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You Can’t Insure Against Evil
Bad Behavior, Parents/Guardians, Pennsylvania, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | September 22, 2019 (A young woman pulls up to the drive-thru pharmacy to pick up Ritalin for her son, who is sitting in the backseat. The medication isn’t ready so I check the system and see that the insurance isn’t covering it. A reason is usually provided, but not in this case.) Evil Mom: “That makes no sense. We always get it filled here and there’s never a problem. The insurance covers everything.” *classic line with pharmacy customers who think insurance is magic and has no limitations* Me: “I understand. But I just tried to run it through the insurance and they rejected it without giving a reason why. Would you be able to call them?” Evil Mom: “Okay, I’ll call right now.” *looks at her insurance cards angrily* “So, what’s the number?” Me: *confused why she thinks I know the number off the top of my head* “There should be a customer service number on the back of the card.” Evil Mom: *still angry* “Member services?” Me: “Yes.” (She calls and remains sitting in the single-lane driveway, blocking a line of cars with no regard for the other people who came for their medications.) Me: “Could you pull around the store to make the call?” Evil Mom: “I’m not leaving this spot until I get my son’s meds.” (The pharmacist comes over.) Pharmacist: *friendly* “I’m sorry, but would you be able to—” Evil Mom: *without looking at us* “I’m not leaving.” *rolls the window up in our faces* (The pharmacist curses under her breath and leaves to help other customers. The mom reaches someone from the insurance company and puts the window back down. For fifteen minutes, I listen to her scream at the representative. The whole store can hear her through the drive-thru dropping profuse F-bombs and bullying the rep. Her son is fidgeting in the back seat, but sadly, he doesn’t look surprised by this behavior.) Evil Mom: “Why isn’t my son’s medication covered? You are supposed to cover it and he needs this! What is your name? Okay. And what is your last name? ‘L’ is your last name? Wow. That’s a weird last name. Then give me your employee number. What do you mean, you don’t have numbers? So, how does your company have you on file? Give me your information. You know what? Nevermind. I want to speak to a manager. Now.” (A car behind her honks.) Other Customer: *shouting forward* “What’s going on? It’s been almost half an hour! Just go inside!” Evil Mom: *shouting back* “SHUT THE F*** UP!” (Eventually, the cars behind her begin leaving the line. None of them come inside the store. Mom, still on the phone, throws a discount prescription card and her welfare card at me and looks expectant. I return a blank look.) Evil Mom: *pleasant voice* “I’m waiting for you.” Me: *confused as to what she expects me to do, since the insurance issue has not been resolved* “Did they put the claim through? If so, I can try to re-run it.” Evil Mom: *arrogantly* “Just run the cards and give me the medication. I’m going to pay the same amount as I did last time. Use the cards I just gave you and give me his pills.” Me: “It still has to go through the insurance first.” (The mom continues screaming obscenities simultaneously at the phone and now at me. The pharmacist comes over again and takes charge of the situation.) Pharmacist: “You need to stop talking like that to our staff. You’re cursing and insulting us. We don’t need that. In the future, I think you need to use a different pharmacy.” Evil Mom: *in a weirdly amused way* “Who are you even? I didn’t ask you anything.” (The pharmacist and I are fed up. I look back and see that the store manager has been listening to everything in the background. The pharmacist tries to run the medication through the insurance again but the rejection is still coming up.) Pharmacist: “The insurance is still not going through. We’ve done what we can. The cash price is $130 and we can fill it for you.” (The mom sped away in a flash without another word. We were surprised she didn’t curse us out one more time. We anticipate that she has already called corporate to tell them we are horrible people preventing her from getting her son’s medication. The store manager who overheard said she will vouch for us. If that evil mom knew how to be patient and work with people, there is a chance she could have gotten her son’s medication filled. I feel really bad for that kid.) |
The Many Signs Of Politeness
Dentist, Michigan, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | September 19, 2019 (I’m sixteen when I get all four of my wisdom teeth out at once. I’m understandably a little fuzzy and in pain after the procedure, but overall surprisingly lucid. I tend to be painfully polite, and since I can’t speak with the gauze in my mouth, I clumsily sign, “Thank you,” the only thing I know how to say in basic sign language, to the nurses helping me to the recovery area. A few weeks later, I’m discussing the aftermath of the procedure with my parents.) Mom: “Do you realize how many times you said, ‘Thank you,’ to the nurses?” Me: “I wanted to be polite! They did a good job!” Mom: “You were thanking them every two seconds!” (Good to know I’m polite even when I’m high on anesthesia.) |
Breathe Easy: This One Has A Happy Ending
Colorado, Lazy/Unhelpful, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | September 16, 2019 (My dog has developed a swollen face, is vomiting, and is not her usual, rambunctious self, but not lethargic. Although I’ve had dogs most of my life, I’ve never had a dog with such symptoms. It’s late in the day, just before they are due to close, but I call my veterinarian’s office for advice. She had a Bordetella vaccine just a few days ago so I think it might be related and mention that. After I explained the symptoms and asked about any relation to the vaccine:) Receptionist: “I don’t think it’s related to the vaccine, but let me check.” *a few moments of silence* “No, the vet doesn’t think such an allergic reaction would happen at this point. It’s been three days and any adverse effects generally are seen with the first few hours, not longer than 48. Besides, the Bordetella vaccine doesn’t cause anything like what you’re describing. If you’re concerned, I can fit you in at the next available appointment. How about Tuesday at 10:00 am?” (I’m calling on a Thursday.) Me: “Um, did you say allergic reaction? Do you really think I should wait almost a week to have something like that checked? By then, I’m sure she would be already recovered or dead! Maybe I should take her to the emergency vet?” Receptionist: “Well, the face swelling usually means the pet is on the way to recovery from whatever set it off, but yes, possibly an allergic reaction. If it makes you feel better, we can see her at 8:00 am tomorrow, but leave us a voicemail to let us know tonight or first thing in the morning if you won’t be coming. She should be fine.” Me: “And if it gets worse, I’ll take her to the emergency vet; either way, I’ll let the office know if I don’t need that appointment.” (My dog did appear to be improving, with the swelling decreasing. She stopped vomiting and started acting more energetic, but I didn’t call to cancel that appointment. Close to midnight, she started almost frantically pacing, madly shaking her head every couple of minutes — maybe something in her ear? — and couldn’t get comfortable to sleep. She generally sleeps on her own blanket at my feet on the bed but finally, about two am, she settled down wrapped around my head, laying on my pillow with her head on mine, her nose next to my ear. Soon, her breathing became soft and her usual light snoring started, and I dozed off myself. I was suddenly jolted awake a few minutes after four am and I quickly realized that, even though