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Go Back   VietBF > Other News|Tin Khác > School | Kiến thức > School | Kiến thức 2006-2019


 
 
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(Regrettably, our local university is the main reason that county STD rates are the second-highest in the state (the highest-ranking county is home to a naval base). Outbreaks are common and rather a grim joke with local healthcare providers. The county has purchased a new emergency radio system and one of their officers has arrived to train our staff on how to use the equipment.)

Instructor: “The great thing about this system is that it is linked to over two hundred towers, state-wide. This means that if you need to, you can communicate not only throughout the county, but with other jurisdictions as well. For example; let’s say you have to set up some kind of emergency clinic at the University for… I don’t know, what’s an epidemic that the students might experience there?”

Me: *without thinking* “Probably chlamydia.”

(My boss shushed me, but our director of nursing almost fell off her chair from laughing so hard.)
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Old 11-09-2019   #661
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Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 8

Medical Office | Working | March 4, 2016


(During first full week of Advanced Placement and IB tests of my junior year in high school I find myself struck with a particularly nasty illness called norovirus, which causes nearly non-stop vomiting and diarrhea. I am home alone, as my father is out the whole week for business, and I am taking the bus to and from school for exams. Since I knew I cannot miss any of these tests on such short notice, I manage to tough it out for four days, but at that point I have not been able to eat or drink anything that remains in my stomach for more than five minutes. Severely dehydrated and weak, I finally decide to go to a close-by clinic for IV fluids after school. Since they need a doctor on-site to legally be able to give fluids, I call ahead.)

Nurse: “Hello, [Clinic]. This is [Nurse]. How may I help you?”

Me: *very quietly as my throat has started to develop acid sores* “Hi… Do you have the… Do you do IV fluids?”

Nurse: “What’s that, sweetie? I didn’t quite catch that.”

Me: “I need IV fluids… I really need them.”

Nurse: “Unfortunately we don’t have a doctor with us right now, hun.” *I start crying, since at this point I’m worried I will not be able to get out of bed tomorrow for my next exam* “Sweetie, what’s the matter? Are you hurt?”

Me: “No… I think I got norovirus from that restaurant that was shut down last week and I’m home alone and I have my AP tests that I can’t miss and I haven’t been able to eat or drink anything for days and I’m getting too weak to do anything! I can’t go to the ER because my dad didn’t leave me enough money to cover anything and I really need to go to my exam tomorrow!”

Nurse: “All right, sweetie, give me one second.” *the line is silent for about five minutes* “Okay, hun, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to go out to you and pick you up, then we’re going to go to the [Clinic] downtown and get you your fluids. After that I’ll take you home and you give me your exam schedule. Is tomorrow your last day for exams until next week?”

Me: *shocked at her kindness* “Yes, ma’am.”

Nurse: “All righty. Then I’ll take you to your exam tomorrow morning and then we do need to check you into the hospital, all right, sweetie? Give me your address and I’ll be there in a few minutes. Call your dad and tell him what is going on, okay?”

(This nurse had negotiated with her supervisor to get the next two days off work so she could make sure I was taken care of and safe. After my exam the next day she picked me up and took me to the hospital, used a few personal favors to get me in quickly and hold off on payment, and stayed with me until my father could get there. We have since become good friends, and I am currently working on my own MD while volunteering at her clinic. This woman is why nurses really should rule the world!)
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Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 7

Hospital | Working | October 30, 2015


(I am pregnant and suffering from toxaemia, which is a form of blood poisoning. My blood pressure is extremely high and I have been admitted to hospital. I have been there for two weeks when my blood pressure goes even higher.)

Matron: “You have been scheduled for an emergency induction tomorrow morning; we can’t leave you like this for any longer.”

(Very early the next morning, she comes in and starts the preparation for the induction when a doctor comes in.)

Doctor: “[Matron], I need you to stop what you are doing. I need to speak to the patient. Please leave us alone.”

Matron: “Yes, doctor.” *leaves*

Doctor: *to me* “We are postponing your induction.”

