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You Need To Be A Customer To Get Customer Service
Editors' Choice, Impossible Demands, Jerk, Pharmacy, USA | Right | June 29, 2021
The night has wound down to the end of our business day half an hour after we lock the doors. The other employees and I are doing our last-minute tasks. I’m vacuuming the carpet in front of the door, and I hear the door rattle loudly and look up in surprise. There is a woman outside, gesturing at me.

I turn off the vacuum cleaner so we can talk. She sounds like she can’t believe she has to say this out loud.

Customer: “Um, hello! Hi there! Your door is locked.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I know. We closed at 10:00 pm.”

She gets a surprised look on her face. I give her my best apologetic look and point to our hours, which are posted on the door. She looks down as if the sign magically appeared. I can actually watch her face transition from confused to a growing rage.

Customer: “I can’t believe it! This is horrible customer service!”

She actually flips the bird at me. My niceness is gone now that she has crossed the line.

Me: “Customer service stops at closing, lady.”

She made an inarticulate screeching noise and stormed off. My coworker and the closing manager thought my last line was hysterical, so I didn’t get in trouble.

Anchors Aweigh… And Aweigh, And Aweigh…
Dentist, Florida, Health & Body, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Military, Non-Dialogue, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | June 26, 2021
I was a new sailor, getting ready to report to my first ship. My wife and I had driven all the way across the country to the base where my ship was home-ported, so we were totally unfamiliar with the area. We got a hotel room while we looked for apartments, but the next day I got really sick. Two of my teeth on my upper jaw hurt so much I couldn’t sleep, so we grabbed my medical and dental records — this was a long time ago, when sailors hand-carried their records between assignments — and managed to find our way to the local Navy hospital. I checked into the dental office, and they got me in very quickly because I was obviously in a lot of pain.

The dentist, a Navy Lieutenant, poked and prodded a bit, had an x-ray taken, and then told me there was nothing wrong with my teeth. She said I probably had a raging sinus infection and had one of the nurses take me to the emergency room on the ground floor.

An hour or so later, I was diagnosed with a sinus infection, given a paper prescription, and sent to the on-site pharmacy. I grabbed a number and waited, still dazed by the constant pain in my face from the infection. My wife had to tell me when they called my number, and she escorted me to the pharmacy window. The pharmacy tech rattled off a bunch of stuff about the medicines I wasn’t coherent enough to follow, but I did make out that I needed to start taking them right away.

Fine. No problem. We sat back down and I read the labels. The largest bottle said I had to take four pills right away. I staggered to the water fountain in the lobby and swallowed one of everything, plus four of the pills from the big bottle. I walked back to where my wife was sitting, and she started putting the bottles of pills in her purse, giving each bottle a quick look to see if any needed to be refrigerated. Then, she paused and said, “Oh, f***!”

She dragged me up to the prescription drop-off window and hollered for help. An older man came to see what was wrong, and my wife showed him the large bottle and my ID card. The pharmacy tech turned white as a sheet and said, “Oh, f***!”, and then called for a gurney and a doctor.

The next couple of hours were a blur of activity I don’t remember much about, ending with me admitted overnight for observation. It seems the pharmacy tech who’d handed me my pills had also grabbed a bottle intended for another patient — the large bottle. I had taken a quadruple dose of a major blood-pressure medication and my blood pressure was dangerously low by the time the ER managed to get me hooked up to an EKG.

Even in military medicine, almost killing the patients is generally contraindicated. I recovered fine, but there was a major investigation at the hospital, and the pharmacy tech who handed me the wrong pills ended up demoted or transferred someplace unpleasant — perhaps both. The pharmacy at that hospital changed their standard operating procedures to require careful verification of the name on every label and to cross-check every prescription issued with the patient’s medical record.

That’s how the US Navy nearly got me killed before I set foot aboard my first ship.

You’ll Back Off One Way Or Another, Part 2
Current Events, England, Health & Body, Instant Karma, Jerk, Pharmacy, Revolting, Strangers, UK | Right | June 23, 2021
I’m not feeling great and I go to my local large pharmacy. I’m masked up and keeping my distance; unfortunately, this woman isn’t. She looks like she is wandering around aimlessly, but she keeps getting in front of me, indecisively picking up everything or right behind me, impatiently reaching across me.

