Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 70

home | Portland, OR, USA | Romantic | October 8, 2016


(My boyfriend and I are chatting in bed before going to sleep. I hate the whole zombie apocalypse culture, and can’t stand the “what would you do if I got turned into a zombie?” stories. My boyfriend has just told me he loves zombie apocalypse stuff.)

Boyfriend: “So, what would you do if I got turned into a zombie?”

Me: *instantly* “I’d bludgeon you to death with the nearest hard object. Shut up.”

Boyfriend: “Oh…” *sounds disappointed*

Me: “Okay, fine. I give in. What would you do if I got turned into a zombie?”

Boyfriend: “I’d bludgeon you.”

Me: “With what?”

Boyfriend: “With my penis!”

Me: “You would have to be hard in order to bludgeon me with that. So you’re saying you’d be aroused by zombie me?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, absolutely! Dead vaginas are the best. Mmmmm.”

Me: “You’re disgusting. This is so going on the Internet.”