Me: “But I’ve been told I have to have it.”

Doctor: “We’ve decided not to do it right now. It doesn’t really matter, seeing as this is elective.” *meaning I chose to have it done*

(He says nothing to reassure me and leaves. Later one of the nurses comes by.)

Nurse: “[My Name], what are you still doing here? I was sure you would have had your baby by now.”

Me: “Dr [Doctor] told me that it wasn’t being done, and told me it was elective.”

Nurse: “He said what? Did you elect to get pre-eclampsia? I’ll go and see what’s going on.”

(A few minutes later she is back.)

Nurse: “I found out why they postponed you. We only have four birthing rooms and there are a dozen screaming women down there waiting to get into them. You were considered stable enough to wait one more day”.

Me: “I would have understood if he said that.”

Nurse: “Yeah, doctors don’t think.”
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Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 6

Awesome Workers, Health & Body, Medical Office, Nurses | Working | December 9, 2013


(I’ve been sick this past week and I go to the clinic at nine am. They tell me they will call in the prescription at ten am. At two pm, I go to check the prescription.)

Pharmacist: “I have no prescription here under your name.”

Me: “The clinic said it would be ready by ten am. Let me call them.”

(I call the clinic.)

Me: “Hello. I have a prescription that hasn’t been put through yet. I need to make sure I am at the right pharmacy.”

(I am promptly transferred without a word to the women’s clinic line, which is the incorrect department. I am instructed to leave a message, as the nurses are out to lunch.)

Me: “Um, hi. I am [My Name]. I was just wondering where my prescription was sent. It’s not at the pharmacy and—” *I cough and my head immediately begins to ache terribly. I sniffle and tear up* “—if you could please help me that’d be nice.”

(I hang up and go home. At three pm I go to the clinic to verify the location of the pharmacy. They tell me the order has been sent, and to wait a couple hours. I go home yet again. At five pm I get a call from the women’s clinic number at which I left the message.)

Nurse: “Hello, is this [My Name]? You left a message a couple hours ago.”

Me: “Yes. I’m sorry, I was trying to find out where my prescription was. I already checked back with the clinic and they told me where the prescription would be.”

Nurse: “Everything’s all right, though? This is the wrong department for your call, but since you’ve had the prescription filled…”

Me: “Well… no… I called the pharmacy and the prescription still hasn’t been ordered yet.”

Nurse: “Oh. Let me get on that. I’ll make sure they get it filled out.”

Me: “Okay.”

Nurse: “I will call you back in a minute, sweetie.”

(The nurse hangs up and calls back a few minutes later.)

Nurse: “Okay, I’ve gotten them to fill out your prescription and the pharmacy should have it soon. You are taking [Medicine], which is two pills twice a day. No matter how bad it is, take all of them. You can take decongestants and ibuprofen to deal with the congestion and pain. And, honey, popsicles are your best friends. Drink lots of fluids and warm tea, and get plenty of rest.”

(At this point, the nurse’s concern has caused me to tear up.)

Me: “Thank you so much! I’ve been dealing with this for a week.”

Nurse: “You just sound so sick, sweetie. I called the pharmacy and told them to work extra quick on your order. The pharmacist’s name is [Name]. She’ll have your prescription ready as soon as she can.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Nurse: “You feel better, honey.”

(To that nurse: You had me sobbing. You cared so much and it wasn’t even your department. You helped me and told me more about my medicine than the doctor in the CORRECT department did. I’m so grateful there are people as nice as you working in the women’s clinic!)
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Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 5

Bullies, Hospital, Nurses, Parents/Guardians, Wild & Unruly | Right | August 13, 2013


(I’m 18, and have been hospitalized for a severe case of mono. As a result of the illness, my throat is badly swollen and I can hardly speak. I’m on lots of painkillers. I’m sharing a room with a boy who swallowed a rock. The boy has been screaming since his mother left and his father can’t quiet him down.)

Nurse: “Okay, [My Name], I’m just going to check your vitals.”

Me: *whispering* “How much longer until I can have more pain medication?”