As I said, I’m not feeling great, and the constant rudeness is getting more and more on my nerves. She ignores all my requests for distance and I eventually cuss her out, so she stays away.

Feeling no better, I get all my medicine, food, and drinks and stand in line to pay. It’s not long before the woman joins the line behind me, no surprise standing way too close.

Me: “You need to back off. Give me some space.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Move back and stay back.”

Customer: “Or what?”

I’m not proud of this, but as she spat out the sentence, the pain in my stomach doubled. Without much control, my gaseous medical calamity revealed itself, silently but oh, so noxiously.

The thing about a man in his thirties who has a protein-rich diet with a particular interest in real ale is that this would be a particularly bad event on its own, even if I wasn’t also feeling so unwell.

The woman being so close felt its full force and coughed herself away and out of the shop.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t bear to look the cashier in the eye and had to leave my purchases. Luckily, I managed to get most of what I needed from another store.

I thankfully got better very quickly. As embarrassing as it was, I couldn’t lie, it was a really effective way to deal with these idiots.

Related:
You’ll Back Off One Way Or Another

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 46
Impossible Demands, Pharmacy, Stupid, USA | Right | June 21, 2021
We close at 8:00 pm on weekdays. On this particular day, we aren’t completely finished cleaning, so we close our gate and keep cleaning. A man comes up to our closed gate.

Customer: “Hello!” *Knocks on the gate* “Hello, I need help!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we have just closed, but the front store is still open. They can help you.”

Customer: “No, they aren’t a pharmacist. I need a pharmacist.”

Me: “You can come back tomorrow morning; we closed at eight.”

Customer: “But you are still here. Why won’t you help me?”

Me: “Sir, first of all, my gate is closed so I can’t even see you, just as you can’t see me. Second of all, I’m off the clock. You can come back tomorrow when we open at nine.”

The guy walks off in a huff and I hear another customer, probably a friend of his:

Customer’s Friend: “Why are they closed?”

Customer: “I don’t know, ugh!”

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 45
Hardware Store, Ignoring & Inattentive, USA | Right | March 11, 2021
Usually, when we close or are close to closing, we let customers know so they can hurry with their purchase and leave. Most of them are understanding and kind about it, while some are either rude and argue or are completely oblivious.

We are a few minutes to close and the open light has already turned off. This family of four walks in and I greet them with the usual spiel.

Me: “Hello! Just to let you know, we are closing very soon. We do recommend hurrying with your purchase. Please let us know if you have any questions.”

They nod and smile at me, saying nothing, and continue back. We have sliding doors, so after they enter, the manager turns them off and locks them. I should note that we can unlock and open them ourselves at will. We have another customer besides the family who quickly finishes their purchase and leaves. However, we can’t finish anything until the family leaves. I keep an eye on the clock. One minute after close, two, three… it keeps going. I keep radioing to my coworkers, who can only hear me through earpieces.

Me: “Are they done yet? We closed five minutes ago.”

Coworker: “They’re still here.”

Manager: “They need to hurry up. We’ve been closed.”

Coworker: “I will tell them again.”

This continues until it is ten minutes after close. Each time we let them know to hurry, they say they will be done quickly. I call lies now. After ten minutes, they are visible to me and the front door and they are still looking around. Then, the father gets a call and takes it. That’s when we realize they are killing time. We are all fed up, and my coworker walks up to them.

Coworker: “You need to leave if you’re just browsing. We closed ten minutes ago and need to finish closing so we can go home.”

Their eyes grew wide and they apologized and hurried out of the store. The kids had no idea what was going on, from what I saw, but the adults were nearly running out of the store. We all finished closing and left for the night. I would be lying if I said I did not have a drink at home that night. How can some people be so oblivious, even if we told them?

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 44
Ignoring & Inattentive, Mall, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Retail, USA | Right | January 8, 2021
Our store is located in a mall that doesn’t open until 10:00 am, so the store doesn’t open until then, except for specific sales for cardholders. But people still walk around the mall before 10:00, so we keep our gate down until about 9:55 so people don’t come in early. Sometimes, our gate will be open just far enough to crouch under, but obviously only for employees to come in and out.

