting an eyelid. The following exchange is unfortunately very common
Visitor: “Hi, I’m here to see Lisa Jones.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have anybody named Jones. Is there another name she might be using?”
(Even people who are married often book in under their maiden name, as a way of not getting too many visitors, and elderly people often assume the woman’s name is the same as her partner’s, even if they’re not married, because they can’t imagine letting the hospital know you’re having a baby out of wedlock!)
Visitor: “She must be here; she was only born this morning.”
Me: “Wait, is that the baby’s name? I need the mother’s name. She’s the patient. As the baby’s name isn’t registered yet, all babies are listed as ‘Baby of [Mother].’”
Visitor: “The father is Dick Jones.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I need the mother’s name; otherwise, I can’t help you.”
Visitor: “I think her name might be Ann.”
Me: “I honestly can’t help you if you don’t know her name.”
Visitor: “Couldn’t you just check the fathers’ and the babies’ names?”
Me: “We. Have. No. Record. Of their names. Only the mothers are admitted as patients.”
(At this point, even if there’s only one patient on the ward named Ann, and I KNOW that’s who you’re looking for, there’s no way you’re getting in to see her if YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HER NAME!)
Me: “Well, could you call her? Or the father? I’m sure he can tell you what name she’s using.”
Visitor: *doubtfully* “Well, I don’t really know him.”
(So, you don’t know the mother, as you, “think her name might be Ann,” and you don’t really know the father, usually a vague acquaintance such as, your partner plays football with him, and you maybe know the mother by sight, but you think it’s appropriate to come see her in the, hospital hours after she’s given birth?!)
Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Jerk, Medical Office, Patients, USA | Healthy | May 10, 2018
(It is important to note that every state in the USA has their own laws about eyeglass prescriptions. It is most common in Iowa for optometrists to write prescriptions that only last for one year, though they could write one that would be valid for up to two years. One day, I get this phone call.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Optometrist]’s Office. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”
Customer: “Yes, hello! I ordered a box of contacts from you guys about a month ago, for my son, and he says these ones aren’t working. He’s got blurry vision. I know the doctor changed his script a couple times and I just want to make sure the most recent one was ordered.”
Me: “Sure. I’ll pull his file and take a look. Please hold.”
(I go to have a look at the file and my heart sinks. It’s April, and this kid had his eye appointment last June. Kids tend to have a lot of changes in their vision thanks, in part, to hormones. Not only that, but he came back three times with the same complaint of his contacts not working. All of that was within thirty days of his appointment, so his script was finalized in July. And Mom waited to order… until March. I steel myself and pick up the phone.)
Me: “Thank you for holding, ma’am. It looks like the most recent prescription was what we ordered for your son. It is accurate.”
Customer: “Well, he can’t see out of them! Can you take this box back?”
Me: “Is the box unopened? We can do a refund for the box if it is, but we can’t take back an opened box for hygiene reasons.”
Customer: “Of course it’s opened! He’s been wearing them! But they are wrong now.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The order was placed correctly. We put the same strength that your son told us worked, and so there’s nothing we can do. At this point, he’s almost due for another eye exam, as it is.”
Customer: “So, you’re saying I’m just out, what, $75?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but yes. He saw the doctor last July, and it’s been almost a year. It’s possible his eyes have changed.”
Customer: “That’s just ridiculous! This is the worst service I’ve ever gotten. I’m never bringing him back to your office!”
(And she hung up on me. I’m sorry, but who waits eight months to order contacts and THEN complains? Next time, don’t wait so long!)
Charleston, Hospital, Revolting, USA, West Virginia | Healthy | May 9, 2018
(My parents and I are sitting in the ER waiting room, waiting for my mom’s test results to come back. It’s very early in the morning, and the waiting room is quite small, so the few of us in there are all within eyesight of each other, except one woman sitting on the other side of a pillar from us. We’ve been there for a few minutes when a nurse comes in, carrying an armload of cleaning supplies. She walks over to the woman behind the pillar.)
Nurse: “Where was that man sitting?”
Woman: “Oh, three chairs over from me.”
(You can see everyone in the room count three chairs over from this woman… where another woman happens to be sitting. As soon as she realizes this, she tenses up and the guy next to her recoils away. The nurse awkwardly approaches.)
Nurse: “I need to clean this chair. The man who was sitting there had an… um… accident in his pants.”
(She immediately gathered all of her stuff and moved chairs, whispering somewhat-panicked statements to her male companion about whatever it was she was sitting in without realizing. We were called back before her, but the rest of the time we were there, she was sitting on the edge of her new chair, trying to touch as little as possible. You know you’re having a bad day when you’re in the ER at 1:00 am and find out you’re sitting in a stranger’s “accident.”)
