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Another Exhibit In The Case Of “Why Nurses Should Rule The World”
AUSTRIA, AWESOME, HOSPITAL, INSPIRATIONAL, NURSES, VIENNA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 3, 2020 My parents are with my severely disabled sister who is being prepped for an operation. We take care of her at home and have a live-in nurse, but she still ends up in the hospital every few months, so the nurses are quite familiar with my family. Nurse: “Would you like to remove your daughter’s nail polish?” Mother: “Is it really necessary?” Nurse: “Well, yes. We need to be able to see her nails during the operation to make sure she’s getting enough oxygen.” Mother: “Oh, I see. It’s only that my other daughter painted her nails before going to college, and she won’t be back home for months. She went all the way to America and we can’t afford to bring her back every time [Sister] is hospitalized.” Nurse: “Ach, I’m very sorry.” She makes small talk with my parents while removing the nail polish. There are no comments about how my sister wouldn’t understand or even notice the nail polish, just reassuring chatter. When they wheeled my sister back after the operation, my mother broke down in tears; they’d repainted my sister’s nails. When my mother told me about it, I teared up, too. I still think of that nurse’s kindness — how she must’ve left the hospital to get nail polish of a similar shade and then painted my sister’s tiny nails. It sounds like such a small thing, but it was so completely outside her job scope and so sweet of her. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. |
We’re Expecting A Baby! But It Could Be A Velociraptor…
CANADA, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, MANITOBA, MEDICAL OFFICE, WINNIPEG, WORDPLAY | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 2, 2020 I’m pregnant with my second daughter. My general practitioner is very nice but has a little trouble with English. He sends me for an ultrasound and this conversation happens at our next visit. General Practitioner: “I have results from your ultrasound here.” Me: “How does it look?” General Practitioner: “You are having a monster.” Me: *Horrified* “WHAT?” General Practitioner: “Yes. Very big baby. Probably ten pounds.” Me: “Oh… Thank goodness.” I probably should have told him that “monster” is NOT the word to use when describing a baby-to-be. |
This Hospital Is Really Going Down The Toilet
HOSPITAL, JERK, NORTHERN IRELAND, PATIENTS | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 1, 2020 When I am a student, I take a summer job working as a temporary admin person in a local hospital. The first week or so involves just sitting in a file room sorting through old files, but then I am taken off this job and put on the outpatients’ reception, as the regular receptionist is going on holiday. A couple of days into my stint as receptionist, one of the medical secretaries comes to see me. Secretary: “[Gastroenterologist] is off sick today with gastroenteritis and his clinic has therefore been cancelled. I’ve phoned all his patients and told them, but one or two slipped through the net due to their contact details being out of date. If any patients do turn up for [Gastroenterologists]’s clinic, please explain that the doctor was off sick, apologise for the inconvenience, reassure them that they will be given a replacement appointment when the doctor returns to work, and then try to update their contact details.” The first couple of patients who arrive for this clinic are really understanding. They accept my apology, acknowledge that “these things happen,” and happily allowed me to take their up-to-date contact details. Then, I have THIS patient. She is an older lady, probably in her early to mid-seventies, and she turns up with her daughter. She hands me her letter, and when I see she’s arrived for the gastroenterology clinic, I begin my usual spiel. Me: “Ah, I’m very sorry, but we’ve actually had to cancel the clinic today. The doctor has phoned in sick, so he’ll not be back to work for a couple of days at least.” Daughter: “Oh, dear!” Her mother looks crestfallen. I apologise again for the inconvenience, reassure her that we’ll be giving her a replacement appointment as soon as the doctor is back to work, and explain that the reason we didn’t tell her about the cancellation was that we were unable to get hold of her. She gives me her up-to-date address and telephone number, which I put in her file, and then she starts complaining about being badly treated. Woman: “I don’t understand how you people can do this to me! I’m an elderly lady! I can’t just travel up and down to the hospital for appointments!” Me: *Staying calm* “Yes, I really do understand. To be honest, if I was in your position, I’d be upset, too, but unfortunately, there isn’t anything else we can do.” The daughter still looks completely calm. Daughter: “We’re getting another appointment though, right?” I reassure her that her mother WILL be getting another appointment because it isn’t her fault the clinic was cancelled and it is up to us to make sure she gets the treatment she needs. The daughter seems satisfied, so she thanks me for being so understanding and turns to her mother. Daughter: “Let’s go, Mum.” The elderly lady turns to walk away and then changes her mind and stops. She turns to face me again. Woman: “So [Gastroenterologist] is off sick today, is he?” Me: “Yes, unfortunately, he is.” She looks around and then leans in close to me and screams. Woman: “WELL, HE F****** DESERVES IT!” And she stormed out! I worked in the reception for another two weeks and then was moved on to other duties. I really enjoyed working in the hospital, and years later, I still vividly remember this elderly lady leaning forward to scream, “WELL, HE F****** DESERVES IT!” all because her clinic was cancelled due to illness. |
I Just Can’t Wait For You To Stab Me With A Needle!
CHILDREN, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, NEW JERSEY, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 30, 2020 When my son is seven years old, I move to a new town. The school system has some different regulations for vaccines than where we have just come from. As it turns out, my son needs a shot before joining school in the new town. Unfortunately, my son is extremely needle-phobic. I have previously assisted holding him still in instances where he needed a shot or stitches. I know, as a nurse and a mom, that what needs to be done needs to be done. As I am new to the area and do not have a pediatrician yet, I ask the school for the name of the school doctor. The following happens when my son and I arrive at his appointment for his shot. Me: *To the receptionist* “Hi, I’m [My Name] and this is [Son]. We are here for his [shot].” Receptionist: “Sure, have a seat in exam room one. Someone will be with you shortly.” Me: “Thank you.” [Son] and I wait for a few minutes. He knows he is there for a shot and starts to get a bit anxious. I do my best to distract him and calm him down. Soon, the doctor arrives in the room. Doctor: “Good afternoon, ma’am, [Son]. So, you’re here for a [shot]?” Me: “Yes, we are.” Doctor: “Okay, I’ll get that ready for you and I’ll be back in a minute.” The doctor leaves the room and arrives back a few minutes later with the needle and syringe on a tray. Doctor: “All right, so here we are.” *Addresses my son directly* “So, [Son], are you ready for your shot now?” My jaw drops; I cannot believe what I just heard. Why would you ever ask a child if they are ready to receive a shot? My son immediately indicates that he is not ready. Doctor: “Okay, I’ll give you a few minutes. I’ll be back.” I sit trying to calm my son as he grows increasingly anxious. Twenty minutes later, the doctor returns. Doctor: “All right, big guy, are you ready yet?” Son: “No.” Doctor: “Well, then, you just let me know when you are.” The doctor leaves the room again. I am so shocked that I am not able to verbalize my thoughts. My son begins to panic. He is wringing his hands and pulling at his hair. It is difficult to watch. Imagine a needle-phobic seven-year-old being told that he is the one who has to actually ask to be given a shot. He just isn’t going to be able to do it. Another twenty minutes go by before the doctor returns. Doctor: “So, [Son], do you want me to give you that [shot] now?” Me: “Okay, hold on, doc. We have been here for an hour, during which time you have been tormenting a young child by telling him he needs to ask to be given a shot. This ends now. I am the mother. I make the medical decisions, not him. He is getting this shot, and he is getting it now. Go get your receptionist and have her come in to help me hold him still. You have got him worked so into a frenzy that I cannot do it by myself. When she comes in here, this is going to go one, two, three: you give him the shot, we leave, this trauma is over. Go get her. Now.” And that is what happened. To this day, I am still unhappy with myself that I allowed the torture to go on as long as it did. I later followed up with a complaint to the school system about their “school doctor.” I also put it in writing that for any school health screenings that might come up, that doctor was not to come within twenty feet of my son. |
I Hear Peru Is Lovely This Time Of Year
