(Regrettably, our local university is the main reason that county STD rates are the second-highest in the state (the highest-ranking county is home to a naval base). Outbreaks are common and rather a grim joke with local healthcare providers. The county has purchased a new emergency radio system and one of their officers has arrived to train our staff on how to use the equipment.)
Instructor: “The great thing about this system is that it is linked to over two hundred towers, state-wide. This means that if you need to, you can communicate not only throughout the county, but with other jurisdictions as well. For example; let’s say you have to set up some kind of emergency clinic at the University for… I don’t know, what’s an epidemic that the students might experience there?”
Me: *without thinking* “Probably chlamydia.”
(My boss shushed me, but our director of nursing almost fell off her chair from laughing so hard.)
(This took place a few years ago when Mum and I were at a pharmacy. We are stocking up on some over-the-counter medications and witness this gem of a conversation between the busy pharmacist and another customer
Customer: *in a low voice, clearly embarrassed* “I, umm… need some medicine for the toilet.”
Pharmacist: “For diarrhea or constipation?”
Customer: *with a confused look on his face* “What does that mean?”
Pharmacist: “You wanna make it stop or make it go?”
(I show him where the drug tests are, and he comes up to the pharmacy counter to pay for it.)
Customer: “Do you have a cup I could use?”
Me: “…Sure. Let me go get one.”
(I go grab one of the paper cups the pharmacy staff uses.)
Me: “Here you go!”
Customer: “Thanks! Where’s your bathroom?”
(I tell him where the restrooms out in the store are and he goes on his way. Several minutes later he walks back up to the counter and puts his cup on the counter.)
Customer: “So do I just stick the test in here?”
(I look in his cup. Yep. It’s full of pee.)
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “Okay! Thanks!”
(Customer walked away. I frantically disinfected myself and the entire counter.)
(My sister is a pharmacist. This happens to her boss while on duty. The phone rings at the beginning of the afternoon.)
Boss: “[Pharmacy], how may I help you?”
Child: “Do you have any thermometers?”
Boss: “Yes, we do sell some.”
Child: “WELL, YOU CAN STICK THEM UP YOUR A**! *hangs up*
(Her boss laughs at the prank call and tells her, and thinks nothing of it. Two hours later, the phone rings, and he’s the one answering it again.)
Boss: “[Pharmacy], how may I help you?”
Caller: “Oh, hello. So you’re a pharmacy?”
Boss: “Yes, we are [Pharmacy] from [Place]. How may I help you?”
Caller: “Well, sorry to disturb you. I just went back home from work and forgot my cellphone at home. I just noticed my son used it to call this number, and I thought I called back to know who you were.”
Boss: “No problem, sir.”
Caller: “I apologize for the inconvenience, I will teach my son a lesson he will not forget.”
Boss: “Oh, no, no, no ! No need for it!”
Caller: “Why? He used my phone and bothered you while you were busy!”
Boss: “No, we just opened. We had no customers yet, and it wasn’t a problem at all. It was a short call. Nothing happened!”
Caller: *angrily* “What did he tell you?”
Boss: “Oh, it was just a small prank call.”
Caller: “OH, MY GOD, THAT LITTLE S***! And I just offered to buy him a video game! I’ll take it back; he doesn’t deserve it.”
Boss: “No, wait, no! I told you, don’t worry. It was nothing!”
Caller: “Yes, it was! I must teach him some people are working and that he f***ing needs to grow up!”
Boss: “But it was just a fun joke, you know? Nothing to worry about.”
Caller: “What did he tell you?”
Boss: “Well, er… He only asked if we had thermometers…”
Caller: “And…?”
Boss: “And… well… he said I could stick them up my a**.”
Caller: “WELL, I THINK IT’S ABOUT TIME YOU PULL THEM OUT NOW!” *hangs up*
(Her boss burst into laughter and told the whole staff about it. Whoever this was, it put them in a good mood for the rest of the day!)
(I’m a cashier working the closing shift one night, and as with many places we are not allowed to close out our drawers until all the customers in the store have been checked out and left. However we always lock the doors five minutes before closing to deter anyone else from entering. It is time for me to lock the doors and there is still one customer left in the store, so I go to lock the doors so that no one else can come in. As I am locking up a woman runs up to the doors.)
