This Relationship Has Teething Problems
Bad Behavior, France, Hospital, Strangers | Healthy | November 4, 2019
(I’m a dental student. During our fourth year, all of us have to do a week-long rotation at the ICU to provide “dental healthcare” to comatose patients — basically brushing their teeth with an iodine scrub and calling it a day. One of the patients is conscious but intubated, and he speaks using a whiteboard. After I finish brushing his teeth, a nurse comes into the room and makes small talk.)
Nurse: “So, I heard that [Woman] visited you yesterday, huh?”
(The patient nods.)
Nurse: “That’s nice! Also, your daughters called this morning; they want to come a bit later.”
Patient: *on the whiteboard* “Did they say what time?”
Nurse: “During the afternoon. They were afraid you’d get bored and alone, though, so I told them not to worry since [Woman] came by.”
(I see the patient’s eyes widen and he starts furiously scribbling on his whiteboard.)
Patient: “THEY DON’T KNOW ABOUT [WOMAN]!”
(I had to leave the room and didn’t stop laughing for a good five minutes.)
It Can Cause Anxiety To Diagnose Anxiety
Australia, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office | Healthy | November 3, 2019
(In Australia, we have a universal healthcare program called Medicare which covers a significant portion of our medical bills. If you want to see a psychologist, Medicare will often cover 50-100% of the bill for ten sessions. However, you first have to go to a GP and get a referral to qualify. I have been struggling with my anxiety recently, so I went to the GP for a referral.)
GP: “How can I help you today?”
Me: “I’m looking to get a referral to a psychologist to help me with my anxiety.”
GP: “You’re a uni student, right?”
Me: “Yes. Working on my Masters.”
GP: “Do you really need a psychologist? I mean, it’s the end of the semester. All your classmates are stressed, just like you are. I’m sure how you’re feeling is no big deal.”
Me: “Right… and are all of my classmates having panic attacks in front of their student support officers because the support officer tried to start up a conversation about finding a job after graduation?”
GP: “Um… no.”
Me: “And is that something a mentally healthy person does?”
Your Treatment Of Hypermobility Is Making Me Hypertense
Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office, UK | Healthy | October 31, 2019
(This story has taken about five years to come to a close. When I was seventeen, I started having awful fatigue problems, sleeping up to fourteen hours a day, and being constantly exhausted. I’ve always been fairly healthy, hiking for fun and rock climbing on a weekly basis, but after a while, I became so tired and my joints and muscles started hurting so much that I couldn’t exercise anymore. Because of this, I put on some weight. At nineteen, I go to the doctor because I’m in constant pain and believe I may have hypermobility.)
Me: *explains the last two years of problems, and how a friend showed me a list of hypermobility symptoms which seem to match up with what I’m experiencing*
Doctor #1 : “Okay, well, I’m actually the hypermobility specialist for this surgery so I’m going to take you through a series of tests.”
(He takes me through the tests, including touching the floor with my legs straight, bending my fingers and arms, etc.)
Doctor #1 : “Right, well, you definitely don’t have hypermobility; I don’t know how you got that idea in your head. You just need to lose some weight and you’ll be fine.”
Me: “How am I supposed to do that if I’m in pain all the time?”
Doctor #1 : “Oh, just take some painkillers, exercise more, and eat less junk food. You’ll be fine.”
(Miserable, but believing him, I spend the next three years in increasing pain, eventually unable to work, socialise, or do any of my old hobbies because I’m so exhausted all the time. I fall into a deep depression, believing that I’m making it up and that I’m just lazy. Finally, after counselling and heaps of support from my friends, I get an appointment at the closest rheumatology clinic.)
Doctor #2 : “All right, how can I help you today?”
Me: *twists my neck, making three to four loud pops on each side*
Doctor #2 : *blinks in surprise* “Oh… are they all like that?”
Me: “Yup. I can crack pretty much every joint in my body, including my elbows and my kneecaps.”