Bad Behavior, Dentist, Non-Dialogue, USA, Wisconsin | Healthy | May 8, 2018
When I was eight years old, my older sister’s school had an anti-drug campaign. She came home from school one day and lectured me to never, ever take drugs. I looked up to my sister, so I solemnly promised her I wouldn’t.
About a week later, my dad took me to the dentist to get some baby teeth pulled. I was alone in the room with the dentist while my dad was in the waiting room. The dentist told me he was giving me some analgesia. I asked what that meant, and he explained that it was a drug that would make me not feel any pain.
I told him, “No, no drugs,” and refused to let him near me with the analgesia. For some reason, he did not go out to the waiting room to confer with my dad. Instead, he went ahead and pulled three teeth from an eight-year-old girl without using analgesia or any pain relief.
After a few minutes of him pulling my teeth, the burglar alarm went off in the clinic. There was no break-in, though. Apparently, my screams of pain perfectly mimicked the sound of breaking glass, fooling the alarm system. We never went back to that clinic.
Emergency Room, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Lazy/Unhelpful, Nurses, Pennsylvania, USA | Healthy | May 7, 2018
(I have the stomach flu, and have spent the night throwing up, with diarrhea. Dehydrated and in pain, I go to the emergency room. I’m trying to do something to distract myself from the pain, so I turn on the TV in the room. The channel buttons don’t work, so it’s stuck on a staged reality show that features a lot of yelling and fighting. The nurse comes in while it’s on commercial.)
Nurse: “Okay, you are so dehydrated the doctor wants you on IV fluids for a while before we run more tests. Oh, what are you watching? Oh, this show is so trashy; I can’t believe it. Who would watch a trashy show like this. Do you like this?”
Me: “It’s what was on.”
Nurse: “Oh, wow. I can’t believe how trashy this is.”
(She stops and turns to watch the TV, ignoring me. It isn’t until the next commercial break that she finally turns and puts the IV in my arm, then leaves without attaching the saline. I start dry-heaving again, and she comes back in to give me a bucket to throw up in.)
Nurse: “Didn’t I attach the saline? I must have been distracted by that trashy TV show you like. What are they doing now?”
(She watches until the end of the episode, while I deal with waves of nausea, then finally comes back with the saline drip.)
Nurse: “Oh, my God, it’s another episode! Are they running a marathon? Who watches this trash?”
(She fiddles with the saline drip for a while, while watching the TV, and then stands and watches until the next commercial break. As soon as she leaves, I turn off the TV. She comes back in a moment later with another nurse.)
Nurse #2 : “Why didn’t you start the anti-nausea medicine?”
Nurse: “I only just got the IV on her.”
(I was finally medicated, and as it kicked in, I drifted off into sleep. I was woken up by the TV being turned back on, and the nurse standing there watching it. She caught me watching and shook her head, muttering about the trashy show.)
Emergency Room, Extra Stupid, Hospital, Jerk, Kentucky, Patients, USA | Healthy | May 6, 2018
I work in a very large trauma ER, and we are very busy. I see a lot of weird things, but this one stands out.
A mother brings her 17-year-old daughter in for a “fever.” The registration clerk asks how high the fever is. Mom says, “100.” This is not really an emergency fever unless you have maybe an immune deficiency or are in cancer treatment.
The clerk asks how long she’s had the fever. Mom says, “Like, a day.” The pediatric ER is very busy that day, so they end up waiting about an hour. Halfway through, I look over into the waiting room. The daughter is on her phone, looking as healthy and happy as can be. Mom is nowhere to be seen, but since the daughter is an older teen, I don’t think much of it. Maybe she went to move the car or something.
Ten minutes later, the mom comes back… with fried chicken. They both proceed to eat chicken in the waiting room full of sick people until the daughter is called back. She is almost immediately discharged.
Bad Behavior, Dentist, Lazy/Unhelpful, Minnesota, Plymouth, USA | Healthy | May 5, 2018
(I am the patient in this story. After many, many years of not receiving dental treatment, I finally get good dental insurance and make an appointment with a dentist. After the x-rays come back, I have in total 14 cavities and severe sensitivity in a majority of my teeth, and I need one root canal. After many visits, I am finally down to the root canal. So far, for a majority of my appointments, the dentist has been rough, short-tempered, and pissy. I am on a time limit to get all this work done, so I just live with it. Sadly, my final appointment does not go well.)
Dentist: *jerks my head* “Oh, s***.”
Me: “Everything okay?”
Dentist: “We are going to have to stop here and send you to someone else.”
Me: “Why?”
Dentist: “I broke a drill bit in one of your roots.”
Me: “I am fine with being sent to someone else, but my insurance ends tomorrow; this root canal needs to be done.”
Dentist: “Don’t worry; it will be done. We are sending you to our specialist. He is really good at root canals.”
Me: *skeptical* “Okay, as long as it gets done.”
