Not Quite Registering

Pharmacy | Ontario, Canada | Working | August 25, 2012


(A customer pays with a fifty dollar bill. Spotting it, the pharmacist on duty grabs his wallet and asks the cashier to give him the fifty for two twenties and a ten.)

Coworker: “I can’t do that!”

Me: “Why not? He’s giving you $50 for $50.”

Coworker: “But my till will be wrong!”

Me: “How? You take out the fifty, and put in two twenties and the ten. The totals are still the same.”

Coworker: “But I won’t have the fifty, and the register will KNOW!”

Good Things Come In Small Dosages

Pharmacy | New York, USA | Right | August 15, 2012


(My coworker at the pharmacy has been working with a customer who seems to be having the worst day. Unfortunately, my coworker is the victim of the customer’s mood, and he has reduced the poor girl to tears. Behind this customer is a young father in his mid-20s and his three sons, aged probably six, two, and less than a year old. The young father is clearly upset with the behavior of the customer in front of him, but, probably for the sake of his children, is keeping his mouth shut. Out of nowhere, his six-year-old son speaks up.)

Six-year-old Son: “‘Scuse me, sir? I think you’ll probably get what you need easier in life if you’re nice to people. You’re making the pretty lady sad and she didn’t do anything wrong.”

Customer: *clearly shocked* “Didn’t your father here teach you to mind your own business, son?!”

(The young father is actually grinning proudly, and reaches over to high-five his son.)

Father: “Actually, I taught him not to raise his voice at good, honest people.”

Customer: *clearly embarrassed, pays and leaves quickly*

Six-year-old Son: *to my coworker* “Can I give you a hug? If anyone gives you trouble, call me!”

(My coworker was very impressed by the brave little boy’s actions, while his father proudly teared up. I doubt the family will ever have to pay at our pharmacy again, and my coworker has a new best friend!)

There’s No Business Like My Business

Pharmacy | California, USA | Right | August 9, 2012


(I work at a well-known retail pharmacy. One night while I’m still new on the job, I’m manning one of the cash registers.)

Woman: “Hi, where is your baking soda?”

Me: “Um, I can’t guarantee that we have baking soda, but if we do, it would be in Aisle 3.”

Woman: *goes off to look for it*

(15 minutes later, the customer comes through my line with her baking soda.)

Me: “Oh, I see you found it! I’m glad we carry it.”

Woman: “If you hadn’t, I would have been very frustrated, and I would never have come here again!”

(I think she’s joking and laugh a bit.)

Me: “Well, I’m certainly glad you found it!”

Woman: *completely serious* “I did that to [other retail store] when they didn’t have lettuce, and they went out of business within a week!”

Me: *pause* “Um… I’m REALLY glad you found the baking soda, then.”

A Knight In Patrolling Armor

Pharmacy | Costa Rica | Right | August 2, 2012


Me: “So, your total is going to be of 30 thousand colones (60 USD). Here you go, and have a nice day.”

Customer: “Oh, you’re so nice. Thank you, too. I was wondering if you could do something else for me?”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Customer: “I was told at my church that they needed more members, and I was asked to bring a few. Would you mind to come?”

Me: “Well, I apologize, but I wouldn’t like to.”

Customer: *gets defensive* “Why? Don’t tell me you think we’re all cultists that don’t care about God!”

Me: “I’m sure you’re not, but I don’t want to go.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not, then? I already told you we’re nice people, so why don’t you go?!”

Me: “Ma’am, if I offended you I apologize, however I don’t want to go. It’s not because you’re nice people or not; it’s because I’m an atheist.”

Customer: “So, you don’t believe in God, is that it? Well, f*** you! You’re going to Hell! What are you going to tell me next, that you’re a f***ing queer?”

Me: “In fact, I am a homosexual, but—”

Customer: “That’s all I needed to know! Being gay is a sin!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “F*** no! You’re kicking me out because I’m a Christian! That’s illegal, and it’s bulls***!”

(At this point, a man behind her speaks up. Note that he is a police officer in full uniform.)