Doctor #2 : *after she takes me through all the same tests for hypermobility as the first doctor and a pressure point test to check for fibromyalgia* “Well, you’re definitely hypermobile in your upper body — anyone could see that — and the swelling around your knees is particularly concerning. I’m going to send you off for some tests and give you a prescription for an anti-inflammatory painkiller tablet. If it’s not enough, come back and I’ll give you some more. I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with this for five years!”
(Now, after a year and a half of unemployment, I have a job I love and am able to do with energy left over for twice-weekly climbing sessions and plenty of socialising. Thank you to the second doctor I saw, and to the first doctor? F*** you
Give Thanks For Fewer Scams
Canada, Geography, Holidays, Jerk, Liars/Scammers | Healthy | October 28, 2019
(On Canadian Thanksgiving Day, an hour before supper, I’m scrambling preparing food when the phone rings and, lo and behold, I’ve won a cruise! Frustrated at the timing, I let it go to the operator…)
Me: “Hi. It’s Thanksgiving evening suppertime and I don’t appreciate being called. Please take me off your list.”
Scammer: “It’s not Thanksgiving.”
Me: *dumbfounded that they don’t even know where they’re calling* “I’m in Canada, you knob. It’s Thanksgiving here. Take me off your list, please.”
Scammer: “No.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Scammer: “No. Not until you say sorry for calling me a knob.”
(Granted, I shouldn’t be calling people names, but considering the circumstances…)
Me: “Yeah, that’s not going to happen now. You may be in America, but in Canada it’s Thanksgiving and your scam is interrupting our supper.”
Scammer: “I’m not really American. One of my parents is Mexican and the other is American.”
Me: “How’s that relevant? Please take me off your list.”
Scammer: “Just America is better and we earn money way faster than you.”
Me: “I doubt that at a scam job, and I’ll stick with my free healthcare, thanks.”
Scammer: “We out-earn you, and this isn’t a scam.”
Me: “Really? I really won a free cruise?”
Scammer: *perks up* “Yes, you did, ma’am!”
Me: “No, I didn’t. Take me off your list and HAPPY THANKSGIVING!” *hangs up*
Don’t Let The Anti-Vaxxers See This
Colorado, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | October 28, 2019
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.
(I’ve recently found out that I’m pregnant and visited my primary care doctor to make some updates to my current medications. Please keep in mind that last week I had a sinus infection and lung spasms which resulted in me needing antibiotics and an inhaler.)
Primary Doctor: “So, you’re pregnant! While I know you don’t like the flu shot, it’s important that you get one. We can do that today. If a pregnant woman doesn’t get the flu shot, and gets the flu, she’ll end up in the hospital.”
Me: “It’s not that I don’t ‘like’ the flu shot. It’s that I’ve had very bad reactions to it before.” *something I’ve explained every visit and do so again*
Primary Doctor: “Well, it’s really important that you do it; otherwise, you’re putting not only yourself but the baby at risk. There’s no known risk with you getting the flu shot, and if you don’t, that’s dangerous.”
Me: “I’ll think about it, but since I’m recovering right now I’m not comfortable doing it today. I suppose I could do it at the end of next week?”
(Fast forward to the next day when I have an appointment with an OB/GYN, who is retiring but is giving me a referral.)
OB Doctor: “So, since you’re pregnant, we do recommend that you have the flu shot.”
Me: “Yes, my primary doctor said the same yesterday, but I’ve said I’d like to hold off for a week or so. I’d just rather not do it, but my primary said it’d be dangerous.”
OB Doctor: “Why don’t you want it?”
Me: “Years ago, I worked for a company that required us to have flu shots due to the medical nature. For two years in a row, after receiving the flu shot, I ended up in the ER within two weeks of receiving it with respiratory issues each time. I felt like I could not breathe and ended up on a lot of different medications, and never had anything like that before or after those two shots. After this happened the second time, the employer gave me a waiver. I haven’t had a flu shot since then and have only had the flu once in fifteen years.”
