Not Feeling Five Alive
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 10, 2019
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.
(I have hypothyroidism, which has been successfully controlled with medication for several years. Over a couple of months, however, I notice that some of my symptoms are returning. I call my doctor, and she says she will do a blood test. I go to her office for the results.)
Doctor: “Your thyroid level is at 4.9.”
(The maximum is 5.)
Me: “Well, no wonder I’ve been feeling sick! That’s very high.”
Doctor: “Oh, no. You’re fine. Five is the top of the normal range. You’re still under that.”
Me: “But a lot of my old symptoms are coming back. I can’t sleep at night, I’m tired during the day, I’m freezing cold all the time—“
Doctor: “You’re under stress. It’s normal.”
Me: “I HAVE GAINED TWENTY POUNDS IN TWO MONTHS!”
Doctor: “Well, you just need to go on a diet.”
Me: “I exercise five days a week, and I eat my fruits and veggies! I don’t feel like myself. I know my body, and I need a medication change!”
Doctor: “Well, I’m not giving you one, because you’re normal.”
(She tells me to exercise more and gives me a vitamin supplement. I fume, but I take it. A couple of months later, I move to a different state. I go in for an appointment with my new doctor.)
New Doctor: “I’ve been reviewing your test results from your previous doctor, and I noticed your thyroid is at 4.9. That’s very high. Are you feeling okay at that number?”
Me: “Not at all! I tried to tell her, but she wouldn’t listen. She kept saying it was normal.”
New Doctor: “I’m not surprised. Older guidelines allow it to get that high, but I’ve found that my patients feel better when their thyroid is at 3 or under. I’m going to order some more blood work.”
(The new blood test showed that my number had skyrocketed to a 6. My new doctor changed my medication immediately. It took a year and three medicine changes to get it right. It turned out that my thyroid number had been creeping up for a couple of years, and my old doctor had just ignored it. I’m happy to report that I’m much better now!)
Starved Of Decent Medical Care
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, GERMANY, HOSPITAL, JERK | HEALTHY | MAY 10, 2019
(I have been diagnosed with Lipo/Lymph-edema several years ago, and because of that, I have gained an ungainly amount of weight on my lower half waist down and my arms. To be honest, I have not stopped caring about my weight, and every miserably failed diet has been a throwback to my mental health, too. My former doctor of choice, sadly, could not keep practicing, so I am on the lookout for a new specialist to take care of me and my needs of MLD — Manual lymph drainage — and compression stockings, to give me at least a little relief from the fluid build up in my extremities. Finding this doctor in a well-known hospital close by, a so-called specialist that was recommended to me, seems to be a lucky find!)
Doctor: “Ah, I see. A classical lip-edema type, complete with lymph-edema. Losing weight is horrible, isn’t it? No wonder, with the genetic factors, and the fact that lip-edema cannot be starved off.”
(Finally, a doctor who is not fat-shaming me or telling me to stop stuffing my face!)
Me: *almost melting into the exam table from relief* “Oh, God, yeah. It’s a nightmare! Not even six months on a 1200-calorie diet helped! And the lymph-edema is making it worse; every step hurts!”
Doctor: “Well, no wonder it hurts. I can–” *presses a thumb into my calf, making a nice deep dent there that stays even after he takes his thumb away* “–do this, and it just shows how much fluid you got. Now, you need to lose weight, drastically, and after you lost 30 to 50 kilograms, you can come back, and we’ll see how you feel.”
Me: “What? You just said… You just said that losing weight…”
Doctor: “Yes, but you need to lose weight! Get a dog or a husband, and you’ll be busy enough to forget about food! To lose weight, you should stop eating those sugary snacks, and the sugary fruit, and all those carbs, and eat more red meat and poultry! But remember, you cannot have too much protein!”
Me: *stares, not believing what I just heard* “Uh… okay? But what about compression stockings, and the MLD?”