It’s about 9:40 am. I am opening registers — which involves counting all the money in them — and a coworker is on the other side of the room stocking shelves. Our store is rather big, so if you’re at the registers or where my coworker is, you can’t see the store entrance.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a person walking into the room. I look up to see that it’s not an employee but some woman I’ve never seen. Both my coworker and I stare at her, speechless that someone climbed in under our gate. After what feels like way too long, I speak up, nervous since I have a drawer full of cash open in front of me.

Me: “Um, excuse me, but we don’t open for another twenty minutes.”

Customer: “Can’t I just look around until you open?”

I am trying to be as professional as possible.

Me: “I’m sorry, but—”

Coworker: “No! Get out!“

The woman seemed absolutely shocked and left without a word. She came back about forty minutes after open and wouldn’t make eye contact with either of us as she shopped.

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 43
Australia, Bad Behavior, Retail | Right | December 28, 2020
We have just opened a new store. Most of the departments are set up except for one section which is basically being used to store stock that has not yet been put out. The area is mostly walled off with two entry points that have been cordoned off with piles of stock-filled cartons, no-entry signs, staff-only signs, and tape across any openings.

The owners want to get the store up and running as quickly as possible but know that this area will hold our most fragile glass and China items, so they want to keep both staff and customers safe while it is being set up.

I am working near the end of the display wall when I notice some of the piled cartons moving and about to topple on me. I quickly jump up to move the cartons back when I hear a squeal. I look around the cartons to see an old lady trying to squeeze herself between the cartons and the end of the wall. The gap is probably eight inches wide; she’s pulled off the tape.

Me: “I’m sorry, but you can’t come into this area; it’s for staff only.”

Woman: “I want to shop in here.”

She is still trying to push through.

Me: “This area is not open for shopping.”

Woman: “I told you to let me in! I am a customer who wants to shop.”

Me: “I can’t let you in because this area is not set up and is too hazardous to have customers in here.”

Woman: “What is that supposed to mean?”

Me: “It’s too dangerous, which is why it’s closed off. This area is not open yet.”

Woman: *Yelling* “HOW DARE YOU OPEN A STORE WHEN IT’S NOT COMPLETELY SET UP?!”

She stomped off.

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 42
Current Events, Germany, Jerk, Library | Right | November 19, 2020
I work at a public library. The DMV has just moved next door due to their office being renovated. Since both they and the library belong to the city administration, we both have the city logo on our front door. This seems to confuse people, and they enter the library while looking for the DMV on a regular basis.

I’ve just closed the front door behind one of our maintenance guys as a woman with the stereotypical entitled look approaches. She stops right in front of the door when they won’t open and starts reading our opening hours, as well as the sign posted saying that you need to call ahead before visiting because of visitor limitations due to the current health crisis.

Foolishly, I think she’ll recognize that we won’t open until almost an hour later, but she spots me and starts knocking on the glass. We usually just point to the opening hours and wait for them to go, but then I remember that my boss told me about a phone call she had earlier that day and that she’s waiting for some kind of inspector, so I open the door.

Woman: “Finally! I need to deregister my car since I’m moving next week.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry but this is the wrong building. The DMV is—”

Woman: *Interrupting* “—next door, I know. I’ve just been there. But they gave me this ticket and said it’ll be about an hour wait! Can you believe that? So I wanted to stay here until I can go back and sort this out.”

This isn’t an unreasonable request… if we were already open.

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re not open for another hour today.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s not a problem. I can stay here, right?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t allow you to be in the building as long as we’re still closed. You’d need to call ahead anyway due to the heal—”

Woman: *Huffs* “Well, where the f*** am I supposed to go, then? I thought this was a library!

Me: “There is a nice café just down the road. Maybe you’d like to wait there?”

Woman: *Huffs again* “How useless. At least you could give me some of those papers to make up for that!”

She gestures to our magazine rack.

Me: “I’m sorry, but those are for loan only. I can’t give them to you if you aren’t a registered member of the library, and especially not for free.”

Woman: “Oh, my God!”

She storms off.

Woman: “How useless!”