Nurse: “Not for a while, sweetie.”

(The nurse leaves. The boy’s father has been watching us the whole time.)

Boy’s Father: “Listen, you little b****! Don’t you f****** gossip about me to the f****** nurses! You keep your f****** mouth shut, or I’ll shut it for you!”

(I’m stunned, as I haven’t said a word to or about him. As I can’t move and can barely speak, I’m in tears and terrified. Not long after, my mom comes in to visit.)

Mom: “Hey, [My Name]. How are you doing?”

Me: *crying and whispering* “Mom, the dad of that boy screamed at me. He said to shut up, or he’d shut me up.”

(My mom is silent, but clearly fuming. She leaves for a moment.)

Boy’s Father: “WHAT DID I SAY?!”

(Just then, my mom comes back with security in tow.)

Mom: “Escort him from hospital grounds NOW.”

Boy’s Father: “B****! You can’t tell me what to do! You aren’t the boss here! I’m twenty-f******-five!”

Mom: “Actually, I AM the boss here! It’s my day off, but I’m head nurse on this floor, and if you EVER speak to my daughter ever again, I will have you arrested so fast that you won’t ever hear the sirens! And by the way, I’m forty-freaking-eight and I have the good sense not to let my kids eat rocks!”

(The man was removed from hospital grounds and was banned from re-entering for 48 hours unless it was an emergency. I have the best mom in the world.)
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Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 4

Restaurant | Right | June 14, 2013


(My mother takes my younger brother and me out to a restaurant for dinner. As we are eating we witness a car crash in the road. My mother, being an LPN (licensed practical nurse), leaves her meal to rush across the street to offer help. We are seated by an elderly couple right next to a window.)

Elderly Man: “Did your mom just go out there to help them?”

Me: “Oh, well, she’s a nurse. Pretty much anytime an accident occurs and she’s there, she tries to help.”

Restaurant Proprietor: “That’s your mother out there?”

Little Brother: “Yeah. Our mom’s a nurse, so she went to help out.”

Restaurant Proprietor: “Wow! How cool!”

(My mother spends the next 30 minutes out in the middle of traffic, helping both drivers with their injuries, and waiting until EMTs arrive. She comes back in, and we resume our meal like nothing has happened.)

Elderly Woman: “Are they okay?”

Mom: “Yeah, but the poor girl — her parents are out of town. She has to wait in the hospital for them to come and see her. She pulled out, and that guy pulled out in front of her and rammed her car.”

Elderly Woman: “Well, at least they’re okay.”

(Another 20 minutes pass while my mother finishes her meal and the check is brought out to us. As the proprietor from earlier leaves the check, the couple next to us get up to leave.)

Elderly Man: “Let me tell you something…”

(He quickly snatches the check off of our table.)

Elderly Man: “If I were in an accident like that and needed help, I would want you to come and help me. Anyone who selflessly dodges traffic to help someone like that deserves to have their meal paid for. I hope that if one day I’m in an accident I have you there for me.”

(Despite my mother’s protests, the man pays the bill without even glancing at the total. When we go to the front to explain ourselves, the cashier isn’t surprised.)

Cashier: “Oh, that’s Bill. He’s a regular here. I’m not surprised he did that. He’s a real sweetheart. He was actually on his first date with that girl!”

(If you ever read this, Bill, you moved my mom to tears that day. You have forever made me want to be a better person! It’s people like you that re-instill my hope in humanity.)
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Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 3

Fast Food, Jerk | Right | February 26, 2013


(I arrive at work an hour and a half early because I forgot what time I start. I decide to sit in the lobby and have lunch before my shift. I notice that the trash can is in dire need of being emptied and that the front counter is busier than usual. I start to tie the bag up, when a customer screeches at me.)

Customer: “What do you think you’re doing?”

Me: “Just changing the garbage, ma’am. It was full to overflowing and it was too busy for someone to leave their post and do it.”

Customer: “You don’t have to do that, young man! You’re not one of these dropouts that lives in their parent’s basements who can’t do anything better with their lives! What are you taking?”