her nose was next to my ear, I couldn’t hear her breathing! I quickly sat up and turned to check on her. She was not only not breathing, but she was totally limp like a rag, no muscle tone at all, and she felt somewhat cold to the touch. I quickly moved her to an accessible position and started chest compressions, with no response, and I started bawling, calling her name, and berating myself for not taking her to the emergency vet. That woke my husband up and he, too, acknowledged that she appeared to be gone. He reached out to touch and caress her limp body and pretty much instinctively, I think, also squeezed her chest. And her head moved, very slightly. Imagination? Wishful thinking? No, it moved again and she started breathing again! It took several minutes but she recovered enough to pull herself to her blanket and she almost immediately fell asleep, gently snoring. She slept; we didn’t. I kept that appointment, but by then she was not showing any remaining symptoms at all, except for a bit of residual swelling. After questioning why we hadn’t given her any Benadryl –I wasn’t instructed to and didn’t know to do so — the vet explained that the head shaking was because the swelling makes the ears “not feel right,” that her ears were then perfectly clear and her temperature and color normal. I’m not sure the vet believed what had happened earlier, but he noted it all in her file. My pup was given injections of Benadryl and steroids to fight off any remaining toxins, but didn’t have any further issues. We still have no idea what caused such a dramatic allergic reaction, but it’s suspected to be a bug or spider bite from the back yard. Now, we keep Benadryl in the medicine cabinet and have instructions that if she begins to show any similar symptoms, no matter how slight, we are to give her half of a tablet and take her to the emergency vet immediately. And one veterinary receptionist is probably in a heap of trouble for his casual reaction to my very real concerns.) |
LOL-ly
Australia, Awesome, Grandparents, Hospital, Inspirational, New South Wales, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, Patients, Sydney | Healthy | September 13, 2019 Late at night, my grandfather calls me to say my grandmother is having an “episode” and needs me. I hurry over, take one look at her, and call an ambulance; we escort her to the hospital. My grandmother has become increasingly anxious about getting older and sicker and is visibly shaking and getting upset at the sudden onset of people around her taking blood, canulating, running ECGs, etc. The primary nurse has been professional, but far from warm or personable. My grandmother and I are nurses ourselves — well, Grandma was, years ago — so we totally understand that that happens sometimes. My grandmother is given a cup of disgusting potassium liquid to drink, which she does quickly, but, in an effort to try and cheer herself up, she says, “Ugh! Wah wah wah! I want a lolly after that!” The primary nurse disappears out of the room for a minute and returns… holding a rainbow lollipop, which she unwraps and presents to Grandma. She says, still in her serious voice, “That’s for being a brave girl,” and then heads out of the room again. Grandma was so chuffed she talked about that little gesture for her remaining years. |
A Sample Of The Local Community
Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Oklahoma, Revolting, Tulsa, USA | Healthy | September 9, 2019 My doctor wrote up an order for some blood work. On my way in, I passed a mailbox mounted to the wall outside. It can’t be confused with anything but a mailbox. It even has a little red flag to raise for outgoing mail. The nurse who drew my blood told me that the mail carrier just walked inside and delivered the mail. The box was unused. Then, one day someone suspected that things were being put in the box. There was no key. It had to be forced open. Yup. People were using it for a specimen dropbox. Blood, urine, and stool samples in whatever jar someone felt like putting them in had been put in a black metal box in full Oklahoma summer heat — normally over 100F. Anyone besides me thinking, “How many people tried to tear off the sign and rip away the tape to insert some new sample?” |
One Man’s Meat Is Another Man’s Poison
Coworkers, Employees, Health & Body, Maryland, Retail, Stupid, USA | Healthy | September 6, 2019 (I work at a store with around 80 to 100 total employees. In the last few months, there have been a surprising number of people missing work due to food poisoning, about 20 times in the last three or four months. Emails have been going around, with some people complaining, some passive-aggressively implying people are making it up or blowing it out of proportion, and a few of us trying to actually make lists of restaurants in the area workers might go out to eat, or where they shopped, to see trends. We get a lot of people in the store, even if they have not had food poisoning, to describe their lunch habits. Still, even with the information, nothing really seems to add up. Some of the people usually get lunch at the restaurants nearby, but none of the restaurants seem more likely than others. Sometimes it was pizza, sometimes it was people bringing leftovers that had been fine the day before, sometimes they had eaten out, sometimes they had not. None of it seems to make a lot of sense. Today, I am in our break room for lunch when I see a coworker putting a few chicken wings on a napkin into one of the two microwaves. After a moment, something clicks in my head and I look back at the microwave with chicken inside.) Me: “Hey, [Coworker], are you cooking chicken?” Coworker: “Yeah! [Grocery Store] sells bags of frozen wings. They make a good lunch.” Me: “Are they precooked?” Coworker: “No, you have to cook them. Our microwave takes forever, though.” Me: “Okay, so, you cook the frozen wings in the microwave?” Coworker: “Just put them in the refrigerator in the morning and they defrost by lunchtime.” Me: “Okay, gotcha.” (Throughout the conversation, I don’t think my coworker picks up on my disbelief, so I just sit down and watch him as he plays on his phone, occasionally checking the chicken. At the end, the napkin the wings are on is clearly soggy with something, so he grabs another paper towel and wipes off the glass tray in the microwave, then wipes off the counter where there are a few drips. He then sets the napkin down on one of the tables and eats from it. We have paper plates on hand, but he just has the wings on a napkin. Once he finishes, he throws out the bones and gets another napkin to wipe off the damp spot left on the table under his napkin, throws it out, and goes back to the sales floor.) Me: *on a walkie-talkie* “Hey, [Manager], could you meet me in the break room, please? I might have found the cause of the recent food issues.” (The manager gave him a talking-to, but he genuinely did not seem to understand why what he was doing was a huge health risk. We heavily sanitized the break room with bleach, and here’s hoping the food poisoning issues are done with.) |
Squeezing Them To See Things Your Way
Impossible Demands, Jerk, Medical Office, Patients, USA, Washington | Healthy | September 2, 2019 (I’m on the phone with someone who is trying to schedule an appointment they describe as urgent.) Me: “We’re booked solid until next Friday but I can squeeze you in. It’d just be a shorter appointment.” Patient: “What? Why?” Me: “Because we’re full and that’s the only way I could possibly fit you in, I’m afraid.” Patient: “That’s completely unacceptable! I don’t want to be squeezed in! I need a full appointment! Book me for your soonest appointment right now!” Me: “Okay. Then the first day we can see you is [date two weeks from now]. Would noon work for you?” Patient: *pause* “What does being squeezed in mean?” |
You Said It, Doc!
Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | August 31, 2019 (I have had some severe abdominal pain recently. My primary doc is unable to figure out what is going on so I am referred to a specialist. This is my first interaction with the specialist:) Doctor: “So, who did you see before coming to me?” Me: “My general practitioner.” Doctor: “Your GP?” *he scoffs* “What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of useless advice did he give you?” Me: “He told me to come and see you.” Doctor: *nervously shifts in his chair and coughs* |
Needs Treatment Not Treats
Editors' Choice, Health & Body, Pet Store, Pets & Animals, Stupid, USA | Healthy | August 30, 2019 (After a long day of dealing with people who are seemingly too stupid to read price tags, I am ready to go home. My manager has come over to tell me to turn off my light and go home. As I am leaving my register, a woman I’ve seen many times comes up.) Woman: “Oh, sweetheart, I know you’re leaving but could you please help me? I’ll be quick. It’s just one question.” Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I–” Manager: “[My Name] is one of our most knowledgeable employees. She’ll be happy to help you.” *leaves* Me: *sigh* “How can I help you?” Woman: “Well, you see, my dog…” (She tells me her twelve-year-old dog’s life story, ending in his inability to poop for four days.) Woman: “So, I was wondering which of these treats would be better for him?” Me: “Take him to the vet.” Woman: “What?” Me: “Take him to the vet.” Woman: “But that’s expensive!” Me: “Medical bills are expensive. He needs professional help.” Woman: “You’re supposed to be the professional help! This is ridiculous! Without customers, you wouldn’t have a paycheck. Do you know that? People like me keep you employed!” Me: “I make $9 an hour. How professional do you think my help is going to be?” Woman: “Well, that’s not my problem.” Me: “You refusing to spend money on your dog is not my problem, either.” Woman: “You’re quite rude!” Me: “Your other option is to stick your finger up your dog’s a** and dig out the s*** yourself.” (I feel a little guilty about the last part, but I am over my time and ready to go home, so I walk away and clock out. When I leave the break room, my manager is standing at the front with the woman, who is obviously complaining about me.) Woman: “…and you should fire her!” Manager: “I can’t.” Woman: “What?! Why not?” Manager: “Today was her last day.” (The woman sputtered a few nonsensical words before leaving. I can only hope she took my advice and took her dog to the vet. I understand that vet bills are expensive but that’s part of the deal when you’re in charge of another life.) |
They’re Not Out Of The Woods Yet
Hospital, Ohio, Patients, Religion, Silly, USA | Healthy | August 29, 2019 (We’re in the waiting room during our adult son’s brain surgery. A family sits near us and I hear:) Family: “He’s in Jesus’s hands now.” (I lean over to my son’s girlfriend and say:) Me: “They sent a carpenter in to do a surgeon’s job.” |
He Gin-uinely Tried It
Friends, Health & Body, Home, New York, New York City, Stupid, USA | Healthy | August 27, 2019 (I am a student nurse, about a year from graduation. A friend of mine calls.) Me: “Hello?” Friend: “So, you’re a nurse, right?” Me: “I already don’t like where this is going, and I’m a student nurse. Not–” Friend: “Okay, well, I have some gravel deep in my hand. Can I just pour some gin on it and be fine?” (Gin also happens to be his favorite alcohol.) Me: “What?! Hang on; how did you get gravel in your hand and how deep is it?” Friend: “I was on my bike and some a**hole opened their car door right in front of me and I went down pretty hard. And here, let me just take a picture.” (He sends me a picture of his hand, showing that the gravel is dug in pretty deep and firmly stuck in so rinsing it with anything won’t get it out.) Me: “You need to get tweezers and pull out the gravel, rinse it with water, put something like Neosporin on it, and cover it with a bandaid.” Friend: “Well, I don’t have tweezers or any of that, really.” Me: “You live in NYC. There’s definitely some kind of drug store or corner store you can get this stuff in.” Friend: “I don’t want to spend money on things I already have at home, so can I just pour gin on it?” Me: *sighs* “I cannot condone this at all but rinsing it with water is probably the best option.” Friend: “So, gin is okay?” Me: “If you’re intent on using alcohol, use straight vodka, instead, BUT I CANNOT CONDO–” Friend: “Okay, thanks, bye!” *hangs up* (He texts me a picture of his hand. He has used a prong of his watch to dig out the gravel, causing himself to bleed more and making the entire area fairly red. He texts me an hour or so later.) Friend: “The barkeeper wouldn’t just give me some vodka, so I had to buy it and go into the bathroom to rinse it. Thanks again!” Me: “This still was not your best option and I cannot condone this behavior.” (He never replied.) |
You Get Some Anxiety, You Get Some Anxiety, Everybody Gets Some Anxiety!
Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Therapist, USA | Healthy | August 26, 2019 (I go to a therapist for anxiety. For complicated reasons, I’m afraid of asking for an OCD and social anxiety diagnosis, so my partner comes with me.) Therapist: “Okay, you are aware that I am not a couples therapist?” Me: *nods* Therapist: “And that [Partner] is not covered under your insurance?” Partner: “That’s not why I’m here.” Therapist: “Okay, well, let me just explain what we’ve been doing here.” (She says her job description, and then talks about my anxiety. To my horror, she starts spilling every secret I ever told her, including unfair, heat-of-the-moment venting about my partner, without explaining the part after, where I acknowledged my unfairness. I start having a silent panic attack. Eventually, she stops talking.) Partner: *without any hint of annoyance or anything negative* “I’m just here to help [My Name] ask for a referral to a psychiatrist.” Therapist: “Sure! I can do that right away for you!” (We leave. I am too terrified to speak. When we enter the car, my partner sighs angrily.) Partner: “B****!” Me: *jumps* Partner: “Sorry, not you. Don’t worry; I tuned her out once I realized where she was going.” *pauses* “When we get your psychiatrist, do we have to go back to her?” Me: *shakes my head no* Partner: “Good. I can’t believe she did that. Do you want a hug?” (We did hug and talk about the anxiety. My partner also has anxiety, and I’ve been trying to convince her to see a therapist. This… did not help.) |
Drunk Up To Their Guts
Alcohol, Bizarre, California, Non-Dialogue, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | August 25, 2019 I work the overnight shift at an emergency vet. We get some interesting calls. One night, I answer the phone and it is a very drunk man, slurring his words. He explains that it’s his anniversary, he and his wife have had a few bottles of wine, his cat was “faxed” yesterday, and now her guts are hanging out. I tell him to bring her in and I give him the number of an animal-friendly cab company we recommend. Then, I go to let the doctor know what is on the way. He laughs and says it’s probably just a minor dehiscence and the subcutaneous fat is showing — quick sedation and we sew it back up and the cat will be fine. So, the tech starts prepping the surgical room while we wait. The phone rings again. It’s a drunk woman, who explains that it’s her anniversary, she and her husband have had a few bottles of wine, their cat was “spaded” yesterday, and now her guts are hanging out. I give the exact same instructions I gave the man and go tell the doctor that the same cat is coming in twice. We all laugh at how Mister either didn’t tell Missus he had called or they were so drunk they forgot he had called. About half an hour later. a cab pulls up and the driver brings in a cat carrier, warns me that the passengers are totally wasted, and then helps them stagger inside. The tech takes the cat out of the box and the doctor was right; it was just a minor dehiscence with exposed fat. While the doctor is explaining what we want to do and how much it will cost and getting approval, a second cab pulls up. These owners are significantly less drunk; I’m still glad they didn’t drive, but they can carry the cat in on their own. The tech is busy prepping the first cat, so I take them to an exam room, take the cat out of the box and… Oh, my God, that’s a liver! This cat ripped out all her sutures and there are intestines just hanging out of her body. The second cat gets into surgery first, both sets of owners have a fun conversation in the lobby while they wait, both cats make a full recovery, and we all learn that not all drunks are exaggerating. We also have a lot of fun wording the notes to send to the cats’ usual veterinarian, trying to diplomatically tell them to adjust the way they tie their knots without outright blaming them for what happened — both cats had been allowed, against doctor’s orders, to climb up to the top of a bookcase and jump down. |