I locked the doors behind her and escaped to my office, out of sight from the front door. Well, at least she wore a mask?

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 41
Bad Behavior, Grocery Store, Instant Karma, Iowa, USA | Right | November 15, 2020
I work in the meat department of a grocery store. It is 9:00 pm, we have just closed, and my coworkers and I are cleaning up and tearing down the equipment for the night.

We notice there is still one lady wandering the aisles, but we think nothing of it as there are often one or two customers finishing up their shopping at that time. At 9:15, I look up to see the lady standing at the counter expecting to be served. My assistant manager and I look at each other and he sighs.

Assistant Manager: “Ma’am, unfortunately, the meat counter has closed.”

Customer: “I want [items].”

Luckily, all she wants are a couple of things and we haven’t yet covered up the meat case for the night.

After she walks away, we continue cleaning. Fast forward to 9:45. An assistant taps me on the shoulder and points towards the aisles. The lady is still wandering around. At this point, it is getting ridiculous, but unfortunately, due to company policy, we are not allowed to ask a customer to leave as long as they enter the store before nine. Apparently, she entered right as the grocery assistant was locking the door.

At ten, the grocery assistant stops by to tell an amazing story:

Grocery Assistant: “The lady finally got around to checking out, halfway through the cashier’s computer auto-shutoff at ten, exactly one hour after we closed. None of us have ever experienced this as the cashier system has never been left on that long before.”

Me: “So what did they do?”

Grocery Assistant: “We’re not allowed to turn the system back on until the next day, so there was nothing we could do! They had to tell the lady that she would not be able to get her groceries that she spent an hour after we closed shopping for. She had a tantrum, screaming about how she has to go to [Big Box Store], and swearing at us all.”

I personally don’t believe in Karma, but if it does exist, this is a perfect example. As I was leaving, she was still in the parking lot bawling, with the assistant there trying to calm her down.

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 40
Canada, Deli, Grocery Store, Ignoring & Inattentive, Ontario | Right | October 1, 2020
It is almost nine pm. I’m doing the last of the cleaning before I go home.

Customer: “I’d like a chicken strip meal with rice.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, the hot counter is closed for the night.”

Customer: “Okay, then, I’ll just have the strips.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but the counter is closed. There is no hot food available at all.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know there was no food?! You should make it clearer!”

I look at the sign stating it closes at eight and then at the dark, empty counter.

Me: “I’ll be sure to pass that on, sir.”

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 39
California, Grocery Store, Jerk, USA | Right | August 13, 2020
The store I work at closes at 11:00 pm. Even though it’s been like that for years, people still show up at the last minute. Many times, we’ve had to turn people away because we’re closed and ready to go home. It’s a small store, so all the registers are right next to the front door. It’s 11:10, so, of course, we have already turned the sliding door off. I am pulling the very last cash drawer when suddenly someone starts forcing the doors open.

Customer: “Can I get a bottle of booze?”

Me: “No, sir, we closed ten minutes ago.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because we close at 11:00.”

Customer: “Since when?”

Me: “Six years ago.”

Customer: “How was I supposed to know you were closed?”

Me: “You had to forcibly open the sliding doors that were turned off.”

Customer: “Whatever. You’re a b****, anyway.”

Me: “I’m okay with that. You still need to leave.”

Customer: “Fine.”

He mumbled something about bad customer service on his way out.

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 38
Jerk, Restaurant, USA | Right | July 27, 2020
I work as a host at a restaurant located in a high-end clothing store. Because of our location, we cannot stay open later than the store. However, this never stops guests from wanting to sit and order dinner right when we are set to close.

A mom and her two young daughters come up and ask to look at the menu.

Mom: “What time are you open until?”

Me: “Our last seating is at 8:30 pm.”

Daughter #1 : “That’s when our bedtime is!”

Mom: “Well, we still have some shopping to do, so why don’t we do that and come back?”

Daughter #2 : “We should get here right when they close!”

Cue my internal screaming!

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 37
Australia, Perth, Retail, Stupid, Western Australia | Right | July 15, 2020
I have been recently hired to work at a new store opening at my local shopping centre. The other new employees and I are all setting up the store — stocking shelves and setting up displays. We have yet to open and we have huge signs on display in our windows advertising the grand opening.