Doctor: “Yeah, you see, I am not going to prescribe you that. You can lose weight with a good diet, and then you won’t have those symptoms anymore.”
Me: “You said lip-edema cannot be starved off… and I’m really in pain from the lymph-edema and the fluid build up. At least to help with that?”
Doctor: “Yes, but it is not worth either my time, nor the money, nor the effort to prescribe any of that if you can just lose weight, and forget about it!”
Me: *getting up, feeling like I’m in the twilight zone right now* “All right…”
(I left after that, and met with my family physician, who stared at me, called the health insurance company to complain about that doctor, prescribed me the lymph drainage and compression stockings, gave me a pamphlet about a specialised clinic for my lipo/lymph-edema, and filled out forms to get me a spot there for a three week “rehab.” He also told me to eat “normally/healthily,” since, you guessed it, lip-edema cannot be starved off.)
The 1960s Want Their Healthcare Back
BIGOTRY, MEDICAL OFFICE, NEW JERSEY, RECEPTION, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 9, 2019
(As a middle-aged female, I’ve acquired more than a few chronic ailments, and each time I’ve changed jobs, I’ve had to change health insurance companies, resulting in having to be under the care of numerous doctors for the same conditions. I’ve been divorced for 14 years, and I’ve always had my own health insurance as a working adult. While calling up yet another new doctor to make yet another “new patient” appointment, I give the friendly lady receptionist my pertinent information. All goes well until she drops this line
Receptionist: “And that’s your husband’s insurance, correct?”
(That’s the first and ONLY time I’ve ever been asked that, even when I WAS married — and he didn’t even have insurance. Probably shouldn’t have bothered me as much as it did, but there was no way she could have ascertained I was married based on anything I told her. Welcome to the 21st century, friendly lady receptionist.)
A Very Testing Medical Appointment
AUSTRALIA, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, MEDICAL OFFICE | HEALTHY | MAY 9, 2019
Doctor: “This next test is very dangerous for fetuses, so we need to test and make sure you’re not pregnant first.”
Me: “I’m not pregnant.”
Doctor: “Well, sometimes people don’t know that they are.”
Me: “Didn’t we just establish that I have a birth control insert in place to control my period?”
Doctor: “Those aren’t 100% reliable. We need a test.”
Me: “I’m not sexually active. At all. Ever.”
Doctor: *suddenly perplexed* “But you have an insert.”
Me: “Because without it I bled for ten weeks straight out of every twelve for two years. Because I have POCS. Which is why we just spent half this appointment reviewing my last blood results.”
Doctor: “Oh. Right. I forgot.”
Me: “So, can we move onto that test now?”
Doctor: “Which test were you thinking of?”
Me: “…”
Doctor: “…”
Me: “I’m your last appointment at the end of your shift, aren’t I?”
Doctor: *surprised* “How could you possibly know that?”
Doesn’t Have An Eye For This Job
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, IRELAND, VET | HEALTHY | MAY 8, 2019
My friends found a kitten when stuck in traffic a few years ago. He had a very badly infected eye, and after adopting him we opted to have it removed; the lid was stitched shut over the socket, and apart from some minor depth perception issues it never bothered him in the slightest in the three years he lived afterward. He was famous among friends, family, and neighbours for being the one-eyed tabby cat, so it was pretty obviously gone.
We always saw the same vet for every appointment and surgery, until his last yearly checkup and vaccinations. The vet we saw was either newly-trained or inexperienced, but fairly competent at what she did because that cat was never as quiet during a check-up!
Everything was going fine; weight was optimal, good overall condition, no unusual lumps or bumps, clean ears and teeth, right eye perfect… and then she tried to open his sewn-shut eyelid.
She was very apologetic to humans and cat alike upon realising her mistake. He was used to kids poking at him, but it still makes me giggle to think of her not noticing his one distinguishing feature.
A Stroke Of Bad Luck
BAD BEHAVIOR, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, OREGON, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 8, 2019
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.