Customer: “Oh, no; are you guys closing?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, we are. I am sorry but you will have to come back tomorrow or you can head over to our 24-hour facility.”
Customer: “Oh, please, I really only need some laundry detergent.”
(I think for a second and knowing that there is still another customer inside I won’t be able to close up anyway so I decide to be charitable.)
Me: “Okay, ma’am since you really only need one item I can let you run and grab it real quick.”
Customer: “Oh, thank you so much.”
(I let her in and promptly close and lock the doors. I turn off the automatic doors and close and lock them. I turn around just in time to see the woman grab a shopping cart and head to the back of the store. I don’t think anything of it at first; I’ve seen people get a shopping carts for a pack of pencils. A few seconds later my manager comes running up to the front.)
Manager: “When did that other woman get here?”
Me: “She came up as I was just about to lock the doors. She said she just had to grab some laundry detergent and then she would be done.”
Manager: “Yeah, well, she’s back there right now just browsing through the shelves. She’s not even near the laundry detergent yet.”
Me: “Please tell me you are joking! This is seriously what I get for trying to be nice?!”
Manager: “Yeah, well, I’m about to follow her around until she gets the hint.”
(My manager turns around and heads in the direction the woman went. The other person that was already inside comes and checks out and leaves. I start cleaning everything up, and before I know it 15 minutes have gone by. All the sudden all the store lights except for the front area lights go out. My manager comes back up front.)
Manager: “I have literally been following this woman around pretty much just standing right next to her and she’s just going as slow as ever. So I turned the lights out. She should be up here soon to check out.”
(Another 20 minutes go by before the woman comes up to the register, her cart is completely full of various items, yet she has no laundry detergent.)
Customer: “I noticed your lights went out at the back of the store. Are you guys closing?”
Me: “…Umm, yes, ma’am. We are…”
Customer: “I wish I would have known. I figured you were when the lights went off so I hurried to finish my shopping. I still didn’t quite finish so I will just have to come back tomorrow for the rest.”
(I pretty much just don’t say anything else except for her total and then walk her out of the store and lock up. It is now an hour after we are supposed to close. The topping on the cake, the woman came back the very next night, once again as I was locking up.)
Customer: “Oh, are you guys closing?”
Me: “Yes, we are. You’ll have to come back tomorrow.”
Customer: “Please, all I need is some toilet paper. I won’t be but a few seconds.”
(I actually start to laugh and just close the doors on her and lock them right in front of her. She starts yelling at me but I just turned around and went inside to close out my drawer. My manager is at the front with me.)
Manager: “What the heck is that yelling?”
Me: “Same woman from last night wanted back in just for some toilet paper. Swore she would only be a second. I started laughing and locked her out.”
Manager: “I’m glad it was you and not me; I probably would have been less polite!”
(I work as an intern pharmacist at a pharmacy. Even though I’m still in school, I’m comfortable enough to consult patients on common prescriptions. A woman comes up to pick up some antibiotics and my supervising pharmacist asks me to consult with her on the medication. I am Asian, raised speaking Chinese, but born in Canada and moved to California when I was young, so I speak English and Chinese fluently.)
Woman: “Hi, I’m picking up for [Woman].”
(I find the prescription, and bring it to the counter.)
Me: “All right, I have it here. Have you ever taken this medication before?”
Woman: *screaming behind me at the pharmacist, who is white* “CAN I HAVE YOU HELP ME?”
Me: “Ma’am, I can help you.”
Woman: *still waving at the pharmacist*
(Giving up, I walk behind the counter, and tell my pharmacist what happened. She moves up to take care of the woman. I stay behind the counter, but I can still hear their conversation.)
Pharmacist: “How can I help you?”
Woman: “I’m just picking up my medication.”
(My pharmacist finishes the consultation as usual. When she finishes…)
Woman: *speaking at normal volume* “I don’t know why you have him back there. How do you know if he can even speak English?”
Pharmacist: “Ma’am, he speaks English fluently. He is a current pharmacy student.”
Woman: “But he’s Chinese. No one could understand his English.”