A guy walks up to one of the signs, reads the sign, moves along to next sign, reads that, and then opens the door.

Customer: “Hey, are you guys open?”

Supervisor: “No, we open next Thursday. It’s on the sign.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, I read them, but I thought I’d come inside and see if you were open anyway.” *Leaves*

Supervisor: “Seriously?!”

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 36
Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Restaurant, Seattle, USA, Washington | Right | July 8, 2020
I work in a rather popular restaurant. Our lobby has closed at 9:00 pm and it’s around 9:30 pm with some customers still sitting in the restaurant, finishing the meals they ordered before we closed. There are bright red signs on both entrances with big words saying “Dining Room Closed.” Because there are customers still eating, we cannot lock the doors.

A bus has just pulled into the parking lot and two girls open the door and half-step in the doorway.

Girl #1 : “Can we come in?”

Coworker: “If you need to use the restroom, yes. However, our dining room is closed.”

Girl #1 : “Oh, we wanted food.”

Coworker: “Well, since the kitchen is still up and running for drive-thru orders, we can let you order, but it would have to be to go.”

Girl #2 : “So, we can’t eat in here?”

Coworker: “No, sorry. As our doors say and as I already mentioned, the seating area is closed.”

Girl #2 : “Well, why do they get to sit in here?!”

She is referring to the customers finishing their meals in the seating area.

Coworker: “They were here before we closed.”

The girls agree to take an order to go and wave in the rest of the people from their bus. About twenty to thirty teenage girls are now packed in our lobby. They all order food and aren’t out of there for about twenty minutes. Because of the large number of orders, the kitchen has to pretty much restart an hour of cleaning they already finished and I have to clean areas of the lobby again.

After they leave, I get a look of annoyance on my face and turn to a coworker who was hanging out and not on the clock.

Me: “What part of ‘we’re closed’ is so difficult for people to understand?”

Coworker #2 : “You think people would know by now.”

This is not the first time something like this has happened and will not be the last.

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 35
Ignoring & Inattentive, Illinois, Non-Dialogue, Restaurant, Stupid, USA | Right | July 1, 2020
It’s 10:10 pm, and I’m managing a fast food restaurant that closes at 10:00 pm. A few minutes ago, I locked all the doors and turned off all the exterior lights, the road sign, the dining room, and the drive-up menu board.

A car pulls on the lot. A customer gets out of her car, walks up to the vestibule-type entry, yanks on the door, and finds it locked. She walks to the other side of the vestibule, yanks on that door, and finds it locked. She walks around the building, to the door on the other side and — you guessed it — finds it locked.

She then proceeds to walk up to the drive-up window, bangs on it until I come over, and then asks, “Are you open?”

Jumping Into This Relationship With Both Feet… Sort Of
Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Farm, Funny, Health & Body, Patients, USA | Healthy | February 28, 2022
I grew up on a farm. In a freak accident when I was about thirteen, I ended up losing most of my left foot. By the time I reach twenty-five, I have gotten used to the amputation; I could still walk, even though I had a slight limp, and with shoes or boots on, it’s impossible for other people to see that half of my foot is missing. That said, I’ve always been a bit self-conscious about it, so I don’t take my shoes off around other people or tell the story very often.

Sometime around my twenty-fifth birthday, I meet a woman and we start dating. A few weeks later, I take her home to meet my family, and while helping out with the farm chores, another freak accident happens and the tip of my right middle finger gets cut off. My family and my girlfriend take me to the hospital, and when we get home, she admits that she was panicking.

Girlfriend: “Oh, my God, that was crazy. I know farming can be dangerous, but I’ve never actually seen anything like that. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll be okay. It hurts, but the meds help.”

Girlfriend: “How can you be so calm about this? I’m completely freaked out and I’m not even the one who lost a finger.”

Me: *Joking* “Well, I’ve done worse, so a finger isn’t too bad.”

Brother: “Yeah, [My Name] is getting kind of used to things going missing by now.”

Girlfriend: “What do you mean?”

Brother: “His foot, and now his finger.”

Girlfriend: “Your foot? What does that mean?”

Brother: “You never told her about your foot, [My Name]?”

