Health Care stories

He Did His Research… But At What Cost?
BAD BEHAVIOR, COLLEGE & UNIVERSITY, MEDICAL OFFICE, MICHIGAN, THERAPIST, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 14, 2020
When I am a graduate student, I go to my university’s health clinic for routine HIV screening. My personal history is very low risk, but I am a sexually active gay man, and the CDC recommends testing of all MSM — men who have sex with men — every three to six months.

The testing at this clinic involves making an appointment, filling out a questionnaire, talking with a counselor, getting blood drawn, and then talking with a counselor again a week later. All of the counselors are, themselves, graduate students in either physical or mental health programs; most of them are not really prepared for a patient who can quote health statistics from the most recent literature on population-level studies of HIV-positive individuals in high-income countries.

The first few times are fine, though the counselors clearly are a bit surprised to be dealing with someone who hasn’t had drunken unprotected sex and is now worried about it, but is just there for routine testing.

Then, I have the Awful Counselor.

Awful Counselor: “When were you last tested?”

Me: “Either four or five months ago. I know it was in [Month], but I don’t remember if it was at the beginning or end of the month.”

Awful Counselor: “How many sexual partners have you had since then?”

Me: “One partner in that time frame, oral sex only.”

Awful Counselor: “Is this a new partner?”

Me: “No. I’ve had sex with him before, too. He’s one of my four partners so far in my life.”

Awful Counselor: “So, why are you here?”

Me: “Because health authorities recommend regular testing for any sexually active MSM?

Awful Counselor: “But you were here less than six months ago. No one should be tested more often than once a year unless they’re doing something they shouldn’t be.”

Me: “Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t the CDC specifically say that any sexually active MSM should be tested every three to six months?”

Awful Counselor: “Yes, but that’s wrong. It clearly shouldn’t be more often than once a year.”

She then rants about why people should get tested less often.

Me: “Well, okay, but I’m going to follow the CDC recommendations here. I trust them.”

Awful Counselor: “And you list yourself as low-anxiety?”

Me: “Yes. I know from my personal history that my odds of having contracted HIV are very low. But, there’s value from a public health standpoint if there’s more widespread compliance with recommended testing protocols.”

Awful Counselor: “Well, no one with the history you list would be here if they’re not anxious. So, either you are high-anxiety or this is not your accurate history. And that makes me wonder what else you’re lying about.”

Me: “Excuse me? You’re… accusing me of lying because I’m following CDC guidelines?”

Awful Counselor: “It’s possible that it’s not intentional on your part. But there’s no way everything you’ve said is true.”

Me: “You have literally no way to know that. And it’s also not even remotely your job to determine that. We’re done here.”

I left her office, told the secretary that the counselor hadn’t given me my paperwork for the blood draw, and went down to get the draw. I also grabbed a comment card and filled out how ludicrous and inappropriate the counselor was. For the rest of my time as a student there, I asked for a different counselor if I was assigned to the Awful Counselor. I don’t know how she kept that job.

Hey, No Pressure
MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, PATIENTS, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 12, 2020
While I’m at the doctor’s to get a checkup for an overnight camp, the nurse comes in to check my pulse and blood pressure. As she’s doing this, she’s looking over my records. I’m thirteen. While I don’t have a severe needle phobia, I get very nervous when I have to get shots and just being in doctor’s offices in general.

Nurse: “Oh, since you’re about to start seventh grade, we need to give you [shot #1 ] and [shot #2 ] today.”

She pauses for a moment.

Nurse: “Huh, your blood pressure’s kinda high.”

I wonder why.

Do You Have Any Idea How Expensive Your Laziness Is?!
BAD BEHAVIOR, EMERGENCY SERVICES, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, NEW JERSEY, PATIENTS, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 10, 2020
I volunteer for my township’s all-volunteer first aid squad. We have a designated crew manning the building during the day to answer any calls, but overnight, the designated crew responds from home via pager. My town and surrounding towns are not very big, so we or other towns sometimes have difficulty putting a crew together. For this reason, we have a “mutual aid” agreement with nearby towns. If we do not have a crew available, another town offers their crew, and vice versa.