This Clinic Provides A Terrible Cervix
Canada, Doctor/Physician, Editors' Choice, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Students | Healthy | August 23, 2019 While I was a student, it was fairly common to have student doctors learning at the campus clinic. I was getting my routine pap and was asked if I minded having a student do it, with the actual doctor supervising. When it comes to medical stuff I have no shame and have had positive experiences with student doctors in the past — they actually take a history, for one thing! I imagine a lot of people aren’t okay with students doing their pap. though, so all the more reason for me to let them practice. So, I said I didn’t mind at all, the student introduced herself, and I got in position. She did fine with doing the physical exam and had no problem inserting the speculum. But then came time to swab my cervix. She was looking more and more stressed, and I reassured her she was doing fine and to take her time. A few more moments passed and she was still looking. I remember an offhand comment one of my previous doctors said — that my cervix is a bit off to the side — so I passed that hint along. “I can’t find it! I can’t find the cervix!” she finally cried. “I promise you it’s there! Keep looking!” I tried to reassure. Meanwhile, the actual doctor was clearly having issues keeping a straight face. I was still laying there spread eagle, still trying to comfort the professional poking around my lady bits. The actual doctor took over, and my cervix is indeed off to the side. The student sat back down and the doctor gave her directions to my cervix. She finally found it and got the swab. Good thing, too, because I was also having a hard time keeping my laughter in. After telling my friends the story of my “lost” cervix, one replied, “But… it’s not like it could get very far!” |
Language Is Fluid
Alcohol, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Jerk, Sweden, Wordplay | Healthy | August 20, 2019 Some years ago I had gastric bypass surgery. During the aftercare, I had appointments with a dietician at the hospital where I had the surgery. As a preparation for these visits, I had to fill out an inquiry. One of the questions regarded alcohol. Did I drink less alcohol than before the surgery, the same or more? Well, that looks like a straightforward question, but I couldn’t answer it truthfully. Because I do not drink, and is no alcohol the same or less? It can’t be more, but is it the same or less? The same implies some alcohol consumption, as does less. I added an extra line to the inquiry and simply stated that I do not drink alcohol. Ever. The dietician went nuts. She berated me for 50 minutes for “my excessive alcohol consumption” as I hadn’t picked the only acceptable answer — less. “None” wasn’t a viable answer as it wasn’t included in the inquiry. I asked her to add to my chart that I do not drink. I asked if we could please continue with discussing my diet as I do not drink. She had worked herself into a frenzy and just kept screaming. Wonderful to travel six hours for a useless meeting with someone not listening at all. Anyway, the next meeting was six months later, with another dietician. And the same inquiry to prepare. Once again, I answered that I never drink. This dietician was even more aggressive. She rushed out during the meeting to get a colleague so they could scream at me together. While she was out I grabbed a paper and wrote on it in big letters, “I NEVER DRINK ALCOHOL.” It didn’t help. They still couldn’t grasp that it is possible to not consume alcohol. I asked them to test my blood alcohol level and do whatever testing they wanted as my liver should be in prime condition. Because I did not f****** drink alcohol. And I still don’t. Maybe I just should have picked the option of “drinking less” on the inquiry, but… I’m a language teacher. Nuances are important. “Less” is not the same as “none” or “nothing.” |
Kids Can Be An Earful
Canada, Children, Hospital, Patients, Stupid, Toronto | Healthy | August 18, 2019 (A mother and her eight-year-old come into the clinic. She says the kid was using the end of a pencil to scratch his ear the previous day and the eraser came off and he accidentally pushed it in while trying to get it out. She can’t get it with tweezers. I flush the ear to remove the eraser and notice a few things.) Me: “There are clear signs of a swimmer’s ear infection. Fluid has been trapped behind that eraser for a lot longer than a few hours. The eraser would also not nearly be this… encrusted… after such a short time.” Mother: “[Son] only told me about it yesterday. He said it had just happened. [Son], when did the eraser get stuck in your ear?” (We both eye the child. He fidgets for a few moments before…) Son: “Christmas break.” (This is in MARCH!) Mother: “What?! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Son: *defiantly* “Well, it only hurt if I touched it and I don’t sleep on that side!” (Kid logic is my job security.) |
Kids Can Be An Earful
Canada, Children, Hospital, Patients, Stupid, Toronto | Healthy | August 18, 2019 (A mother and her eight-year-old come into the clinic. She says the kid was using the end of a pencil to scratch his ear the previous day and the eraser came off and he accidentally pushed it in while trying to get it out. She can’t get it with tweezers. I flush the ear to remove the eraser and notice a few things.) Me: “There are clear signs of a swimmer’s ear infection. Fluid has been trapped behind that eraser for a lot longer than a few hours. The eraser would also not nearly be this… encrusted… after such a short time.” Mother: “[Son] only told me about it yesterday. He said it had just happened. [Son], when did the eraser get stuck in your ear?” (We both eye the child. He fidgets for a few moments before…) Son: “Christmas break.” (This is in MARCH!) Mother: “What?! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Son: *defiantly* “Well, it only hurt if I touched it and I don’t sleep on that side!” (Kid logic is my job security.) |
That Attitude Doesn’t Have A Leg To Stand On
Hospital, Jerk, Nurses, UK | Healthy | August 10, 2019 (I am in intensive care recovering from surgery and infection. A nurse is doing her rounds when I ask her if she could pass me the lunch menu, as it was left on a table out of my reach.) Nurse: “No.” Me: “Sorry?” Nurse: “People always think we’re their personal slaves, demanding this and that. The nurses agreed we wouldn’t be tolerating it anymore. You’ve got two legs; you can walk. Get it yourself.” (I stare at her, confused, and lift my bedsheets revealing my lower half. The nurse’s face drains as she stares at my one remaining leg; I had the other removed two days ago.) Me: “Believe me, I wish I could…” (Instead of handing me the menu, she bolted for the door, leaving me to wriggle around for a bit and eventually letting a woman who had just had triple heart bypass surgery get it for me. I never saw the nurse again, but as I left I saw my name on the ward list being wiped off, with “LEG AMPUTATION” in big capital letters.) |