OB Doctor: “Wow! But your primary care doctor is saying you need it? Well, here’s the thing… we doctors act like we know everything based on the training we receive. We don’t. It is far too much of a coincidence for that to have happened to you two years in a row, but not since. I don’t want you to get the flu shot. If you do get the flu, there are options such as tamiflu, or yes, you may end up in the hospital, but that’s better than dead!”
Me: “Thank you so much for saying that; other doctors have told me I’m wrong and it’s so nice to have what I experienced validated. I’m not unreasonable.”
Doctor: *as he’s leaving the room* “Don’t get the flu shot! Do not let them kill you!”
She Will Not Neglect To Tell You
Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Lazy/Unhelpful, USA | Healthy | October 27, 2019
(I’m in the ER for what I later learn is a massive kidney stone. I’m on disability and Medicaid, which of course I tell the desk, so they can bill it appropriately. A doctor comes in later.)
Doctor: “We’re going to keep you overnight and give you [pain medication] to help.”
(He leaves without any more information. At this point, I’ve only received Tylenol, which is doing nowhere near enough for the level of pain I’m at. I’m moved to a different unit in the hospital, and for the next eight hours, I’m in a painful daze as I still didn’t get medication. Word gets to my mom, who, while having the voice and appearance of a fairy godmother, also knows when people aren’t doing their jobs. She comes to visit and speak with a nurse.)
Mom: “Has she been given any medication?”
Nurse: “No, until [Doctor] actually sends through the order we can’t give her anything but Tylenol.”
Mom: “What?! He saw her early this morning and he hasn’t done something this simple?!”
Nurse: “I know, ma’am. I’ve tried paging him and he keeps saying he’ll get to it.”
Mom: “Can you page him up here?”
(I can see the nurse get a HUGE grin.)
Nurse: “Absolutely, ma’am. Just one minute!”
(After even more painful waiting, the doctor finally comes in. He looks bored and annoyed at having to come personally to me.)
Mom: “Are you her doctor?”
Doctor: “Yes, ma’am.”
(As soon as he confirms, my mom TEARS into him. She yells about how I’ve been suffering, how she got a call from a nurse about me being here, how I didn’t know what was going on and wasn’t given anything because of his incompetence. The man looks utterly terrified.)
Mom: “Now, you are going to get her whatever medications she needs right now. I am going to make some phone calls that are going to make your life h*** because I sincerely doubt my daughter is the only one who’s been treated this way by you!”
(I was blissfully medicated within the hour. My mom did, in fact, make some calls. I was quickly assigned a new doctor, and later found out the first one was fired for patient neglect.)
The Number One Problem For Check-Ups
Australia, Pets & Animals, Vet, Western Australia | Healthy | October 25, 2019
(I have three ferrets, all due for a checkup. First ferret, fine but getting old. Second ferret, perfect health. When the vet picks up the third and starts feeling his little fuzzy abdomen, his face falls.)
Vet: “Hmm. Have you noticed that he’s got quite a large lump here? In his abdomen?”
Me: “No, I had no idea.”
Vet: “Okay. Hm. So, it seems very close to his prostate, maybe even on his prostate, so that’s quite worrying. It’s really large; are you sure you haven’t felt it before?”
Me: *starting to freak out a little bit* “No, definitely not.”
Vet: “Okay, well, I’m going to take him out the back and we’ll do a little ultrasound. Don’t panic; there’s a good chance it could be something benign, and if it isn’t, we have options, okay? I’ll be back in a minute.”
(I sit in the consulting room for ten minutes, wringing my hands, wondering if one of my pets has cancerous tumours and how I couldn’t have noticed. The vet comes back, still holding my ferret.)
Vet: *putting my ferret down on the examination table* “Okay, so, we did an ultrasound, and we’re at a little bit of a loss. It doesn’t look like anything I’ve seen, so we’re going to have to either biopsy or…”
(He trails off, as my ferret has toddled over to the sink and started urinating. It goes on for a very long time.)
