Behaving Fairly Fairy

Awesome, Comeuppance, Harassment, Holidays, Non-Dialogue, North Carolina, Party, USA | Romantic | November 17, 2017


Some friends and I are at a party over Halloween weekend. One of them is dressed as the Good Fairy and carries a wand which is handmade of pretty thick wood, painted, with a star and glitter. She’s also a bit of a goody two-shoes, and every time someone swears she’ll tap them on the head with her wand and say, “The Good Fairy doesn’t like that!”

As the night goes on, people get progressively drunker, and a guy none of us knows has been bugging her for a while. We’re trying to get away from him when he grabs her breasts from behind. She swings around and smacks him in the face with the wand so hard she breaks it in half. “THE GOOD FAIRY DOESN’T LIKE THAT!”

He got kicked out.

When A Ferret Becomes A Weasel

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Geeks Rule, home, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Silly, Sweden, Uppsala | Romantic | November 16, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are watching the fourth instalment of the Harry Potter series. It’s my boyfriend’s first time watching it. In this movie, a teacher transforms a student into a ferret, a fun and memorable scene, concluded with another teacher running up and asking, “Is… Is that a student?” A short while later, there’s a scene depicting a big school dance, where the teacher who transformed the student sits in a corner with something on his lap.)

Boyfriend: “Wait. Pause. What’s that in his lap?”

Me: “That’s… Oh, haha, it’s a ferret!”

Boyfriend: “Is… Is that a student?”

Me: *rolling with laughter*

Boyfriend: “…on his groin?!”

Zombie Weddings: It’s The Next Big Thing

Australia, home, Jerk, Queensland, Silly, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | November 15, 2017


(My hubby and I are watching a family on on [Video Website]. They’re vlogging at their sister’s wedding. The vlogger is dancing with his sister during the father-daughter dance.)

Husband: “Why is he doing that?”

Me: “He walked her down the aisle.”

Husband: “Oh. One of those types of fathers?”

Me: “What?”

Husband: “The type of father that doesn’t come to their daughter’s wedding.”

Me: “I think the father is dead.”

Husband: “Oh, okay! That’s a good excuse.”

We Don’t Sell Dating Simulators

Harassment, New Jersey, Strangers, USA, Video Game Store | Romantic | November 14, 2017


(I work at a video game store. As a female employee, I’m unfortunately used to being hit on by customers while working. I approach a pair of customers on the floor: a young guy around my age and a much older man. When I ask if they need help, the older man is very friendly and strikes up a lengthy conversation with me about games he used to play. It is a pretty pleasant interaction until this moment:)

Customer: “Wow, you really know your stuff! Any chance you’re free this weekend? My son could use a date!”

(I awkwardly tried to laugh it off, while the poor son didn’t even look

Fuzzy On The Definition

home, Language & Words, Ohio, Spouses & Partners, Toledo, USA | Romantic | November 13, 2017


(My husband and I are relaxing on a couch, individually looking at our phones. I’m absentmindedly running my hand over my scalp; I’ve recently gotten my hair trimmed almost buzz-cut short.)

Me: “I like it when my head is fuzzy.”

Husband: “Well, I don’t.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Husband: “I mean, I don’t really have a reason for it.” *sees my hurt look* “I mean, it’s not good when you’re having that weird, dizzy feeling, so I’m not sure why you’re so…”

Me: “Wait. Did you think… I meant my hair!”

Husband: “Oh! Be clearer next time!”

This Pregnancy Thing Is Beginning To Stick

California, Health & Body, home, San Francisco, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | November 12, 2017


(I have just taken a pregnancy test and discovered that I am not expecting. My husband and I are now heading out to the car to go about our day. In the elevator, my shoes make noise.)

Husband: “Did you step in something sticky?”

Me: “No, there’s just something on the floor.”

(I am amused by the sticky noises and start dancing in place, making lots of them. Then I start laughing.)

Me: “Are you sure I’m not pregnant?”

Husband: “I’m sure you’re not mature enough to be pregnant!”

Boo And Boo-Two, Too

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Funny Names, home, Pennsylvania, Pets & Animals, Silly, USA | Romantic | November 11, 2017


(I’ve fallen into the bad habit of calling both my boyfriend and my cat ‘Boo,’ which leads to confusion such as this.)

Me: *to the cat* “Hey, boo!”

Boyfriend: “Are you talking to me, or to the cat?”

Cat: “Meow!”

Boyfriend: “Well, that answers that question

Boo And Boo-Two, Too

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Funny Names, home, Pennsylvania, Pets & Animals, Silly, USA | Romantic | November 11, 2017


(I’ve fallen into the bad habit of calling both my boyfriend and my cat ‘Boo,’ which leads to confusion such as this.)

Me: *to the cat* “Hey, boo!”

Boyfriend: “Are you talking to me, or to the cat?”

Cat: “Meow!”