Officer: “No, he’s kicking you because you already paid and you’re disturbing the peace. So, I’m going to give you my recommendation: Leave now, or I’ll arrest you.”

Customer: *suddenly pales and leaves without saying a word*

Me: “Thank you very much, Officer. Now, how may I help you?”

Officer: “Actually I didn’t need anything. I was just patrolling when I heard the conflict. However, now that you mention it…” *he blushes a little* “…I need to ask, would you go out in a date with me?”

Me: “…Of course!”

(The officer and I have now dating for nearly half a year.)

Never Say No To La Novia

Pharmacy | Roselle, NJ, USA | Right | July 10, 2012


(I am watching my girlfriend’s two-year-old sister near the counter while she does her shopping. Her sister is learning to talk in Spanish, so I’m quizzing her with colors. While we’re playing, a seven-year-old girl approaches us and asks to play because she takes Spanish at school. Everything is fine until the girl’s mother comes.)

Mother: “Leona, what are you doing? You know not to bother people.”

Me: “Oh, she’s not, ma’am. She just asked to play with me and my girlfriend’s sister.”

Mother: “Girlfriend?” *thinks for a few moments* “Oh, a close friend! Sorry, I was thinking you meant a girl you were dating.”

Me: “I did. I am dating a girl. This little girl is her sister and your daughter was just playing with us. She wasn’t bothering us.”

Mother: “What?! Leona, you were playing with a homo?!? Come over here, right now!”

(In tears, the girl slowly approaches her mother, who yells at her about how she knows better than to interact with “h***-bound sinners” like me. She then chides me for “sinning” around such a small child, referring to my girlfriend’s sister. While I’m speechless, a man comes up, who I assume is the girl’s father.)

Father: *to the mother* “I got the rest of the stuff. What are you yelling about?”

Mother: *to her daughter* “Tell Daddy what you did!”

(In hysterics, the girl tells her father what happened, ending her telling by clinging to his leg and apologizing over and over. I’m feeling dreadful and very guilty and am near tears myself. But to my surprise, this happens.)

Father: *to the mother* “Are you serious?! What is wrong with you?! I don’t even know why I came out with you! Just go wait in the car! Sheesh!”

(The mother, now apparently embarrassed, exits the store. The father calms his daughter down and apologizes to her and me before leaving. Right after they leave, my girlfriend comes up, having seen the whole thing.)

My Girlfriend: “I actually know that family. The father moved in next door to me two weeks ago. That girl’s parents are divorced and her parents have joint custody of her, but today is her birthday and she wanted to be with both of them together. They said yes to make her happy, but I don’t think that’ll happen again.”

(A few weeks later, my girlfriend tells me the father got full custody of his daughter. Now, she and my girlfriend’s sister play together on a daily basis, and I occasionally help her with her Spanish homework.)

No Scan, No Scam

Pharmacy | Newton, NJ, USA | Right | July 10, 2012


(I work in a store in a small town where most of the customers are elderly and sweet. If a price doesn’t come up, I will generally trust a customer if they say they know the exact price.)

Me: “Oh, there’s no bar code on this.”

Customer: “Well, it was $39.99, but I guess that doesn’t help you.”

Me: “Well, I can enter it manually. You’re sure it was $39.99?”

Customer: “Actually, it was…$19.99.”

Me: “Sir, do you really want me to call for a price check and make you and all the people behind you wait ten minutes for someone to come up here?”

Customer: *defeated* “…It was $39.99.”

Plz Change Abbrev, Stat

Pharmacy | London, UK | Right | July 9, 2012


(If a customer gets regular medication from a pharmacy, they can have a Medicine Use Review (MUR). It’s basically talking through their meds with a pharmacist. I answer this call from a sweet elderly caller.)

Me: “Hello, pharmacy.”

Customer: “Um hello, someone just delivered my medicine. The bag has a sticker on it that says “Patient eligible for MUR.” What it is MUR?”