(While clocking into work, I unexpectedly suffer a stroke. I am a 35-year-old school bus driver and I do not take illegal drugs or drink alcohol. As the EMTs bring me into the ER, the doctor asks what my condition is.)
EMT: “She’s having a stroke.”
Doctor: “Nonsense. She’s too young. How old is she?”
EMT: “35.”
Doctor: “See, too young. Must be a drug overdose.”
EMT: “No, do the FAST test. Face; her smile is crooked. Arms; her left side is paralyzed. Speech; her words are slurred. Time; we got her here in time. Give her clot busters to break up the blood clot causing her stroke.”
Doctor: *angrily* “You’re just an EMT! I say it’s a drug overdose!”
(The EMTs leave, and the doctor turns to me, yelling.)
Doctor: “What drugs did you take?!”
Me: *slurred because the left side of my face and tongue are not working* “I can hear you fine; you don’t have to yell. I took some Nyquil last night for a cold.”
Doctor: *sarcastically* “Nyquil?! More like Meth!” *to nurse* “I need a meth overdose kit here!”
Me: *trying to yell back at him* “I. Don’t. Take. Drugs.”
Nurse: *reluctantly bringing kit* “Are you sure? She shows classic stroke signs.”
(As the doctor gets an overdose injection ready, my husband enters the room, having met and talked to the EMTs in the ambulance bay as they were leaving.)
Husband: “Stop. Don’t touch her again.”
Doctor: *sputtering* “She’s obviously a drug addict. I’m giving her the best treatment for that.”
Husband: “And you’re obviously an idiot.”
(My husband and the doctor are circling my gurney during this exchange. The doctor is trying to stay out of my husband’s reach.)
Husband: *to nurse* “Please call for an ambulance; I want her treated at [Hospital ten miles away]. Not by him.” *points at the doctor*
(The doctor practically sprints from room.)
Nurse: *to husband* “I thought you were gonna kill him. I kind of wish you had caught him.”
(The same EMTs returned. As they were loading me into the ambulance they told my husband that they told that doctor I was having a stroke, but he’s kind of a know-it-all a**hole and they were glad I would be treated somewhere else. I was greeted at the other ER by a neurologist with clot-busting drugs at the door. He says that, luckily, that delay won’t impact my recovery.)
Insults Are Free!
JERK, PATIENTS, PENNSYLVANIA, PETS & ANIMALS, PHILADELPHIA, USA, VET | HEALTHY | MAY 8, 2019
I am a relatively new veterinarian. Often, we will get a case come in as ADR — Ain’t Doing Right — which is to say they are acting a bit off, but not always obvious what is wrong. I have an ADR older golden retriever come in with Mom and Son. They give the history: the dog has been losing weight, not eating well, lethargic, and having dark stools for a few weeks. This dog also has a history of ear problems. The last time we saw the dog was over two years ago. They have limited funds, so I try to work on a step-by-step diagnostic to try to get the most information before determining if more diagnostics are needed.
Starting with the physical exam: the dog is severely muscle wasted, lethargic — as they said — and dehydrated, and he has a new heart murmur. After discussing with Mom, we decide to start with bloodwork. It comes up with some very mild liver changes, but nothing too noteworthy. We are at the upper point of their budget, so I discuss my next recommendation of chest x-rays and what we would do depending on what we found, quoting them the costs for everything before anything is performed. They agree to the x-rays, and unfortunately, the x-rays show possible heart enlargement, but again nothing too exciting. So, they agree to try a heart medication, subcutaneous fluids, and an anti-emetic and see how the dog responds. It’s worth noting there were additional tests I would have liked to do, but I didn’t want to stretch their budget too much further.
A few days later, the dog isn’t improving on the heart meds, so I recommend an abdominal ultrasound — at a different vet — to better evaluate the gastrointestinal tract and surrounding organs. Unfortunately, the ultrasound looks like liver cancer, which I am very surprised by given how mild the blood work was.