Many people misuse the 911 system. They think that arriving at an emergency room by ambulance will mean faster service. It does not. I have literally been to a house in the middle of the night for a stubbed toe. There were four cars in the driveway and five people in the house, any one of whom could have driven the “patient” to the hospital… for the stubbed toe.

On one night shift, my pager goes off to respond to the next town over, which also happens to have the hospital that we take most of our patients to. Bleary-eyed, I drive to my building, meet up with my crew, grab an ambulance, set the GPS, and go off on our way.

Dispatch: “The patient is experiencing urinary retention.”

This can be very painful and dangerous to the kidneys.

And where was the house we ended up at? Across the street from the hospital emergency room entrance. And where was the patient? Sitting on his front porch with a packed bag and quietly reading a book. And how long had it been since he had passed urine? About three hours. Grrrrr!

Well, When You’re THAT Accident-Prone…
EMPLOYEES, FUNNY, MEDICAL OFFICE, NEW YORK, PATIENTS, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 8, 2020
I am EXCEEDINGLY accident-prone, to the point that I joke that my hobby is keeping my doctors’ lives interesting. I also have a host of medical issues.

I seriously strained my right hamstring — it felt like a tearing, ripping sensation — last July while trying to lever a pokeweed root out of the ground — roots hard as trees and just as hard to remove. My friends told me that only I could manage to hurt my hamstring that way.

I started aquatic therapy for it, but my hamstring still hurt a lot, so my ortho ordered an MRI to see what was going on. I tell the MRI techs that, after a lifetime of x-rays, CAT scans, and MRIs, I have developed the ability to remain perfectly still for the entire time any of the tests are being done.

Apparently, they don’t believe me; they keep asking me if I am okay after each scan.

Me: “Why? Did you think I died here?”

Tech: “But you were so still!”

Evidently, they didn’t check to see that I was breathing.

Do A Little Brain Labor Here
MEDICAL OFFICE, PATIENTS, STUPID, TEXAS, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 5, 2020
I work in an obstetrics/gynecology clinic. My coworker answers the phone.

Coworker: “So, you think your water broke? Hang on while I get a nurse.”

I’m talking to another patient while listening to her. My coworker talks to a nurse and comes back to the phone.

Coworker: “Wait, so you’re at the hospital? No, you need to stay there and get evaluated. We can’t do anything here at the clinic. Stay at the hospital.”

I could only close my eyes, as hearing that one-sided conversation gave me a headache.

An Im-Patient Doctor
CANADA, CURRENT EVENTS, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, JERK, MANITOBA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 1, 2020
At eighteen, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Over the years, I’ve used different coping mechanisms to stay organized to varying degrees of effectiveness. I probably could have benefited from medications but felt like it wasn’t affecting my life too negatively.

Once the global health crisis hit, I was laid off.

When my industry reopens, the myriad of new regulations, sanitizing steps, changes to daily practice, and dealing with the public who may or may not have strong opinions on the rules all lead to my stress levels rising and my ADHD becoming more unmanageable. Brain fog and memory issues rise through the roof. Now, at thirty-six years old, I’ve decided to talk to a psychiatrist to look into medication options.

These are some highlights from my very frustrating two-hour appointment where I feel like I am defending the legitimacy of my diagnosis.

Doctor: “Your teachers never complained about you?”

Me: “No, but I still struggled in my classes.”

Doctor: “No one talked to your parents and your teachers never complained, so it couldn’t have been that bad.”

Also:

Doctor: “You studied subjects that required a lot of academic focus in college. So it couldn’t have been that bad.”

Me: “I ended up dropping out because I couldn’t maintain my GPA. I only did well in the classes I liked and needed for my degree. I failed the mandatory Bible classes everyone had to take.”