Me: “Oh, geez, I’m sorry! He’s never done that before.”
Vet: “Well, better there than on the table, right?”
(He pauses, realisation dawning on him. He picks up my ferret once he’s finished his business, and feels the abdomen again.)
Vet: “So. Uh. This is a little awkward, but good news! He doesn’t have a tumour.”
(It turns out, my little boy was too polite to pee on a person or on the examination table, even while people were touching and scanning his large and very full bladder. They didn’t charge me for the ultrasound.)
The Number One Problem For Check-Ups
Australia, Pets & Animals, Vet, Western Australia | Healthy | October 25, 2019
(I have three ferrets, all due for a checkup. First ferret, fine but getting old. Second ferret, perfect health. When the vet picks up the third and starts feeling his little fuzzy abdomen, his face falls.)
Vet: “Hmm. Have you noticed that he’s got quite a large lump here? In his abdomen?”
Me: “No, I had no idea.”
Vet: “Okay. Hm. So, it seems very close to his prostate, maybe even on his prostate, so that’s quite worrying. It’s really large; are you sure you haven’t felt it before?”
Me: *starting to freak out a little bit* “No, definitely not.”
Vet: “Okay, well, I’m going to take him out the back and we’ll do a little ultrasound. Don’t panic; there’s a good chance it could be something benign, and if it isn’t, we have options, okay? I’ll be back in a minute.”
(I sit in the consulting room for ten minutes, wringing my hands, wondering if one of my pets has cancerous tumours and how I couldn’t have noticed. The vet comes back, still holding my ferret.)
Vet: *putting my ferret down on the examination table* “Okay, so, we did an ultrasound, and we’re at a little bit of a loss. It doesn’t look like anything I’ve seen, so we’re going to have to either biopsy or…”
(He trails off, as my ferret has toddled over to the sink and started urinating. It goes on for a very long time.)
Me: “Oh, geez, I’m sorry! He’s never done that before.”
Vet: “Well, better there than on the table, right?”
(He pauses, realisation dawning on him. He picks up my ferret once he’s finished his business, and feels the abdomen again.)
Vet: “So. Uh. This is a little awkward, but good news! He doesn’t have a tumour.”
(It turns out, my little boy was too polite to pee on a person or on the examination table, even while people were touching and scanning his large and very full bladder. They didn’t charge me for the ultrasound.)
All Of The Above
Pharmacy, Stupid, USA | Healthy | October 23, 2019
(One of my medications is delivered to my home through a specialty pharmacy. Every month they call to verify my information and see if anything has changed. At the end of our conversation, the Home Delivery Pharmacist — HDP — reverifies my medical history before finalizing the order.)
Home Delivery Pharmacist: “Okay… I see here this is from [Hospital Doctor]. Did you see him recently?”
Me: “Yes, while I was in-patient at [Hospital] last month.”
Home Delivery Pharmacist: “Okay. Have you been to the ER, had an infection, or been hospitalized in the last 90 days?”
Me: “Yes, all three.”
Home Delivery Pharmacist: “Which one?”
Me: “All of them.”
Home Delivery Pharmacist: “No. ER, infection, or hospital. Which one?”
Me: “Um… all of the above. All three.”
Home Delivery Pharmacist: *annoyed* “No, ma’am. Were you in the ER, did you have an infection, or were you hospitalized in the last 90 days?”
Me: “Yes! I went to the ER because I couldn’t breathe. I found out I had a lung infection and I was hospitalized for 21 days.”
Home Delivery Pharmacist: “Oh.” *sour tone* “You could have just said yes. We’ll ship this tomorrow.” *hangs up*
Those Prices Are Not Healthy
Government, Hospital, Japan, Money, Non-Dialogue | Healthy | October 21, 2019
I’m an American living and working in Japan. One day, I get severely ill, so I call an ambulance and am taken to the hospital. It turns out to be an easily treated condition, but they keep me in for observation overnight.