I receive a request to contact the Father when I return to work the day after the ultrasound. I give him a call back, assuming he wants to discuss further treatment and prognosis. Boy, was I wrong.
Turns out he just wants to spend ten minutes telling me I am a crook, only in it for the money, and don’t care about animals. He continues to tell me that I took advantage of his wife and his upset son, and had them spend more money than they were willing. He rails that the dog was coming in for an ear infection, and I had them do a bunch of unnecessary tests. Any time I try to interject, either to explain my findings and recommendations as he wasn’t there, or to confirm what he thinks happened at the appointment, he simply talks over me, stating he doesn’t care what justifications I have and that “[he] is onto [my] game.” It continues until I am crying against the wall and finally have permission from the practice owner to hang up on him.
The fun part: he calls right back to have my receptionist tell me I am an a**hole. I still have to talk to his (much nicer) wife to answer her questions, and I almost can’t bring myself to do it. As of now, I refuse to discuss anything further with the Father.
This Debt Collector Had Better Hope HE Has Insurance
DEBT COLLECTION, EMPLOYEES, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, INSURANCE, JERK, USA | HEALTHY | MARCH 29, 2020
(I’m a broke college student supporting myself with student loans, whatever hours I can get at my work-study job, and the small amount of money my parents can spare. Luckily, I’m still on my parents’ insurance. When I get into a bad bike accident and have to get stitches and x-rays at the hospital, their insurance covers the bill. It’s been a couple of months since then when I answer a call from a number I don’t recognize.)
Caller: “Am I speaking to [My Name]?”
Me: “This is her.”
Caller: “My name is [Caller], and I’m calling on behalf of [Debt Collection Agency] about an unpaid medical bill.”
Me: “What? I didn’t think I had any unpaid bills.”
Caller: “The bill is [amount] for an ambulance ride on [date of the bike accident].”
Me: “But my insurance covered that!”
Caller: “Sometimes insurance doesn’t cover certain services, like ambulances, if they are seen as unnecessary.”
(The ambulance was definitely necessary since there was a suspicion at the time that I’d seriously injured my neck and I was bleeding profusely from my head.)
Caller: “The billing department attempted to contact you multiple times, but you’ve consistently ignored them. Now the bill has been sent to us, and it will negatively affect your credit. However, if you pay it right now, we can try to remove it from your credit report. How will you be paying today, [Card #1] or [Card #2]?”
Me: “Um, I won’t be paying today. I need to contact my insurance company to see what’s going on. This should have been covered, and I’ve never heard of it before today.”
Caller: “If you don’t pay today, your credit will be negatively affected. You will never be able to get a loan, a mortgage, or a credit card.”
Me: “I need to talk to my insurance company before I do anything.”
(He keeps trying to convince me, so I eventually just hang up. I contact my insurance company and find that no claim was ever submitted for the ambulance trip and that they would have covered it if it was. Then, I call the hospital billing department to figure this out. It takes a very long time to reach the right person, but I finally find out what happened.
In an amazing display of incompetence, someone had billed it to the wrong insurance company in the wrong state using the wrong contact details. Obviously, that claim was denied, so they sent the bill to whatever address they’d written on the claim. With this level of screwing up, I’m guessing they mixed up my file with someone else’s.
Luckily, the person I talk to is more helpful, and she gets all the information she needs to submit the claim to my real insurance. She also promises to take the whole incident off my credit report once everything’s done. However, it will take several weeks at the very least for the claim to go through. In the meantime, I get another call several days later from the same bill collector.)
Caller: *after making sure he’s speaking to me* “Our records indicate that you still haven’t paid your bill. What payment method–”
Me: *cutting him off before he can get too far into this* “I’ve contacted my insurance and the hospital’s billing department and gotten the whole thing sorted out. There was a billing mistake. Many, in fact. But the claim has been properly submitted to my insurance now. It just takes a while to go through.”