Bible college was a bad choice.

Also:

Doctor: “Do you ever have issues with distractibility?”

Me: “Sometimes I forget I’m hungry and I go all day without eating. Suppertime rolls around and I can’t figure out why I’m starving, and then I realize I might not have eaten at all that day.”

Doctor: “GOOD FOR YOU!”

Also:

Me: “My work has been really affected. All the new rules and regulations because of the health crisis have caused me to forget a lot of important things and it’s causing my performance to suffer.”

Doctor: “The crisis has changed everyone’s jobs. Your job isn’t that hard, anyway, not like a secretary. You don’t even need to concentrate that hard, not like a secretary.”

Also:

Doctor: “So why did you look for a diagnosis? Who referred you?”

Me: “My dad and my little sister both have it. I’ve had many of the same issues as my sister. She was diagnosed with dyslexia in kindergarten and they found out about her ADHD during those tests. At the time, I was just the chatty, loud, fidgety kid. I flew under the radar until years later when I realized I probably had it, as well. That’s why I looked into it.”

Doctor: “So why did you go looking for a diagnosis?”

Me: “Because it ran in my family? As I said, I already have a dad and sister with it, and I wanted to know before I went to college so I could be prepared during exams if I needed academic accommodations.”

I was close to tears a couple of times, and after I hung up, I realized I had been on the phone with him for two hours. I was so frustrated and upset. I talked with some friends about what happened and they all told me I should make a complaint.

I contacted my hospital’s Patient Experience Liaison as soon as I felt mentally ready. After an investigation, they found that I got an accurate assessment but his tone and wording did need to be addressed.

The doctor approached me and said he was sorry that I’d had such a negative experience and would use my complaints to focus on self-improvements. The director of the unit said my experience would be used to help teach students the importance of proper communication.

It’s in my file that I will never be scheduled with that doctor again.

There might not have been drastic changes, but I’m happy it’s on his record, and I hope that if others have issues with him, they also file reports.

Happy Hall-OW-ween
BIZARRE, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, INSURANCE, USA | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 30, 2020
When I am in third grade, the day before Halloween, I trip at a friend’s house and break my right pinkie finger. Mom takes me to the local children’s hospital, I get X-rays and a half-cast, and life continues.

Exactly one year later, I trip at school and fracture three fingers on my left hand. My mother takes me to the same hospital, but the hairline fractures are nearly invisible, and the nurses wrap my hand and send me home. I try to argue that they are broken, and I know what it feels like, but only my mom believes me.

Three hours later, the hospital calls.

Employee: “Um, please bring her back in. Another doctor read the X-ray and her fingers are broken. Can you believe it? She needs a cast.”

But the true moment of hilarity was the poor insurance agent who handled the second claim. She spent a half-hour on the phone with my mom trying to sort out why there were two claims for broken fingers, filed on October 30, one year apart. I think she was expecting a prank or a misfile. My mom ended up asking questions like, “How many fingers does it say?” and, “Which hand is that for?”

I’m pretty sure it ended up as a write-off, because my mom only spoke with them once and we never heard about those claims again.

And yes, there were many jokes about one-upping myself for years after. I did end up getting a different finger caught in a car door later, but that’s another story.

They Didn’t Sign Up For This
AWESOME, COURIER, EMPLOYEES, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, NORTHERN IRELAND, PHARMACY | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 28, 2020
I take medication which is supplied by a contractor. It is fragile, so it is delivered by a courier in a refrigerated van. When the supplier phones me to organise delivery, I ask them to deliver it to my local pharmacy so I don’t have to be there.

This happens for months without issue. One day, I’m at work and I receive a voicemail.

Voicemail: “Hi, [My Name], this is [Courier]. Unfortunately, you are not present to sign for the delivery, so I’m taking it back to the depot. Please phone [number] to reschedule when you are available.”

