(Ten minutes later
Hygienist: “I really do think you’d look so much better if you got your teeth whitened! We’d do a really good job of it!”
Me: “I already said I both didn’t want to and couldn’t afford that.”
Hygienist: “Okay. Well, the dentist recommends you get a gum irrigation while you’re here, for the infection.”
Me: “What infection?! When I was here last time I was told I didn’t have any, and that I should do a deep cleaning to avoid any notable chance of one.”
Hygienist: “Well, no, you don’t have an infection, but the irrigation would further ensure you don’t get one.”
Me: “I was told last time that a deep cleaning was sufficient, and it seems that it was. I don’t like the insinuation that I have a problem when there’s not actually a problem. If I don’t have an infection, this sounds like an unnecessary procedure, and I’m not paying for it.”
(The hygienist finishes my regular cleaning.)
Hygienist: “Are you sure you don’t want your teeth whitened?”
Me: “No. I do not. Want. My teeth. Whitened. I said that twice already in no uncertain terms. Don’t ask me again.”
(The dentist comes in for the post-cleaning check.)
Dentist: “So, when do you want us to remove your wisdom teeth?”
Me: “Is there something wrong with them?! They came in several years ago, there’s enough room in my jaw for them, and I haven’t had any issues with them to date.”
Dentist: “No, but many of my patients get them removed just to avoid any complications.”
Me: “I’m currently 28. My dad didn’t have his removed until his 50s, and that was in response to some tangible problems he was having. I’m on Denti-Cal, and this probably isn’t covered. I’m not paying that kind of money right now to possibly avoid some problem that may never crop up, or may not crop up for decades. Please stop trying to sell me a bunch of unnecessary procedures, especially when you should know, from my insurance, that I probably don’t have much money to fritter away on things I don’t absolutely need.”
(I am rather annoyed by this whole ordeal, but I make an appointment for six months later since they at least seemed to do a capable job of cleaning my teeth. My usual inertia about switching dentists leads me to not find another one in the interim, so I go back. The cleaning is shorter than usual, possibly since I’ve started using a water flosser in addition to brushing.)
Dentist: “You know, that under-bite hasn’t gotten any better. You should really get [Clear Orthodontics Product].”
Me: “I’m still on Denti-Cal. It’s still not covered as far as I know, and I’m still not in a position to afford that. If and when I do decide to fix the problem, I will see a full-time orthodontist.”
Dentist: “All right, then. Next time you come in, you should do a deep cleaning, because I see some noticeable plaque buildup under your gums