Caller: “Well, you still haven’t paid. It’s on your credit report. I can’t take it off at this point since you’ve refused to pay it once already, but paying today will make sure your credit doesn’t get even worse. How will you be paying today, [Card #1] or [Card #2]?”
Me: “As I said, my insurance is paying it. We just have to wait for the claim to go through.”
Caller: “But your credit–”
Me: “The billing department said they’d take it off my credit report completely, as they’re the ones who made the mistake.”
Caller: “I’m looking at your credit report right now, and it’s not looking good.”
Me: “The claim was only submitted a few days ago. It hasn’t gone through yet.”
Caller: “If you pay in full right now, this will go away immediately. No need to wait for the claim to go through.”
Me: “Hold on. You want me to pay for something that I never needed to pay for in the first place, just to speed things up? That’s ridiculous! And even if I was going to pay, it’s not like I have that kind of money just lying around.”
Caller: “Surely you have some jewelry or electronics you could sell. I can give you the address of a pawn shop nearby.”
Me: “What? No! I didn’t mean I intended to pay you. My insurance is paying it directly to the hospital. We all just have to be patient.”
(This went back and forth for a while. It became clear that he was working on commission and wouldn’t get any money if the bill was paid through the insurance company. Eventually, I just had to hang up on him again, since it was obvious he was not giving up. He continued to call me multiple times a day for weeks, sometimes during class. Finally, the claim went through, and the debt collector stopped calling.)
Cheese Addiction Is Becoming A Problem
CALIFORNIA, HEALTH & BODY, LOS ANGELES, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 5, 2019
(I work at a non-profit rehab for teens as a counselor. During their lunch, a new resident is having a heated argument with other staff over her dietary restrictions.)
Teen: “I can’t eat this; it has cheese. I’m vegan.”
Staff: “We’re trying to accommodate. The cooks have been made aware and are working on fixing you something else.”
Teen: “You shouldn’t be eating this stuff. Do you know how badly dairy and meat harms your body? You guys are all disgusting.”
Me: *screaming internally* “You shouldn’t lecture anyone when you smoke meth!”
She’s Not Being Very Hip
AUNTS & UNCLES, HEALTH & BODY, HOME, NON-DIALOGUE, PENNSYLVANIA, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 2, 2019
My great aunt gets a call from a friend asking her if she wants to go grocery shopping at a popular bulk warehouse store and my aunt agrees. When her friend gets to the house, my aunt goes outside and slips on some ice in the driveway; she hits her hip hard and can no longer stand up. She refuses to call an ambulance, and two of her neighbors manage to get her into her friend’s car.
My aunt’s friend asks if she wants to go to the doctor right away but my aunt responds, “No, you came to go to the store so we might as well do that first.” So, her friend goes grocery shopping while my aunt stays in the car with a broken hip. Afterward, the friend insists my aunt go to a doctor. Instead of going to the emergency room, my aunt insists on going to a faster care doctor’s office.
They pull into the parking lot and my aunt’s friend explains the situation. A doctor comes out and tells my aunt they have no way to get her out of the car — she is somewhat of a larger lady — and that she really needs to go to the ER. My aunt complains. Finally, the doctor says, “Ma’am, you’ve broken your hip. This is something outside of our control. We can help you if you need something minor, but you are going to need surgery; you need to leave and go get the care you need.”
She finally agrees to go to the ER and she ends up having quite the lengthy recovery process because she is just as difficult in her physical therapy appointments.
When You Are Bugged To Go To The Doctor
BIZARRE, CALIFORNIA, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, MEDICAL OFFICE, NON-DIALOGUE, PETS & ANIMALS, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 27, 2019
When I’m in high school, I come down with a bad fever and my mother takes me to the doctor. I’m still seeing a pediatrician at this point. The building the office is in is undergoing construction.