During checkout the next day, they keep warning me and apologizing that payment will be expensive, even with my insurance. “I’m so sorry but it will be pricey,” is something I hear from several people.
At that point, I’m a little worried about the cost, but checkout is almost done and they present me with the bill — about ¥30,000, a little under $300 US.
I surprise them when I start laughing, then horrify them when I say that an ambulance ride, hospital stay, and followup medication in the US would easily add up to at least ten times that price!
Circumcise What I Just Said From Your Minds
Australia, Hospital, Nurses | Healthy | October 20, 2019
(I have just given birth to my son and am with the nurse who is head of the maternity section. It just happens that we went to school together.)
Nurse: “So, we just have to get some things out of the way. First, do you want him circumcised?”
Me: “No, definitely not.”
Nurse: “Thank goodness. Do you know how horrible it is? They do it without anaesthesia and basically just cut the foreskin off with scissors. The poor babies go through so much pain, it makes me sick every time a parent wants it done, and I’m not allowed to try to talk anyone out of it or… um… say what I just said.”
Not What They Mean By Getting Plenty Of Bed Rest
Assisted Living, Golden Years, Michigan, Rude & Risque, USA | Healthy | October 19, 2019
(A group of residents with varying stages of dementia is sitting around a table having coffee near my desk in the front lobby. One of them asks a question of the others…)
Don’t Grit Your Teeth To This
Assisted Living, Golden Years, Sweden | Healthy | October 18, 2019
(I am helping an old lady getting ready for bed one evening at the nursing home. A part of that includes assisting her with brushing her teeth. Some old people have dentures, and I can’t remember whether this lady has or not.)
Me: “Do you have your own teeth?”
Resident: “Yes, I do.”
Me: “Okay, then, here’s your toothbrush.”
(The lady then pops out her dentures.)
Me: “I thought you had your own teeth?”
Resident: “I do. I bought and paid for them myself.”
Smoking? There’s An App For That
Bad Behavior, Hospital, Kansas, Nurses, USA | Healthy | October 17, 2019
(I am in the hospital after falling down a flight of stairs. My ankle is fractured.)
Me: “Excuse me. Can you please hand me my phone?”
Nurse: “No.”
Me: “What? Why not?”
Nurse: *huffy* “Well, it says on your chart that you’re a smoker. I’m not going to give you your phone so you can buy more cigarettes.”
Me: “I wasn’t planning on buying anything; I wanted to update my family and friends.”
Nurse: “I don’t believe you. I know your kind. You think you’re special because you destroy your body with drugs. I’m not letting you buy drugs!”
Me: “All right, let’s see what a patient advocate thinks about what you just said.”
Nurse: *goes pale and hands me my phone*
(Later, when I told my dad about it, he told the doctor, who rolled his eyes and said we weren’t the first to complain.)
Choked By Your Own Doctor
Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Iowa, Jerk, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | October 16, 2019
(I’ve had serious sinus/throat/ear problems for most of my life, along with pretty severe anxiety disorder; it’s so bad I was put on anti-anxiety meds at eight years old. Unfortunately, since I have an anxiety disorder, most of my problems have been brushed off as panic until they’re either too late to fix properly or until I fight with the doctors. I miss a pretty good bit of school because my ears hurt or I feel like I am choking, and I will go to the doctor each time. Each time, the pediatrician tells me, “It’s just a viral infection,” or, “It’s just your anxiety acting up.”)
Me: “I really don’t think this is viral; I’ve been coming in every month or so for two years or so.”
Doctor: “It’s just viral. I think you just like getting out of school, too.” *nudge nudge wink wink*
Me: “Uh, no. My grades are taking a hit. I can barely breathe and I feel like I’m choking constantly. This is not a panic thing, and it’s obviously not viral; otherwise, it wouldn’t always come back. Maybe you should do your job and actually figure out what’s wrong?”