(Next day
Specialist Dentist: “I don’t know how they managed to break a bit in your root, but the good news is that it broke on the torque, so it sealed the root. We can leave it in and just finish the root canal.”
Me: “Fine, let’s just get this done.”
(Another hour later, as they finish drilling the rest of the roots…)
Specialist Dentist: “We are finished. Schedule your next appointment for the filling and the crown.”
Me: “Um, no, you need to fill this and put the crown on. My insurance ends today; I do not have $1,600 to pay out-of-pocket for this.”
Specialist Dentist: “We can’t finish this today; you’re not scheduled for that.”
(After that, they made me leave. It has been four months, and two of the fillings they did have fallen off, the tooth with the unfinished root canal has cracked, and the broken fillings have exposed nerves. I managed to scrape together enough money to fix one of the fillings, but the other broken filling is out of the budget, and so is the unfinished root canal. It’s pretty bad when a filling falls off while eating pancakes.)
Australia, Hobart, Language & Words, Patients, Pharmacy, Tasmania | Healthy | May 4, 2018
(A customer is picking up a regular prescription medication but he also wants something else.)
Customer: “Can I also have some ‘Stuffy Nose Squirts’?”
(He wanted a decongestant nasal spray.)
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There Will Not Be Blood
Blood Donation, Ignoring & Inattentive, New Zealand | Healthy | May 2, 2018
(Due to having a serious illness as a kid, I’ve had countless numbers of blood tests. When I am old enough to donate blood, I do so willingly, but knowing that my veins are now difficult to find, I always request an experienced technician. This is on all my paperwork, for their benefit as well as mine. This is my fourth or fifth donation, so I know the drill fairly well. It usually takes 15 to 20 minutes.)
Head Technician: “So, I understand that you’ve got difficult veins! That’s not a problem, but I was wondering if you would mind if we get one of our senior technicians to have a practice with you? He’s requested some further experience on veins like yours. I’ll be watching him and with him the whole time.”
Me: “That sounds fine.”
(The head technician brings over a young man, and they prep everything accordingly. Then, at the point where he has to place the needle in, the head technician walks away!)
Young Tech: “Oops! Let me try again.”
(To my mildly-suppressed horror, he tries to find a vein five times!)
Me: “Um, is everything going okay?”
Young Tech: “Sorry, this won’t take too long. I’m just a bit nervous! Are you still okay?”
Me: “Um, yup, just do what you have to!”
(Trying to be helpful, I endure another ten minutes of him attempting to find the vein in my right arm, and missing every time.)
Young Tech: “It looks like this arm is useless, so I’m going to try your left arm!”
Me: “Um, okay?”
(The head technician wanders past and nods approvingly. The young tech gets my left arm set up. At this stage I’m not really into it, but feel like I’m committed, and I’m beginning to feel a little faint.)
Young Tech: “Here we go!”
(Here we do not go. After another twenty minutes of being used as a pin cushion, the young tech calls the head technician over.)
Head Technician: “Oh, well, it looks like we’ve exhausted both arms today! How much blood did we get?”
Young Tech & Me: “None.”
Head Technician: “Oh. Well, we can try again tomorrow!”
(As I am leaving, one of the nurses passes by and asked how things went. I explain, and she is aghast.)
Nurse: “It’s his first day!”
(I marched back to the head technician, who brushed off my concerns, even though all my paperwork said I had tricky veins and needed an experienced technician. The next day, I had deep blue bruises on both my arms from my mid-forearm to almost my armpit, which lead me to being spoken to by my managers about drug use. I didn’t go to give blood the next day!)
Awesome, Doctors, Illinois, Medical Office, Silly, USA | Healthy | April 30, 2018
(For the better part of the last decade, I have been to one specific OBGYN for all of my reproductive system’s many faults. He is a very short and stout man with a Slavic accent, the bedside manner of an angel, and the most wisea** sense of humor this side of the Mississippi. Here’s some of my favorite quotes from him over the years
OBGYN: *during my first pelvic examination* “Are you flexible? You surely are! I must have a Cirque Du Soleil star on my table!”
Me: “You know, most men buy me dinner first before asking me that!”
OBGYN: “Oh, honey, I couldn’t afford you.”
(The results of my first exam
OBGYN: *bursts into the room, waving a packet of papers around* “Good news! It’s all in your head!”
(I am diagnosed with Vaginismus, a condition that has both psychological triggers and a physical response, which has been carefully controlled since the diagnosis through therapy and physical therapy. I am just happy it doesn’t require surgery.)
OBGYN: *after a two-year lapse where I haven’t seen him since I’d moved* “You’re still alive?! Gosh darn, I must be doing my job too well!”
OBGYN: *after explaining my problems with birth control* “Oh, that just means your body hates estrogen. It’s not terribly uncommon for this reaction, but considering your other allergies, I think there’s one last thing we can try, and I’m very hopeful for it!”