FUNNY NAMES, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, USA, WASHINGTON | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 29, 2020 When my oldest son is a baby, I take him to the doctor for one of his early checkups. A nurse comes out to the lobby and announces a name. Nurse: “Leema?” My appointment time has passed, so I am paying close attention and wonder if that could be for my son, whose name is Liam. I don’t think anyone could mess it up that much, so I wait until the nurse has announced the name multiple times and no one has responded. Finally: Me: “Do you mean Liam?” She looks at the paper. Nurse: “No, it’s Leema.” I figure I was wrong and she continues to call out “Leema” a few more times. Finally, she comes up to me. Nurse: “What name did you say earlier?” Me: “It’s Liam.” It was for us. She was quite a scatterbrain; in the following years I had a few more kids and took them all to the same doctor, and that nurse was always a little different. I still sometimes call my son Leema. 1 Thumbs 284 Share on FacebookShare on Reddit 41 They Don’t Pussyfoot With Pet Safety HEALTH & BODY, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, PHARMACY | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 28, 2020 CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice. My girlfriend has a cat, and I’m allergic to it; I get incredibly itchy. I treat these allergies with promethazine, and it works perfectly. I queue up at the pharmacy, and it comes to my turn to order. Me: “Hi, could I get the [Promethazine Brand], please?” Dispenser: “Of course. Can I ask what you’re using it for, sir?” Me: “My cat allergies.” Dispenser: *Frowning slightly* “Excuse me for a moment.” She walks to the back and I can see her discussing something with the pharmacist. Then, she returns. Dispenser: “I’m sorry, sir; we can’t sell you this if you are going to give it to your cat.” I am slightly taken aback by this and try not to laugh. Me: “Sorry, I meant it’s for my allergies to cats.” We both laughed, and she jokingly claimed that it had been a long day. That brand even has a cat on the packaging here in England. Source: Reddit (Credit: deadeyes2019, Original Story) |
A Cool-Headed Manager Turneth Away Wrath
INSTANT KARMA, JERK, PHARMACY | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 26, 2020 I’m working the drive-thru at a pharmacy when an older patient who has occasionally been a handful pulls up. She has two prescriptions to fill and she hands me an empty tube of name-brand hydrocortisone cream. Patient: “Can you get me another tube of this, too, please?” Normally, we’re supposed to encourage patients to call ahead for curbside pickup, but we are slow and I am feeling nice. I leave the pharmacy, pick up the same tube, and add it to her order. The cream is about $6. Later she comes in and starts complaining to the manager on duty. Patient: “I bought this in the drive-thru earlier, and the employee there was rude to me, and she overcharged me! I demand that she be fired!” She started generally causing a scene. Apparently, she wanted the store brand that was $3 cheaper. Surprisingly, after the manager reminded her that I was doing her a favor and I technically wasn’t supposed to leave the pharmacy to get over-the-counter products, she calmed down and left. I realize I could have been a bit friendlier, but I’m not a mind reader, lady. |
Sounds Like It’d Be Easier To Just Wait It Out
FUNNY, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, INSURANCE, USA, WISCONSIN | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 25, 2020 I help people sign up for Medicare insurance plans and answer questions, whether they’re related to medicare or not, to the best of my ability. This is a memorable call. Customer #1 : “Can you get Medicare at age seventeen?” Me: “It’s possible, if unusual. If—” There is a second person apparently listening to the phone on speaker. Customer #2 : “Don’t you need to be sixty-five?” Me: “Everyone can get it at sixty-five, but people on Social Security Disability can get it earlier, as well as people with kidney failure.” Customer #1 : “So, it can be done before age sixty-five?” Me: “Seventeen is rare, but it’s possible. There are other conditions that can get it for you early, as well, like Lou Gehrig’s disease.” Customer #2 : “But you don’t really get it before sixty-five—” Customer #1 : “Nuh-uh, he said it’s possible. You lost the bet, so—” They disconnected the call at that point. I’ve done many things in this job, but I’ve never settled a bet before today. |
Impossible Demands: Back To The Future Edition
AUSTRALIA, HOBART, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, PATIENTS, PHARMACY, STUPID, TASMANIA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 23, 2020 Customer: “Has the doctor sent you my prescription yet?” Me: “I’ll just have a look for you.” I check both the physical file of hard copies and our digital copies saved on the computer. Me: “Nope, sorry, it hasn’t arrived yet.” Customer: “Oh, that’s right. The doctor moved my appointment to this afternoon so I haven’t seen him yet.” Me: *Pause* “That’s probably why I can’t find it. See you this afternoon, then?” |
Brace Yourself!
ALABAMA, DENTIST, INSTANT KARMA, JERK, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 22, 2020 When I am a teen with braces, I have some problems with the brackets popping off fairly often — sometimes even when I’m not eating or doing anything with my teeth at the time. After yet another time of one of my brackets popping off for no reason, I am once again at the dentist getting it fixed. The hygienist scolds me pretty strongly, even though I told her it popped off when I wasn’t eating anything. Hygienist: “You need to be more careful! You’ll have to wear braces for even longer if you keep this up. You need to be much more careful about what you eat.” Then, the dentist checks my teeth and tells me they are ahead of schedule and I might be able to have my braces off early. When we are about to leave the dentist’s office, my mom has to use the restroom, so I wait for her by the front door. I haven’t even made it out of the dentist’s office, and I haven’t put anything in my mouth, and a bracket pops off. As soon as my mom gets out of the restroom, we turn right around and walk back to the dentist’s reception desk… only to find that the dentist has just left for lunch. We have to make an appointment for later in the day. But at least they stopped blaming me for the problem, and they started being more careful to attach the brackets thoroughly. |
You’re Getting Sleeeeepy… TOO Sleepy!
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, NEW JERSEY, PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 19, 2020 I used to volunteer with my township’s all-volunteer first aid squad. One day, we receive a call to respond to the house of a couple in their sixties. Wife: “My husband isn’t acting right and I’m having trouble waking him up.” Upon arriving at the house, my partner and I walk into the spare bedroom where the husband has been taking a nap. He is extremely lethargic and we have trouble even getting him to answer any questions. It looks just like an overdose. My partner starts providing care to the patient. I turn to the wife. Me: “Can you please show me the medications he’s taking?” Among other things, he has been taking a sedative. I immediately pour them out on the kitchen table and count them. I look at the bottle and see that it is a new prescription. There are only one or two pills missing. I gather all the pill bottles into a bag and hand it to the wife. Me: “Please bring this bag with you to the hospital.” We transport the patient to the hospital. About fifteen minutes after that, something in my brain pops. I am familiar with the pills that the man is taking, as this isn’t the first time I’ve had to dump and count the pills in a bottle. Something about them was not right. The typical dosage is 0.25 mg or 0.5 mg. His pills seemed bigger than any others I had ever counted. Never have I called a patient or family after transport, but today, I do. I call the wife. Me: “[Wife], can you please pull the bottle of [sedative] out of the bag and read off the dosage size for me?” It’s a full 2.0 mg! Wife: “My husband’s regular doctor has been out of town, so he went to the covering physician, who gave him the prescription.” Me: “What is his regular dosage?” Wife: “It should have been 0.25 mg.” Her husband received an overdose of eight times his usual dosage! I told her to report this information to the emergency room. Yes, errors are made sometimes. But there are many checks and balances in medicine. One of the biggest ones is when a pharmacist reviews a medication and dosage for appropriateness. In this case, the doctor made a huge error in prescribing the wrong dosage. But the pharmacist should have caught it and clarified with the doctor before filling the prescription. Not doing so could have killed the husband. |
Paling In The Face Of Those Assumptions
FAST FOOD, FUNNY, HEALTH & BODY, JERK, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 16, 2020 I’m an opening manager at a fast food restaurant. I work four days a week on top of being a full-time nursing student. In terms of appearances, I am a redheaded female with British and Italian ancestry. This particular week, my seasonal allergies have been flaring up. These flare-ups are simply sneezing fits, and whenever they happen, I make sure that I am not around food and that my mouth is covered. (This is before the pandemic.) At around 10:00 am, my regional manager, who loves me to pieces, comes in. Regional Manager: “[My Name], we got a corporate call about you.” I’m a little worried, as our franchise takes these calls very seriously. Me: *Cautiously* “What did I do?” Regional Manager: “This lady says that when you were on the floor, away from food, you were pale, tired, sick, and sneezing, that you work too much, and how dare we not give you any days off.” I choose to work four days a week. My company works with our availability and doesn’t schedule people when they aren’t available. Me: “WHAT?!” Regional Manager: *Laughing* “So I told your boss to call her back and tell her that you’re a redheaded student nurse who works four days a week, and you’re from Ireland, so of course, you’re pale, sick, and tired.” Me: *Laughing* “[Boss], what did she say?” I look to my general manager, who has been listening to our conversation. Boss: “She didn’t pick up when I called. I have to call her again today. I hope she doesn’t answer.” Cue another round of laughing. I love my bosses! |
He Did His Research… But At What Cost?