I’m Planning On Spraining My Ankle Next Tuesday
Luxembourg, Medical Office, Reception, Stupid | Healthy | August 14, 2019 (While building my own home, I have a little mishap and cut my left thumb deeply. I quickly disinfect the wound, apply a pressure bandage, and drive over to my family doctor’s practice to get some stitches.) Me: *sliding over my social security card* “Hi, I cut myself badly.” Desk Clerk: “Do you have an appointment?” Me: “Sorry, no, I didn’t plan it in advance!” |
That Attitude Doesn’t Have A Leg To Stand On
Hospital, Jerk, Nurses, UK | Healthy | August 10, 2019 (I am in intensive care recovering from surgery and infection. A nurse is doing her rounds when I ask her if she could pass me the lunch menu, as it was left on a table out of my reach.) Nurse: “No.” Me: “Sorry?” Nurse: “People always think we’re their personal slaves, demanding this and that. The nurses agreed we wouldn’t be tolerating it anymore. You’ve got two legs; you can walk. Get it yourself.” (I stare at her, confused, and lift my bedsheets revealing my lower half. The nurse’s face drains as she stares at my one remaining leg; I had the other removed two days ago.) Me: “Believe me, I wish I could…” (Instead of handing me the menu, she bolted for the door, leaving me to wriggle around for a bit and eventually letting a woman who had just had triple heart bypass surgery get it for me. I never saw the nurse again, but as I left I saw my name on the ward list being wiped off, with “LEG AMPUTATION” in big capital letters.) |
Worse Than Having Teeth Pulled
Bad Behavior, Dentist, Germany | Healthy | August 9, 2019 (When I was a teenager I had braces. During a holiday, I slipped on a playground and hit a wooden log with my upper front teeth. Because of that, my teeth decided almost ten years later that they didn’t like that; inflammations in the upper jaw were the outcome. Because I am now only in my late twenties, my dentist has tried everything he could so I won’t have to get implant teeth. At the beginning of this year, I had yet another inflammation and his daughter, who took over his office, didn’t feel like she could help me and send me to a specialist a town over. It is kind of important to mention that I live a two-hour train ride away from both dentist offices and go there by train. I do have a dentist in the city where I live but haven’t yet decided how much I can trust him so I mostly have gone there for check-ups and minor issues. This is the first appointment to decide on the treatment and everything related. They make a set of x-rays and I talk to the doctor afterward.) Dentist: “So, I can see from your history that this is the eighth time you’ll have root canal treatment. Don’t you think you should just get them pulled?” Me: “Oh, well, I’m really hoping that this is the last time. Because it’s two front teeth, I’d really like to try one more time.” Dentist: “All right, then, I’ll try to do it. Please speak to the nurse about a date and time, the medication you’re used to, and if you need a certificate for your job that you’re ill and need to stay home. We will try an open healing. You won’t get stitches but a small piece of gauze which will cover the wound. You need to have that changed every three days, which your usual dentist can do.” *leaves* (I set an appointment and specify which painkillers I usually get prescribed and that I need a certification to prove I am unable to work. Two weeks later is appointment day. I wait an hour and a half in the treatment room before I am finally seen. I don’t say anything because I know it can be busy and I am nervous. The dentist enters the room.) Dentist: “Good morning!” (Without another word, he takes the syringe with the local anaesthesia and proceeds to literally ram it into my jaw several times, hitting two nerves along the way. I start crying really hard because it hurts so much, not only because he hit the nerves but also because the area is really sensitive because of all the former scar tissue.) Dentist: *annoyed* “Ms. [My Name], don’t you think it would have been better if you had a full anaesthesia if you’re already crying so hard?” (He leaves the room sighing while I try to catch my breath despite the pain I’m in. The nurse shoots me an apologetic look and hands me a handkerchief. The rest of the treatment goes fairly well until it’s time for the gauze thingy to be put over the wound. I have called the dentist in the city where I live and they said they’d do the wound care.) Dentist: “So, we’re almost done. No need to cry. What do you think? As for the gauze, you’ll need to come in three days to have us change it.” Me: “But you said I’d be able to let my dentist at home do this.” Dentist: *in the most condescending tone* “Well, [My Name], you surely realize that we will have to take a look at the wound.” Me: “No. I told you I live a two-hour train ride away. I am not going to sit in a train for four hours just to have a fifteen-minute appointment.” Dentist: “Well, if that’s the case, and you’re unwilling to do everything it takes to ensure proper healing, I’ve no other way to help you.” *proceeds to stitch the wound together* “With that, you can come back in two weeks and I promise you that it’ll take more than fifteen minutes.” (He leaves before I can say anything else.) Nurse: “Well, here you go. Here’s your prescription for painkillers.” Me: “But that’s not what I asked for. I can get those cheaper without a prescription. I asked for something stronger because at this point, after so many treatments, I really know the pain and what helps and what doesn’t!” (The nurse leaves to speak to the dentist. When she comes back in:) Nurse: “The doctor said you won’t need anything stronger; the treatment does not justify that. Take it or leave it.” Me: “Then it’s cheaper for me to buy them over the counter. Thanks, but no thanks.” (I am about to leave when she stops me.) Nurse: “What do you think you’re doing? You have to wait another thirty minutes to make sure you won’t faint or something.” Me: “I am really sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable staying here for half an hour. The whole appointment went different from what we decided on and I don’t feel like seeing anyone of you ever again. I don’t want to be rude, but this whole ordeal was an awful experience.” (She looked annoyed and made me sign a form stating I left against their advice. Because of that “treatment,” I was in pain for four weeks which I’d never had before. It also didn’t stop the inflammations. I am currently sitting at the dentist in my hometown to have both teeth pulled.) |
Here Comes The Needle Aeroplane!
Belgium, Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office | Healthy | August 8, 2019 (I’m travelling to a faraway place and need to get a few recommended vaccinations. I registered with a local GP after moving, but didn’t go before, since I’m a pretty healthy person and never really needed a reason. Note: our health service recommends getting regular pap smears at age 25. I’m a bit older than that, and just never got around to doing so. On the day of this appointment, I’m wearing jeans, a hoodie, and sneakers. The doctor gets ready to give me my injections.) Doctor: “All right, little lady, here comes the needle! Prick!” (I don’t look my age but I definitely don’t look as young as whoever she’s talking to.) Doctor: “And now for a little bandaid… There we go!” (I look at my arm, half expecting a glitter or cartoon character bandaid. The doctor asks me if there is anything else I need.) Me: “Well, I think I should have been getting regular pap smears for a while, but never got around to it. Can I just have that done here?” Doctor: “Oooh, there’s no need for that yet, you’re only…” *looks at my file* “Oh. Okay. Yes, you can just make an appointment with us and we’ll take care of it.” (She’s still my GP and never talked to me like that again, but I’m wondering how old she thought I was!) |
Birthday Shots!
