(Regrettably, our local university is the main reason that county STD rates are the second-highest in the state (the highest-ranking county is home to a naval base). Outbreaks are common and rather a grim joke with local healthcare providers. The county has purchased a new emergency radio system and one of their officers has arrived to train our staff on how to use the equipment.)
Instructor: “The great thing about this system is that it is linked to over two hundred towers, state-wide. This means that if you need to, you can communicate not only throughout the county, but with other jurisdictions as well. For example; let’s say you have to set up some kind of emergency clinic at the University for… I don’t know, what’s an epidemic that the students might experience there?”
Me: *without thinking* “Probably chlamydia.”
(My boss shushed me, but our director of nursing almost fell off her chair from laughing so hard.)
Going To Have A Date Of Death If You Don’t Get It Right
Bad Behavior, Columbus, Extra Stupid, Ohio, Pharmacy, USA | Right | July 14, 2018
(I work in the pharmacy of a regional grocery chain. We require the person picking up a prescription order to give us the patient’s name and date of birth; if they don’t give us the date of birth, we cannot release the prescription order to them. I am doing my scheduled counter rotation when a baby boomer who looks like a redneck Santa approaches. He is talking away on his cell phone.)
Me: “Hi there. Picking up?”
Customer: *pulls his phone away from his face* “Yeah I’m picking up for my mother-in-law. Wife’s after me to get this stuff.”
Me: “Sure thing. What’s her name?”
Customer: “Her name is [Mother-In-Law].”
Me: “And her date of birth?”
Customer: *scoffs* “I don’t know. She’s my mother-in-law. I don’t pay attention to that s***.”
Me: “Unfortunately, our system requires we enter the patient’s date of birth to help prevent prescription theft.”
(The customer quite literally turns very red. I steel myself for an angry tirade.)
Customer: “This is bulls***. Simple mother-f*****…” *storms off, ranting and raving to his wife*
Boss: “[My Name]… what was that all about?”
Me: “He didn’t react very well to me telling him I needed his mother-in-law’s birthdate to release her meds to him.”
Boss: “He was on the phone with his wife, wasn’t he?”
Illinois, Instant Karma, Jerk, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | July 6, 2018
(I go to the pharmacy department of a larger than normal location of a major retailer. It’s about 2:25 pm, and the gates to the pharmacy counter are down with a sign apologizing for being closed for lunch. There are about four people ahead of me in line. Though I am in a hurry, I decide to stay since the sign states that they will reopen in five minutes. Four minutes later, the gates reopen, and the pharmacist is at the counter alone, since her support staff hasn’t returned yet. She greets the first man in line.)
Pharmacist: “Thank you for waiting. How may I help you, sir?”
Man: “I’m here to pick up my prescription, under [Man].”
(The pharmacist verifies personal information with the man.)
Man: *as the pharmacist is ringing up the order* “I had to wait ten minutes for you guys to open! It’s just ridiculous that—”
Pharmacist: *cutting the man off, in a tone that is both mockingly concerned, and professional* “Yes, sir, it is ridiculous that I have to work a ten-hour shift, and am only allowed twenty minutes to sit down and eat in the back of this store. I’m so sorry that you had to wait that short amount of time. Your total is [amount].”
(The man said nothing further, refused to make eye contact with anyone, paid, and left. By then, her staff had returned, and the pharmacist went to the back of the work area, immediately answering the phone. The staff made short work of the rest of the people in line, who all were friendly to the workers. I was out the door before 2:40 pm.)
Dallas, Ignoring & Inattentive, Patients, Pharmacy, Texas, USA | Healthy | July 5, 2018
(I pull into a drive-thru pharmacy to pick up my prescription, and there’s just one car in front of me. It’s ten full minutes before the car in front of me drives off and I can pull up to the window, but I’m not in a hurry, so I don’t really mind.)
Me: “I’m picking up a prescription for [My Last Name].”
Pharmacist: “Okay, let me just pull that up.”
(She’s gone for a few minutes, and I’m starting to think that this is why the line was slow. Obviously, I think, they must have new people there who don’t know what they’re doing. When she comes back
Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have any filled prescriptions listed under your name.”