BAD BEHAVIOR, COLLEGE & UNIVERSITY, MEDICAL OFFICE, MICHIGAN, THERAPIST, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 14, 2020 When I am a graduate student, I go to my university’s health clinic for routine HIV screening. My personal history is very low risk, but I am a sexually active gay man, and the CDC recommends testing of all MSM — men who have sex with men — every three to six months. The testing at this clinic involves making an appointment, filling out a questionnaire, talking with a counselor, getting blood drawn, and then talking with a counselor again a week later. All of the counselors are, themselves, graduate students in either physical or mental health programs; most of them are not really prepared for a patient who can quote health statistics from the most recent literature on population-level studies of HIV-positive individuals in high-income countries. The first few times are fine, though the counselors clearly are a bit surprised to be dealing with someone who hasn’t had drunken unprotected sex and is now worried about it, but is just there for routine testing. Then, I have the Awful Counselor. Awful Counselor: “When were you last tested?” Me: “Either four or five months ago. I know it was in [Month], but I don’t remember if it was at the beginning or end of the month.” Awful Counselor: “How many sexual partners have you had since then?” Me: “One partner in that time frame, oral sex only.” Awful Counselor: “Is this a new partner?” Me: “No. I’ve had sex with him before, too. He’s one of my four partners so far in my life.” Awful Counselor: “So, why are you here?” Me: “Because health authorities recommend regular testing for any sexually active MSM? Awful Counselor: “But you were here less than six months ago. No one should be tested more often than once a year unless they’re doing something they shouldn’t be.” Me: “Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t the CDC specifically say that any sexually active MSM should be tested every three to six months?” Awful Counselor: “Yes, but that’s wrong. It clearly shouldn’t be more often than once a year.” She then rants about why people should get tested less often. Me: “Well, okay, but I’m going to follow the CDC recommendations here. I trust them.” Awful Counselor: “And you list yourself as low-anxiety?” Me: “Yes. I know from my personal history that my odds of having contracted HIV are very low. But, there’s value from a public health standpoint if there’s more widespread compliance with recommended testing protocols.” Awful Counselor: “Well, no one with the history you list would be here if they’re not anxious. So, either you are high-anxiety or this is not your accurate history. And that makes me wonder what else you’re lying about.” Me: “Excuse me? You’re… accusing me of lying because I’m following CDC guidelines?” Awful Counselor: “It’s possible that it’s not intentional on your part. But there’s no way everything you’ve said is true.” Me: “You have literally no way to know that. And it’s also not even remotely your job to determine that. We’re done here.” I left her office, told the secretary that the counselor hadn’t given me my paperwork for the blood draw, and went down to get the draw. I also grabbed a comment card and filled out how ludicrous and inappropriate the counselor was. For the rest of my time as a student there, I asked for a different counselor if I was assigned to the Awful Counselor. I don’t know how she kept that job. |
Hey, No Pressure
MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, PATIENTS, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 12, 2020 While I’m at the doctor’s to get a checkup for an overnight camp, the nurse comes in to check my pulse and blood pressure. As she’s doing this, she’s looking over my records. I’m thirteen. While I don’t have a severe needle phobia, I get very nervous when I have to get shots and just being in doctor’s offices in general. Nurse: “Oh, since you’re about to start seventh grade, we need to give you [shot #1 ] and [shot #2 ] today.” She pauses for a moment. Nurse: “Huh, your blood pressure’s kinda high.” I wonder why. |
Do You Have Any Idea How Expensive Your Laziness Is?!
BAD BEHAVIOR, EMERGENCY SERVICES, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, NEW JERSEY, PATIENTS, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 10, 2020 I volunteer for my township’s all-volunteer first aid squad. We have a designated crew manning the building during the day to answer any calls, but overnight, the designated crew responds from home via pager. My town and surrounding towns are not very big, so we or other towns sometimes have difficulty putting a crew together. For this reason, we have a “mutual aid” agreement with nearby towns. If we do not have a crew available, another town offers their crew, and vice versa. Many people misuse the 911 system. They think that arriving at an emergency room by ambulance will mean faster service. It does not. I have literally been to a house in the middle of the night for a stubbed toe. There were four cars in the driveway and five people in the house, any one of whom could have driven the “patient” to the hospital… for the stubbed toe. On one night shift, my pager goes off to respond to the next town over, which also happens to have the hospital that we take most of our patients to. Bleary-eyed, I drive to my building, meet up with my crew, grab an ambulance, set the GPS, and go off on our way. Dispatch: “The patient is experiencing urinary retention.” This can be very painful and dangerous to the kidneys. And where was the house we ended up at? Across the street from the hospital emergency room entrance. And where was the patient? Sitting on his front porch with a packed bag and quietly reading a book. And how long had it been since he had passed urine? About three hours. Grrrrr! |
Well, When You’re THAT Accident-Prone…
EMPLOYEES, FUNNY, MEDICAL OFFICE, NEW YORK, PATIENTS, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 8, 2020 I am EXCEEDINGLY accident-prone, to the point that I joke that my hobby is keeping my doctors’ lives interesting. I also have a host of medical issues. I seriously strained my right hamstring — it felt like a tearing, ripping sensation — last July while trying to lever a pokeweed root out of the ground — roots hard as trees and just as hard to remove. My friends told me that only I could manage to hurt my hamstring that way. I started aquatic therapy for it, but my hamstring still hurt a lot, so my ortho ordered an MRI to see what was going on. I tell the MRI techs that, after a lifetime of x-rays, CAT scans, and MRIs, I have developed the ability to remain perfectly still for the entire time any of the tests are being done. Apparently, they don’t believe me; they keep asking me if I am okay after each scan. Me: “Why? Did you think I died here?” Tech: “But you were so still!” Evidently, they didn’t check to see that I was breathing. |
The Whole Head Will Have To Go
DENTIST, GEORGIA, USA, WORDPLAY | HEALTHY | JANUARY 16, 2021 I’m at the dentist having some work done. The dentist has just placed a permanent crown in and is attempting to floss around it. Unfortunately, the floss keeps getting stuck because of the cement. He asks his assistant to hand him a tool to help and it isn’t exactly one I was expecting. Dentist: “Pass me the saw.” I’m surprised and try to figure out if I heard right. Dentist: “It has what looks like little saw teeth on it.” Nope, I definitely heard right. Once she handed it to him, I could see that it was a very thin, flexible piece of metal with tiny teeth. It reminded me of a band saw blade. He used it to go between the crown and the tooth next to it to break up the excess cement. It worked perfectly, but it was not something I considered a dentist having. |
Russian To Ridiculous Conclusions
CRIMINAL & ILLEGAL, EDITORS' CHOICE, JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | JANUARY 13, 2021 I work at a healthcare clinic as a receptionist. Due to HIPAA policies, whenever I call a client, I have to confirm I am actually speaking to the client. If I am speaking to someone else, I am not allowed to disclose the reason I am calling. I typically say something generic like, “This is the doctor’s office.” This doesn’t always soothe people’s curiosities, though. Me: “Hello, is [Client] there?” Caller: “No, she is busy.” Me: “Okay. This is the doctor’s office. Can you ask her to call us back?” Caller: “The doctor’s? Which doctor?” Me: “I am not allowed to say. Can I leave a callback number?” Caller: “You’re not allowed to say? What is this? Russia?” I guess following the federal American law of not giving away personal information is considered by some to be an act of Communism? |