Doctor/Physician, Idaho, Jerk, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | August 7, 2019 (When my son is three I let him know that I have no choice but to schedule his next doctor’s appointment on his fourth birthday. Although he’s not a fan of doctors, I swear to him that he’ll not be required to get any shots. Even if the doctor says he has to, I tell him that I’m his mother and, in this case, they have to listen to me if I say no. He thinks this sounds like a fair deal and agrees to be on his best behavior. A couple of months go by before we have his appointment. I make sure to reiterate that he won’t be getting shots regardless of what anyone says. He understands and, like any other kid, is excited to turn four so he’s focused on telling every single person he encounters, including the doctor, that it’s his birthday. The appointment goes smoothly until the end.) Doctor: *cheerfully* “Okay! Everything checks out! He just needs a few shots, and then he can be on his way. Let me go get the nurse.” (Before she can stand up, I quickly put my hand up.) Me: “Wait, wait, wait. When I scheduled his appointment a couple of months ago they said he didn’t need any. What happened? Why the change?” Doctor: *frowning* “I’m not sure. You’ll have to discuss that with the nurse. Let me go get her.” Me: *shaking my head* “No, don’t bother. I told him he wouldn’t have to get shots today. We’ll just come back a different day.” Doctor: *insistently* “He has to get his shots.” Me: “Uh, yeah, I got that. But, uh, you can’t really stab someone on their birthday.” *laughs* “That’s a little cold-blooded, don’t you think?” (I laugh again, mostly to diffuse the situation, but this lady is not having it.) Doctor: *even more insistent* “He has to get his shots!” Me: *frustrated* “Yeah, I know that but–“ Doctor: *cutting me off and shrieking* “He cannot enter kindergarten if he does not get his shots!” (Please keep in mind that based on when my son’s birthday is and when the school year starts, I have over a year to get him in for these oh-so-important shots. I don’t say this, though. Instead, I take a deep breath and pinch my nose because this lady is clearly crazy. Then, before I even get a chance to say another word, my son, who has been sitting quietly next to her this entire time, leans over and looks right at her.) Son: “Uh, excuse me?!” (Startled, the doctor turns and looks at him.) Son: “My mommy says I do not have to get shots today!” *a bit too loudly and rather forcefully* “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” (The doctor stares in open-mouthed shock, looking back and forth between my son and me for a few moments. I take that opportunity to pick up my son.) Me: *politely* “As I said, he’s not getting his shots today. We’ll come back later.” Doctor: *looking like she’s sucked on a lemon* “Well, I’ll just put that in his file, then.” (I took my son and left. Although he did get a small lesson in how to assert himself with a little less force, I could not help but commend him for sticking up for himself. And for those that are concerned, yes, he did get his shots.) |
Surgery For Dummies
Friends, Health & Body, Home, Michigan, Silly, USA | Healthy | August 6, 2019 (I have a strange sense of humor and enjoy talking about ordinary events in outlandish ways. I am texting a good friend of mine who shares my sense of humor and regularly exchanges joking threats with me. She also happens to be the daughter of a nurse. I am in no way a healthcare professional.) Me: “Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you something. I performed gastric surgery today!” Friend: “Oh…” Me: “I’ve been meaning to get around to it for a while, but there was never a time when I could do it. Well, I did it today and the patient was just fine. Didn’t even want anesthetic.” Friend: “I… I’m curious but scared.” Me: “Here she is!” *sends a picture of a stuffed dog* (The stuffed dog in question is very precious to me and sustained a long rip along a seam running down its stomach. I have sewn it up before the inner netting can break, too, and spill plastic pellets everywhere.) Friend: “Holy crap, I was terrified, [My Name]!” Me: *laughing way too hard* Friend: “We’re gonna get that freaking cosplay blade we were talking about earlier and I’m going to find a way to stab you with it.” (I was not stabbed.) |
Bowel Moved To Action
Hospital, Patients, Stupid, USA, Virginia | Healthy | August 4, 2019 (I am a junior volunteer at my local hospital with a decent amount of medical knowledge for my age stationed in the emergency room. As I am a freshly graduated high school student — and most volunteers are around my age — we aren’t really allowed to do much but answer call bells, put together blood draw tube sets, enter data, and, in my case, monitor the heart rate screen and alert nurses to abnormal changes. But this isn’t a story about an abnormal heart rate; this is a story of a complete doofus. I am coming back to Central from being over on North — two of the four sections of my ER — when I overhear this gem of a conversation.) Doctor: *to a patient’s nurse* “We had [Patient] come in complaining of abdominal pain about an hour ago. [Hospital he was transferred from] suspects a small bowel obstruction, but he can’t think of anything to have caused it and said he was experiencing other symptoms.” Nurse: “Was it?” Doctor: “Well, considering his last meal was an entire jar of pickles and an extra-large bag of [Popcorn Brand], take a guess.” (Spoiler alert, it was. Still my favorite story to date. I have no idea why that man thought it was a good idea to eat that in one sitting, and even less of an idea why he couldn’t figure out why he was feeling so bad.) |
Just Go And Sleep It Off
Bad Behavior, Dallas, Doctor/Physician, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Texas, USA | Healthy | August 1, 2019 (I’ve had problems sleeping most of my life. I’ve mentioned this to doctors before, but I have always been told it is stress and/or that I’ll grow out of it by the time I am 20. I finally go to a new doctor at age 23 to try to get a sleep study to find out if there’s an underlying issue, and I decide before going in that I am not taking no for an answer, collecting everything I can to back my case up. This is my exchange with the doctor.) Me: “I’ve hardly had what constitutes a ‘good night’s sleep’ in ten years. It takes me two hours to fall asleep at night, regardless of what time I go to sleep, but during the daytime, I can fall asleep within minutes.” Doctor: “Well, maybe if you didn’t take naps, you wouldn’t have a problem. Why don’t you try that?” Me: “I have, actually. I’ve done tests on myself using a sleep tracking app and trying two-month test periods of going all day every day without a nap, and then again taking a thirty-minute nap each day. There’s next to no change in the nighttime data, and my self-rating of how I feel after I wake up is the same, too. I’ve repeated this for the past year with variables like listening to music and using a weighted blanket with the same results.” (I show him the graphs I’ve made from my data.) Me: “Not to mention, I hardly spend any time in deep sleep. It’s all light.” Doctor: “Well, sleep tracking apps can be very unreliable. You shouldn’t trust it just because it’s on your phone. Even though it says you’re in light sleep, you might be getting deep sleep.” Me: “I know it’s not 100% accurate, but it still shows approximately when I fall asleep, and it’s never less an hour and a half, and that’s on my best nights.” Doctor: “That’s normal! You’ll grow out of it!” Me: “But when? I can’t wait until my 30s to ‘grow out of it.’ It’s affecting both my work and home lives. I can barely get any housework done on the weekends or after work because I’m too tired, I sleep through holidays with my family, and I have to call into work at least once a month due to exhaustion. Just last week, I was pulled over because a cop saw me nodding off at a red light.” Doctor: “Just get some melatonin and you’ll fall asleep in no time. And if that doesn’t work, try valerian!” Me: “I have. Both of them. There’s no effect on how long it takes me to get to sleep or how I feel when I wake up. If anything, I feel worse in the mornings after I take them. I really think I need a sleep study to figure out if there’s something wrong with me. I’ve literally broken down crying because I was so tired before.” Doctor: “Are you sure it isn’t just PMS?” (We go back and forth like this for almost fifteen minutes, him suggesting ideas and me telling him I’ve already done it and recorded my data — all of which I’ve already mentioned to the nurse and on my new patient forms. I’m growing frustrated and, thanks in part to the continuing exhaustion, nearly start crying again under his line of questioning. Finally, I’ve had enough.) Me: “I am not leaving this office until you set me up with a neurologist for a sleep study. I have a family history of sleep apnea, and I need answers.” Doctor: “So, you want drugs, that’s it. You’re too young and skinny to have sleep apnea.” Me: “What? Sleep studies don’t even involve drugs! I am literally getting less than five hours of sleep a night; that should be reason enough for me to get a sleep study right there!” Doctor: “I don’t work with people hunting for drugs.” Me: “And I don’t work with f****** crackpots who don’t listen to their patients!” (I stormed out without paying and reported him to my insurance, and I have an appointment with a new doctor this Friday. Hopefully, this one will actually listen to me.) |
Prejudice Is In Her Blood
Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, USA, Utah | Healthy | July 29, 2019 (I just found out that my fiancé of five years has been cheating on me for three of those years. To be safe, I make an appointment to have a full STI panel done. The only appointment I can get is with the physician’s assistant and not my usual doctor.) PA: “Okay, dear, I’m just going to give you the swab and let you take the sample.” Me: “You aren’t going to do it? I don’t know what to do.” (She explains how to take a culture and leaves the room to give me privacy. When I finish, she collects the swab and begins to leave again.) PA: “Okay, we should get results in about a week and we’ll call you.” Me: “Aren’t you going to take my blood, as well, for HIV and syphilis testing?” PA: *laughs* “Oh, you only have to worry about that if you’re gay.” Me: “You know what, I’ll just go and make an appointment with the actual doctor.” (That was the second issue I had with her, and the last time I ever saw her working there.) |
Seize The Day, And The Planet!