Pretty soon I’m in the examination room, my mom sitting to the side. The doctor is a young woman, wearing a gauzy green sweater and some light gold jewelry. I notice a very shiny, pretty brooch shaped like a scarab pinned to her sweater.
She leans in with the tongue depressor, and as I watch in horror, the “brooch” sticks out a barbed leg and starts crawling up her shoulder! I scream and throw myself back.
“Are you okay?” asks the doctor. She thinks I’m scared of the tongue depressor.
“There’s a huge bug on you!” I yell.
This sets the doctor off. She shrieks, drops the tongue depressor, and starts frantically trying to brush the bug off her sweater. In the process, she breaks her necklace, sending bits of golden chain flying across the room. Part of it hits me and I think it’s the bug, so I scream again and the cycle begins anew.
Eventually, the doctor calms down a little, but we’re still trying to find the bug. She turns around and I spot it on her shoulder and yell, “It’s still there!” This time she holds still and my mom gets it off her with a tissue and squishes it in the garbage can.
Once everyone’s calmed down, Mom comments that she should have saved it, or at least not crushed it, since it was actually very pretty. She thought I was having a hallucination until she saw it herself! We figure it got in from all the construction downstairs. The rest of the appointment goes fine, though the doctor and I are a bit shaken up; my mom is pretty level-headed.
When we check out, the nurse at the desk asks what happened. We tell her and she laughs and says, “We get a lot of screaming in this office, but usually it’s not from the doctors!”
Right Bad Back At Ya
BIZARRE, CANADA, FUNNY NAMES, HOSPITAL, NEW BRUNSWICK, NURSES | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 23, 2019
(I am in the waiting room of a hospital waiting for a scan to check out my back injury. For the purposes of this story, let’s just say that my name is John Smith. The nurse calls me in for my scan.)
Nurse: “All right, just jump up onto the table.”
Me: “Umm… sorry, I can’t do that.”
Nurse: “We can’t do the scan if you don’t get on the table.”
Me: “But… I can barely move. How do you expect me to jump onto a table?”
Nurse: “Sure, you can.”
Me: “I don’t think you understand. I am physically unable to get up onto the table due to a back injury.”
Nurse: “You don’t have a back injury.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure I would know why I’m at the hospital.”
Nurse: “Your name is John Smith, right?”
Me: “Yes.”
Nurse: “And your date of birth is [date]?”
Me: “Yes, it is.”
(A patient in the waiting room speaks up.)
Patient: “Sorry to interrupt, but I think you might have us confused.”
Nurse: “Your name is John Smith?”
Patient: “Yep.”
Nurse: “And I suppose your date of birth is also [date].”
Patient: “Yes.”
Nurse: “And you’re here for a scan?”
Patient: “Yes, I am.”
Nurse: “Well, this is an interesting coincidence.”
(She looks down at her computer.)
Nurse: “Ah, I see the problem. There are two different people named John Smith with the same birthday, who just happened to both have appointments for a scan within the same hour. I was looking for John M. Smith.”
Patient: “That’s me!”
(The nurse apologized and I got my scan not long after. It was a confusing few minutes, but at least I got a good story out of it!)
Operating Under Confusion
CHILDREN, HOSPITAL, NEVADA, PARENTS/GUARDIANS, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 20, 2019
(I work for a pediatric dental practice. We are currently at our surgical center where kids get put to sleep so we can do all of the work necessary. There’s loads of paperwork, normal doctor check-ups, and numerous confirmations that patients’ parents need to go through before we see them. We have a two-year-old girl that needs work on every single tooth; she’s been on our waitlist for surgery for two months. We are about to bring her back to the OR.)
Nurse: “Okay, sweetheart, time to say bye to Mommy.”
Mom: *looking so confused* “Wait, why is she saying bye?”
Nurse: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you aren’t allowed into the OR for sterilization purposes.”
Mom: “But how is she supposed to fall asleep without me reading her a story?”