I don’t understand. Normally, the pharmacist signs for it, so why not this time? After work, I visit the pharmacist.

Me: “Hi, [Pharmacist]. What happened with [medicine]?”

Pharmacist: “The courier asked for you to sign for it. His instructions said, ‘Patient must sign.’ I tried explaining that in the context of a pharmacy, the pharmacist can sign for it. That’s my job. He insisted that it must be you.”

Me: “So he expected me to wait here all day?”

Pharmacist: “Apparently, yes. You may wish to reschedule it.”

I phone the supplier. The representative sounds embarrassed.

Supplier: “Mr. [My Surname], I’m very sorry. The notes do indeed say, ‘Patient must sign,’ so technically, he was doing what he was told. He may be new.”

Me: “These things happen. Can you reschedule the delivery, please?”

Supplier: “Of course. It will be delivered on [date]. I’ve changed the instructions to say, ‘Patient or pharmacist must sign.’ He has no excuses.”

The day after [date], I go to the pharmacy.

Me: “Hi, [Pharmacist]. Do you have my [medicine], delivered yesterday?”

Pharmacist: *Confused* “No? Nothing came, and I was here all day.”

This is now a problem. I am due to take the medicine tomorrow, but I have none left. I phone the supplier. I wait in a queue for forty minutes. My tone of voice is polite, but very, very direct.

Me: “What is your first name, please?”

Representative: “[Representative].”

Me: “Hello, [Representative]. I would like to speak to a manager, please.”

Representative: “What happened?”

Me: “I was due a delivery of [medicine] yesterday. It did not come. This is the second time in a row. Last time, the muppet of a driver thought that the pharmacist wasn’t qualified to sign for it.”

Representative: “Seriously?”

Me: “Seriously. Maybe the pharmacist said something like, ‘I went to pharmacy school for seven years; I think I know how to put a tube of [medicine] in the fridge.’ Anyway, the courier just took it back to the depot, and now another delivery has been missed.”

Representative: “Oh, dear. When do you need it by?”

Me: “I’m due to take it tomorrow. Thanks to the courier’s mistake, I don’t have any to take. I’m sure you understand that prescription medication must be taken as advised. I do not intend to find out what happens if I am late taking it.”

Representative: “I think the delivery was missed due to a mixup with a new computer system.”

Me: “Right, we’ll deal with the complaint later. How quickly can you get [medicine] to me?”

Representative: “We have no delivery slots today.”

Me: “I have a car. Can I collect it from the depot? I’ll get a coolbox to keep it refrigerated.”

Representative: “Oh… I— I honestly don’t know. I’ve never been asked that before. Can you hold? It might be a while.”

Me: “Take as long as you need.”

I start weeding my front yard. Thirty minutes later:

Representative: “Mr. [My Surname]?”

Me: “Call me [My First Name]. How did you do?”

Representative: “You can’t collect it from the depot, for security reasons. Instead, I will try and contract a special courier. It won’t be the courier we normally deal with. I’ll need to call round again. Can you hold, please?”

Me: “Take as long as you need.”

Anyway, I search for the depot online, just in case. I find it immediately, ten km away. Thirty-five minutes later:

Representative: “Hi, [My First Name]. I’ve had to phone about fourteen departments, but I found a courier. You will receive the delivery today. Can you please remain at your house all day?”

Me: “I’ll be in all day. Out of interest, what is the ‘security reason’? Do they not want people knowing where the depot is?”

Representative: “No, we had a break-in once. Something like £100,000 medicine was stolen, so we have strict rules on visitors now.”

Me: “Oh. That kind of makes sense, because this medicine costs £700 a time. Thank you very much for your patience. How do you spell your name?”

They spell their name for me.

Me: “I’ll tell your employer what a good job you have done.”

Representative: “Thank you very much!”

An hour later, a man arrived at my house with [medicine], and I finished weeding my yard.