Me: “But I got an email saying my prescription was ready.”
Pharmacist: “I don’t know what to say. We have you in our system from about two years ago, but there’s nothing recent.”
Me: “Can you check again? I got the email, so I know it’s ready.”
(The pharmacist is gone even longer this time, and I’m starting to feel pretty righteously indignant.)
Pharmacist: “No, we don’t have anything ready for you.”
Me: “Look, that just doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand how I can have an email from Walgreens right here saying that my prescription is ready, but you guys apparently don’t have it.”
Pharmacist: *blank stare* “Ma’am, this is CVS.”
(I felt like such a complete moron that I just drove away in embarrassment. Pharmacist, if you’re out there, I’m really sorry I didn’t apologize!)
Extra Stupid, New Jersey, Pharmacy, USA | Right | July 3, 2018
(My aunt works at the pharmacy in a CVS, and often comes home with hilarious stories about customers or doctor offices. This one in particular I find incredibly stupid.)
Aunt: “Hello, this is [Aunt] from CVS. I need to order a refill for [Medication] for [Patient].”
Doctor’s Office: “Where are you calling from?”
Aunt: “CVS.”
Doctor’s Office: “Can you spell that?”
Aunt: “Um… C-V-S.”
Doctor’s Office: “Where? Spell it?”
Aunt: “C as in ‘cat,’ V as in ‘Victor,’ S like in ‘Sam.’”
Doctor’s Office: “Where?”
(According to her, this went on for five minutes before she finally got the medication ordered. The customer even warned her that the office was awful before she made the call.)
Australia, Extra Stupid, Hobart, Patients, Pharmacy, Tasmania | Healthy | June 27, 2018
(At my pharmacy, we commonly take orders by phone so that a customer’s medications can be ready to collect when they arrive. This phone order, however, is a little different.)
Me: “Good afternoon. This is [Pharmacy]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”
Customer: “Yes, I’d like to order some medications, please.”
Me: “Sure. What do you need?”
Customer: “I can’t remember what they’re called, sorry.”
Me: “That’s okay. We can figure it out. Do you remember what they’re for?”
Bizarre, Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pennsylvania, Pharmacy, Pittsburgh, USA | Right | June 26, 2018
(I work in a pharmacy. I have a regular customer who is rather eccentric, and usually wears the same clothing: a raccoon fur cap — complete with tail — and a denim jacket covered in buttons and patches depicting his niche interests. He also usually rides a store-provided mobility scooter. This day, he comes in wearing a pinstripe suit, a faux velvet top hat, and a plastic pendant on a red ribbon of the sort you might find in a child’s Dracula Halloween costume. He is also walking with a cane, not riding the scooter. It’s the end of a long day, and his outfit is so different from usual that I don’t recognize him at first.)
Me: “Hello, sir. May I have your name?”
Regular: *stares at me for a second* “[Regular].”
Me: “Oh! Mr. [Regular]! Sorry, I didn’t recognize you at first. You’re wearing a different hat!”
(I pull up his profile on the computer while exchanging pleasantries.)
Me: “I’m afraid you don’t have any prescriptions ready. Was there one you were expecting?”
Regular: “I just thought I’d stop by and see if any of my automatic refills were ready.”
Me: “Well, let me see…”
(I look at the relevant page of his profile and see that all of his maintenance medications are indeed set to auto-fill, but it’s still a few weeks before they’re due to be filled again.)
Me: “Looks like you should be good for a while. You should get a call when your prescriptions are filled. Do we have your correct phone number on file?” *repeats number*
Regular: “Yep, that’s the one.”
Me: “All right, then you’ll get a call letting you know when your prescriptions are ready. Thanks for stopping by, Mr. [Regular]. It was good to see you!”
(The regular walks away, making quite the picture with his top hat and suit. The next customer in line comes up to my register and stares after the regular for a moment.)
Criminal & Illegal, Pharmacy, South Carolina, Teenagers, USA | Right | June 22, 2018
(I work in a pharmacy. I am filling in as an over-the-counter floor manager while our salaried management is out to meetings. Since I am an hourly supervisor, I am not allowed to do some things, like cash pulls or theft stops, but everything has been smooth throughout the day. It should be noted that at the time of this story, I am several months pregnant, but I am still getting around normally. I am crouching behind the counter for supplies when I hear a customer walk by.)