Bizarre, Hospital, New York, Patients, USA, Weather | Healthy | July 26, 2019 (I am in a hospital being treated for epilepsy. We have a button to push if we think we’ve had a seizure.) Nurse: *to me* “You pushed the button, sir?” Me: “Yeah, it felt like I had a tonic-clonic seizure, only I was awake and fully conscious when I was shaking so that shouldn’t be possible.” Nurse: “You felt that shaking, too?” Me: “Pardon?” Nurse: “You didn’t have a seizure. I think there was an earthquake.” (Note that earthquakes are very uncommon both where I live and where the hospital is, and this is the first time I have ever experienced one.) Me: “Oh, okay. I wonder how many other people in this ward thought what I did?” |
Not A Local Mistake
England, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, London, Nurses, Stupid, UK | Healthy | July 24, 2019 (I am a nurse practitioner, assisting my coworker inserting a vascular catheter for dialysis use. The patient is very restless.) Coworker: “Please stay as still as you can; we don’t want to puncture the wrong blood vessel.” Patient: “Okay, okay, sorry. It’s just that it really hurts.” (My coworker continues with the catheterisation, but the patient still keeps wriggling.) Coworker: “On a scale of one to ten, what is the pain level? I have given you lots of local anaesthetic already.” Patient: “Nine to ten!” Coworker: “Okay, let’s give you a little bit more local.” (My coworker turns to me.) Coworker: “Okay, let’s give him some more [anaesthetic].” (I then point to the tray containing all the items required for the procedure, specifically the syringe containing the local anaesthetic — the FULL syringe that hasn’t been used.) Coworker: *eyes bulge* “Oh, s***!” (She turns back to the patient.) Coworker: “Okay, we’re giving you some more local now. How is that?” Patient: “Oh, much better!” (The rest of the procedure went by without a hitch. To clear it up, my coworker has been working in the dialysis ward for almost twenty years and this was her first minor mistake at the end of a very long cover shift, but she d*** well hasn’t made that mistake again!) |
There Is No Wisdom In Their Filing
Dentist, Ohio, USA | Healthy | July 22, 2019 (I am at the dentist for a routine teeth cleaning. I am a new patient as I have recently moved; this is my first appointment at this dentist. Note that I originally scheduled an appointment in the middle of the month, but when I called with a question a few days after making that appointment, the receptionist was able to get me in earlier due to a cancellation. The hygienist takes me back to the room and is asking me some questions about my dental history.) Hygienist: “And how are your wisdom teeth? Are they still hurting you?” Me: *confused* “Um… I don’t have wisdom teeth; I was born without any.” Hygienist: “Your record says that your previous dentist in Saint Louis made a note that you were having some pain from them.” Me: *now very confused* “I’ve never lived in Saint Louis; I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Hygienist: “Wait… You’re [My First Name] Smith, right?” Me: “No, I’m [My First Name] Jones!” (When the hygienist called me from the waiting room, she had only used my first name, not my last. Turns out the person who had previously been scheduled and then cancelled the appointment I subsequently took had the same first name! I was even more surprised about the mix-up because my first name is not very common.) |
Making A Double Boob Of Yourself
Canada, Halifax, Medical Office, Nova Scotia, Patients | Healthy | July 21, 2019 (I am in the co-op program at my high school, and I have a placement at a local university medical clinic. Since I am a high school student, there are a lot of things at the clinic that I am not qualified to do, so I am often tasked with calling patients to inform them of specialist appointments that they have been referred to.) Me: “Hello, is this [Patient]?” Patient: “Yes, it is.” Me: *reading the referral sheet* “I’m calling from Dr. [Doctor]’s office to let you know about an upcoming mammogram appointment on [date] at [Location].” (Pause.) Patient: “Well, I just had a double mastectomy, so I don’t think I’ll be needing that appointment.” Me: “Oh.” (I was mortified and apologized profusely; thankfully, the patient laughed it off. I informed my supervisor and she, while shocked, commended me on how I handled the situation.) |
Look Into My Eyes For The Answers You Seek
Kansas, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | July 20, 2019 (I go to a walk-in clinic because I have a bad poison ivy rash on my face. My eyelids are swollen almost shut and my eyelashes are stuck together with gunk. I am sitting in the room waiting for the nurse practitioner when she opens the door.) Nurse Practitioner: “Hi! How are y… Oh!” |
She Will Shake Away The World
Alabama, Bizarre, Editors' Choice, Patients, Psychiatrist, Sons & Daughters, USA | Healthy | July 19, 2019 (My seven-year-old daughter was recently tested for ADHD, which means she and I have to go back to the psychiatrist’s office two weeks later to review the results. While I am talking with the psychiatrist, my daughter is sitting on the floor playing with an Etch-a-Sketch. The psychiatrist is explaining to me that although my daughter does now have an ADHD diagnosis, she wasn’t able to specify a subtype. Specifically, the tests are less accurate with exceptionally bright children because if a task is designed to take ten minutes but the child solves the problem in two, the test is only able to measure two minutes’ worth of attention span instead of the ten it was supposed to.) Psychiatrist: “So, it’s clear that your daughter’s brain is working on a different level than her teacher expects–” Daughter: *interrupting* “Mom, look! Can you guess what I drew?” (She’d gotten almost the entire Etch-a-Sketch screen to be black.) Me: “Um… a black bear at night?” Daughter: “MOM. No, it’s the void! And now I’m going to magically make the void disappear…” *shakes Etch-a-Sketch* “There, now I’ve deleted that dimension.” Psychiatrist: “So, as I was saying… different level.” |
A Message From The Dead
Bizarre, Germany, Hospital, Nurses, Patients, Rest In Peace | Healthy | July 18, 2019 My sister was a nurse in the geriatric ward of a hospital. Once, when she was doing the night shift, a patient died in his sleep due to old age. The normal procedure would be to get the bed out of the room on the corridor and someone from pathology would come up and collect it. The problem here was that the patient’s death was noticed around five or six in the morning and pathology had a shift change, so it would take longer as usual for someone to come up. My sister and the other nurse present were worried that some of the early bird patients would wander the corridor and notice the body, so they decided to move the bed to the nurse’s room. The other nurse went on to respond to a patient’s call and my sister started preparing the morning medications for the patients. Now, I assume everybody is familiar with rigor mortis? The body getting stiff after death? Well, that’s not a process that happens immediately. It takes some time, sometimes up to two days, until the whole body is stiff. So, my sister was moving around in the small nurse’s office and preparing the medications, doing what you need to do for that. Occasionally, she would bump into the bed a little bit. Finally, the dead had enough of his disturbed peace and his hand slid out under the blanket, giving my sister a slap right on her backside. The whole ward was awake after that. |