Me: “I’m planning on becoming an licensed practical nurse. But, ma’am, I don’t just go to school. I work to pay my bills. As a matter of fact, I live in a condo my mother owns. She does not live with me, and I pay rent to her. I pay for my electricity, my Internet, and my heating. How do I earn the money for this, you ask?”

(At this point I remove my hat from my bag, put it on and remove my coat, revealing that I am dressed in my work uniform.)

Me: “I work here, taking whatever hours I can get. A student without anything on their resume will take any job they can. ”

(I point to one of my coworkers who is mopping the floors at the back of the store.)

Me: “She’s a neuroscience student. Just like me she has bills to pay. In the future, please remember that people who work in fast food are not always drop outs, but more often than not students trying to fund their education. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take out this trash, unless you would like me to help extract your foot from your mouth first.”

(Flustered and obviously embarrassed, the customer leaves the store in a hurry. My manager, who is also a classmate of mine, speaks with me once I return from the dumpsters.)

Manager: “Technically, you could be fired for badmouthing a customer while on the job like that.”

Me: “Technically, I’m not working right now! I haven’t clocked in, and my shift’s not for another half hour.”

Manager: “Well then, brave citizen, how does free apple pie sound?”

(I accepted, of course. You just don’t say no to free pie!)
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Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 2

Restaurant | Right | February 8, 2013


(I am out to breakfast with some friends from work.)

Me: “Excuse me, do you know if the cook uses milk to make the omelets or just eggs?”

Waitress: “Just eggs. Are you allergic to milk?”

Me: “No, but I am lactose intolerant and I forgot to bring my meds.”

(We all order our food. However, after the waitress leaves, I overhear someone from the table next to us asking for a manager.)

Other Customer: *loudly* “I want to complain about that waitress. I heard her interrogating that poor woman about her personal medical issues! I’m a doctor and I know you can’t just ask people about things like that! It’s against the law! She could sue you!”

Me: *to the other customer* “Excuse me, before things get out of hand here, I’m the person she’s talking about. First of all, our waitress asked if I had an allergy to milk. It was a good question considering I made a point of asking if some of your foods have milk in it. If I was really allergic, the kitchen would have to take extra precautions to avoid anaphylaxis. Secondly, there’s no such law that I know of unless you’re talking about the laws in place to protect your private health information from being accessed by other people without your permission. I don’t see how those would apply in this case.”

Other Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about? What are you, some kind of lawyer, smarta**?”

My Friend: “No, ‘doctor,’ she’s some kind of nurse.”

(We all pulled out our hospital IDs. The “doctor” shut up after that. The manager thanked us for clearing things up and left, and our waitress gave us a free round of cheesecake with a free lactose-free muffin for me!)
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Why Nurses Should Rule The World

Adorable Children, Medical Office, Nurses | Right | October 29, 2012


(My five-year-old son has received a serious injury to his eye. After a pediatrician recommends us to an eye doctor, we are referred to a specialist that works out of a university two hours away from home.)

Nurse: “These are all the contact numbers you should need. I also went online for some directions, and called ahead to let them know it should only be a few hours.”

Son: “I don’t want to.”

Nurse: “What’s the matter?”

Son: *visibly getting upset* “I’m scared.”

Nurse: “But you’ve been so brave this whole time! How about this: if you go see the new doctor, I’ll give you my phone number and you can call me if you get too upset, okay?”

(The nurse writes down her work extension and cell phone number on a piece of paper and adds it to my paperwork, insisting that I feel free to call if I have any problems or questions. My son stays calm all the way to the university and through the appointment with the specialist until we’re told he’s going to need surgery. Crying and upset, he begs me to call the nurse from the clinic.)

Me: *on the phone* “I’m so sorry to bother you, I know you’re still working, but he’s really upset and asked to talk to you.”

(I put the phone on speakerphone so my son, crying on the exam table, can hear.)

Nurse: “Hey, buddy! What’s wrong?”

Son: *crying* “The doctor here wants to give me surgery!”