Boyfriend: “Well, that answers that question

It’s Not Going Swimmingly

Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body, home, Spouses & Partners, Texas, USA | Romantic | November 10, 2017


(My husband and I have just started to try to conceive, instead of just leaving it to luck or chance. After an intimate night, he asks me to position myself so that gravity isn’t working against us. I ask that he at least hand me my phone so that I have some entertainment until I get up.)

Me: “Please, it’s just right there by you. I would have to get up to get it myself.”

Husband: “No. No distractions. I need you to completely focus on telling those swimmers to get you pregnant.”

Me: *sigh* “That’s not how it works.”

Boo And Boo-Two, Too

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Funny Names, home, Pennsylvania, Pets & Animals, Silly, USA | Romantic | November 11, 2017


(I’ve fallen into the bad habit of calling both my boyfriend and my cat ‘Boo,’ which leads to confusion such as this.)

Me: *to the cat* “Hey, boo!”

Boyfriend: “Are you talking to me, or to the cat?”

Cat: “Meow!”

Boyfriend: “Well, that answers that question.”

It’s Not Going Swimmingly

Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body, home, Spouses & Partners, Texas, USA | Romantic | November 10, 2017


(My husband and I have just started to try to conceive, instead of just leaving it to luck or chance. After an intimate night, he asks me to position myself so that gravity isn’t working against us. I ask that he at least hand me my phone so that I have some entertainment until I get up.)

Me: “Please, it’s just right there by you. I would have to get up to get it myself.”

Husband: “No. No distractions. I need you to completely focus on telling those swimmers to get you pregnant.”

Me: *sigh* “That’s not how it works

Seems To Think Fifty No’s Means A Yes

Bad Behavior, College & University, Connecticut, Criminal & Illegal, Harassment, USA, Wild & Unruly | Romantic | November 9, 2017


(My sister’s a very sweet girl who naturally smiles as she talks, and so she tends to make friends easily, but it also causes the following to occur during her second year of college. My sister enters a classroom and sits down at one of the nearest empty seats to the door.)

Guy: “Hi, I’m [Guy].”

Sister: “Nice to meet you. I’m [Sister]. It’s really nice to meet you.”

(The class then starts and she doesn’t interact with the guy for the rest of the class. When class is over, and my sister starts to get up to leave, the guy grabs her arm.)

Guy: “Hey, are you free now? Let’s go for lunch.”

Sister: *tries to tug her arm away* “Sorry. I have another class to go to, and I’m not really interested. Sorry.”

Guy: *angrily gets in her face, still holding her arm* “Come on! You came and sat down with me, so clearly, you’re interested in me! You can’t lead a guy on like that, you slut!”

Sister: *practically rips her arm out of his grip* “I only sat next to you because it was the closest seat to the door that was free! And I literally only said hi to you and introduced myself, so I didn’t exactly lead you on. Don’t touch me ever again.” *proceeds to run out of the classroom*

(Unfortunately, he continued to have an interest in my sister. He went so far as to follow her to her next class and attempt to enter the classroom after her, and then sat outside her classroom after she convinced her professor to kick him out. When she saw him outside the room, she grabbed the nearest guy’s arm and asked him to pretend they were dating. The only bright sides from this were that he was eventually kicked out of the university for doing this with other female students, and that my sister and the guy she pretended to date became good friends after that incident.)

Messy In More Ways Than One

Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Health & Body, home, Silly, The Netherlands | Romantic | November 8, 2017


(I have a sore throat and just started my period. My boyfriend is off to the store to get me some supplies. I ask him to bring some honey for my sore throat, but he doesn’t write that on his list so I half-assume he will forget, as he tends to be quite forgetful. I hear him come home so I go downstairs to the kitchen, and see he has brought the honey.)

Me: “Oh, fantastic, you remembered!”

(Due to hormones, my gratitude is unbelievable and I start to tear up. My boyfriend then proceeds to conjure a HUGE chocolate bar from the grocery bag, holds it to my crotch and yells:)

Boyfriend: “SATAN HAS BEEN FED!”

(The humor and overwhelming gratitude, amplified by my period, get the best of me, and I start sobbing hysterically and smothering my boyfriend in the tightest hug.)

Me: *sobbing like crazy* “TH…TH…TH… THANK YOU!”

Boyfriend: *is genuinely TERRIFIED and stutters* “Wha… what did I do? Wrong flavor?”

Me: *still sobbing* “I LOVE YOU!”

(He carefully tried to pry himself free of my smothering embrace, seriously concerned about what was wrong with me. I finally calmed down and blamed it on the hormones. Now, every time the topic of periods comes up, he mentions this story again and how scared and confused he was. “Don’t ever do that again!” he begs me.)

Let’s Vaguely Saunter Into The Sunset

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Lazy/Unhelpful, Silly, South Africa | Romantic | November 7, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are cuddled up watching TV and playfully talking about eloping. I am notoriously lazy.)

Me: “Let’s run away together!”