Leave The Diagnostics To The Pros
COWORKERS, HEALTH & BODY, PRISON, UK | HEALTHY | JANUARY 10, 2021 About two and a half years ago, I started working as a health care assistant in the local women’s prison. All in all, it was an okay job. I got on with most of the women, especially those who would stop me to ask about my day or just tell me about the new photo their friends or family sent. The officers were nice, if a little dismissive of genuine health problems at times. I left the job after almost two years, but I still work there sporadically to keep my hand in, so to speak. I am working today. The day starts as normal: handover and then medication rounds. My registered practitioner is late in, due to a prior agreement we were not made aware of, so we go to the prison wing and find out that the lone officer won’t have a second for an hour. We need two officers for meds: one to supervise the girls taking the meds and one to unlock and lock up. No problem. We get some admin done. Meds start, and all is going well until two girls end up in a verbal altercation and are restrained back to their cells. We then change sides to do the other section of the wing on the other side of the building. It’s slow, but everyone gets medicated. Then, it’s just clean up and breakfast. It’s about 11:30. Now, to clarify, as a member of healthcare, I am required to carry a radio. We take a call sign and respond to location updates and alarms. Most notable alarms are our emergency codes. Code Red is heavy bleeding. Think a bloodbath, sprayed on the walls type. Code Blue is unresponsive or not breathing. For either of these, it’s not uncommon to see five staff members sprinting the length of the prison with a 15-kg bag in tow. We get set up to go back to our office in the centre of the prison, when an alarm is sent across the radios, signalled by a near-deafening klaxon. Control: “Code Blue, [MY WING]. Acknowledge [OFFICER AND GOVERNOR IN CHARGE]. Acknowledge [NURSE IN CHARGE].” Safe to say I’m hauling this 15-kg bag down two flights of stairs whilst trying to locate the cell. As I arrive, the officer in charge of that wing tells me the patient is fine. Officer: “There’s nothing wrong with her.” Either way, I entered and tried to rouse the woman, a known epileptic. In the next thirty minutes, this woman suffered twenty-four witnessed seizures, each lasting between twenty and sixty seconds. She did not regain consciousness between, and she left for the hospital with the paramedics. She returned later, self-discharged due to a fear of hospitals, but understandably tired and sore. So much for “nothing wrong with her!” |
Testing The Students And Your Patience
CURRENT EVENTS, HEALTH & BODY, PARENTS/GUARDIANS, SCHOOL, STUPID, UK | HEALTHY | JANUARY 7, 2021 I am a receptionist at a secondary school. This happens during December 2020, when we have several students and staff contracting a well-known illness. Every day, more students are having to go home and isolate and MOST of them are doing their best to stick to the rules. The phone rings. Me: “Hello, [School]. How can I help?” Caller: “Hi, I’m the mother of [Student]. I’ve just had her test result back and it’s positive.” Me: “Okay, I’m sorry to hear that. Thanks for letting us know. Could I speak to [Student] to get a list of her close friends as they will need to self-isolate?” Caller: “What do you mean? She’s not here; she’s in school.” Me: “Excuse me? You sent her into school whilst waiting for her test result?!” After spending a few seconds headdesking, I told the parent to come and pick up her child immediately and rushed up to collect them. I realise the rules are confusing, but the guidance — and common sense — is clear that if you are tested, you need to stay at home until you get your result! |
Urine For A Really Confusing Time
BIZARRE, COLORADO, MEDICAL OFFICE, PATIENTS, STRANGERS, USA | HEALTHY | JANUARY 6, 2021 I am an older man at the doctor’s office. I have just been shown into the examination room. I am sitting in a chair, glancing at a magazine, waiting for the doctor. Suddenly, this woman rushes in wearing an examination gown and promptly sits on the exam table. She looks at me. Woman: “Well, get on with it! I’m in a hurry, you know!” Me: “…” Woman: “Put down that magazine and do your… whatever it is you do. Where’s your white coat? Aren’t you a doctor? What are you, a nurse? Maybe the janitor? Where’s my doctor? What are you doing in here? Where’re my clothes?” Me: “Look, this is my—” Woman: “Who are you? Get out of here! What are you, some kind of pervert?” *Loudly screaming* “HELP! I’m being attacked! Get out of here! HELP ME!” A nurse rushes in. Woman: “Help, this pervert is attacking me! Get him out of here!” I am shocked and confused. Me: “I was just sitting—” Woman: “Where’re my clothes?! He stole my clothes! Get him out of here!” Nurse: “Ma’am, you’re in the wrong—” The woman starts screaming at the top of her voice. Woman: “Get him out of here! HELP, POLICE!” Nurse: *To me* “Please leave for a few minutes until I get this straightened out.” I grabbed my coat and hat and ran out of the room and just stood in the hall, totally confused by what was going on, wondering if I was really in the wrong room. The doctor and a couple of other nurses soon arrived and rushed into the room; the woman was still screaming, out of control. I wanted to just leave but was afraid that the woman’s false accusations of me attacking her could bring the police. My old PTSD was starting to kick in and I was frozen in place. After what seemed like forever, the doctor came out, escorted me to another room, and shut the door. I didn’t know WHAT was going on. I was scared! After a while, the doctor and two nurses came into my room and asked me what happened. I told them what I had seen and how it had affected me. They left for a while. Later, they came back and reported that the woman had been instructed to go to the restroom to give a urine sample and had returned to the wrong room, that they had gotten her calmed down, and that I was NOT in trouble. It was a simple misunderstanding. It sure wasn’t “simple” to me! Trembling, I told them that I was just sitting there reading a magazine, that I never left my chair, and that I SURE had not assaulted her in any way. They said that they believed me and that the woman had agreed that I never got out of the chair until I left. The doctor gave me a quick examination. My blood pressure was through the roof! He had me wait there and calm down and then asked if I would like to reschedule my appointment. I agreed, with the understanding that I would never again be scheduled at the same time as that woman. I don’t know what happened to the woman, but I never want to see her again. I had to sit in my car for a while before I thought it safe to drive. |
Some Bosses Have No Principals
BOSSES & OWNERS, HEALTH & BODY, HIGH SCHOOL, JERK, MISSOURI, PRINCIPAL, USA | HEALTHY | JANUARY 4, 2021 I teach high school, and I am going through an unknown medical ailment for which I am undergoing a battery of tests. This happens over text, as I’m updating my principal as to what is going on. Me: “I’ve just finished with my spinal tap. They said I can work, but I may end up with a debilitating headache, so would someone be able to cover my class if I need to go lay down for an hour? Or should I just take the day off?” Boss: “It’s too hard to find a sub. If you need it, we will find someone to cover your class.” A few hours later, I get a call from my doctor. I’m told to check myself into the ER based on the results of my spinal tap. I text the principal again. Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t come in tomorrow after all. I’m currently at the hospital; my doctor told me to go to the ER immediately when he got the results of my spinal tap.” Boss: “Seriously? You know how hard it is to find subs. You’ve put me in a very difficult spot here. When will you be back?” Me: “I can’t tell you. I haven’t been told anything besides, ‘Check yourself into the ER,’ at this point. I’m guessing it’s going to be at least a couple of days.” Boss: “I hope you know what a terrible inconvenience this is for us. You know we have a hard time getting subs, and especially at this late notice and without any information, it’s going to be difficult to cover your time off. You’ve already taken off a good portion of this year and now you’re taking off more time?” I recently gave birth to my first child and took maternity leave. At this point, I’m sobbing, terrified of not knowing what’s medically wrong with me, and feeling terrible for having to take off because of my boss’s comments. It takes my husband an hour to calm me down. For the record, I wound up in the hospital for nearly a week and went back to work with an IV still in my arm for continued treatment at home. I was not sad at all when I left after that year ended. And no, my boss never so much as asked me how I was doing at any point through the entire ordeal. |