Me: “You’ve seen me barefoot, haven’t you?”

Girlfriend: “Apparently not? I mean, I know you limp, but I always thought that was just how you walk.”

Me: “All right, then. Do you want me to tell you the story first and then show you my foot, or show you my foot first and then tell the story?”

She decided to hear the story first, so I told her and then showed her my feet. She ended up taking the whole thing really well, and we’re still together a year later, so I think she’s the one.

We’re So Exhausted On Your Behalf
Bad Behavior, Current Events, Health & Body, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Security | Healthy | February 25, 2022
The lack of support from security at my hospital is insane. We have limited visitation due to rising health crisis cases.

Once, a whole family showed up when a patient was really only allowed one person. On top of it, they refused to follow the masking rules. How they got by screening, I’ll never know. Even if they wore masks downstairs, there’s no way a whole group should’ve been let up.

And when staff confronted them on the floor, they threatened to get violent with the nurses. When security finally showed up, they talked to the family for maybe ten minutes and didn’t even escort them out, saying, “They promised to leave in five minutes.” What a joke.

My favorite is [health crisis]-positive patients refusing to stay in their rooms and threatening to walk the halls to give everyone their illness, coughing in your face if you argue with them.

Then, there was an old man refusing to pull up his mask when asked, saying, “Honey, I would if I could,” rolling his eyes, and walking away. Surely, it’s more uncomfortable and inconvenient to wear it improperly?

I have more stories than I could possibly recount.

Make Things Easier On Yourselves, Folks!
Australia, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, New South Wales, Patients, Stupid | Healthy | February 25, 2022
I work in a pathology collection centre where we collect blood and other delightful bodily fluids and emissions. Sometimes the doctor requests that a patient fast in preparation for their blood test for a variety of reasons, and company procedure has certain requirements for the patient to be “correctly” fasting. For example, the patient must fast for more than X hours but not more than X hours, and they can only have water and nothing else. As always, I don’t make the rules; I only enforce them.

This elderly patient presents late in the afternoon with his referral from his general practitioner, and he wants to have the blood test collected. I inquire about whether he had fasted and he hasn’t, so I explain to him that he has to fast, for how long, the consequences of not doing it “correctly”, etc. He isn’t happy but seems to accept that it has to be that way as that’s what the doctor wants.

He seems to have a little trouble understanding me, so I explain it to him a few times, write it down in bullet-point format, and give him the little handouts we have with slightly more detailed patient instructions, as well. He leaves, and I’m satisfied that he understands as I’ve explained it about five times. All in all, I’ve worked with him for about fifteen to twenty minutes.

The patient comes in the next morning around mid-morning and I ask him what time he last had anything to eat or drink other than water. The answer he gives me means that he has exceeded the maximum fasting time.

Me: “You’ve gone too long now and your results could be affected. Are you sure you want to go ahead? I wrote this all down for you. Didn’t you look at what I wrote?”

Patient #1 : “No, I didn’t bother. Just do it.”

Me: *Facepalm*

In addition to this exchange, we often have this conversation with our fasting patients.

Me: “What time last night did you have something to eat or drink other than water?”

Patient #2 : “Oh, yes, last night.”

Me: “What time?”

Patient #2 : “Dinner time.”

Me: “What time was dinner?”

Patient #2 : “Oh, around six.”

Me: “Do you think you could give me the time to the closest half hour?”

The patient rolls their eyes, exasperated.

Patient #2 : “No, I didn’t look at the clock! Just make it six o’clock!”

Me: “You haven’t had anything since then?”

Patient #2 : “Oh, I had dessert at about ten o’clock.”

Or:

Patient #2 : “I just had a cup of tea/coffee this morning.”

Another fun one:

Patient #3 : “I’m usually difficult to get blood from.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Have you had much water today?”

Patient #3 : “No, I don’t drink water.”

I have to admit though, my favourite response to the last one was, “No, I don’t drink water because fish f*** in it!”

Stick a fork in me, folks, because I am so done.