Boyfriend: “You realise the word ‘run’ is in there, right?”

Me: “Never mind. Let’s brisk-walk away together!”

Boyfriend: “That’s still moving, my love.”

Me: “Fine, then carry me to the car so we can drive off into the sunset… with you driving. I’ll be by your side forever! Passenger side.”

Boyfriend: *laughing and kissing my forehead* ” You’re such a romantic!”

Me: “I try.”

My Boyfriend The Arsonist

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Canada, Extra Stupid, Phone, Safety | Romantic | November 6, 2017


(I’m on the phone with my boyfriend.)

Me: “Hey.”

Boyfriend: “Hey. How are you?”

Me: “I’m good. How’re you?”

Boyfriend: “I’m— OH, S***! HANG ON A SECOND!”

Me: “What? Okay?”

Boyfriend: *after a moment* “Okay, I’m back.”

Me: “Okay? What happened?”

Boyfriend: “I started a fire.”

Me: “What? Are you okay?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I put it out. It’s fine.”

Me: “What happened?”

Boyfriend: “I turned on the wrong burner and that burner had a bunch of napkins on it.”

Me: “You turned on the burner without clearing it first?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, but it’s okay. I put it out.”

Me: “Are the napkins still on the stove?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah.”

Me: “Move them, right now! In fact, clear the stove top of everything you’re not heating up, right now!”

Boyfriend: “But it’s [Roommate]’s things and—”

Me: “I DON’T F****** CARE! CLEAR IT ALL OFF THE STOVE TOP, RIGHT NOW!”

Boyfriend: “Okay! I’m on it!” *after a moment* “Okay. It’s done.”

Me: “Good. It’s better to touch [Roommate]’s things without permission than to set [Roommate]’s things on fire.”

Boyfriend: “Good point.”

Pure Precious Jealousy

Adorable Children, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Dating, Grocery Store, Richmond, Silly, USA, Virginia | Romantic | November 5, 2017


(I met my husband when we both worked for a grocery store. We’ve only been dating a few months at this point, and I like to pick on him about things. A new cashier has just started, and he is around our age, but he seems young and nerdy. I think he’s cute in his awkwardness, like a child, and I mention it to my then-boyfriend.)

Boyfriend: “How can you say that to me?”

Me: “What do you mean? Do you want me to lie?”

Boyfriend: “Well, no, but you don’t have to tell me, either!”

(Just then, a mother with her young son dressed in a Superman costume walks by. A coworker comes up to me.)

Coworker: “Did you see him? Wasn’t he just precious?”

Me: *eyes light up* “I know! He was so adorable!”

(My boyfriend glowers at me and turns a dark shade of red before I burst out laughing.)

Me: “We’re talking about the little boy in a costume! Did you not see him?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, no, I didn’t. I thought you were talking about the other guy, still.”

(He finally saw how funny that was and chuckled about it. I still like to pick on him about the day he was jealous of a five-year-old.)

Deadly Pillow Talk

Anniversary, Australia, Cousins, home, New South Wales, Silly, Spouses & Partners, Sydney | Romantic | November 4, 2017


(It’s our wedding anniversary and my husband’s cousin is congratulating us.)

Cousin: *to me* “I don’t know how you’ve put up with him so long. What’s the trick?”

Me: “He keeps struggling out from under the pillow.”

Husband: *nods*

Have Reached Your Mac Potential

Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, home, Spouses & Partners, USA, Washington | Romantic | November 3, 2017


(My wife likes to make mac and cheese from scratch, but I usually make it from a box.)

Wife: “Do we have any cheese?”

Me: “I think so.”

Wife: “If we do, I’ll make mac and cheese.”

Me: “Wait, why do you need cheese for mac and cheese?”

(I caught my error, but my wife teased me for a few minutes.)

I’m Totally Coconuts About You

Dating, Geeks Rule, home, India, Kerala, Silly | Romantic | November 2, 2017


(During the early days of my courtship with my husband, we have many long conversations. We often ask each other things about ourselves. During one such talk, I tell him I like flowers, and he asks what kind. I am a nerd, and hence start on my long talk on the different kinds of flowers and their different meanings, as I like all kinds of flowers.)

Me: “Do you know that daisies stand for purity, chrysanthemums stand for fidelity…” *and so on*

Husband: “I will get you a coconut flower.”

Me: “Okay.”

Husband: “Do you know what that stands for?”

(I am stumped.)

Me: “Hmm… I don’t know.”

Husband: “It means I am willing to climb a coconut tree for you.”

Not Your Happy Place

British Columbia, Canada, home, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Powell River, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | November 1, 2017


Me: “You know that ‘Happy’ song that you really hate?”

Husband: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “I heard it playing somewhere when I was out running errands today. You know that part where it goes something like, ‘if you feel like a room without a roof?’”

Husband: “Yeah, I guess.”

Me: “Well, I was thinking. A room without a roof, eh. Wouldn’t that be a cubicle?”