Mom: *staring in shock because I’m not one to smart off*
Doctor: “If you can smart off like that, then you don’t need to see a pediatrician any more!”
(My mom schedules an appointment at a different doctor’s office, with a different doctor. I’m freaking out because I’ve never seen another doctor before in my fifteen years and many, MANY doctors appointments.)
New Doctor: *looks in my mouth* “Oh, my God! Your tonsils are huge. Like, can you breathe at all?”
Me: “No, not really. I always feel like I’m choking.”
New Doctor: “These have to come out.”
(So, I got my tonsils out, along with my adenoids. The surgeon told me they were the biggest he’d ever seen. I no longer feel like I’m being choked to death constantly. But having your tonsils pulled out at sixteen sucks.)
With So Many Fillings He Has Become Very Dense
Dentist, Jerk, Michigan, Patients, Stupid, USA | Healthy | October 15, 2019
Patient: “Why do I need an x-ray?”
Me: “To check for problems [Doctor] might have missed.”
Patient: “Problems like what?”
Me: “Cavities between your teeth and under your fillings, and gum disease.”
Patient: “If [Doctor]’s eyesight is so bad that he can’t even see cavities anymore, why is he still a dentist?”
Me: “There is nothing wrong with [Doctor]’s eyesight, sir. It would be impossible for anyone to look underneath fillings and in between your teeth.”
Patient: “So, I just let him poke around my mouth for nothing? Why didn’t you tell me that right away? I would have skipped the exam and just done the x-ray. Now I need to pay for something that is completely useless. You are ripping me off. I’ll get a second opinion.”
Me: “You are welcome to do that. But they’ll want to do an exam, as well.”
Patient: “I’ll tell them that you already did.”
Me: “They’ll still want to actually look at your teeth. Believe me.”
Patient: “So, you are trying to tell me that they’ll rip me off, too?”
Me: “Sir, an x-ray is more expensive than an exam.”
Patient: “Oh, if you do the x-ray, can I take that to my second opinion dentist?”
Me: “Yes.”
Patient: “So, I’m right. The exam is useless.”
Me: “Do you want an x-ray or not now?”
Patient: “Do I get a refund if you don’t find anything?”
A Cyst-emic Problem In Healthcare
Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Minnesota, USA | Healthy | October 14, 2019
(I get fed up with my old doctor refusing to do anything other than tell me to “just lose some weight” and I go to a new clinic.)
Doctor: “I see you changed practices. Do you have any medical files with you or are they sending them over?”
Me: “They might send them over, but they’re going to be next to empty and claim I’m only overweight. My last doctor didn’t pay any attention to any of the symptoms I would tell him about. If it doesn’t happen in front of him he thinks it doesn’t happen ever, and all he would ever tell me is that I need to lose weight. I know I need to, but I’ve honestly been dieting and exercising and nothing has happened. I’ve had hormone problems my entire life, but he just kept telling me to eat better.”
Doctor: “That sounds… bad. Okay, tell me what’s going on with your hormones, and I’ll have a nurse come in and draw your blood for labs. You also seem to have a small lump on your neck.”
Me: “Yeah, I’m prone to cysts. I was going to get it looked at if it didn’t go away. Getting them drained isn’t pleasant, so I wait and see if they take care of themselves before I go in.”
Doctor: “I’ll take a look at it, anyway. You’re already here, might as well.”
(I leave the appointment satisfied that the doctor didn’t mention my weight at all except to ask if I’ve noticed any fluctuation with it. A week later, the doctor calls me back in.)
Doctor: “I ran your labs and, like I thought, you also high levels of testosterone. You have something called–“
Me: “Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS?”
Doctor: “Exactly.”
Me: “I asked my old doctor about that years ago since I’m prone to getting cysts on my ovaries, but he never tested me for it.”
Doctor: “Well, I did, and you definitely have it. You also seem to have some thyroid problems, and I’d like for you to get a biopsy of the lump on your neck.”
Me: “Really?”