Nurse: “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’ll make your eye all better. You’ll be able to see again, like we talked about.”

Son: “But I’m scared! It’s going to hurt!”

Nurse: “Of course it’s not going to hurt. That nice doctor wouldn’t hurt you!”

Son: “Have you been given surgeries?”

Nurse: “Yeah, kiddo, a few.”

Son: “And you came back to life?”

Nurse: “Every single time.”

Son: “Promise?”

Nurse: “Swear.”

(My son has calmed down considerably throughout the conversation, and there’s not a dry eye in the room.)

Son: “Okay…”

Nurse: “See? I knew you were brave.”

Son: “Thank you! Love you!”

Nurse: *laughing* “Love you, too.”

(I thanked the nurse a thousand times, and she insisted I call her ASAP to let her know how the surgery went. Later that day, she texted us a picture of herself and her family with a ‘GET WELL SOON’ sign they made for my son
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Old 11-09-2019   #669
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An Anti-Depressing Turn Of Events

Awesome, Employees, Health & Body, Inspirational, Popular | Healthy Right | April 22, 2016


(This happened during what was one of the worst times in my life. I’ve just transferred to a new college and it is a rough transition. I am lonely, self-conscious, have about a million doubts about myself and my life. My anxiety has gotten so bad that I am literally sobbing in the doctor’s office just by attempting to discuss it with him. This man has been my whole family’s doctor for most of my life.)

Doctor: “I know you’re reluctant to try medication, a lot of people are, but sometimes it’s just brain chemistry. And seeing you here like this, hearing that you’ve already tried therapy, I just want to help you find something that will help you.”

Me: “I just don’t want that to mean that there’s something wrong with me.”

Doctor: “That’s not what this means. It means that you’re doing what you need to do in order to live a happy, healthy life. And if it doesn’t work for you, you can stop whenever you want. Look, there’s this new anti-depressant that’s still in trial stages but it’s doing really well and has minimal side effects. How about I give you some of the free samples and you just try it out?”

(I eventually, reluctantly, agreed to this. As I left, I was handed a cardboard box, definitely bigger than I’d anticipated for just a few free samples. It turned out that my doctor had given me ten bottles of the stuff, all free samples, so that I would have enough that I could take back to college with me if I decided to use it, plus some free samples of an allergy spray that he knew I sometimes had trouble affording, and a prescription for another anti-depressant just in case this one didn’t work for me. This doctor honestly saved me. I took those anti-depressants for just about a year and they worked. I don’t take them anymore; I’ve changed enough in mind and body and lifestyle that I don’t need them now. But I never would have gotten to this point without them. My doctor took the time and effort to think of me as a person as well as a patient and went the extra mile to make sure I’d be ok. THANK YOU. This, to me, is what all doctors should strive to be.)
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Old 11-09-2019   #670
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A Friendly Bill Of Health

Hall of Fame, Inspirational, Kind Strangers, Money, Pets & Animals, Popular | Healthy | April 5, 2016


(When I was 19 I had just moved into my first apartment. I got a kitten from a friend’s cat that had kittens. I suffered from severe (suicidal) depression at the time, barely leaving the house or doing anything. Once I had a kitten to care for, I had a lot more motivation to care for myself. It was a huge step in getting myself into therapy and recovering. No matter how bad things got, I always had my baby kitty who always loved me. She lives with me for 18 years in reasonably good health but eventually, her kidneys give out and it is her time. Unfortunately, I have just lost my job and we are pretty broke. As we are long time, reliable clients of the vet, they agree to let us pay in installments. I sell some crafts I make online so I make social media posts promoting my craft site to help cover the costs of my baby kitty’s euthanasia and cremation. About a week later of stressful, sad job-hunting and desperate crafting, I get a phone call from the vet

Vet: ” I have some news for you”

Me: *confused* “Okay…”

Vet: “Someone called in and anonymously paid your bill.”

Me: “What…?”