Diagnosed With Not Quite Surgical Precision
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA, UTAH | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 17, 2019
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.
(In college, I start getting severe fatigue; I am sleeping ten hours a night, getting an hour or two nap each day, and still feeling exhausted all the time. I go to the student health center where they do some blood tests and diagnose me with hypothyroidism, where my thyroid doesn’t produce enough hormone. I am given a prescription for the generic of a synthetic thyroid hormone, and things improve drastically for several months. But after I have my prescription filled at a different pharmacy, I start having different symptoms: anxiety, feeling jittery all the time, being unreasonably cold, etc. I go back to the health center where they run more blood tests. This is what happens at the followup appointment when those blood test results come back.)
Doctor: “So, your thyroid hormone levels are much too high. You have hyperthyroidism.” *goes into treatment options, which basically boil down to either radiation to kill off part of my thyroid or surgery to remove part of it*
Me: “Okay. Well, before we start talking about surgery, don’t you think we should try reducing my [medication] dosage?”
Doctor: *stares at me for a second, then reads my chart more carefully* “Ah. Yes, yes, we should probably try that first.”
(A DIFFERENT doctor in the health center was able to explain that I’m in a small group of people that are sufficiently sensitive to thyroid hormone that the different levels in different generic brands can act like a completely different dosage, meaning that I need to be on the name brand to ensure my dosage stays constant. We put me on the name brand and I didn’t have any more problems, and I never saw the other doctor again.)
Conversational Heart Failure
JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, PENNSYLVANIA, RECEPTION, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 15, 2019
(I have myriad medical issues which give me some bother. I have an appointment with my primary care doctor. This office knows about all of my conditions. I get to the building and ride the elevator to the fourth floor. I get into the office and go to the check-in desk. There are two office workers there. One I know; the other I don’t. The worker who I don’t know goes to check me in and sees I’m breathing quite heavily.)
Worker: “Walk the steps today?”
Me: “No. I have congestive heart failure.”
(The worker couldn’t get her foot out of her mouth, it was wedged in so deeply. The other worker, the one I knew, just burst out laughing so hard that she spit out part of her sandwich. I did let the first worker off the hook and said I didn’t care what she said. I was not offended at all. It was just too funny.)
Can’t Equate Numbers To Notes
CONNECTICUT, HIGH SCHOOL, JERK, SCHOOLMATES, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 13, 2019
(My high school chemistry teacher is a very stern, organized lady. One of my friends is very bright but not organized at all, and he hates the very structured reports we have to make of our chemistry labs. He is constantly getting points off for one detail or another. One facet of these reports is that they are required to have two columns: one for equations and one for long-form notes. One lab, my friend and I are partnered and he actually is trying to do his report properly. The chemistry teacher comes to look over our work and taps his chemistry notebook disapprovingly.)
Teacher: “You haven’t labeled these columns; how am I supposed to know which is equations and which is notes?”
Friend: “See the one with numbers in it? That’s the equations column.”
(My friend immediately looked horrified with himself. He and the teacher just stared at each other for a long moment, and then she finally just huffed and moved on to the next group. I do realize that such labels are probably useful in a real laboratory, but to be fair to my friend, the teacher did sort of set herself up for that!)
Didn’t Have Anxiety, Until Now
At The Checkout, Harassment, Health & Body, Kansas, Retail, Strangers, USA | Healthy | August 18, 2018
(I am working the register at my store. My coworkers are all busy elsewhere, and it is a slow part of the day, when an old man walks up and purchases a small item. Things are going normally until I hand him his change. It should be noted that I have a mild form of adult acne.)
Customer: “Do you know you have a red thing on your face?”
(He points toward a small flare up of acne on my cheek. I blink for a moment, because while part of me knows what he’s pointing at, no one has ever said anything directly to me about it before.)
Me: “What do you mean?”
Customer: “You have a red thing on your face. I know what that is. It’s caused by anxiety.”