Doctor: “Yes, since I saw you last week, it’s gotten bigger, and I don’t think it’s a cyst.”
(It wasn’t. It was a cancerous tumor on my thyroid. When the surgeon opened me up to remove it, cancer had already spread to the surrounding lymph nodes, which then also had to be removed. After some radiation and chemo, I’m in remission, but if I had stayed with the old fat-shaming doctor, I’d be dead. Thankfully, that doctor retired and no longer “treats” patients.)
Eye Have No Idea What You’re Saying
Optometrist/Optician, Patients, Reception, Stupid, USA | Healthy | October 12, 2019
(I work as a receptionist and an assistant for an optometrist. I am discussing the exam costs with a patient who has no insurance.)
Patient: “What?! Why does an exam cost that much just to get a prescription?”
Me: “Well, ma’am, my doctor also checks the health of your eyes, not just giving a prescription.”
Patient: “That’s just stupid. Eyes are always healthy unless you need to see better!”
The Nutty Doctor
Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Sweden | Healthy | October 11, 2019
(A couple of years ago, I started having really low blood sugar levels. It turned out that I needed surgery but I could not get it right away. To try to help me during the wait, my endocrinologist referred me to a dietician so see if there were some diet changes I could do to reduce the risk of going so low I passed out. I am very allergic to nuts. I go to the dietician and she looks at my list of food that I have eaten for the last three days and asks if I have any allergies, which I tell her about.)
Doctor: “You need to eat a snack in the afternoon that keeps the blood sugar levels up better. A handful of nuts is good.”
Me: “I am allergic to nuts.”
Doctor: “So, as I was saying. You need to eat at least 60g for it to be good for you.”
Me: “Still can’t eat nuts. Allergy…”
Doctor: “But nuts are good for you.”
Me: “They might be good for other people, but I am allergic to nuts. Is there really nothing to replace them with?”
Doctor: “Nuts are good for everybody. They help stabilize the blood sugar.”
Me: “One more time, I am allergic to nuts. I will die if I eat them. I can’t have nuts.”
Doctor: “I don’t know why you came here if you don’t allow me to help you.”
Me: “I want help. I just can’t eat nuts. Are there any other foods that I can have as a snack?”
Doctor: “I recommend at least 60 grams of nuts as a snack.”
Getting Very Anal About The Probing Questions
Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Nebraska, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, USA | Healthy | October 10, 2019
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.
In 2013, at the age of 25, I begin to have tonic-clonic seizures. Prior to this, I have never experienced any kind of seizure. As the doctors are trying to understand what’s going on with me, they recommend an MRI to see if there are any physical indications in my brain as to what’s going on. Before the referral is made, the doctor asks if I have any metal in my body and I tell them no, and they note it in my chart. They tell me not to wear any jewelry when I go to have the MRI.
I go to the MRI clinic and throughout the paperwork process, I am asked several times if I have any metal in my body. I write “no” on all the paperwork and confirm this verbally with the intake person. I then speak with the nurse who takes me back to where the MRI is, and she asks me a couple of times if I have metal in me, as well. I tell her no and that I didn’t wear any jewelry. She writes that down and leaves me to change into clothing with nothing metal in it and to hang out in the room until the tech can come in and prep the machine.
After about five minutes, the tech comes in and begins prepping everything. “Before you lay down, I need to ask if you have any metal in or on your body.”
I am profoundly tired, in a lot of pain from the seizures, and scared I have a brain tumor, and so my coping mechanism kicks in. “Oh, no, just the implant the alien put in me when I was taken up on the mothership,” I say, as brightly as possible.
She looks at me quizzically and I repeat myself, smiling to let her know I’m kidding. She’s silent for a beat and then just sighs and tells me to get on the table. No chill at all.
I understand why they have to ask about metal due to the intense magnetism, but jeez, look at the charts, people! I don’t think I need to answer this question twelve times in the span of 48 hours.
Also, I don’t have a tumor, and my implant didn’t show up in the scan!
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