Vet: “They made us swear to keep it anonymous, but your entire vet bill has been cleared up. You don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

Me: *sobbing uncontrollably*

(I don’t think I will ever be able to thank that anonymous donor enough. My kitty was a literal lifesaver. Losing her (even after having her for 18 years) was crushing to me. I worried the stress was going to push me back into the depression again, but this act of kindness brought me back. Thank you.)
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Old 11-09-2019   #671
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In(tentional) Sickness And In Health

British Columbia, Canada, Emergency Services, Funny, Great Stuff, Spouses & Partners, Victoria | Healthy Right | March 14, 2010


(We respond to an unconscious diabetic. While my partner is treating the patient, I am asking the wife some questions.)

Me: “So is your husband on any medications?”

(She lists the medications her husband is on, including insulin.)

Me: “And has he been compliant with those medications lately?”

Wife: “Nope.”

Me: “Do you know why not?”

Wife: “Well we had a big fight last week, so I hid all his meds. He hasn’t found them yet.”
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Old 11-09-2019   #672
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Totally Plastered

Extra Stupid, Great Stuff, Health & Body, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive | Healthy Right | October 30, 2009


Me: “All right, your cast is on nice and secure. It should heal within four to six weeks.”

Patient: “Really? Only four to six minutes?”

Me: “No, four to six weeks.”

Patient: “Okay, four to six minutes.”

Me: “Sir, it’s impossible for it to heal within four to six minutes. It takes about four to six weeks.”

Patient: “Oh, all right.”

(I turn around to fill out his form. When I turn back around, he has taken off his cast.)

Me: “Sir, why did you take off your cast?!”

Patient: “Well, you said it heals within four to six minutes, but you said it was too short. I waited seven minutes… but it still hurts.”

Me: “Sir, your arm is still broken. Four to six weeks is around a month and a half.”

Patient: “Well, why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?! A month and a half is five weeks! Why did you say four to six minutes?”

Me: “I never said…” *I pause and compose myself* “…Okay, nevermind. Let’s put on a new cast.”

Patient: “Oooh! Can I have a pink one
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Loosely Based On A True Story

Dentist, Health & Body | Healthy Right | October 28, 2009


Patient: “I think there’s something wrong with my tooth.”

Me: “Can you describe the problem?”

Patient: “Well, I think it’s loose.”

(The patient suddenly spits his tooth onto the counter in front of me.)

Me: “Yes… Yes, I think you’re right.”
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Old 11-09-2019   #674
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They Call Me Doctor DIY

Call Center, Dentist, Doctor/Physician, Great Stuff | Healthy Right | October 22, 2009


(We sell dental surgical products and sometimes have to give instructions on their usage. A doctor calls in from the operating room and has me on speakerphone while they’re operating on a patient, who may or may not be under anesthesia.)

Doctor: “The screw is not going in. Which way do I turn it?”

Me: “Clockwise.”

Doctor: “Clockwise from above or below?”

Me: “If you are looking at the head of the screw, then clockwise… to the right.”

Doctor: “What do you mean to the right? Move the wrench to the right?”

Me: “As the screw turns, and you are looking at the head, the top part will go to the right.”

Doctor: “Okay, I think I got it.”

Me: “Good. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.”

Doctor: “What was that?”

Me: “Uh, righty tighty, lefty loosey? That’s one way to remember. You go to the right to tighten, and the left to loosen.”

Doctor: “Oh, I see. Righty tighty, lefty loosey!” *noise of wrench turning* “Righty tighty, lefty loosey. It’s working!”

Me: “Great. All finished?”

(The doctor suddenly speaks up much louder than before. It’s clear they’re not talking to me.)

Doctor: “You’re all done then!”

Patient: *in the distance* “Uh, thank you, doctor
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If The Zits Don’t Kill You, The Angst Will

Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Medical Office, Teenagers | Healthy Right | October 6, 2009


Me: Hello this is [Doctor’s Office]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Help! I’ve sprouted a nipple on my forehead!”

(From the caller’s voice, I could tell that it was a female teenager.)

Me: “Excuse me? If this is a prank, I can report you–”

Caller: “No, this is not a prank! This morning I got up, and there was this huge, red lump on my forehead… and now I’ve poked it and this milk is coming out!”