(I have never had anxiety issues, and now that I have confirmed what he’s talking about, I speak with a deadpan tone.)
Me: “Sir, I have acne.”
(I’ve never really been self-conscious about my acne, but I don’t like the way he’s talking about it. He takes his receipt and starts heading for the door while still talking to me.)
Customer: “Yes, and that is caused by anxiety. I have seen this before.”
(My tone has gone cold, and in my head I’m wondering why my personal health is his business.)
Me: “Sir… my mother is a nurse.”
(What I’m hoping he’ll pick up on is the implication that, “if something were seriously wrong with my face, she would know,” but he doesn’t get the hint.)
Customer: “I worked fifty-five years in medical technology maintenance.”
Me: “So, you never actually practiced medicine, then.”
Customer: “I have seen this before. It’s anxiety.”
(He then starts rambling something I don’t quite follow, but he makes it sound like he’s had bugs grow out of his own acne in the past. Or seen them grow out of acne in other people. Or maybe even caused them to grow out of other people’s skin infections. The main thing I key in on is his use of the words “grow out of,” which does not give me mental images of bacteria. It genuinely sounds like he’s talking about live insects growing out of people’s faces, which is incredibly creepy.)
Me: “Are you a doctor?”
(I ask this bluntly, trying to convey with my tone and expression that if he is not a licensed medical professional, I do NOT want his opinion on my face, and he needs to stop talking.)
Customer: “I work with medical equipment. But I have seen this before. It’s anxiety. It is.”
(Thankfully, after that the customer just kind of nodded and walked out the door. To date, he’s the creepiest customer I’ve had to serve.)
My pharmacy sends out text messages as a reminder to order refills. You can answer “YES” to have the refill placed or “NO” to opt out. I don’t like the side effects of a certain medication, so my doctor switches me to a new medication.
Text Message: “REMINDER: Your medication [first three letters] is due for a refill. Reply YES to order a refill or NO to skip.”
Me: “No.”
Text Message: “You have opted out of refilling your medication [first three letters]. If this is an error, please contact [Pharmacy] at [phone number].”
Shortly after, my phone rings with the pharmacy number.
Me: “Hello?”
Pharmacy Tech #1 : “Hi there, this is [Pharmacy Tech #1 ] at [Pharmacy]. I’m calling in regards to your prescription for [medication #1 ].”
Me: “Yeah, I just cancelled it. The doctor—”
Pharmacy Tech #1 : “Oh, you really shouldn’t. We can go ahead and schedule a refill for you over the phone.”
Me: “No, the doctor said—”
Pharmacy Tech #1 : “You need to take your medication as prescribed by your doctor.”
Me: *With a point-blank tone* “And he prescribed switching to [medication #2 ].”
Text Message: “REMINDER: Your medication [first three letters] is due for a refill. Reply YES to order a refill or NO to skip.”
This is the first medication again.
Me: “NO.”
Text Message: “You have opted out of refilling your medication [first three letters]. If this is an error, please contact [Pharmacy] at [phone number].”
My phone rings again. It’s the pharmacy … again.
Me: “Hello?”
Pharmacy Tech #2 : “Hi there, this is [Pharmacy Tech #2 ] at [Pharmacy]. I’m calling in regards to your prescription for [medication #1 ].”
Me: “My doctor switched me to [medication #2 ]. I just spoke with [Pharmacy Tech #1 ] and told him all about it.”
Pharmacy Tech #2 : “Um… Our system shows you’re due for a refill.”
Me: “I know, but I’m not.”
Pharmacy Tech #2 : “I don’t… um… you’re due. We need to schedule your refill.”
Me: “What do I have to do to get out of this loop? My doctor switched my medication. I am not filling [medication #1 ].”
Ten minutes later, I received a third text for the same medication. I didn’t answer that time and they didn’t call back. When I went to pick up [medication #2 ], both technicians were there but they didn’t say a
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