He’s Getting Warmer… And Colder
COWORKERS, FACTORY/INDUSTRIAL, HEALTH & BODY, NEW HIRES, NORTHERN IRELAND | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 26, 2020
I’m an IT technician in a factory. My female colleague is heavily pregnant at the moment and has been suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum, so she’s doing a mixture of remote working and on-site working with significantly reduced hours. She only comes on-site if she feels well enough to do so.

Today is one of her better days, so she’s on-site. I’ve just come back from a job. My female colleague is nowhere to be seen, but all her stuff is sitting on her desk so she can’t be too far away. We have a placement student in our office at the moment, a lad in his early twenties. He’s a very capable IT technician but not yet very world wise.

Me: “Hey, [Student], where’s [Female Colleague]? Is she okay?”

Student: “She’s in the bathroom throwing up again.”

I flinch at his apparent lack of sensitivity and realise that, as the most senior person in our office, I may have to have words with him about this.

Student: “Hey, [My Name], I’m worried.”

Me: “Oh, about what?”

Student: “[Female Colleague] has been vomiting a lot. Every day she’s in, she keeps running to the bathroom to vomit. I’m worried about her; that’s not normal.”

Me: “No, [Student], you’re right. It’s not normal. But she has Hyperemesis Gravidarum, which means she’ll vomit a lot because of her pregnancy.”

Student: “But I don’t get it. When my sister was pregnant with my niece, she had morning sickness and it was nothing like as bad as this!”

Me: “Yeah, but this isn’t morning sickness, mate. It’s worse. A lot worse. Oh, and try and be a little bit more sensitive about it, yeah? It can’t be easy for her.”

Student: “Yeah, but it’s not normal!”

Me: *Sighing* “Of course, it’s not normal! That’s the point. She has… Look, just never mind, okay? Try and show a bit of sensitivity.”

I sat down at my desk, having given up trying to explain it to him. [Student] sat for a few minutes muttering, “It’s not normal…” until [Female Colleague] came back, red-faced, tearful, and feeling sorry for herself. I sat her down and got her a drink of water.

To [Student]’s credit, he DID later leave the room and come back with an ice lolly (popsicle) for [Female Colleague]! Clearly, in spite of his cluelessness, he’d been paying enough attention to realise that ice lollies were one of the few solids she was actually able to keep down. He later told me that he felt sorry for her and wanted to try to make her feel better. She seemed to really appreciate the gesture.

Kindness Isn’t The Best Medicine, But It Can Help You Buy It
ALBERTA, CANADA, EDMONTON, INSPIRATIONAL, KIND STRANGERS, MONEY, PHARMACY | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 24, 2020
I walk into the pharmacy to pick up my husband’s medication. Up until now, we’ve had pretty decent prescription coverage. When I arrive, there are three people there: a husband and wife and the wife’s elderly mother.

While our pharmacist is checking our insurance, we discover that my husband’s medication is no longer covered, which is a problem, as we don’t have the money to cover the full price this month. I start to worry and panic. By this point, the husband, wife, and mother have left the pharmacy already.

A few moments later, the pharmacy phone rings.

Me: “Go ahead and answer it while I figure out what I’m going to do.”

After she hangs up, she looks at me.

Pharmacist #1 : “That was the woman that was here earlier with her husband and her mother. She’s offered to cover the rest of the cost of the medication you need.”

My heart soars and I tear up. I pay for what I can: $50 out of the original $110.

I think that is the end of it and I am so grateful. After I get home, I text my other pharmacist and ask him to thank the wife for me profusely. About twenty minutes later, the pharmacist calls me back.

Pharmacist #2 : “The woman called us back, and she insisted that we give you your money back. She insisted on paying completely for your medication.”

I cried in my living room. I told my husband what had just happened and he couldn’t believe it.

We had never met these people before; they did this purely out of the goodness of their hearts. Wherever you and your family are, please know that my husband and I are eternally grateful for you. You really helped us out in a tight spot!