Me: “It stands for “Medicine Use Review,” which involves discussing your medicines with the pharmacist. However, those labels are meant for our reference, so I apologise that it’s been put on your bag by mistake. Sorry if it caused confusion.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s alright, dear. I just thought MUR might be short for murder!”

Me: “Er no, ma’am! Don’t worry, no one is going to murder you!”

Customer: “Oh, good! Thank you very much!”

Not Ever Working

Pharmacy | TN, USA | Working | July 9, 2012


(The pharmacy I work at has just lost several techs at once, so we’ve hired a few new people. One of these new coworkers isn’t working out at all.)

Pharmacist: “Hey, could you help out in the front for a minute? I think [coworker who isn’t working out] could use a hand.”

Me: “Sure. Hi, [regular customer], what can I do for you?”

Regular Customer: “Oh good, I’m trying to get a refill.”

New Coworker: *to Regular Customer* “I keep telling you, you don’t have any!”

Me: *to Regular Customer* “Let me just check on it for you.”

New Coworker: *to me* “Why? I already told him he didn’t have one.”

Me: “Actually, he has enough refills for the rest of the year. What are you looking at?”

New Coworker: “No, you’re wrong. I know what I saw!”

Regular Customer: “I knew I had some..I was starting to think I was going to have to call my doctor. Thank you so much, [my name]!”

New Coworker: *to Regular Customer* “You need to leave right now. GET OUT!”

Me: *to New Coworker* “Whoa, what do you think you’re doing? You do not have ANY authority to kick a patron out.”

New Coworker: “He’s being unruly.”

Me: “What? No, he’s not. You’re just being rude.”

New Coworker: “No, you’re just trying to make me look stupid. I know exactly what I saw.”

(I examine my new coworker’s computer screen.)

Me: “You were looking at the wrong person.”

New Coworker: “No, I wasn’t!”

Me: “Sorry, but the name on your screen is a woman’s. [Regular Customer] is a man. It happens.”

New Coworker: “You changed it!”

Regular Customer: “Are you kidding me? Listen kid, you were wrong. It’s not that big of a deal. It happens. Just man up already.”

New Coworker: “You, shut up! I’m not talking to you, old man!”

(The pharmacist has been listening to the entire conversation. He decides he’s had enough.)

Pharmacist: *to New Coworker* “Get over here, right now!”

New Coworker: *rudely* “I’m BUSY! I’m trying to work, but—”

Pharmacist: “Get your stuff. You’re fired.”

New Coworker: “You can’t fire me!”

(At this point, the store manager also comes over.)

Store Manager: “I can. Get your stuff. You are not longer employed here.”

New Coworker: “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG! YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID!”

Regular Customer: “No one has to try and make you look stupid, son. You’re doing a fine job of that all by yourself.”

(My coworker carried on and screamed obscenities. We ended up having to call the police to remove him from the store!)

Feeling Man-strual

Pharmacy | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada | Right | June 24, 2012


(I am working the prescription counter when a big, burly 6-foot or so tall man comes to the counter. Note: I am a female.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Um, I think…” *trails off*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir…could you say that again?”

Customer: *leans in close* “I think I got my first period.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “I’m bleeding down there, and I’m really hurting in my stomach.”

Me: “Sir, men don’t get those. You need to go to the hospital.”

Customer: “I knew you girls would be insensitive! I’m leaving!”

(I didn’t see him again. I still hope he got to a hospital!)

Employees Are Sharper Than You Think

Pharmacy | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | June 20, 2012


(Pharmacy law in Utah says that it’s up to the pharmacist’s discretion if they want to sell insulin needles/syringes without a prescription. Our store has the policy that the patient either has to have a prescription for the syringes or for an injectable medication on file.)

Customer: “I need to get some syringes.”

Me: “Okay, I need your name so I can look up the prescription.”

Customer: “Actually, they’re not for me. They’re for my mom.”

Me: “Okay, what’s her name?”

Customer: “Well, not my mom. My best friend’s mom who’s like a mom to me.”

Me: “What’s her name?”

Customer: “Actually, it’s for her dog.”