Me: *popping my head just over the counter* “Good morning!”
Teenage Boy: “Jesus! Uh… hi…”
(The kid looks a bit startled, but I don’t think much of it since I kind of came out of nowhere. I come out from behind the counter to see him flipping through the pegs of condoms. He is acting very sketchy, so I try to stay out of sight but where I can still watch him. Sure enough, he pockets a small pack of condoms. I cut the corner just as he is about to put another pack of condoms in his coat pocket. He drops them on the floor and I exaggeratedly struggle to bend over picking them up.)
Me: *poking my belly out* “Man, let me tell you from experience, I would not recommend this kind.”
(The kid practically ran out of the store, ditching the condoms in his pocket onto a nearby display on the way out.)
Bad Behavior, Massachusetts, Pharmacy, USA | Right | June 20, 2018
(It is a somewhat quiet evening. A customer comes in, and I greet her. My manager is standing nearby, and once the customer is out of earshot, she informs me that the customer is well-known for being rude and to call her if I need help. Sure enough, once the customer finishes shopping, she starts.)
Customer: *slams the first of many items onto the counter* “You need to get the manager up here now, because I need a discount.”
Me: *surprised* “Yeah, sure, let me page her now.”
(I page her and ring out the rest of the customer’s items as quickly as I can. My manager walks up from the back.)
Manager: “Hi, what can I help you with?”
Customer: “I need a discount. I have a coupon on my card, but it doesn’t show up when I try to print it, and you need to do something about it.”
(When this happens, it is almost always customer error; either the wrong email is linked to their store card, or they never set one up at all. We will generally input the coupon as long as the customer can show us the email that contains the coupon. Even if the customer can’t get the email up, we will still put it in under special circumstances — if they are buying a decent amount of stuff, are a regular customer, etc.)
Manager: “Okay, that’s fine. Can you pull up the coupon on your phone? I need to see the coupon to be able to put it in.”
Customer: *raising her voice* “WELL, I can try but I don’t know if it’ll work. You need to give me a discount because I spend a lot of money here, and this is unacceptable!”
Manager: *I can tell she is getting agitated* “All right, well, just try to pull that up, because we cannot give discounts without actually seeing the coupon in some form.”
Customer: “Well, I spend a lot of money here!”
(She clicks around on her phone for a minute or two and is able to bring the coupon up, and my manager puts it in and the customer finally pays and leaves.)
Manager: “You know, it’s a good thing she had her coupon, because I wasn’t going to give her the discount if she didn’t. She could have flipped out all she wanted, but I’ll be d***ed if I’m going to reward her s***ty behavior. Oh, and as for spending a lot of money here, she comes in maybe once a month…”
New Jersey, Pharmacy, USA | Unfiltered | June 15, 2018
(More often than not, customers come in through our registers wearing headphones or talking on the phone. As such, communicating with them becomes a hassle, but it’s tolerable. This is not the case this time. This customer is not wearing headphones, nor is he on his phone.)
Me: How can I help you, sir?
Customer: (says nothing, but drops his items for me to scan)
Me: Do you have your rewards card?
Customer: Yes I do. (He immediately swipes his credit card even though I have not yet started scanning his items)
Me: Sorry sir, the register isn’t ready for that yet.
(I scan his items fairly quickly and he swipes his card once more, again the register isn’t ready to accept payment yet, at this point I can see it’s a chip card so swiping won’t do it any good either way)
Me: Would you like to use your rewards card for this purchase first?
Customer: Oh! Yes. (at this point he puts in his phone number, bringing up his rewards membership, discounts, etc.)
Me: Okay sir, there we go! Now if you could just put the chip in the reader down below
(The customer AGAIN swipes his card through, prompting the card reader to display the “PLEASE INSERT CHIP” message for him to see. He’s not paying attention and I am screaming internally)
Me: Sir, please use the chip reader below.