If Only They Could Hear Themselves
Canada, Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, Vancouver | Healthy | July 17, 2019 I have bone conduction hearing issues that I’ve suffered my whole life. It’s hard to explain, but I hear with my bones, which, coupled with my regular ear-hole hearing, means that I am off the charts of any traditional loudness hearing tests. This means that I have a hearing specialist and I have to go every year or so to keep my earplugs current. Inner-ear shape changes with even the slightest weight change. Every time I visit her I’m seen by one of her assistants for the initial consultation and every time she — usually a woman — yells through her questions. My chart says what I have, but they are so used to yelling to their patients as most of the people they see have the opposite problem to me. I ask them politely to speak more quietly many, many times each visit, but the volume increases every question they ask. A few times I try and surreptitiously slip my ever-present earplugs out of my pocket to put them in, but my specialist has asked me not wear them before the physical tests — my hearing is extremely extreme for about 15 minutes after taking them out — but I just can’t be in the room with yellers without them. To this day, I’ve been searching for a polite way to ask people to talk quieter, but I haven’t found it yet. |
Don’t Baby Talk Me
Doctor/Physician, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, New York, USA | Healthy | July 16, 2019 (I gave birth to twins several months ago and have since gone back to work. I am struggling a lot with anxiety, inability to focus, and lack of sleep, just having a really hard time in general. I’m not sure who to go to for help as I don’t seem to quite meet the criteria for postpartum depression or anxiety, so I make an appointment with my primary care doctor to see if she can help me figure out who to talk to.) Me: “I’m just having a really hard time at work and at home, feeling like I’m falling behind at everything. I can’t focus on what I’m doing, and I’m anxious all the time. I just didn’t know who to talk to so I thought I might start with you. I’m really struggling right now.” Doctor: “I’ll run some blood tests but… I mean, you did just have two babies.” *laughs* “So, I’m not really sure what you expected life to be like right now… Maybe consider finding a new job?” (I never did get any help from her whatsoever. I am happy to say that my twins are a year old now and that difficult period has since passed.) |
Doctor Is Getting Ahead Of Himself
Canada, Doctor/Physician, Editors' Choice, Hospital, Ontario | Healthy | July 15, 2019 (My seven-year-old son broke his arm. The anesthetist is explaining to us what to expect with the sedative they are going to use before setting the bone.) Doctor: “Ketamine is a dissociative safe for kids. It puts them in a trance-like state where they can’t feel anything. The pain signals don’t reach the brain. It kind of cuts the head off from the rest of the body.” My Already Distressed Son: “YOU’RE GOING TO WHAAAAT?!” Doctor: “Oops.” |
Making The Blood Boil
England, Hospital, Jerk, London, Patients, UK | Healthy | July 13, 2019 (I am at the blood bank. There are two clinics running simultaneously: one for regular blood tests and another for pregnancy-related blood, linked with the midwife clinic next door. Regular clinic patients have to abide by the ticket system. The midwife patients do not.) Phlebotomist: “Ms. [My Name], just come through here, please.” (I stand up to go through to the chair behind the curtain, only to be pushed out of the way by a middle-aged woman.) Woman: “I’ve been waiting over an hour for a simple blood test and that girl has only been waiting five minutes. You will take my blood now.” Phlebotomist: “Ma’am. You need to get out of that chair. I can’t take your blood here. You need to wait until you’re called by someone on the other side.” Woman: “I’m not moving! I’m number 27! I’m next to be called!” Phlebotomist: “Fair enough. When’s your due date? Have you fasted for two hours for your prenatal diabetes test?” Woman: “What are you on about? I’m not here for a diabetes check! I’m not pregnant.” Me: “Well, I am. So get out of that chair!” Woman: “Well, I never!” Me: “Lady, this is the midwives’ clinic. You’re in the wrong place!” Woman: “I’ve been waiting over an hour!” Phlebotomist: “Well, you’re going to have to wait longer than that. Security is here to take you away. Come back another day, when you’ve calmed down.” (She was escorted out and I got my blood done. Her number was called as I left the waiting room.) |
Give A Dog A Bone
Michigan, Pets & Animals, Pharmacy, Retail, Rude & Risque, USA | Healthy | July 11, 2019 (One day at work, I hear my pharmacist and another technician talking about an unusual prescription that’s come in. Curious, I switch to a computer nearby and find them discussing a dog who’s been prescribed the generic for Viagra. Apparently, a recent study has indicated that it may be helpful for relieving coughing in dogs, for some reason, and we spend some time discussing how it might work in that regard. Later, as I’m working on the computer and she’s filling prescriptions behind me, she glances up and leans toward me, chuckling.) Pharmacist: “You know, it’s hard enough for a person to talk to their doctor about this type of medication. I’d think it’d have to be even harder for a dog!” Me: *playing along* “Well, yeah. Besides not being able to talk, it’s gotta be way more embarrassing for them, with everything all hanging out and no way to disguise it.” (After a few moments.) Me: “I can totally see the commercials, though. This gorgeous Golden Retriever stud going ‘Once, I was the laughing stock of the breeding kennel. But now, I’m back to being top dog, thanks to Viagra!’” Pharmacist: *cracking up* “See, none of the other health care professions get to enjoy jokes like this.” (I love my coworkers.) |
Booze On A Budget
Alcohol, Atlanta, Editors' Choice, Georgia, Office, Parents/Guardians, Patients, USA | Healthy | July 9, 2019 (I recently accompanied my mother to a doctor’s appointment.) Doctor: “Okay, now, since I’m giving you [medication], no alcohol while you’re taking it.” Mother: “Question. By ‘no alcohol,’ do you mean ‘no alcohol at all,’ or is it okay to just have one or two drinks with dinner?” Doctor: “Well, one drink will feel like four.” Mother: *without missing a beat* “So, I’m just saving money?” Me: “MAHM! STAHP!” |
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