Many Hands Make Light Work
EMERGENCY SERVICES, INSPIRATIONAL, KIND STRANGERS, NEIGHBORS, NEW JERSEY, USA, WEATHER | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 22, 2020
I used to volunteer with my town’s first aid squad. Most of the calls would be relatively minor in nature, but every once in a while, a true life-or-death emergency would occur.

This story occurs on the day of a blizzard with over twelve inches of snow already on the ground. We get a call for chest pain and begin to head toward the house as quickly as is safely possible. As we get onto side streets, a township snow plow meets up with us to plow the road in front of the ambulance.

We arrive at the house to see a driveway on a steep incline that is, of course, covered with snow. We all make our way up without falling and go into the house. We find a patient having a true heart emergency and in need of the hospital immediately. Our team leader takes over.

Team Leader: “[Colleague #1 ] and [Colleague #2 ], go get the snow shovels out of the rig and start making a pathway to get [Patient] out. [My Name], get [this equipment], [that equipment], and [other equipment] and bring it inside.

The three of us went outside. The other two started shoveling a pathway while I started grabbing the necessary equipment. As I started carrying it up to the house, a neighbor with a snowblower made his way over and started clearing the snow from the driveway. Suddenly, two more neighbors with snowblowers arrived and joined in the effort. On my second trip outside, I watched as two teenagers with shovels ran over and started clearing off the steps. A moment later, yet another neighbor appeared with a bag of sand and she began to coat the steps & driveway to improve traction.

We were able to get the patient down the driveway, into the ambulance, and safely to the hospital, where he made a full recovery. And my faith in humanity? Restored!

Sit Down, Take A Break
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, MICHIGAN, USA | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 20, 2020
I’m about ten years old and have just fractured my arm in two places. The breaks are minor enough that they don’t hurt, so I am much calmer than my parents, who have brought me to the emergency room. My mother brings me in to see an ER doctor while my father parks the car. The doctor is about as calm as I am.

Doctor: “You just have two little fractures on either side of your wrist.”

Me: “Okay.”

Doctor: “And how did you break this again?”

Me: “I tripped over a tent string in the dark.”

Doctor: *To my mother* “She seems like a bookish kid.”

Mom: “Yeah. She is.”

Doctor: “I think she’ll be okay with just a splint.”

And I was. No bulky cast for me!

Shout-Out To Frazzled Nurses!
CURRENT EVENTS, FUNNY, HOSPITAL, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, NURSES, USA, UTAH | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 18, 2020
In July, both my wife and I contract the illness the health crisis is centered on, and we are taken to the local hospital. However, because I have complications, it is decided that I need to be transferred to a larger hospital with a pulmonologist available.

I am transferred by ambulance to the bigger hospital where there are staff waiting to admit me. I am on a stretcher with various medical staff around me. There is one nurse doing transfer paperwork for me.

Nurse: “So, do you prefer to be called Dave or David?”

This question has me puzzled.

Me: “My name is John!

Nurse: “Oops, I really must check the paperwork properly!”

Testing Their Patients And Their Patience
CANADA, CURRENT EVENTS, MEDICAL OFFICE, PATIENTS, STUPID | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 14, 2020
I work at a medical clinic. During the health crisis, I have variations of the following story many times.

Me: “Has the patient been tested for [illness] recently?”

Patient’s Ride: “Oh, he lives at a seniors’ facility, and they get tested regularly.”

Me: *Pause* “The actual [illness] test where they get a swab?”

Patient’s Ride: “Oh, well, they get their temperatures taken regularly.”

How people at this point don’t understand the difference between being screened and tested, I will never know.

What A Load Of Crap
BLOOD DONATION, NURSES, STUPID, UK | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 10, 2020
I have been giving blood for years now without issue. Being slim, a few nurses ask me to confirm my weight because the clinic will not accept donations from anyone under fifty kg.