OBGYN: *after that fails, rendering me unable to use all conceivable forms of birth control* “Well, we’re f***ed. Well, mostly you, although probably not as much as you used to anymore. I’m not helping, am I?”
OBGYN: *after I come in with a history of cyst ruptures* “Don’t worry! All we have to do is get you on some hormonal birth control, and it should clear those right… Oh, yeah. Oh. Well, have you ever considered traveling back in time and being born as a man?”
OBGYN: “Please quit coming in; you are making me actually work!”
OBGYN: “Have you ever considered becoming a nun? It might go better for you.”
OBGYN: “Look, I know a guy who knows a guy, and I could get you a new uterus set up, but apparently that’s illegal, so instead, let’s just try managing the crazy.”
OBGYN: *five years after my first exam with him* “You’re still flexible! I still can’t afford the dinner bill, though.”
(Considering all the horror stories I’ve heard about terrible OBGYN’s, I am so blessed to have this crazy Slavic man in charge of my health with his humor and knowledge!)
Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Doctors, Medical Office, Texas, USA | Healthy | April 27, 2018
(I have scheduled a doctor’s appointment because I finally have a job with health insurance. I am experiencing a relatively minor issue with irregular periods, which I also mention to the nurse. She writes my concern down and leaves the room. The doctor comes in a few minutes later.)
Doctor: “I hear your period is weird.”
Me: *surprised by her blunt introduction* “Yes. And I’d really like to know why.”
Doctor: “My first thought was that you’re probably fat, but you’re actually healthy. So, let’s run some tests.”
Me: “Wait. If I was fat, you would have just told me to go on a diet and not checked for something else?”
Doctor: “Well, yeah, that’s usually the reason.”
Me: “What if they had something serious?”
Doctor: “It’s never serious.”
(I was too nervous to say anything. After getting my blood drawn and an ultrasound, I asked the front desk if I could see a different doctor next visit. At least the nurse looked embarrassed the whole time.)
Colorado, Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, Patients, USA | Healthy | April 26, 2018
(I am in the waiting room at a large, multi-doctor medical practice, so there are many people in the room. A nurse enters and calls
Nurse: “Williams.” *a few people look up* “[First Name] Williams?”
(Everyone goes back to what they are doing. The nurse again calls out the name, but no one answers, so she starts to walk away. As she passes, a woman rises, tosses down the magazine she was perusing, sighs audibly, and hisses
Woman: “That’s me, but I didn’t give you permission to use my first name; you will address me as, ‘Mrs. Williams’!”
(In response, the nurse turns to address the room, smiles broadly, and calls
Nurse: “Mrs. Williams?”
(Two other women in the room stand and look at each other and the nurse quizzically.)
Nurse: “Mrs. [First Name] Williams?”
(Several people, having heard the whole interaction, audibly chuckled as two women sat back down and “Mrs. Williams” turned red, glared at everyone, and followed the nurse to the back.)
Bad Behavior, Medical Office, Patients, UK | Healthy | April 24, 2018
(I work for the UK National Health Service. This particular branch receives referrals for patients, and my job is to phone the patients to offer our service and get more info on their health, lifestyle, etc. Because of the nature of the branch, most people I speak to are in their 70s to 90s — and a few older! — but I do get the occasional younger person. I can see from this particular patient’s file that she is in her mid-30s.)
Me: “Good morning. Is this Mrs. [Patient]?”
Patient: *deep, gravelly voice* “Yes.”
(I am shocked because she is in her 30s, but she sounds at least 89.)
Me: “I’m calling from—” *quickly explains service and what we offer*
Patient: *almost before I finish speaking* “Yes, please. Anything to help.”
Me: “Fantastic. I’ll just go through a few some questions about your health, and we’ll see what would be best for you.”
(I begin with the standard questions, and she tells me the medical conditions she suffers from, which include severe COPD and bronchitis — evidenced by her gravelly voice and breathlessness when she talks. She has several other conditions; in short, she’s generally not in good health.)
Me: “Do you smoke?”
Patient: “Yes. About 60 a day.”
Me: *bangs forehead against desk*
(The job required I ask if she wanted help in stopping, but I knew before she even answered that she was going to refuse. I guess she wasn’t as desperate about her referral as she said she was. I left that temp post two weeks later.)
Medical Office, Punny, USA, Washington | Healthy | April 23, 2018
(I schedule appointments at an OB/GYN office. One day, a woman calls in needing to be seen; she has just learned she is about three months pregnant.)
Patient: “I thought I had food poisoning or something from my trip to see the pyramids, but my symptoms lasted so long I thought I should take a pregnancy test. Positive! I’m so excited!”
Me: *hardly able to contain myself that I can use this joke* “Sounds like you did catch something on your trip. You have the Egyptian flu: you’re going to be a mummy!”
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