Me: “What’s the dog’s name?”

Customer: “I…don’t know.”

Me: “Then I’m not selling you any syringes.”

Customer: *walks away in defeat*

Contextual Innuendos

Pharmacy | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | June 19, 2012


(I’m at work on a Saturday with a clerk and a pharmacist. I notice the clerk speaking with an elderly woman out front but don’t think much of it. A few minutes later, the clerk comes back with a strange expression on her face and tells me I have to go help the woman.)

Me: “What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a vibrator.”

Me: “A…vibrator?”

Customer: “Yes. I had one, but I used it too much and it wore out.”

Me: “I don’t think we have anything like that. Where did you buy the first one?”

Customer: “At another pharmacy, but I want one with a long handle so it can reach better.”

(At this point I’m biting the inside of my cheek in an effort not to laugh.)

Me: “What kind of vibrator are you looking for, exactly?”

Customer: “You know! One of those that rub your feet!”

Me: “OH! Sorry, we don’t have anything like that.”

Not Lacking For Laxatives

Pharmacy | Long Island, NY, USA | Right | June 17, 2012


Me: “**** Pharmacy, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I gotta question for you: I drank a whole thing of prune juice like water, and now I’m s***ing my brains out.”

Me: “Okay, and what did you need to know?”

Customer: “Is your generic of ducolax the same thing?”

Me: “Yes. Same thing.”

Customer: “Okay, good, because I’m gonna need a plug soon or something!”

Getting Burned Can Be A Pain In The Butt

Pharmacy | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | June 15, 2012


(It is a very windy day during summer, and a power line has blown over in the field behind our store.)

Me: “Hello, [pharmacy] how may I help you?”

Customer: “I need to see if you have [hemorrhoid cream] in stock.”

Me: “Alright, let me check…”

(At this point, I put him on hold to check our stock when a fireman walks in. He tells us they are evacuating all the buildings in the area, and that we have 5 minutes to get out. I go back to pick up the phone so the customer isn’t on hold forever.)

Me: “Sir, we do have it in stock. However, I can’t help you right now. I’m being told to evacuate the building.”

Customer: “Does it have aloe vera in it?”

Me: “I don’t know. As I said, I need to hang up. Please call back tomorrow.”

Customer: “Can you see if you can order it for me?”

Me: “Sir, there is a field fire right behind the pharmacy and I really can’t answer your questions right now. I was told by the fire department to evacuate. Please, call back another time.”

Customer: “Well, fine then. I’ll just get it somewhere else!” *hangs up*

Out Of Brain Cells

Pharmacy | Maple Grove, MN, USA | Working | May 22, 2012


(At the pharmacy where I work, I do a lot of training of new employees. This day’s trainee is particularly slow on the uptake.)

Me: *to new employee* “Now, when the customer pays in cash and just hands you a bill, you should repeat back to them how much they gave you. For example, when a customer gives you a $20 bill, you say, ‘Out of $20,’ as you make change.”

(This is a technique to help avoid after-the-fact disputes about the denomination of the bills customers hand over.)

New Employee: “Got it.”

(The customer walks up and pays cash, handing him a $20. The new employee says nothing.)

Me: *to new employee* “What are you forgetting?”

New Employee: “Um…”

Me: “Say the amount they gave you.”

New Employee: “Oh, right…”

(The next three customers all pay cash, and as they each fork over a crisp clean $20 bill, the new employee performs flawlessly, verifying that it is indeed “Out of $20” with each transaction. I think he’s finally gotten it down until the fourth customer.)

New Employee: “That will be [price].”

Customer #4: *hands over credit card*

New Employee: “Out of $20!”

Me: *facepalm*

Time To Start Screening Customers

Pharmacy | USA | Right | May 19, 2012


(A customer slams a bottle of sunblock on the counter.)

Customer: “This is worthless! I can’t believe you sell this!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.” *examines the empty bottle* “But this is the highest protection factor we have.”

Customer: “Well, it’s crap! I want a refund!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t refund an empty bottle; it’s store policy.”