Nurse: “What is your weight, please?”

Me: “It’s fifty-five kg.”

Nurse: “No, it’s not. You’re underweight.”

Me: “Yes, it really is fifty-five kg; I can jump on some scales right now if you like.”

Nurse: “No, we don’t have any here. You are not fifty-five kg. When did you weigh yourself?”

Me: “This morning, because I knew I was coming here.”

Nurse: “Before breakfast and undressed?”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Nurse: “Was it before or after you went to the bathroom?”

Me: “I had already had a wee before I weighed myself.”

Nurse: “But not passed a stool? That will account for the discrepancy, then.”

Me: “Wait. What? The cut off is fifty kg; I’m five kg over that. I can’t lose that in one trip to the bathroom.”

Nurse: “Oh, you’d be surprised.”

In the end, I was allowed to donate if I promised to completely empty my bowels before the next visit — all five kg of it, apparently.

Thanks, Doctor Wazowski!
CURRENT EVENTS, DENTIST, FUNNY, MOVIES & TV, PENNSYLVANIA, PITTSBURGH, USA | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 9, 2020
To make a long story short, due to the health crisis, I end up needing to get my six-month cleaning done at a dentist I’ve never been to before. As expected, a ton of precautions are in place: waiting outside, wearing a mask until they actually start working inside your mouth, the employees wearing extra protection, etc.

I get checked in, x-rayed, and seated in the chair just fine. Among the equipment in the room is a long metal arm with joints for maneuvering and a cone at the end. When the hygienist pulls the arm around and positions the cone a few inches away from my face; I assume it’s a light.

However, before the hygienist turns it on, she explains that it’s a “suction device” to prevent germs from escaping. Nice precaution, but as soon as she says “suction,” I can feel my eyes bug out because, knowing that’s its purpose, the shape suddenly looks VERY familiar.

Me: “What?! But… it looks exactly like the Scream Extractor from Monsters, Inc.!”

Hygienist: *Laughing* “Yeah, a lot of people have been saying that. I never saw that movie, so I didn’t get it, but I just watched it a few days ago and went, ‘Oh, my gosh, yeah. We have the Scream Machine.’”

So, I had my cleaning done with a loud vacuum running a few inches from my face, and I left very grateful that they had seen me and with a hilarious story to text to the siblings.

The Least Annoying Telemarketer Ever
AWESOME, HEALTH & BODY, INSPIRATIONAL, KIND STRANGERS, TELEMARKETING, THE NETHERLANDS | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 8, 2020
The official description of colic — or “crybaby” as is its literal translation from Dutch — is “a baby that cries at least three hours a day, at least three days a week, for at least three weeks,” and it usually passes by the fourth month.

When I was a baby, I cried for twenty hours a day, every day, for over seven months. The doctors weren’t able to find a cause. Food intolerances were tried and ruled out, my parents were accused of malingering and observed in the hospital to make sure they weren’t exaggerating and/or inducing the crying, and my parents were advised to have me sleep in the barn or have me sleep over at the home of a deaf elderly relative.

Around the seven-month mark, a telemarketer called our exhausted family to sell some kind of overpriced private health insurance.

My father picked up the phone and interrupted the sales spiel.

Father: “My baby has been crying twenty hours a day for the past seven months. She’s obviously in pain, and the doctors can’t find the cause or solve it and are still looking. You don’t want us as your customers.”

Telemarketer: “No, I totally understand. I hope I’m not overstepping, but have you tried a chiropractor? That could be KISS syndrome.”

My parents had not tried a chiropractor.

One week later, to the chiropractor I went.

That afternoon, my older brother — who didn’t know I had had any kind of appointment that day — looked at my parents in obvious concern.

Brother: “I think there’s something wrong with the baby. They’re never this quiet.”

My parents didn’t buy from the telemarketer, and they don’t remember her name. But we are all very glad a salesperson called us that day.