Making The Best Of Uncomfortable Situations
AWESOME, CURRENT EVENTS, EMPLOYEES, MASSACHUSETTS, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | JANUARY 1, 2021 My town has put together a free test site for the health crisis for residents. I heard that the morning was swamped. People were in line for hours. I have pre-registered and I go as soon as I get out of work. Fortunately, the lines have died down significantly, and I am the second car in my line. Unfortunately, when I check in, they have just run out of tubes. I don’t have any plans for the rest of the evening, so I don’t mind waiting. We chat a bit about how the lines have been, it being a successful event, and whatnot. Not three minutes later, another worker drives our way with another box of tubes. The two check-in workers start cheering. Worker #1 : “Woo-hoo!” Worker #2 : “Go, [Tube Worker]! You’re awesome, [Tube Worker]!” Me: “Not all heroes wear capes!” Worker #1 : “You’re a hero, [Tube Worker]!” They set me up and send me off to the testing station. Me: “Hello!” Worker #3 : “Welcome! Have you done this before?” Me: “Yeah… Once… A while ago.” Worker #3 : “You nervous?” Me: “Ehhh…” Worker #3 : “Here’s what I like to tell people. We don’t go in any further than you would when you pick your nose… and we both know you pick your nose.” I burst out laughing. Thanks, test site workers! You sure know how to ease tension! |
Scarlet Fever Once In An Azure Moon
BIZARRE, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, FLORIDA, HOSPITAL, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 30, 2020 I’m a nurse on a medical surgical floor. I have a new patient with an odd rash all over. Doctor: “I’m stumped. I’ve put in a consult with infectious disease and dermatology. Have you ever seen anything like this?” Me: “Well, yeah, but the patient isn’t a toddler.” Doctor: “What does being a toddler have to do with anything?” Me: “Well, if this patient was a toddler, I’d swear he had scarlet fever.” Doctor: “Crap! I didn’t even think of that for a forty-something-year-old.” Swabs came back positive for strep and yes, a forty-something-year-old can apparently get scarlet fever. |
Hard To Remember Life In The Before Times
ARIZONA, CURRENT EVENTS, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 27, 2020 It’s Wednesday and I have been sick for a couple of days. I try to be seen at urgent care, but due to the health crisis, they have nothing available until Friday afternoon. I take the Friday slot. Since some of my symptoms could also be symptoms of the current spreading illness, I also schedule a free screening at a county test site on Thursday. I get the results on Friday morning before my urgent care visit. An hour and a half after my slot, the provider is able to see me. I describe my symptoms. Me: “I have a cough, sore throat, fatigue, and a little shortness of breath. I did get a [illness] test and it was negative.” Provider: “It was negative?” Me: “Yes, thankfully.” Provider: “Then why are you here?” Me: *Taken a little aback* “Because I’m sick?” The provider finished the exam and diagnosed me with an upper respiratory infection. |
A Very Thorough Bath
ASSISTED LIVING, CURRENT EVENTS, EDITORS' CHOICE, FUNNY, HEALTH & BODY, PATIENTS, USA, WORDPLAY | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 24, 2020 I have a friend who works in an assisted living facility; her job includes cleaning patients. One day, my friend was giving a sponge bath to a male patient when she heard him say something from under his mask. Patient: “I think my testicles are black.” She peeked under the towel. Friend: “No, they look fine.” She then proceeded to clean him and he continued to ask her about his testicles, and each time, she would respond by lifting the towel and reassuring him that they were fine. Finally, the patient took off his mask. Patient: “I think my tests should be back.” |
Let’s Hope This Isn’t A Repeat Problem
EMPLOYEES, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, PHARMACY, STUPID, UK | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 21, 2020 Our general practitioner sends any prescriptions straight to our local pharmacy for us to pick up. For repeat prescriptions, we pop the request into the GP and then the medications are ready for pickup three days later. Today, I have a telephone appointment and my GP prescribes some medication to start taking straight away and sends the prescription over to the pharmacy. I dropped a repeat prescription request into the GP two days ago, but I know those meds should not be ready yet. Me: “I’m here to pick up a prescription for [My Name].” The pharmacist assistant checks the computer. Pharmacist Assistant: “I’ve got a few different items on here for you. Did you put in a repeat?” Me: “Yes, but I don’t mind if they’re not ready. I just need [medication].” Pharmacist Assistant: “Did you see your GP today?” Me: “Yes, I had an appointment about two hours ago; he said he’d send the prescription over.” Pharmacist Assistant: “Okay, hold on.” She goes to speak to the pharmacist. Pharmacist: “[My Name]? Your repeat prescription has only just been sent to us. It takes three days.” Me: “Yes, I know. I saw my GP today and he gave me [medication]; that’s what I need to pick up.” Pharmacist: “We can’t issue your prescriptions today, I’m afraid. We haven’t processed them yet.” Me: “I don’t want my repeat prescriptions today. I’ll come back for them. I just want [medication].” Pharmacist: “Your repeat will be ready tomorrow. If you’d like to come back we can issue everything together.” Me: “Look, I spoke to my GP today, he sent the prescription for [medication] today, and he wants me to start taking it today. Can I please just pick up [medication]?” Pharmacist: “You don’t want to wait for the repeat to be ready?” Me: “No. I want [medication]. I do not want to wait for the repeat. I will come back tomorrow for the repeat. I want [medication] today. Can I pick up [medication], just [medication], only [medication], right now? And I will pick up my repeat tomorrow!” Pharmacist: “Uh… let me get that for you.” A few minutes later, the assistant calls me over. Pharmacist Assistant: “[My Name]? I’ve got a prescription for you here. Would you like to pick it up now or add it to your repeat for pickup tomorrow?” Me: “Really?!” |
That’s Not Innie Problem At All
CONNECTICUT, FUNNY, PETS & ANIMALS, USA, VET | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 19, 2020 This happens many years ago with my first cat. I’ve already had her as part of the family for several years, but when I move out on my own, she becomes my sole responsibility. One day, I am rubbing her belly like usual and I feel a strange lump. I can’t figure out what it could be, so I call the vet in order to have her checked out, worried it might be a tumor. I take her in the next day and the vet looks her over. Me: “Is she going to be okay?” Vet: *Giggles* “Yes, she’s totally fine. That’s her belly button.” And that’s how I found out my cat had an outie! |
A Most Unfulfilling Dentist