Me: “Hon, that’s a pimple, not a nipple.”

Caller: “Oh…” *gasps* “Is it deadly?”
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Old 11-09-2019   #676
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Getting On Your Nerves

Dentist, Health & Body | Healthy Right | September 22, 2009


(I am a dentist about to give a patient a shot of local anesthetic).

Patient: “I hate needles. Will this hurt?”

Me: “Just concentrate on taking nice, deep breaths. It’ll be over before you know it.”

Patient: “Could you please tell me when you’re ready to give the shot? I need to know!”

Me: “Sure. I’ll give it on the count of three. Ready? One, two–”

Patient: *screams* “You’re killing me! It hurts so much!”

Me: “I haven’t actually given you the shot yet.”

Patient: “Oh. Well, um, I was just practicing for when you did.”
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Old 11-09-2019   #677
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We Want Your Braaaiiins

Health & Body, Hospital, Math & Science | Healthy Right | September 16, 2009


(A subject is speaking with me about a sleep-study we were doing.)

Subject: “So, I’ll just have to go to sleep for the study, right?”

Me:: “That’s correct. We’re just using those scanning machines to test brain function during REM sleep.”

Subject: *suddenly fearful* “You expect me to sleep with those machines cutting into my brain?!”
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Old 11-09-2019   #678
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Less Twilight, More Daylight

Bizarre, Health & Body, Hospital | Healthy Right | September 1, 2009


Me: “Hi, this is anesthesia. How can I help you?”

Caller: “This is the blood bank, right?”

Me: “No, this is anesthesia.”

Caller: “That’s the same thing, right?”

Me: “Not really.”

Caller: “Well, what is anesthesia?”

Me: “The stuff that puts you to sleep before surgery.”

Caller: “Well who cares about that crap!”

Me: “People who need surgery?”

Caller: “No! You know what they need? BLOOD!”

Me: “Okay… but you still have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Vampires need blood! You’re not a vampire because you don’t need blood! Humans don’t need blood!”

Me: “Sir, humans need blood just as much as a vampire.”

Caller: “Wait, so humans are vampires?”

Me: “No, they just need–”

Caller: “Holy f***! I’M A VAMPIRE! You just made my day!”

Me: “Well, no–”

Caller: “Thank you sooo much!” *click*
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Old 11-09-2019   #679
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The CSR Of Delphi

Books & Reading, Bookstore, Crazy Requests, Health & Body | Healthy Right | August 5, 2009


Me: “Good evening, thank you for calling [Bookstore]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “My husband is going in for a CAT scan, and he’s kind of claustrophobic. I was wondering what kind of equipment they use?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I really don’t have that kind of information. Maybe if you called your doctor?”

Caller: “It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday night! My doctor’s office is closed, duh! That’s why I’m asking you!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we really don’t have that information.”

Caller: “Well, you have books, don’t you? Why don’t you just go and look it up in a book?”

Me: “Ma’am, we do have a small selection of home reference medical books, but I can’t look it up for you.”

Caller: “Well, you have an intercom, don’t you? Why don’t you just page a doctor and ask him to come to the phone and talk to me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We really aren’t allowed to do that sort of thing.”

Caller: “Well, can you at least connect me with the information desk, or is that too much to ask?!”

Me: “This is the information desk.”

Caller: “Well, a fat lot of good you are!” *click*
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Old 11-09-2019   #680
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On The Bright Side, There Are Worse Orifices

Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pharmacy | Healthy Right | July 15, 2009


Me: “[Pharmacy], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, your medicine is defective.”

Me: “Sir, why don’t I get your information so I can take a look at your profile.”

Customer: *gives his name and date of birth*

Me: “I see that the last prescriptions you filled were antibiotic and drops for your ear infection. Are your symptoms still bothering you?”

Customer: “Yes, and how the h*** do you expect me to fit this giant pill in my ear?”

Me: “Sir, that’s an antibiotic tablet. It’s meant to be taken orally.”
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