Time To Put This Working Relationship Behind You
BAD BEHAVIOR, CANADA, COWORKERS, HEALTH & BODY, OFFICE, VANCOUVER | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 7, 2020
I was in a work-related accident years ago and have a recurring neck issue. During one flareup, I head to our first aid person to note the pain in case I have to leave early from work or go to the doctor.

First Aid: “Where does it hurt?”

I point at the back of my neck and she stands behind me, poking at the spot.

First Aid: “We could try a realignment.”

Me: “No. No, thank you. This is recurring and I just need it noted. I’ll see my doctor if it gets worse.”

First Aid: “But we could just—”

Me: “No. I don’t need treatment. Just please note it.”

She starts massaging the area and pulling me to her.

Me: “Look—”

She takes my head and turns it sharply, making my neck audibly snap.

Me: “What the f***?!”

I stumbled forward away from her, suddenly lightheaded. I walked away, not looking back, furious that she snapped my neck without permission. She’s not allowed behind me ever again.

You Need Thick Skin To Deal With These Thick Skulls
BIZARRE, CRIMINAL & ILLEGAL, EMERGENCY ROOM, HOSPITAL, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, INDONESIA | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 6, 2020
I’m the attending doctor at the ER. Earlier this morning, we treated a man who crashed his bike and got a pretty nasty bruise as well as a concussion. A CT scan showed a fractured bone so he’ll need surgery. He told us he’d be using insurance, so he “wants a full record of everything you guys find.”

Later that day, a woman comes into the ER and starts banging on our table.

Woman: “EXCUSE ME! WHICH ONE OF YOU TREATED [PATIENT]?!”

Me: “Yes ma’am. I’m Doctor [My Name]. How can I he—”

Woman: “ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR?!”

As you can guess, everyone in the room stops whatever they’re doing.

Me: “Pardon?”

Woman: “YES, YOU! ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR?”

Me: “I don’t see how it’s— Why, yes, of course. What seems to be the matter?”

Woman: “Are you really? So why is it not stated in your uniform? Or your nametag?”

Me: “What does it have to do with [Patient], may I ask?”

Woman: “How dare you write in the report that my husband was not wearing a helmet?! I’ve just got a call from my insurance company that they’ll not pay the surgery because you wrote that he wasn’t wearing a helmet!“

Nurse: “Well, ma’am, your husband did say he wanted a full report exactly because he wants to use insurance.”

Woman: *Turns to nurse* “Well, b****, are you wearing a bra?! Now if he asks for a full report, why didn’t you also write in whether he’s wearing underwear or not? That’s not full report, is it, b****?“

Me: “Because we’re writing down things that are medically relevant. The fact he’s not wearing a helmet is, because he came in with a—”

Woman: “I don’t care! Now you’re gonna pay for his surgery because my insurance won’t pay! And it’s your fault!“

Then she stormed out of the ER, but not before yelling loudly, “THE DOCTOR IS NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR!”

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 8
ASSISTED LIVING, ENGLAND, HEALTH & BODY, REVOLTING, UK | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 5, 2020
I work in a specialist nursing home for people with severe and enduring mental health problems. A female resident with South East Asian origins enjoys cooking and offers to make traditional chai tea for staff, under supervision.

Whilst being assisted by a support worker whose English is not great, she adds more than fifty teaspoons of sugar to the pan, as well as spices and other ingredients.

Me: “This tea tastes really good!”

Those of us who don’t mind the sweetness enjoy it.

Then, the support worker tells a colleague about part of the cooking process.

Support Worker: “She just crushed the walnuts by crunching them in her mouth and then spitting them into the pan.”

She hadn’t realised that people would find this revolting!

We agreed that when she made it again, she needed to use appropriate equipment to do that task. Thankfully, the support worker saw the sense of this.

I was not too concerned about this, given how many motorway service stations I ate in during my childhood in the 1970s, where I probably ingested far worse!