Customer: Oh okay. (He puts the chip in, and the machine takes his payment)
Me: Thank you very much, sir, and have a good night
(He ignores me once again as he walks out with his purchases
(I stop in the pharmacy to get some medications for my husband, who recently lost his job because of a medical condition. We were already on income support because I am physically disabled and this has been a hard hit to our income. We just found out the income support system is about to revoke our benefits unless we can prove that he does not willfully leave his job by the end of the month. With a toddler and both of us needing the medical coverage, this is terrifying. Our normal doctor is on maternity leave until January of next year and her covers won’t help us because they don’t want to deal with the system. The same story goes with every doctor we see. They all insist they need to have been seeing us for at least three months before they’ll even consider it. Neither of us have any family or support, as we were both runaways from abuse. By this point, I am counting change, trying to figure out if I have enough to get the medication we both desperately need.)
Stranger: *taps me on the shoulder* “Hey, let me get that for you.” *tries to shove a ten dollar bill in my hand*
Me: *close to tears* “Oh, no! I really can’t. Thanks, anyway.” *tries to give it back*
Stranger: “Nah, keep it. Or, hey, tell you what…” *hands me a twenty and takes the ten back* “There. Fair trade.”
(By now I was seriously crying and didn’t notice the older man’s mother coming up beside me. Gently she took me by the elbow and they both lead me away from the pharmacy counter. They started asking me questions and I admitted that we were struggling and how scared I was. They started brainstorming between the two of them and gave me numbers to doctors they trusted. They took my email and gave me their phone numbers just in case. As a last thing, they took the twenty-dollar bill, and the man shoved a bunch of money into my bag, saying he wouldn’t take no for an answer and just to pass it on when I had the chance to help someone else. I realized that yes, I needed that help right then. I stopped fighting, figuring it was at most forty bucks but would help pay my kid’s school fees. When I got home and took the money out, I was shocked to see that instead of just a small amount, he’d put five hundred dollars into my bag. That money did help keep us afloat for the next week as we paid bills. We finally found a doctor willing to help us and our income has since stabilized. I told the stranger, who is now a supporter and friend, that we’d pay him back. He refused and told me to help others, instead. I plan to.)
Bizarre, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | May 28, 2018
(It’s my second day working for a pharmacy at a local grocery store. We have a display near the register that has animal-themed thermometers like dolphins, seals, whales, etc. A woman walks up and picks up a dolphin thermometer, looking at it for a good minute or so.)
Bad Behavior, Ohio, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | May 26, 2018
(I work in a pharmacy in a large box store. On Sundays, when only one pharmacist is on duty, the pharmacy shuts down for them to take a lunch break. This story is related to me by one of the pharmacists. The gate is down, but can sort of be seen through, and the pharmacist can be glimpsed through the holes.)
Lady: *at the top of her voice* “HEY! HEY, YOU! ARE YOU OPEN?!”
Pharmacist: “Uh, no, ma’am, we reopen in ten minutes. Please come back then.”
Lady: “IT’LL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE! I NEED SOME BUTT CREAM!”
Pharmacist: “Ma’am, we’re closed! Please come back in ten minutes.”
Lady: “BUTT! CREAM! JUST GIVE ME SOME G**D*** BUTT CREAM!”
Pharmacist: “Ma’am, we’re closed! We’ll reopen in ten minutes!”
Lady: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I JUST NEED SOME BUTT CREAM!”
(She finally stormed off… two minutes before we reopened for business.)
Bosses & Owners, Canada, Jerk, Language & Words, Montreal, Pharmacy | Working | May 21, 2018
(My supervisor is known for being quite a nit-pick and strictly following rules that don’t actually exist. Also, I’ve taken a few years of Japanese classes. One day, I get a Japanese customer at my register while my supervisor is filling a display right behind me. The customer and I chat in Japanese while I scan his items, and he asks to pay with his credit card. By company policy, we have to check an ID for every foreign credit card. The customer complies and hands me his Japanese driver license, because he forgot his passport at the hotel. I confirm that the credit card is his, and I am about to hand him his license back.)
Supervisor: “Wait! What are you doing?” *snatches the license from my hand* “You can’t accept this!”
Me: “Why is that? I know that it isn’t a passport, but this is a government-issued ID, and his picture is on it, so I don’t see why I can’t accept it.”