At Least SOMEONE Is Looking Out For This Dog
Bigotry, Cincinnati, Jerk, Ohio, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | February 22, 2022
I am a veterinarian. On the day before Thanksgiving, I have an owner bring their older dog in for a mass on her foot that grew very quickly over the past few days and seemed very irritating as the dog was licking at it. Off the bat, this makes me think of something like a local infection and/or trauma. I recommend taking a small sample of it with a needle to view under a microscope, either in-clinic or by sending it out to a lab, for more information. It starts to go downhill here, as the owner informs me that he is a human physician, and he appears to have some opinions on what should be done instead. I don’t think it helps that I am a young recently graduated female veterinarian, and this owner is an older male physician.

Me: “Taking this sample can tell us whether there is an infection or if there is truly something more concerning like a growth or cancer.”

Owner: “I don’t think I want to do all that. She is an older dog, and I just want it removed, whatever it is.”

Me: “While that is a fair goal, surgery may not be the best solution to this. Even if it is cancer, that area can be hard to remove large masses from because there is so little tissue on the limbs.”

He starts to go into medical jargon about healing, and we go back and forth a few times. I support different owners with their goals and their right to make decisions for their pets so long as they are informed, but I don’t think jumping to surgical removal of this mass is in the dog’s best interest. He eventually concedes to us taking a sample, which I do, and I get a pus-like material that makes me even more suspicious of infection. When I go to explain this:

Owner: “Well, if it is an abscess, you can just take her in the back and drain it with a scalpel blade!”

This is also something I would not want to do immediately, especially in animals who do not sit still like humans and without appropriate pain control. Since our in-clinic materials for evaluating the sample were not working, I told him that I would send the sample out to a lab and that we would hear back with results in about three to five business days, possibly longer with a holiday tomorrow.

I sent the dog home with anti-inflammatories for comfort and a cone to keep her from traumatizing the area in the meantime. The owner was so fixated on having the mass “just removed” that on the way out, he scheduled a surgery for two weeks from then. The whole appointment left me exhausted, but the icing on the cake really came over the next two weeks.

I got the results back about three business days later — six calendar days — and called the only number we had on file for this owner. No one answered, so I left a message explaining that the results were consistent with an infection, that no cancer was seen, and that I was sending them an electronic prescription for an antibiotic. I also told them to call back and let us know how [Patient] was doing.

We heard nothing back about this dog until the next week when the owners got an automatic reminder for surgery drop-off the next day. The owner’s WIFE called us, upset, and asked why her dog had a surgery scheduled. When we reviewed the appointment and explained that it had been scheduled by her husband, the wife got irritated and told us to cancel it, because — shocker — the antibiotic got rid of the mass. She also snipped about how it took a week to get the results back.

In summary, he told me how to do my job (incorrectly), didn’t communicate to his spouse about the dog, didn’t update us about how the dog was doing or respond to a phone call, and complained about getting results back within the estimated timeframe during a holiday week. Well, at least the dog is better

The Human Body Is A Shocking Wonder
Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, School, Students, USA | Healthy | February 19, 2022
WARNING: INJURY

This happened many moons ago, when I was in seventh grade.

The bell rings signifying the end of lunch. In my haste to get back to my classroom, I end up trying to jump over a bench instead of going around it, falling sideways, and having all of my ninety-six pounds land directly on my left wrist. I pop up and head for class, making it in with about one second to spare before I’d be marked late. I happen to be sitting in the front row.

The teacher spends the next minute writing things on the blackboard, and we all start taking notes. When he turns around, he sees me.

Teacher: “[My Name], leave immediately and go see the nurse.”

Me: “Why? I’m fine.”

Teacher: “Do it right now.”

Me: “If you say so.”

I put my stuff back in my backpack, mutter something under my breath, and reluctantly head for the nurse’s office. Yeah, my left wrist is hurting a bit, but I just fell on it. It’s probably sprained or something. I take my watch off it and transfer it to my right wrist, figuring that’ll help.

When I arrive…

Nurse: “Sit down and don’t move. I’m calling your parents. They’ll take you to the hospital.”

Me: “What the h***? I don’t need a hospital!”

Nurse: “Yes, you do! Look at your wrist!”

I took a look. The bone was almost poking through the skin.

The doctor said the break looked like it had been cut with a laser. Thankfully, the teacher and the nurse noticed right away that my wrist was broken, even if I didn’t!