BAD BEHAVIOR, DENTIST, LIARS/SCAMMERS, NEW YORK, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 17, 2020 I’ve had two cavities in the past. Both were found and filled by the company dentist, but the procedure left me thoroughly afraid of having another cavity. Alas, three or four years after I leave the company… Dentist: “Oh, no. You’ve got two cavities in your molars. I’ll have to fill them up.” Me: “S***. I hate getting cavities filled.” Dentist: “Yeah, I see that you’ve had another pair filled at some point. Don’t worry. It’ll all be over soon.” Me: *Sighs* “Agreed. Let’s get the torture done quickly.” Ten minutes later: Dentist: “There. All done. I’ve also touched up your old cavities.” Me: “Wait, what? I barely felt a thing.” Dentist: “Indeed, you have one of the best tolerances to discomfort I’ve ever seen.” I study my teeth in a mirror Me: “Wow. I can’t see the fillings anymore.” My molars look completely natural now. She even covered up the big patches of grey metal from the last time I got cavities filled. Me: “Thanks a lot. This was way better than the last time I got my cavities filled.” Dentist: “No problem. What happened the last time?” Me: “It felt like my teeth were being sandblasted last time. Is that normal?” Dentist: “No, it is not.” She then proceeded to tell me that all the pain and suffering I experienced the last time I got my cavities filled shouldn’t have occurred. Granted, there was some pain and discomfort this time, but it was far less. It soon became apparent that the company dentist I saw for my cavities used low-quality filling and outdated and cheap equipment and was apparently either ham-fisted or determined to make me suffer. He also overcharged my insurance for the filling. I got rather angry and wanted to submit a complaint, so I went to some of my old coworkers and told them what I found. They then realised that he’d been giving us inferior treatments while charging us way more. And he didn’t make much of an effort to be gentle with us. He didn’t get caught, as most of us weren’t really knowledgeable about dentistry, and the price he charged us was technically less than market price, but it was still more than what the inferior service he gave us cost. We were about to take legal action against him, but then the global outbreak happened and the spreading disease got him before we did. The running joke between all of us later was that the disease was a kill stealer. |
Her Couchside Manner Needs Some Work
JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 15, 2020 I’m afraid of needles and have a tendency to pass out immediately after getting bloodwork done. However, I’m normally okay if I’m able to lay down during the bloodwork and stay laying down for a few minutes afterward, taking it slow. It’s 2015 and I’m a teenager. I am being admitted to the hospital for the night and they have to do bloodwork. I explain everything to the nurse and ask to lay down. I’m in a private waiting room and literally sitting on a couch. Nurse: “No, that’s not allowed. You’re just exaggerating; you will be fine.” She then proceeds to do the bloodwork while I am sitting on the couch. Then, she tells me that she needs a urine sample immediately after pulling out the needle. Me: “Can I please have a few minutes to stay sitting and to drink some water?” Nurse: “No, I need the sample now.” She then proceeded to lead me to the OTHER side of the hospital, even though there were closer bathrooms. I could feel myself getting dizzy and lightheaded, and as soon as I got inside the bathroom and locked the door, I sat down on the ground. I don’t remember whether I passed out or not. Bottom line: people know their bodies and their needs, so listen to them! |
These Paramedics Never Cry Uncle
AUSTRALIA, EMERGENCY SERVICES, FAMILY & KIDS, HEALTH & BODY, HOME, WILD & UNRULY | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 13, 2020 A friend who used to live on my street moved out rather suddenly and then moved house again quite a bit thereafter. It was a little strange, but eventually, we found out that her parents divorced and the housing situation was a bit screwed up because it’s Australia and our welfare system is a bit… stupid. Her dad has finally settled into a place more permanently and decides to host New Year’s. My friend invites me along, and despite having not really met that side of her family, I agree to come and join in the festivities. On arrival, I’m introduced to an uncle who is probably only five to seven years our senior at best and who has been drinking rather heavily since yesterday afternoon. He gets to chatting and we learn that he has only recently recovered from a nasty car accident that shattered his legs. He’s all healed up and ready to celebrate the New Year, loudly proclaiming to all who’ll listen that next year will be his year since everything has gone so wrong in this one. I’m sympathetic to the poor guy; the accident was 100% not his fault and it was a horrendous and intense path to recovery. With a small child in his care, I can only imagine how hard the recovery must have been, so I don’t begrudge his drinking. Out of everyone present, he probably has the best reason to be overindulging, and he isn’t an angry drunk by any stretch of the imagination. The night wears on, and we are about an hour away from midnight. The local sports grounds is hosting a fireworks display, and from the backyard, we will have a great seat for the show. Suddenly, the drunken uncle staggers over to the trampoline and claps enthusiastically at the kids all doing little tricks. One of those kids asks uncle if he ever did tricks and the uncle puffs with pride and declares that he used to be part of his high school’s gymnastics team. The kids all ooh and ahh in admiration, and it isn’t long before they vacate the trampoline and start coaxing [Uncle] to show them some tricks. Bad idea. He climbs up and starts to bounce. My friend’s dad rushes over and tries to convince the uncle not to do anything silly, but [Uncle] is too caught up in nostalgia and alcohol to listen to reason and decides that trampolining couldn’t be that much different from doing flips on a gym floor. He then jumps super high and starts a backflip; sadly, he isn’t very well in control of the bounce and the trajectory sends him off the mark and he hits the ground hard. There is a sickening, cracking crunch on impact, the kind of sound that reverberates in your teeth and reminds you of nails on a chalkboard. The ambulance is called immediately and they arrive extremely quickly. They pull up and rush over to [Uncle], who is still very much in a good mood; apparently, he didn’t feel a thing and has spent the time waiting trying to convince us all he is fine and attempting to stand up. The paramedics assess his injuries and gather information from the surrounding family, hand the poor guy a painkiller, and set up a stretcher. Just as they heave him up to slide the stretcher under his prone form, another horrible crunch is heard, and the paramedics lower him carefully to the ground again. A female paramedic feels about his waist and hips and realises that there is more than likely some pelvic bone damage and asks the host for a set of scissors. [Uncle] is still happy as a clam and suddenly seems to register that there is a beautiful young lass attending to his pants line and becomes very flirty. The paramedic allows the flirting as uncle isn’t being belligerent and it seems to be keeping him relatively still while my friend’s dad runs for the scissors. Uncle: “So, what’s a sweet young thing like you need scissors for? I hope we aren’t doing surgery here.” *Laughs* “Though, if it’s you, I guess I wouldn’t mind so much. You’re lovely!” Female Paramedic: *Laughs* “Oh, no need to worry, sir. No surgery here in the grass. I just need to see your hips a bit better in case there’s more damage we couldn’t see through your clothes. I hope you’re not attached to these shorts, though; we need the scissors to cut them off.” [Uncle] suddenly starts blushing madly, and the flirty tone is now a little fearful and embarrassed. Uncle: “Oh, um… It’s just, well, it’s a rather unpleasant job… that is… would your partner here approve of removing my pants?! And… and there are children here! Oh, God! Someone take the children away; I don’t want to be a flasher!!” The male paramedic lost it, and through his laughter, he assured [Uncle] that it wasn’t a problem, that they were both trained professionals, and that the kids would be fine as they weren’t planning to cut them off in full view of spectators. [Uncle] was blushing and stammering objections the entire time as a screen was set up and his pants were removed in moderate privacy. Finally, they got [Uncle] loaded into the ambulance. The female paramedic was gathering some last bits of information from the family and organising a support person to ride along with them to the hospital. I couldn’t help but ask if this kind of thing was routine for New Year’s. The paramedic laughed and said that, sadly, it was their busiest time of year, but if it’s for someone like [Uncle], she didn’t mind so much. He’s lovely. [Uncle] just blushed all the harder and covered himself more with the blankets piled on top of him. It was an exciting New Year’s, that’s for sure, and the timing was brilliant, as the ambulance pulling away coincided with the fireworks starting. The poor guy had re-shattered the old injuries and done some rather significant damage to both hips and pelvic bone. I think he needed pins and plates, and unfortunately, the recovery was a lot longer this time around. It was not exactly the best way to ring in the New Year, but at least he had wonderful paramedics who possessed a great sense of both humour and duty of care. |