Supervisor: “Well, this ID is not in our alphabet! You can only accept IDs written in our alphabet.”
Me: “First, since when is this a rule? Second, you’ve heard me speak with him for the past two minutes; you know that I speak the language. I can read this, and confirm that the credit card is his.”
Supervisor: “It has to be in our alphabet! You have to be able to read it to accept it.”
Me: “But… [Supervisor], I can read it!”
Supervisor: “Hmph, I’ll let it slide for today, but don’t do that again!”
(I asked the store manager the next day. That rule doesn’t exist.)
California, Funny Names, Language & Words, Pharmacy, Sacramento, USA | Right | May 19, 2018
(I’m the customer in this story. I’ve just seen my doctor for the first time, and she’s sent down a prescription for me to the pharmacy downstairs. I make it up to the window, and there are a ton of people down there, so it’s a little noisy.)
Clerk: “It looks like your prescription isn’t ready yet, but I’m going to write down your name so we can call you when it’s ready. Can you give me your name?”
Me: *gives name*
Clerk: “And who’s your doctor?”
Me: “Dr. Fu.”
Clerk: “Sorry, it’s a little loud, I didn’t quite hear that. Can you spell your doctor’s name for me?”
Me: “Sure. It’s F-U.” *pause* “Oh, my God, that’s not what I meant!”
Extra Stupid, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | May 12, 2018
Customer: “These things don’t work! They are hard to swallow and I nearly choked to death.”
Me: “Ma’am, they are suppositories. You don’t swallow them; you insert them rectally.”
Customer: “What does that mean?”
Me: “You unwrap them and insert them in your rectum.”
Customer: “What’s my rectum?”
Me: “Ma’am, please forgive me, but your rectum is your butthole.”
Customer: “Well, up yours, too!” *stalks off*
(This is not the first time someone misunderstood when we explained how to use a suppository. It’s the only time we can tell a patient, “Up yours,” and get away with it!)
Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pharmacy, USA | Right | May 9, 2018
(Sadly, I’m the stupid customer in this one. I have bronchitis and have just made it home from the pharmacy with my cough syrup. When I open the bag, I notice the cup that you use to take the medicine isn’t in there, so I call the pharmacy.)
Pharmacist: “Thank you for calling [Pharmacy]. This is [Pharmacist]. How can I help you?”
Me: “Hi. This is [My Name]. I just picked up my prescription for [cough syrup], and when I got home I saw that it didn’t have the cup thing you use to take it with.”
Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, [My Name]. Do you want to come back and pick one up?”
Me: “Well, I have to take the bus, and I don’t want to get everyone else sick, too.”
Pharmacist: “Okay, well, do you bake?”
Me: *slightly confused* “Yes?”
Pharmacist: “Then you can use the teaspoon measuring spoon from your baking set.”
Me: “But… but… I need medicine teaspoons, not baking teaspoons.”
(She then proceeded to calmly explain to me that teaspoons were teaspoons, no matter what they were used for.)
Criminal & Illegal, Ohio, Pharmacy, USA | Right | May 4, 2018
(I work in the pharmacy of a large drug store chain. A few weeks prior to this incident, a man came in and was acting twitchy. He eventually shoved some greeting cards down his pants and put a beer in his pocket before leaving. Shoplifting is hard to prove, but we got it on camera. On a day I am working, he comes back in with some prescriptions. I start putting them in; I have no idea about the previous incident.)
Lead Tech: “Stop! Don’t fill his stuff. [Manager] said since we got him stealing on camera, we can ask him to leave.”
(He goes to alert the pharmacist of the situation.)
Pharmacist: “[Shoplifter]! I am sorry, but I can’t fill this prescription for you.”
Shoplifter: “Why not? I need my medicine.”
Pharmacist: “Sir, last time you were in, we caught you stealing on camera, and we are choosing not to serve you. Please take your prescriptions elsewhere.” *hands him back his papers*
Shoplifter: *takes them* “It was only a beer!”
(He did end up taking his prescriptions and leaving, and the pharmacist filled me in on the previous incident. We were all so shocked that he admitted to stealing, and then also tried to act like it was okay!)
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