Pharmacist: “Ma’am, his English is fine. Just a good as mine.”
Woman: “I don’t think you should have him here…”
(She walks out like nothing happened. My pharmacist walks back behind the counter.)
Me: “What was she talking about?”
Pharmacist: “I don’t know. I guess she’s either new to the city or she never noticed how many Chinese people are in San Francisco
(I’ve been going to the same chain drugstore for a while now. Having moved and been diagnosed with diabetes, taking medication has become a fairly standard part of my life. I am picking some prescriptions when I am told that they can’t find one I had refilled the night before.)
Clerk: “Huh, that’s strange. It says it was filled this morning by [Pharmacist] but I can’t find it.”
Me: “Well, I really kinda need it. It’s a diabetic medication and I really can’t go skipping a day.”
(The clerk tells me if I’m willing to wait 20 minutes that they can refill it. I pay for my other medications and he bags them.)
Clerk: “Okay, that’s all done if you’ll just step to the side at that window they’ll let you know when it’s ready.”
(I am confused but do as he says as he makes a motion to move my bag of prescriptions to wait with me. The woman behind me, a snobby soccer mom if there was one, immediately steps up as I edge away from the counter. She states her name loudly and starts complaining about how long she’s had to wait and how they really need more staff. After 15 minutes, the people at the other counter confirm what I need and have me sit down. When my prescription is ready I am once again called to the clerk to pay for the last one.)
Clerk: “Okay and your total is [total]. Would you like to add this to your other bag?”
(He offers the prescription towards me and I give him a hard look.)
Me: “You can put it in with the rest of my medications you have.”
Clerk: “Ma’am, I already gave you your medications.”
(I look at him and gesture towards my t-shirt, jeans and non-existent purse.)
Me: “And where exactly do you think I have them? You kept my medications. You never handed them to me.”
Clerk: “You took your prescriptions. I bagged them and handed them to you.”
Me: “You did bag them, and then you told me to move to the other window. You never handed them to me.”
(It was at this time one of the actual pharmacists stepped over.)
Pharmacist: “Ma’am. Is there something wrong?”
Me: “Yes. Your clerk is trying to claim that I have given me my meds but I never got them. I have the one.” *I hold up the one he just rang* “But I don’t know what he did with the other three.”
(The clerk has now given up and is completely ignoring me, ringing up other customers behind me.)
Pharmacist: “Ma’am, would you like me to call a manager?”
Me: “Yes, please do. I want you to watch the security footage and find out where my medications went.”
(I am asked to wait and within a minute a manager shows up. He’s one I’ve dealt with before and have gotten fairly friendly with.)
Manager: “Don’t worry, [My Name]. We’ll get this all sorted out.”
Me: “You know I hadn’t thought about it till now, but the girl behind me was named [Name]. You may need to call her.”
(Another 30 minutes and four missing refills later, it was discovered that the clerk had indeed bagged my medication, and then proceeded to bag the snobby lady’s meds on top of mine and hand her the entire bag. I haven’t seen that clerk at that store since.)
(It has been a quiet day, and I happen to overhear this conversation between my coworker and the customer. I decided to intervene at one point.)
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to buy a packet of [Medication].”
Coworker: “Sure, what packet size did you want? We have 84, or 168.”
Customer: “Don’t you have the smaller pack? The 28 pack?”
Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t think we do. I’ll go check the back if we might have stock.”
(Whilst my coworker went to the back to check, I decide to converse with the customer to keep the sale.)
Me: “I’m sorry that we don’t have the smaller pack in stock, but the larger packs do work out cheaper than the small pack in the long run. Especially if you need to take them long term.”
Customer: *angrily* “I know that! I’d prefer getting the small pack so I know what I’m taking! And I do need to watch what I spend to be able to put food on my plate each month.”
(My coworker returns.)
Coworker: “I’m sorry but we didn’t have any small packs at the back.”
Customer: *in a huff* “Oh fine, I’ll just take the 84s.”
(I’m at the pharmacy and they have been having issues with my medication: not in yet, not the right amount, or not in stock. Today it is a misread order, and I did not get the amount I am supposed to, so they ask if I can come back on Monday.)