Flu Right Over Their Head
EMPLOYEES, ILLINOIS, INSTANT KARMA, JERK, PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 10, 2020 This happens during a year when the flu shot isn’t particularly effective. I get the shot, but I still come down with the flu a couple of months later. My doctor has called in Tamiflu, and I drag myself over to the pharmacy to pick it up, along with a giant Gatorade and some painkillers. The pharmacist is ringing me out. Pharmacist: “Tamiflu, huh?” Me: “Yep.” Pharmacist: *Smirks* “That’s why you get your flu shot, dear. You’ll get it next year, won’t you?” Me: “Actually, I got the flu shot two months ago in this pharmacy. I’m pretty sure you gave it to me. Now, can I have my medicine without the commentary?” The pharmacist’s face turned red and he completed my transaction silently. |
Russian To Conclusions
COLLEGE & UNIVERSITY, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, MEDICAL OFFICE, TEXAS, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 7, 2020 I’m a college student who’s been accepted to a Russian study-abroad program. The next major step for me is to get a visa, which requires one unusual step: a negative HIV test. Russia has a major HIV issue, and one way they try to manage the spread is by restricting visas to people who test negative for it. So, I call my campus clinic to set up a free HIV screening test. Receptionist: “Hello, this is [Campus Clinic]. How may I help you?” Me: “Hello! I need to set up an appointment for an HIV test, please.” Receptionist: “Oh, an STD panel? Sure, I can set you up for that.” Me: “Sorry, no, just an HIV test.” Receptionist: “Um…” *Sounding confused* “Okay, are you sure? You don’t want any other tests?” Me: “Yes, just the HIV test, please.” Receptionist: “All right…” She sets me up for an appointment, sounding a little miffed throughout the rest of the exchange. I go in for my appointment the next day. Doctor: “Good afternoon! So you’re here for an HIV test?” Me: “Yes, that’s right. I do get a little dizzy sometimes when my blood gets drawn, though, just a heads-up.” Doctor: “Ah, is that why you only wanted the one test? Because, you know, it’s a good idea to get a full STD panel.” Me: “Hmm? Oh, no, I don’t need a full STD panel. I only need the HIV one.” Doctor: “There are a lot of other diseases you’re at risk for when you’re sexually active. The responsible thing to do, if you’re worried you may have been exposed to something, is to get tested for everything.” Me: “Oh, I’m not worried. I’m a virgin. I just want to go to Russia.” Doctor: “What?” I explained everything to the doctor and we had a bit of a laugh. And I got my visa! |
None Of This Qualifies As Helpful
COLORADO, DENVER, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 5, 2020 I send an email to my doctor’s office, through the HMO system, detailing my symptoms and asking for advice. Nurse’s Email: “Dear Mrs. [My Name], I am [Nurse] working with your doctor. I have read your email. I am not qualified to respond to this email. Someone else will get in touch with you.” When I stop laughing, I call the official HMO Medical Advice Line and list my symptoms. Medical Advice Person: “Do you want a [widely-spreading illness] test?” Me: “I don’t think so, but I’m not medically trained, so…” Medical Advice Person: “Oh, I’m not medically trained, either! I just answer the phones.” I gave up, had some chicken soup, and went to bed. |
Dental Health Isn’t Their Only Area Of Expertise
AWESOME, DENTIST, INSPIRATIONAL, NORTH CAROLINA, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 4, 2020 I do not like shots. I don’t faint while getting them, but I turn into a nervous wreck. I also have a lowered pain tolerance, which doesn’t help matters. I have to get a cavity filled. The first time this happened, I was knocked out since, as I said, I hate needles. Between that filling and this one, my periodontist pulled my last three baby teeth. He’s really good at what he does, so it didn’t hurt. Because of that, I decide to go with the novocaine shot. I am told beforehand by my parents and other people that there’ll be pressure. I don’t expect much out of it. But I am still a nervous wreck when the day arrives. My dentist knows this and genuinely reassures me. I shut my eyes. They warn me before the needle goes in, and when it does, I start screaming my head off. I’m not crying, just screaming from unexpected pain probably heightened by nerves. Someone wordlessly squeezes my hand until I calm down. The rest of the procedure goes without incident, though I am on edge the whole time. I apologize to the dentist and hygienists afterward for screaming. Dentist & Hygienists: “Don’t worry about it.” Then, this exchange happens afterward. Me: “Mom, did you come back and hold my hand?” Mom: “No? Dad and I heard you screaming, but we didn’t come back.” It was at that moment that I realized one of the hygienists held my hand. So, nameless hygienist, thank you so much for helping me. |
Another Exhibit In The Case Of “Why Nurses Should Rule The World”
AUSTRIA, AWESOME, HOSPITAL, INSPIRATIONAL, NURSES, VIENNA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 3, 2020 My parents are with my severely disabled sister who is being prepped for an operation. We take care of her at home and have a live-in nurse, but she still ends up in the hospital every few months, so the nurses are quite familiar with my family. Nurse: “Would you like to remove your daughter’s nail polish?” Mother: “Is it really necessary?” Nurse: “Well, yes. We need to be able to see her nails during the operation to make sure she’s getting enough oxygen.” Mother: “Oh, I see. It’s only that my other daughter painted her nails before going to college, and she won’t be back home for months. She went all the way to America and we can’t afford to bring her back every time [Sister] is hospitalized.” Nurse: “Ach, I’m very sorry.” She makes small talk with my parents while removing the nail polish. There are no comments about how my sister wouldn’t understand or even notice the nail polish, just reassuring chatter. When they wheeled my sister back after the operation, my mother broke down in tears; they’d repainted my sister’s nails. When my mother told me about it, I teared up, too. I still think of that nurse’s kindness — how she must’ve left the hospital to get nail polish of a similar shade and then painted my sister’s tiny nails. It sounds like such a small thing, but it was so completely outside her job scope and so sweet of her. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. |
We’re Expecting A Baby! But It Could Be A Velociraptor…
CANADA, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, MANITOBA, MEDICAL OFFICE, WINNIPEG, WORDPLAY | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 2, 2020 I’m pregnant with my second daughter. My general practitioner is very nice but has a little trouble with English. He sends me for an ultrasound and this conversation happens at our next visit. General Practitioner: “I have results from your ultrasound here.” Me: “How does it look?” General Practitioner: “You are having a monster.” Me: *Horrified* “WHAT?” General Practitioner: “Yes. Very big baby. Probably ten pounds.” Me: “Oh… Thank goodness.” I probably should have told him that “monster” is NOT the word to use when describing a baby-to-be. |
This Hospital Is Really Going Down The Toilet