Customer: “Well, what do you expect?! I have two large windows!”

A Game Of Kat And Birdie

Pharmacy | Georgia, USA | Right | April 5, 2012


(I work at a pharmacy and we are very busy, causing a few customers having to wait. The last woman in line finally steps up.)

Me: “I apologize for your wait. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Does your name tag say your name is Kat?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Did you have some crazy new age parents or something? Why would they name you after an animal? That’s just dumb! You should have a good sturdy name, like mine!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but what can I help you with?”

Customer: “I need a refill.”

Me: “Of course. Can I get your date of birth?”

Customer: *gives me her date of birth* “And the prescription is under Birdie.”

Me: “Okay, it’s put in and will be ready in 15 minutes.”

Customer: “Thank you. I’m sorry you have such a foolish name.”

Pharmacist: “Did that woman just tell you your name was foolish and complain about people with “animal” names?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Pharmacist: “But her name was Birdie…”

Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 3

Drug Store, Pharmacy | Omaha, NE, USA | Right | March 30, 2012


(Our store regularly runs a promotion on the various vitamin brands for ‘BOGO’, buy 1, get 1 free. A customer comes up to the register with a bottle of a brand on the BOGO promotion. I am also an avid couponer and I regularly take in coupons for items we carry that I won’t use so that I can give them to customers.)

Me: “Sir, I see you’re buying a [brand] item. This week we currently have this whole line at Buy One, Get One Free. If you do get another one, I also have a coupon I can give you which is good for $2 off two items. So instead of getting one for $9.99 you can get 2 for eight bucks and change.”

Customer: *quite angrily* “What the h*** is wrong with you people? I just want my vitamins. Why are you always trying to push me to buy extra stuff and give you more money!?”

Me: “I’m…sir, I apologize. I probably wasn’t clear you’ll get twice as many vitamins and spend two dollars less—”

Customer: “Oh f*** this. You’re all scam artists!” *storms off without paying*

Me: *stares in disbelief*

Next Customer:“So…can I use that coupon?”

No Pain, No Vain

Pharmacy | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Right | March 29, 2012


(A customer comes in to return a home leg waxing kit.)

Me: “Can I ask why you are unsatisfied with this product?”

Customer: “It hurts!”

Me: “Yes, because waxing involves ripping the hair out by the roots.”

Customer: “Well, it shouldn’t hurt!”

You Better Belize It

Pharmacy | Belize | Right | March 19, 2012


(I live in Belize. A lot of tourists think they can get away with anything in my country. One day, a foreigner walks into the store.)

Customer: “Can I get some Diazepam?”

Me: “Do you have a prescription?”

Customer: *tries to look bewildered* “Do I need one?”

Me: “Yes, especially since it’s a controlled substance.”

Customer: “It is?” *scoffs* “Well I didn’t know that. Some Xanax, then.”

Me: “That is a controlled substance too. Valium, Xanax, alprazolam, lorazepam, diazepam…they’re all controlled.”

Customer: “Well, then!” *hurriedly walks out of the store*

Why You Always Bring Your Own Dinnerware

Pharmacy | Graham, NC, USA | Right | March 3, 2012


(An elderly lady approaches the counter.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need some dish bags.”

(Unaware of what dish bags are, I assume she means dish rags.)

Me: “I’m not sure what that is and if we carry it. I would look in the cleaning section.”

Customer: “Well, my doctor said I could get it here.”

Me: “Okay, well I would check that aisle.”

(The customer leaves and returns after a couple minutes.)

Customer: “I didn’t find them!”

Me: “Can you tell me again what it is you need?”

Customer: “Dish bags.”

Me: “And you say your doctor told you to get them here?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry. I’ve never heard of dish bags and I don’t believe I’ve seen anything like that here.”

Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous! What am I going to do?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, would you like me to ask our pharmacist about them?”

Customer: “Yes!”

(I go get the pharmacist to assist me.)

Pharmacist: “So, what is a dish bag used for?”

Customer: “Jeeze! You clean your lady parts with it!”