Pharmacist: “Haven’t you been here almost every day for one thing or another?”
Me: “All but Friday.”
Pharmacist: “I’m sorry we keep having to have you come back in.”
Me: “That’s okay.”
Pharmacist: “And you’re still so nice about it?”
Me: “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Pharmacist: *shakes my hand* “Bless you.”
Me: “Anyone who works behind a counter deserves respect until they show me otherwise.”
Pharmacist: “Can you teach our other customers that?”
(I’m another customer waiting for my prescription. A young hungover male customer is talking to the pharmacy staff. She is asking him some questions to be sure he’s not drug seeking.)
Customer: “I need some strong headache stuff.”
Pharmacist: “Okay sir, just a couple of questions. Are you allergic to anything?”
Customer: “No.”
Pharmacist: “Okay, are you taking any other medications?”
Customer: *annoyed sigh* “NO! D*** it, I had too much to drink last night and my head f****** hurts; just give me the f***** tablets.”
(I hadn’t noticed the head pharmacist hovering till the man got aggravated. He is a 6 foot tall, usually quietly spoken, older man.)
Head Pharmacist: “Sir, there is absolutely no need to swear at [Pharmacist]. She has to ask these questions for your safety.” *hands over some headache tablets* “Here you go, sir.”
Customer: “Whatever.”
(He pays and leaves. The pharmacist turns to her coworker.)
Pharmacist: “I should’ve given him the strongest laxatives we have.”
Customer: “I would like to pick up my prescription.”
Me: “Okay, what is your last name?”
Customer: “[Name].”
Me: “I notice that we have not run insurance on this. Let me look into that.”
(I pull her up on the computer and notice we do not have any insurance information on file.)
Me: “We do not have insurance on file for you. Do you have insurance you would like us to bill?”
Customer: “Yes.”
(Usually the customer gets a card out so I give her some time, but she just stares at me waiting, so I ask
Me: “Do you have the card with you?”
Customer: “No.”
Me: “Right now this costs $89.75, but your insurance should bring that down. We will need the insurance information located on your card to bill them. Would you like some time to go get it?”
Customer: “It has never cost more than $5 before.”
Me: “Okay, hold on.”
(I look to see if we have another file for her that may have her insurance listed but none come up.)
Me: “I’m sorry we don’t have your insurance information. Have you filled with us or at another location? Or could it be under a different last name?”
Customer: “No.”
Me: *frustrated at this point* “Okay, then, there are a few options. You can find your insurance card and we can run it through, or you can pay the $89.75 and come back later with the insurance card for a refund. We have seven days to do a refund in store. After that we would have to send it to corporate and it could take several weeks.”
Customer: “”But it has never cost more than $5.”
Me: “I understand. I am sure the price will go down as soon as we get your insurance information. Would you like to go get your card?”
Customer: “I don’t have a card. I’ve never had a problem before.”
Me: “Where did you get your prescription last?”
Customer: “[Different pharmacy].”
Me: “We are not connected with them and cannot access their files.” *I give her the two options again*
Customer: “This is ridiculous; it should only be $5! You should have my insurance!”
Me: “Actually it is your responsibility to carry your insurance card. Most people carry them in their wallet.”
Customer: *walks away*
Coworker: “She must think your name tag says magician not technician
Calling For Backup Without Actually Calling For Backup
Pharmacy | Working | February 13, 2015
(I have a stuttering problem that is often under control, except for when I have to talk for an extended period of time. Being put on register, repeating the same phrases, makes this stutter worse and I begin to flub my words, or say the wrong phrases. I am assigned to register duty for my entire shift, even though I normally work stock. We have a code we use over the intercom to request for backup if the lines get too long.)
Me: *going to the speaker so I can call for backup* “Next customer, please! Wow…”
(I immediately catch myself as to what I have just said, and start laughing INTO the speaker while paging for backup.)
Coworker & Manager: *both come up to the register to see me and several customers on the line laughing; they themselves are laughing as well*
Me: “Can you tell I’ve been up here for too long?”