HOSPITAL, JERK, NORTHERN IRELAND, PATIENTS | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 1, 2020 When I am a student, I take a summer job working as a temporary admin person in a local hospital. The first week or so involves just sitting in a file room sorting through old files, but then I am taken off this job and put on the outpatients’ reception, as the regular receptionist is going on holiday. A couple of days into my stint as receptionist, one of the medical secretaries comes to see me. Secretary: “[Gastroenterologist] is off sick today with gastroenteritis and his clinic has therefore been cancelled. I’ve phoned all his patients and told them, but one or two slipped through the net due to their contact details being out of date. If any patients do turn up for [Gastroenterologists]’s clinic, please explain that the doctor was off sick, apologise for the inconvenience, reassure them that they will be given a replacement appointment when the doctor returns to work, and then try to update their contact details.” The first couple of patients who arrive for this clinic are really understanding. They accept my apology, acknowledge that “these things happen,” and happily allowed me to take their up-to-date contact details. Then, I have THIS patient. She is an older lady, probably in her early to mid-seventies, and she turns up with her daughter. She hands me her letter, and when I see she’s arrived for the gastroenterology clinic, I begin my usual spiel. Me: “Ah, I’m very sorry, but we’ve actually had to cancel the clinic today. The doctor has phoned in sick, so he’ll not be back to work for a couple of days at least.” Daughter: “Oh, dear!” Her mother looks crestfallen. I apologise again for the inconvenience, reassure her that we’ll be giving her a replacement appointment as soon as the doctor is back to work, and explain that the reason we didn’t tell her about the cancellation was that we were unable to get hold of her. She gives me her up-to-date address and telephone number, which I put in her file, and then she starts complaining about being badly treated. Woman: “I don’t understand how you people can do this to me! I’m an elderly lady! I can’t just travel up and down to the hospital for appointments!” Me: *Staying calm* “Yes, I really do understand. To be honest, if I was in your position, I’d be upset, too, but unfortunately, there isn’t anything else we can do.” The daughter still looks completely calm. Daughter: “We’re getting another appointment though, right?” I reassure her that her mother WILL be getting another appointment because it isn’t her fault the clinic was cancelled and it is up to us to make sure she gets the treatment she needs. The daughter seems satisfied, so she thanks me for being so understanding and turns to her mother. Daughter: “Let’s go, Mum.” The elderly lady turns to walk away and then changes her mind and stops. She turns to face me again. Woman: “So [Gastroenterologist] is off sick today, is he?” Me: “Yes, unfortunately, he is.” She looks around and then leans in close to me and screams. Woman: “WELL, HE F****** DESERVES IT!” And she stormed out! I worked in the reception for another two weeks and then was moved on to other duties. I really enjoyed working in the hospital, and years later, I still vividly remember this elderly lady leaning forward to scream, “WELL, HE F****** DESERVES IT!” all because her clinic was cancelled due to illness. |
I Just Can’t Wait For You To Stab Me With A Needle!
CHILDREN, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, NEW JERSEY, USA | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 30, 2020 When my son is seven years old, I move to a new town. The school system has some different regulations for vaccines than where we have just come from. As it turns out, my son needs a shot before joining school in the new town. Unfortunately, my son is extremely needle-phobic. I have previously assisted holding him still in instances where he needed a shot or stitches. I know, as a nurse and a mom, that what needs to be done needs to be done. As I am new to the area and do not have a pediatrician yet, I ask the school for the name of the school doctor. The following happens when my son and I arrive at his appointment for his shot. Me: *To the receptionist* “Hi, I’m [My Name] and this is [Son]. We are here for his [shot].” Receptionist: “Sure, have a seat in exam room one. Someone will be with you shortly.” Me: “Thank you.” [Son] and I wait for a few minutes. He knows he is there for a shot and starts to get a bit anxious. I do my best to distract him and calm him down. Soon, the doctor arrives in the room. Doctor: “Good afternoon, ma’am, [Son]. So, you’re here for a [shot]?” Me: “Yes, we are.” Doctor: “Okay, I’ll get that ready for you and I’ll be back in a minute.” The doctor leaves the room and arrives back a few minutes later with the needle and syringe on a tray. Doctor: “All right, so here we are.” *Addresses my son directly* “So, [Son], are you ready for your shot now?” My jaw drops; I cannot believe what I just heard. Why would you ever ask a child if they are ready to receive a shot? My son immediately indicates that he is not ready. Doctor: “Okay, I’ll give you a few minutes. I’ll be back.” I sit trying to calm my son as he grows increasingly anxious. Twenty minutes later, the doctor returns. Doctor: “All right, big guy, are you ready yet?” Son: “No.” Doctor: “Well, then, you just let me know when you are.” The doctor leaves the room again. I am so shocked that I am not able to verbalize my thoughts. My son begins to panic. He is wringing his hands and pulling at his hair. It is difficult to watch. Imagine a needle-phobic seven-year-old being told that he is the one who has to actually ask to be given a shot. He just isn’t going to be able to do it. Another twenty minutes go by before the doctor returns. Doctor: “So, [Son], do you want me to give you that [shot] now?” Me: “Okay, hold on, doc. We have been here for an hour, during which time you have been tormenting a young child by telling him he needs to ask to be given a shot. This ends now. I am the mother. I make the medical decisions, not him. He is getting this shot, and he is getting it now. Go get your receptionist and have her come in to help me hold him still. You have got him worked so into a frenzy that I cannot do it by myself. When she comes in here, this is going to go one, two, three: you give him the shot, we leave, this trauma is over. Go get her. Now.” And that is what happened. To this day, I am still unhappy with myself that I allowed the torture to go on as long as it did. I later followed up with a complaint to the school system about their “school doctor.” I also put it in writing that for any school health screenings that might come up, that doctor was not to come within twenty feet of my son. |
I Hear Peru Is Lovely This Time Of Year
FUNNY NAMES, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, USA, WASHINGTON | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 29, 2020 When my oldest son is a baby, I take him to the doctor for one of his early checkups. A nurse comes out to the lobby and announces a name. Nurse: “Leema?” My appointment time has passed, so I am paying close attention and wonder if that could be for my son, whose name is Liam. I don’t think anyone could mess it up that much, so I wait until the nurse has announced the name multiple times and no one has responded. Finally: Me: “Do you mean Liam?” She looks at the paper. Nurse: “No, it’s Leema.” I figure I was wrong and she continues to call out “Leema” a few more times. Finally, she comes up to me. Nurse: “What name did you say earlier?” Me: “It’s Liam.” It was for us. She was quite a scatterbrain; in the following years I had a few more kids and took them all to the same doctor, and that nurse was always a little different. I still sometimes call my son Leema. |
They Don’t Pussyfoot With Pet Safety
HEALTH & BODY, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, PHARMACY | HEALTHY | NOVEMBER 28, 2020 CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice. My girlfriend has a cat, and I’m allergic to it; I get incredibly itchy. I treat these allergies with promethazine, and it works perfectly. I queue up at the pharmacy, and it comes to my turn to order. Me: “Hi, could I get the [Promethazine Brand], please?” Dispenser: “Of course. Can I ask what you’re using it for, sir?” Me: “My cat allergies.” Dispenser: *Frowning slightly* “Excuse me for a moment.” She walks to the back and I can see her discussing something with the pharmacist. Then, she returns. Dispenser: “I’m sorry, sir; we can’t sell you this if you are going to give it to your cat.” I am slightly taken aback by this and try not to laugh. Me: “Sorry, I meant it’s for my allergies to cats.” We both laughed, and she jokingly claimed that it had been a long day. That brand even has a cat on the packaging here in England. Source: Reddit (Credit: deadeyes2019, Original Story) |
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