(I work as a headmaster and one day drive to the local mall during lunch. One of the teachers asks to ride with me as she has an errand to run. When we get to the mall we split up, and then we meet up at the car a little later to go back to the school. The teacher is nine months pregnant when this happens.)
Teacher: *suddenly laughs, apparently for no reason*
Me: “What?”
Teacher: “I just realized why the shop assistant at the chemist was looking at me as if I am completely nuts!”
Me: “Why?”
Teacher: “Well, one of the girls in my class was really worried that she might be pregnant, and I offered to get a pregnancy test for her. So there I came, waddling in with my huge belly, and I asked where the pregnancy tests were. The look the guy gave me was priceless!”
(Last year I dyed my hair bright red, and by October it was starting to fade out to a pink-orange. I was used to getting a lot of comments about my hair and most were positive so I was taken by surprise when I was ringing up an older customer a few days before Halloween.)
Husband: “Is that your real hair?”
Me: “Yes. it is.”
Husband: “Well. I like it. It’s nice. You look very pretty.”
Me: “Thank you.”
(His wife looks at him with a face that says she doesn’t appreciate him complimenting me.)
Husband: *to his wife* “Well, she’s Halloween pretty, anyway.”
Me: “…here’s your receipt. Have a nice night…”
(My manager and I still haven’t figured out if I should take that as a compliment or insult, yet.)
Customer: “Don’t laugh at me! GIVE ME THE F****** COUNTER THING!”
(It escalated from there. She refused to leave the shop or take her methadone, and we had to call the police and stand there whilst she trashed the store. We ended up staying an hour late to clean it all up. The pharmacist rang her doctor and asked for her to be sent somewhere else for her methadone and possibly be given a stronger dose.)
Customer: “I’m allergic to tree pollen, but I don’t have hay fever, so don’t try to sell me any hay-fever medication!”
New Colleague: “Sir, an allergy to tree pollen is hay fever. If you take these it will help.”
Customer: “It say’s trainee on your badge. You don’t know what you’re talking about! I’d like to speak to a more senior member of staff!”
(The new colleague fetches me. I am 20 years younger than my colleague.)
Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”
Customer: “I asked to speak to a senior member of staff! Why are you getting involved?!”
Me: “As I’ve been here the longest. I am more than capable of answering any problems you may have.”
Customer: “This is ridiculous! You’re a child. You can’t possibly be able to deal with the responsibility! Get me someone more senior!”
(I go and get the pharmacist who has been listening to the whole thing.)
Customer: “Finally, an adult who knows what they’re doing! How can you leave a child in charge of your chemist counter?”
Pharmacist: “Well, sir, [My Name] has passed all of her courses with the highest mark we’ve ever seen in this store, so I’m perfectly happy to let her deal with any queries, but as I’m here – what’s the problem?
Customer: *looking sheepish* “I’m allergic to tree pollen and want something for it.”
Pharmacist: “That’s called hay fever; try an antihistamine.”
(I work in the mail order branch of a popular pharmacy chain. On my way to work I stop by a local retail branch of the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. I happen to be wearing a company t-shirt which, while having the variant of the company name used by the mail order branch, is nothing at all like the uniforms worn by retail employees nor is it at all professional-looking. A woman comes up next to me while I’m waiting at the pharmacy counter.)
Customer: “Excuse me, where are allergy medicines?”
Me: *looking around* “Over there, I think.”
Customer: “What, don’t you know where things are in your own store?”
Me: “Oh, I don’t work here. I actually work at [Mail Order Branch] on [Road].”
Customer: “Oh, ok. So, which kind is safest for my son to use?”
Me: “Sorry?”
Customer: “Which allergy medicine is safest for my son? He’s ten.”
Me: “You would really have to ask a pharmacist.”
Customer: “But you said you work for [Company].”
Me: “I just package orders. I’m not a pharmacist.”
Customer: “So why are you at the pharmacy counter?”
Me: “I’m picking up a prescription…”
Customer: “So you can stand here but you can’t help a customer?”
(The pharmacy tech tells me my prescription is ready. I get it and pay, all while the woman stares at me. As I walk away the tech notices the woman standing behind me.)
Pharmacy Tech: “Can I help you?”
Customer: “I don’t know. Apparently no one else around here can
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